World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
Vendetta [ Now TakingCharacter Requests! Chapter 4 in the OP!] - Printable Version

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Vendetta [ Now TakingCharacter Requests! Chapter 4 in the OP!] - PhantomKid - Apr. 13, 2012

Vendetta

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RE: Vendetta - Synth - Apr. 13, 2012

...Uh, I really didn't understand a thing...

A lot of Grammar and spelling mistakes. The story is fast, make slow but detailed.

KIU


RE: Vendetta - PhantomKid - Apr. 13, 2012

Probably because you don't know what is GOING to happen it will be a bit mysterious but it works in my brain. It may not work for yours.


RE: Vendetta - Synth - Apr. 13, 2012

Not because of that. Of course you know, Your the flippin creator! I'm just the reader XD

here's a better version (to my Opinion, That is XD)
Quote:I woke up, then suddenly something flashed in my mind: it was what happend on that rainy day 6 years ago. I saw my brother: Roy. He is eight so he barely remembers that moment in October. But I do, and it still haunts me. The reason is why it shows at this time is because it is the same day, 6 years ago. Now, I'm old enough to understand, However I still don't know why it had happened. But still, I am fighting for my life and Roy. My name is Kouhser, But Kurt for short. I thought, why would Roberto do that? If he had a point, what was it? Roy and I are homeless, as you might know. But when a man about in his thirties now, Roberto Quilpac, a man who is also from my dad's work, tried to just make a simple tea drink and conversation, but what he meant to do, was fulfilled. Roberto also invited Me and Roy over, just because he has a son about my age, to have us accompanied. But when I heard that gun shot I ran upstairs and saw both of them; both my mom and dad dead, motionless on their chairs. I looked up and saw Roberto, with just a simple pistol, about to shoot me. However, he ran downstairs and stayed there. I quickly gathered Roy and ran away deep into the heart of Detroit. So that is where we are now. Roy and I just walk. It gets too dark, we sleep on any bench we can find. I am furious at Roberto, and I will never forget it. I will track down Roberto, kill him and flee to Delaware where most of my relatives are. So, I went to where I think Roberto is each day. Roy does not know what I am doing, but that is good. I do not want him to know. But I promised, since that very day, that I will kill Roberto Quilpac.



RE: Vendetta - PhantomKid - Apr. 13, 2012

OK thanks. Updated. Chapter 2 will be in the OP sometime next week. DJ 2002 - Yeah!


RE: Vendetta - PhantomKid - Apr. 16, 2012

REALLY, I will close this if no one posts on it! I have only had 1 response!


RE: Vendetta - Duck - Apr. 16, 2012

Um... hello... cinnamon bread tastes yummy... guns are scary... and, uh, good luck writing... don't close the thread...


RE: Vendetta - PhantomKid - Apr. 16, 2012

So do you think it is good?


RE: Vendetta - Cookie Bouquets - Apr. 17, 2012

pretty good bro!


RE: Vendetta - PhantomKid - Apr. 17, 2012

Thanks Chapter 2 up in 2 minutes! Hah...
I am now taking character requests but only for bad guys because already made up good guys.
ONLY THE FIRST TEN! Here is how you do it:
Name: [not very original though]
Weapon of choice:
Age:
Personality:
Reason for being that bad guy:


RE: Vendetta [ Now TakingCharacter Requests! [for bad guys]] - Cookie Bouquets - Apr. 17, 2012

name: Shionji Naoyuki

Weapon: Scythe

age: 15

Personality: doesn't talk much, hates people

Reason: I'm trying to get in more stories, and all


RE: Vendetta [ Now TakingCharacter Requests! [for bad guys]] - C0NFU21ON - Apr. 17, 2012

Name: Keenan Nodda Weapon Of Choice: Twin Sais Age:14 Reason: i like stories Personality: Smart, overconfident


RE: Vendetta [ Now TakingCharacter Requests! [for bad guys]] - PhantomKid - Apr. 17, 2012

Quote:Weapon: Scythe
May I ask what that is?
Never mind, found out.
Chapter 3: Maybe tomorrow or the next or next.


RE: Vendetta [ Now TakingCharacter Requests! [for bad guys]] - PhantomKid - Apr. 17, 2012

Keenan will appear in the next chapter but Shionji may have to wait. I have perfect plans for Keenan...


RE: Vendetta [ Now TakingCharacter Requests! Chapter 3 in the OP!] - PhantomKid - Apr. 17, 2012

Warning! Chapter 3 has just been posted, but extremely long! Not chapter 3 [down there]



RE: Vendetta [ Now TakingCharacter Requests! Chapter 3 in the OP!] - PhantomKid - Apr. 18, 2012

Chapter 4 up tonight or tomorrow...


RE: Vendetta [ Now TakingCharacter Requests! Chapter 3 in the OP!] - nationsbeyblade - Apr. 18, 2012

nice beginning it really hooks the reader so keep on writing and you will probably become a great author (if you want to be one) and btw nice signiture!


RE: Vendetta [ Now TakingCharacter Requests! Chapter 3 in the OP!] - PhantomKid - Apr. 18, 2012

Thanks on both. Did you read Chapter 3?