[Story] The Burn - SilverChronos - Oct. 12, 2012
Here is the beginning of my story. I hope you like!
It was blazing hot.
The wind in the Sahara blew on my golden-silver colored, smooth hair. Sand blew into my eyes. I was on a quest, a journey to my new life. This meant traveling through a wasteland desert with no food, just the cloak to cover my body, my Wing Leone, and my launcher. The scratches made at the battle between me and... HIM were going to be gone. They were made not only on my bey, but on my heart. I plan to start anew. I plan to be a more clean and less rushful blader, for me and for those around me, which at the time is approximately 0 humans in the surrounding 50 miles. I plan to become a greater person, and make a real bond with my bey, instead of using it for mass destruction. My name is Hitocha Wisamigatu, stepson of the great Ginka, ever in his shadow.
My start began here, in this barren wasteland. I never believed it possible that I would make it this far. I expected to train i this empty, sandy place, but the only thing to train with are the sandstorms and the ground in front of me. I have been breaking sandstorms into pieces for a while, but it has turned into a bore. No matter how hard it was, I still had the burn in my heart to continue. I was never bored after the moment the burn entered me. It is a driving desire to continue, and even if I try to turn back with my physical body, my bey spirit is taken over by the burn, and I trudge onward.
I have arrived at a small city. The newcomer they saw in me on the outside was nothing like what I felt on the inside. I felt like I was home. The burn told me to stop, rest, and train here because it felt my hunger. I found who seemed like the greatest blader in the area, and asked for a battle. He accepted, and we fought.
"Leone," I muttered, "Burning Rage Wing!" In a flash of fire and wind, the opposing bey, which I knew was a scythe Kronos B:D, had stopped spinning. The large, brown-haired man was astonished. He agreed to let me stay at his house for the night, because he saw power in me and my Wing Leone D125WD. I rested, and was fed. I was ready for the next part in my journey.
I left that village that morning at dawn. I felt like I wasn't alone, and I was correct. I had a young follower, whom I recognized from when I saw the blader that I battled for a night's rest.
"What are tou doing here? shouldn't you be asleep?"
"Just battle us! Enough talk mister! You can take on my brother, but you won't be able to take us on!" Suddenly a group of boys of the same age came out of hiding and they readied their launchers.
"3, 2, 1, LET IT RIP!" Leone started taking their weak hits individually until he saw a weak spot: a kid tripped and fell, leaving his bey without command. Leone charged it, but was blocked by 3 other beys. Leone was knocked back into a group of destablizers, which made Leone wobble. It was being outnumbered and taken down. he would have to seek out each individually. As if knowing, the king of the wild knocked into a random bey, knocking it over and stopping it. There were 7 more that he saw. The three defense beys surrounded Leone and was continually throwing around the lion bey. He noticed a pattern, and when the next bey hit Leone, it rammed itself into the other 2, stopping both beys' rotations. There were 5 left, and the king of the beasts wiped out 3 more with one quick sweep. The other two continually circled Leone, randomly attacking from all sides. I got angry at them, and the real king of the beasts showed himself. It tore apart tne other two beys, but I had one more opponent. There was one bey still spinning in the area, and without turning around, I knew it was a Rock Orso 130b.
"There's only one thing a rock wheel reminds me of, and that's a Zurafa bey. I've always liked Zurafa." I turned to face my opponent. The kid pointed his finger, and the Orso charged, attacking the king of beasts. It was futile. I don't have to tell you who won and continued their journey, because I didn't decide that. The Burn did.
I have come upon another desert city. This one is quite large, for being in a barren wasteland, as I have described before. My Leone and I have come a long way in bonding. Once again, the wind came harshly at my face, blowing the hood from my light brown cloak off my head, giving me my peripherals back. In the corner of my eye, I saw the child peeking around the edge of a building. My Leone acted instantly once I launched it, pursuing the boy. I sort of felt sorry for him, because of what would happen to him. I turned the corner to see my Leone attacking the Orso, who wasn't giving an inch. I was surprised, due to the recoil of the Rock wheel.
"Leone! Special move! Raging Beast Slash!" The king roared, knocking into the Orso harder, making it wobble on its b tip. It then hopped onto the Orso, K.O.'ing it by sending it flying over 3 buildings.
"Attack pattern Beta!" The kid cried, with all other 8 beys from before, the 3 defense types, the 3 destabilizers, and the two attack types charging. The attack beys were rapidly crashing into Leone, and I was frustrated. Leone tried enduring a hit so it could charge at the destabilizers, but it was futile. It waited until the attack types spun out, and the destabilizers attacked. Leone jumped over them, going for the stamina types. It slashed at them, and they were starting to wobble. The 3 others turned to destabilize, but it was too late. The loin knocked all three to kingdom come. I really started laughing at the children's futile attemts, and when the battle was over, I walked away and left the city, continuing to travel and bond the right way with my Leone.
I believe the kid and his gang have stopped following me. I have come upon a large crater in the sand. From my angle, it looked as if it glimmered a dull silver, but when I got closer, I realized the color came from bey's metal wheels. They were broken and cracked, scattered everywhere. In the midst of all of these destroyed beys, there was a human, sitting, snickering.
"... YOU!!!" I exclaimed. It was him. It was the one I was on my journey to repair the damage of which he caused.
"Hello, and welcome. This is the bey graveyard I have created out of the broken pieces of metal of which were all annihilated by yours truly!" The figure launched his bey. It was so covered in darkness, that only by memory could I have known it was a Phantom Nemesis 145sf. My Leone was already attacking it before I told it to. We had bonded quite strongly, and not even the evil bey and his master that I sided with for so long as a criminal evil scum could break it. We lost horribly, but the bond between me and my Leone grew stronger. The more he broke our outer strength, tenfold would our spirit grow and grow. I felt like the bey I kept relaunching after I lost over and over again was actually inseparable. If I were offered a ticket to heaven at the cost of my Leone, I would've said no.
"Enough! My spirit has grown too strong to lose again! This is it, son of Damian!!! Special move! True Lion Burning Wingstrike!!!" My Leone and I were forced on by the burn. Forced beyond the son of Damian Hart, forced beyond the blader who had been completely and utterly defeated. The son of Damian deserved it. He deserved Hell. He deserved everything back at him that he had done to others.
RE: [Story] The Burn - Achi-baba - Oct. 12, 2012
I would have chapter 1 as a prologue, because it is two short to be considered a chapter. Plus be more descriptive about your battles, or else things seem boring.
RE: [Story] The Burn - SilverChronos - Oct. 12, 2012
i'm just starting the story! jeez, man, don't be so harsh in the very beginning. plus, you'll really like a chapter 3 battle, when it arrives. i have already written this story. chill, man.
RE: [Story] The Burn - Achi-baba - Oct. 12, 2012
Sorry, but Everyone gets critisized on their first chapter, I mean my story: http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-story-Return-of-the-dark-power-ch-1, has been criticized on how it doesn't describe me enough(in a star wars pun at that). At least you could put your chapters in spoilers, I couldn't even figure that out apparently.
RE: [Story] The Burn - ChinaBladeâ„¢ - Oct. 12, 2012
He's just tryin to help, bro...
Anyways, this is too short...
The whole stpry together is basiclly a little bit more than what I consider one chapter.
There also needs to be more description.
Anyways, KIU.
RE: [Story] The Burn - SilverChronos - Oct. 12, 2012
Thanks, China, but I've already written this story, as explained in my other story. I'm just adding the story on slowly. Act 1 is like a chapter, but much longer. After chapter 7, act 2 will come. Plus, why do you always show up as away?
RE: [Story] The Burn - sarabscientist - Oct. 13, 2012
I can clearly differentiate between "harsh" and "acceptable criticism". If you think someone is being unnecessarily hostile, just report and I'll review the comment.
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