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+--- Thread: (story) Twin Gods CH 1 is Up (/Thread-story-Twin-Gods-CH-1-is-Up)
(story) Twin Gods CH 1 is Up - beyblader05 - Sep. 19, 2012
Finally, My first beyblade story, I didnt get to do it before because i got warned 3 times, So here is my story! But anyone here is the Prologue!
Prologue:
Once upon a time there lived two beybladers named Recharn and Steve.
Go Bandid Goreim! said Recharn.
Samurai Ifraid, Hit him! said Steve. Special Move, Samurai Sword!
Special Move, Karatechop! said Recharn.
They clashed and then Bandid Goreim stopped. Yeah I won! yelled Steve. Oh yes I beat him! said Steve.
Chapter 1:
Oh no! It is that evil captain from before! said Recharn. Do not worry, I will teach him a lesson he will never forget! said Steve. 321 Go Shoot! The beys clashed. Go get him, Samurai Ifraid! said Steve. Crush him into nothing Thief Pheonic! said the evil captain. Let us just settle this. Special Move! Beyblade Crusher! Special Move, Samurai Sword! said Steve!
To be continued in next chapter...
RE: (story) Twin Gods - ChinaBladeâ„¢ - Sep. 19, 2012
Not sure if trolling...
Or actual try at story.
This is too short.
It's rushed and there's no deatail.
You don't even know who's who.
To be honest, this sucks...
RE: (story) Twin Gods - beyblader05 - Sep. 19, 2012
You know, This is a Chapter Story.
RE: (story) Twin Gods - Voltage - Sep. 19, 2012
Yes but this chapter is barely even a paragraph.
RE: (story) Twin Gods - ChinaBladeâ„¢ - Sep. 19, 2012
(Sep. 19, 2012 12:32 AM)beyblader05 Wrote: You know, This is a Chapter Story.
What?...
No no no.
This is a prolouge.
That's WAY too short and not even a prolouge!
There's not DEATAILS what so ever.
You don't even put the " around the speech parts.
Plus, there are MANY grammartical errors.
I'm seriously in full-on grammar nazi mode.
Like seriously, are you trying to make a story?
RE: (story) Twin Gods - beyblader05 - Sep. 19, 2012
(Sep. 19, 2012 12:38 AM)ChinaBladeâ„¢ Wrote:Yes, How dare you diss my story, I am gonna report you.(Sep. 19, 2012 12:32 AM)beyblader05 Wrote: You know, This is a Chapter Story.
What?...
No no no.
This is a prolouge.
That's WAY too short and not even a prolouge!
There's not DEATAILS what so ever.
You don't even put the " around the speech parts.
Plus, there are MANY grammartical errors.
I'm seriously in full-on grammar nazi mode.
Like seriously, are you trying to make a story?
RE: (story) Twin Gods - ChinaBladeâ„¢ - Sep. 19, 2012
(Sep. 19, 2012 12:41 AM)beyblader05 Wrote:(Sep. 19, 2012 12:38 AM)ChinaBladeâ„¢ Wrote:Yes, How dare you diss my story, I am gonna report you.(Sep. 19, 2012 12:32 AM)beyblader05 Wrote: You know, This is a Chapter Story.
What?...
No no no.
This is a prolouge.
That's WAY too short and not even a prolouge!
There's not DEATAILS what so ever.
You don't even put the " around the speech parts.
Plus, there are MANY grammartical errors.
I'm seriously in full-on grammar nazi mode.
Like seriously, are you trying to make a story?
Oh my gosh.
I am not dissing your story!
I am telling you what's wrong with it!
I'm giving you tips.
RE: (story) Twin Gods - beyblader05 - Sep. 19, 2012
OK lets listen.
RE: (story) Twin Gods - ChinaBladeâ„¢ - Sep. 19, 2012
(Sep. 19, 2012 12:44 AM)beyblader05 Wrote: OK lets listen.
What?....
I'm giving up.
If you wanna "discuss" this, PM me.
RE: (story) Twin Gods - Voltage - Sep. 19, 2012
*facePalm* yes you should listen to china she's one of the best writers here.
RE: (story) Twin Gods - beybladefoever - Sep. 19, 2012
Your storys short even for a paragraph it doesnt deserve to be a paragraph and it has no discription of any thing the battle was 5 sentnces wich is way tooshort and quite frankly it sucked
RE: (story) Twin Gods - Cookie Bouquets - Sep. 19, 2012
Okay kiddies, lets not escalate this more than it already is.
RE: (story) Twin Gods - Bobmcdoogal - Sep. 19, 2012
I think you should make your Chapters longer
RE: (story) Twin Gods - beyblader05 - Sep. 19, 2012
(Sep. 19, 2012 12:50 AM)Bobmcdoogal Wrote: I think you should make your Chapters longerI will think about that next time.
RE: (story) Twin Gods - beybladefoever - Sep. 19, 2012
I think your chapters should be longer than 5 sentences
RE: (story) Twin Gods - beyblader05 - Sep. 19, 2012
I will do it next time.