(story) Return of the dark power [ch.1] - Achi-baba - Oct. 09, 2012
Here's my first story. Hope you like it.(there are real bey combos with real special moves in this)
CH.1"Jordan, breakfast is rea-" called my mother as she was cut off by the sound of scrambling feet. As I neared the lower half of the stairs, I gracefully jumped off and landed with right palm on the living room floor.
"You are to big to be doing stuff like that",Mom complained.
"I love you to Mom. And I'm only 6'5" it isn't like I'll knee my nose in", I replied while taking my plate of eggs and sausages to the couch and turning on the television."Anywho, have a good day at work"
"I will, love you, bye", she said as she rushed to the garage. As I flipped the channels, I ended up on the news and saw the reporter standing by my local bey gym. But as I began to stab a sausage, I suddenly froze, allowing it to fall on the ground. For my bey gym gym was in smoking ruins.
"This is the thirteenth mysterious demolition of a beyblade gym this month, all of which ranging from Fontana to Los Angeles. Just like the previous acts, all members escaped with only cuts and bruises, and their "beys" were either eviscerated beyond repair or completely demolished."said the news reporter,"But this time, bomb scuad discovered a note while trying to find the cause of the destruction. It said
"Greetings fools, If any blader can predict my next attack, I might give you the chance to avenge your pitiful gyms and so called friends!
Drake O.
R-I-I-I-I-N-N-G, R-R-I-I-I-N-N-G, I then snap back to reality to answer my phone
"Hello" I begin while muting the television.
"Jordan, it's me Evan", my best friend and rival replies "Did you see the news about our gym?"
"Yeah, were gonna have to wring the life out of that chucklehead", I reply with an enraged tone.
"I printed out the sitings of all gyms in the area of the attacks, but there all random to me. Do you think you can come down to help me find this stink wad's next move" Evan inquired.
"Sure", I replied "Just let me finish my breakfast and get ready"
"Finally, after all these hours hunting you down, we've found you Drake!" I said, My friend Evan and his sister Justine have helped me find and take down Drake; a man that had the power to turn his own bey into his own version of the forbidden bey, Lightning L-drago.
"Humph, you think that you can defeat me and my (rapid attack)Lightning L-drago sw145f, Jordan.",said Drake "As if your defense type could do any thing anything!"
"My type of bey has nothing to do with your inevitable beat down.", I retorted pulling out my Rock Gasher 135b
"Enough talk, I'll end you before L-drago becomes perfect" We've found him and his personal guards(who Evan and Justine are taking care of) in a run down bey gym. Brad launched his bey at the ceiling causing five rocks to make three evenly set craters and two deep outer pits, then L-drago smashed them out of the stadium while returning to Brad's hand.
In unison we said,"THREE! TWO! ONE, LET IT RIP!!! Both beys landed in the stadium, Gasher was circling inside a crater,while L-drago elipsed the stadium for an attack. Suddenly, the clash forces both beys into opposing walls, only to repeat again and again. Gasher breaks free,leaving L-drago to circle the craters in an alternating fashion.
"Now L-drago!" Brad shouted as L-drago slingshot itself towards gasher, who nearly fell into a pit.
"I won't be taken out so soon, Go rock Gasher", I said ,while making a cancer symbol with my hands "special move, Hard claw!!" Gasher zooms in front of L-drago's path and cancels it with a barrage of leaning attacks.
"Well then, stop THIS" Just then, L-drago smashed Gasher and itself into the opposite side of the stadium only to repeat this act. "What are you going to do now fool, soon your bey will be a dented lump of failure and broken spirit."Brad snarled
"Not unless I do this",I said making the cancer symbol "Hard claw!!" before L-drago could attack, Gasher tilted his attack enough to make L-drago fly out of the stadium and disassemble. The fusion wheel hit the wall hard enough to move some debris, that landed on Brad's head. taking advantage of the moment I replied while retreiving my bey"Night night chucklehead" Just then, Evan and Justine burst open the gym doors.
"Hey Jordan, did you finally beat that chuc-",Evan trailed of, noticing the unconscious body
"You did it", Justine murmured "YOU BEAT L-DRAGO!!!"
"Yeah, I guess I di-AAUGH", The face bolt of L-drago exploded into a dark bolt of energy that shot into me, causing me to slump to the ground.
"Jordan!?!", the siblings cried as they rushed towards my near lifeless body. "What happened?", Justine asked, still in shock
"I don't know,just grab his other arm and help me bring him to the hospital"
"But you're strong enough to pick him up yourself; or are those fake muscles" Justine whined trying to divert the subject
"Just do what I say, and help me take him to the hospital" Evan yelled in an emotional rage. He noticed I was barely breathing and knew they had little time. As the siblings carried me to the hospital, they tried to make sense of what happened. "How is that possible, L-drago was just destroyed, how could it hurt any one" Evan asked.
"And to Jordan of all people; he's the reason why we became bladers in the first place"Justine added.
After 5 minutes of walking, they eventually got to the E.R., and after carefully placing me on the hospital bed, Justine fell from exhaustion. While Evan,who has more muscles than a pitbull, explained what happened to the doctor. "Basically this guy, Brad, somehow made a form of the Forbidden Bey Lightning L-Drago, and my friend here, brought us along to stop him from becoming a second Ryuga. Jordan won the battle ,but by the time we got there, something shot out of L-Drago's face bolt and left Jordan how he is now."
"Yeah...and swiping a barcoded card through an RC car will make it go",the doctor replied sarcastically. " Pfft...as if metal spinning tops could do something like that."
"How dare you mock beyblade" Evan yelled while launching his Thermal Gemios W145WD at the doctor for his spitefulness, but Justine deflected his bey with her Cosmic Striker CH120R2F.
"Get a grip bro he isn't worth it" said Justine, trying to calm her brother,"Look doc, it doesn't matter if you believe us, just please help our friend"
"Fine, but we'll need you to go home",said the doctor,"we'll call you if we have future info on Jordan's condition"
"I don't like having to sit idly by, while Jordan is in that state, let alone having to be "kept posted" instead of being able to see him" Evan said irritably
"I know Evan, I feel the same way" Justine agreed "How about we bey battle, maybe our combined bey spirits will help our friend in his hour of need"
"Good idea sis, and even then my scars burning with bey spirit" the two looked at the two parallel scars on the palm of Evan's right hand then at the bear skin rug in the living room. The two remembered that day as if it were yesterday, a year ago, three months after they became bladers the two were leaving the local Los Angeles park, when
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RE: (story) Return if the dark power [ch.1] - Dual - Oct. 09, 2012
Put the chapters in spoilers like this [ spoiler ] text here [/ spoiler ] (without spaces). Needs work with grammar and could be a bit longer.
RE: (story) Return if the dark power [ch.1] - Eternal-E - Oct. 09, 2012
put the chapters in spoilers. notif y who's speaking. nice story so far bro. it's a little rushed. you might want to put a little more than the story in the first post, even something saying "Chapter 1"
RE: (story) Return if the dark power [ch.1] - Dual - Oct. 09, 2012
Thats pretty much what I said  ...Anyway, Earthwolf, just an example that would help with your stories a bit, when you do something like "Meesa jar jar binks, Meesa use beyblade!" ,Jar jar binks said, launching a beyblade at Darth Mauls face. Put the comma like this "...", blahblahblah. It makes it look neater. Also capitalizing the beyblade names would help.
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