(STORY)BEYBLADE HIDDEN DIMENSION (now at chapter 3) - Printable Version +- World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. (https://worldbeyblade.org) +-- Forum: Off-Topic Forums (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Off-Topic-Forums) +--- Forum: Your Creations (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Your-Creations) +--- Thread: (STORY)BEYBLADE HIDDEN DIMENSION (now at chapter 3) (/Thread-STORY-BEYBLADE-HIDDEN-DIMENSION-now-at-chapter-3) |
(STORY)BEYBLADE HIDDEN DIMENSION (now at chapter 3) - CBP - Aug. 18, 2012 This is my story on beyblade. chapter 1 Code: "What is this place? Where am I?" I say to myself. I look outside the hospital room and look out the window to see the red sky. Then a nurse opens the door and realizes i am up. She then says "Hi I am your nurse Rebecca" she wore a common nurse outfit and had black hair that reached her shoulders. She asks me how i am and i tell her" i am fine" with a smile on my face. Then i ask her " what happened to me? and who am i? "you're in a hospital in Maren after you suffered a hard head injury". "It says your name is Roland, Roland Roger". "Ill be back i need to get the doctor to see you" I respond with a gentle "ok" as she walks out of the room. Later the doctor comes in to see me and asks me easy question like my date of birth and for some reason i can't answer. He then tells me that i have memory loss...... accepting character ideas fill an application name of character gender age looks acts bey and special moves action is coming please right if you like I will try to right a chapter every day or 2 thank you click to view didnt work i think RE: (STORY)BEYBLADE HIDDEN DIMENSION - Cookie Bouquets - Aug. 18, 2012 Chapters are too short, and dialogue works like this "Hey," I say. "Yo," He replies. RE: (STORY)BEYBLADE HIDDEN DIMENSION - CBP - Aug. 18, 2012 yes but im goin to write frequently ok and once ur in a conversation u dont always have to put he replies or she replies RE: (STORY)BEYBLADE HIDDEN DIMENSION - Cookie Bouquets - Aug. 18, 2012 (Aug. 18, 2012 3:57 PM)CBP Wrote: yes but im goin to write frequently ok and once ur in a conversation u dont always have to put he replies or she repliesI know, but it is messy when you have "Yo" "Hey" next to each other. Space out the dialogue, considering they use up a whole line. Ex. "Yo" "hey" "How are you?" "Fine, how about you?" or with he or she said. Heck, you can even use their names for dialogues. RE: (STORY)BEYBLADE HIDDEN DIMENSION - CBP - Aug. 18, 2012 hey no ones perfect anyone else want to reply i need characters RE: (STORY)BEYBLADE HIDDEN DIMENSION - Cookie Bouquets - Aug. 18, 2012 (Aug. 18, 2012 4:20 PM)CBP Wrote: hey no ones perfect anyone else want to reply i need characterslol who said I was perfect? I'm just helping you with grammar. RE: (STORY)BEYBLADE HIDDEN DIMENSION - Nitrohammer - Aug. 18, 2012 Pretty good.... I guess. RE: (STORY)BEYBLADE HIDDEN DIMENSION - Beychamp76 - Aug. 18, 2012 It's ok so far Azhar Male 12 Twisted bull 85 WD Time stop hot flame charge You can decide how he looks and acts RE: (STORY)BEYBLADE HIDDEN DIMENSION - CBP - Aug. 18, 2012 i just have added to the story RE: (STORY)BEYBLADE HIDDEN DIMENSION - Cookie Bouquets - Aug. 18, 2012 A bit of help, you went from chapter 1 to chapter 3. Just saying. RE: (STORY)BEYBLADE HIDDEN DIMENSION - CBP - Aug. 18, 2012 thx taylor fixed it just updated added new character RE: (STORY)BEYBLADE HIDDEN DIMENSION (now at chapter 3) - CBP - Aug. 18, 2012 i understand that i am not getting good ratings so i am asking if i should stop the story where it is RE: (STORY)BEYBLADE HIDDEN DIMENSION (now at chapter 3) - TakasuMouce - Aug. 18, 2012 In my opinion, why not just improve? Right now your beginning, as you have time to improve. Why not take in everyone's suggestions and rewrite it? RE: (STORY)BEYBLADE HIDDEN DIMENSION (now at chapter 3) - sarabscientist - Aug. 18, 2012 LOL, why did you put it in code brackets? Its the first time that I've seen it, and it looks cool. But if you're adding a lot of chapters, maybe spoil the code. |