Vendetta [ Now TakingCharacter Requests! Chapter 4 in the OP!] - PhantomKid - Apr. 13, 2012
Vendetta
1
When I wake up I flash in my mind what happened on that rainy day 6 years ago. I see my brother: Roy. He is eight so he barely remembers that moment in October. But I do an it still haunts me and the reason why it does this time is because it is the same day 6 years a go. Now I'm old enough to understand and still don't know why it had happened. But still, I am fighting for my life and Roy. My name is Kouhser. But Kurt for short. I still think why did Roberto do that? If he had a point to what was it? Roy and I are homeless, as you might know now. But when a man about in his thirties now, Roberto Quilpac a man also from my dad's work, tried to just make a simple tea drink and conversation but what he meant to do, he fulfilled. Roberto also invited Roy and I over because he has a son about my age, to make us company. But when I heard that gun shot I ran upstairs and saw both of them; mom and dad dead, motionless on their chairs. I looked up and saw Roberto, with just a simple pistol about to shoot me, but he ran downstairs and stayed there so I gathered Roy and ran away deep into the heart of Detroit. So that is where we are now. Roy and I just walk and then once it gets to dark, sleep on any bench we can find. I am furious at Roberto I will never forget it. I will track down Roberto, kill him and flee to Delaware where most of my relatives are. So I go to where I think Roberto is each day. Roy does not know what I am doing but that is good because I do not want him to know. But I promised since that very day, to kill Roberto Quilpac. 2
"Kurt, where are we going?" Roy asks.
"I don't exactly know," I say.
"Well, where ever we are going I hope it will be soon because I am hungry." Roy replies.
"I don't think it will be more than a week but let's get you some food I only have five dollars so be careful," I say.
"OK, let's go to Wendy's and get chicken nuggets," Roy says happily.
"NO! We are going to salad-works and getting salads OK?" I say.
"As long as they have ranch," Roy agrees. Roy and I went to salad-works and used up the rest of my money.
"OK, that is the last of my money," I say. We sleep on a park bench near Ford Field. When I wake up I decide to leave Roy and go to Roberto's house and warn him with 14 knives in his door. But when I get back to the bench Roy is not there and I receive the shock of my life.
Roy is on the ground still, bow from an arrow in his chest. I check if he is still alive but I do not hear a thing. I run and run as fast as I can. I run to the only safe place I know, my friends. His name is Mark and Roberto also killed his parents which we still do not understand why he killed both pairs of parents. When I get there, Mark answers the door with a gray sweatshirt and blue and gray shorts. "Stop, don't wake Granny," Mark hushes.
"Mark, Roberto wants something from us. He killed Roy." I say. We talk on the couch, and decide that we leave tomorrow, bring water and food, and figure we will meet allies on the way.
“Sharon, do you want to help kill Roberto?†I ask
“NO!†Sharon shouts.
Then I fall asleep then wake up hearing a gunshot. 3
3
“Mark! Sharon!†I was about to yell Granny too, but I can’t call her that. I run into Mark’s room but the door comes and I’m about to punch but, I realize it is Mark.
“What happened?†he asks.
“That is what I want to know!†I reply. We burst into Sharon’s room and I (I think Mark too) can’t believe what we see: Sharon smiling but dead! Then she just drops and is there, silent.
“Oh my, WORD!†Mark shouts.
“It is OK,†I insist.
“No it is not! I want Roberto Quilpac!†he yells. I do too but Mark gets over it and insist we go right now.
“Sure why not?†I ask.
“Let’s go,†he says. I don’t care if we leave because it is about six o’ clock in the morning about when I usually get up.
“OK I know his house is just south of the Ford Field, so that means a twenty minute walk.†I say
“Alright, so that is pretty easy right?†Mark asks.
“Yes, but we do have to go through one alley in the ‘hood’.†I say.
“That’s fine,†Mark says. I wanna say Of course it is, Mark, but I don’t. We walk and head down the alley but see a girl my height crying, running towards Mark and I.
“Wow, slow down,†Mark says
“I don’t know what to do.†The girl says.
“Well first what is your name?†I ask.
“Charlotte, but this guy around 34 killed my parents.†Charlotte yelps.
“He killed mine and Kurt’s,†Mark replies.
“Really?†Charlotte asks.
“Yes, we are going to kill ‘this guy’, Roberto Quilpac, do you wanna come?†I ask.
“Of course! I WANT REVENGE!†Charlotte yells. "But, can my brother Taole come too? He is 12 just like all three of us." she proposes.
"Sure!" Mark agrees.
"Let's go meet him!" I say. So we race to Charlotte's house (Roberto had just killed them last night without them knowing,) which is just around the corner. Now this is the list of my weapons: Twin Axe (double blades) and pocket knife. Mark's: Trident and curled mini knife. Charlotte surprisingly had: Spear and Ninja stars. That went through my mind when I was running. Charlotte, Mark and I went up to Taole's room and Mark knocked.
"Hello?" Taole asks.
"Hi. Do you wanna come with my new friends: Kurt and Mark to kill Roberto?" Charlotte asks.
"Who is that?" he asks. Charlotte but her palm to her face.
"The guy that killed our parents." she responds
"It is really important!" I add.
"Um... I guess. Let me grab my two-sided Samurai sword!" Taole says.
"Wow!" Mark exclaims.
"Yeah, mom got it for me when I was 10. She got Charlotte a Spear and Ninja Stars when she went on a business trip." Taole answers.
"Let's go!" I order.
"Fine. But how long?" Charlotte asks.
"About ten more. But he may not be there." Mark says. And with that we went out to Roberto's house. Man, this is easy four of us on one. Piece of cake. Or so I thought.
"There it is," I say, looking at the creamy red house. There is one car there but usually two.
"It is actually kind of big," Taole says.
"Yeah, he invited Dad and Mom over for tea and then just killed them. I ran away with Roy. But he killed my parents first, before any other kids." I exclaim.
"Sad story," Mark says even though he already knew it. We ran to the house and Taole is so strong that he knocked the door down!
"Hi, I wanted to talk to Roberto my uncle works with him and he told me to come here." Charlotte says to the woman with that kid from the incident.
"He is not here." the woman says.
"GO!" the boy demands. Wow. Harsh. I don't know what to do. Taole walks out with Charlotte but Mark and I stay for one minute and I remember the boy's name is Keenan. Keenan, I knew it sounded familiar. But he called is dad Hades?
"Why did you call your dad Hades? When we were 6?" I ask.
"Because he is that evil." Keenan says. Wow even he can admit that. By now Mark, Charlotte and Taole are standing, waiting for me about ten yards away. I don't want to stand here anymore. I catch up to the rest of them and say:
"I remembered his name: Keenan. But he called his Dad, Hades and also he admits that he is evil." I say.
"So we found out that his son does not like us and his name is Keenan." Charlotte informs.
"Yes," I agree. But I hear a gun-shot and a cry or cries, two houses down. I know two people have just died because Hades [Roberto] walks out of the door. 4 4
"You people. So you don't know about the other parts of the Force Team?" Hades asks.
"Never heard of it," I say pulling out my two-sided axe.
"Oh well there was no kid for the Force Team in there because I killed him too." he says.
"Why did you kill our parents?" Taole asks.
"Because eleven of you are special. These things called: Trions have chosen you and what ever ability you desire when ever the Trion is at its fullest, that is what rises up forty percent." Hades exclaims.
"OK. But you should kill us right now, your a lot stronger and older than us." Charlotte says.
"I don't want to. Once I get to the number one most wanted person in the world, I will kill you. And guess what? I am already number two." Hades threatens. I don't really care, but don't say anything. I run up to him and slash him, but he stops me and throws me to the ground.
"Do you want to die first?" he asks "I wanted to kill your parents first because you're the strongest. Kayless is so weak I killed her parents today. She already knows about the Force Team. You guys better go." he says to me. But when he finishes his sentence, I'm already hiding behind the three of them.
"Where do we go? And why are you helping us?" Mark demands.
"Go to Joe Louis Arena. I am helping because I want to make the eleven kills look even harder when they happen." Hades, that's better sounding, says. So we leave him and run to the Joe Louis Arena. Taole opens the door followed by, Charlotte, me and then Mark. There is a meeting where one person is on the stage giving a speech and 6 are in seats. Four remaining, for us. Charlotte sits first then Taole, Mark and then me. The speaker is name Sprig because the screen says: Sprig. When I hear Sprig talk, I really now want to team up with them all and go kill whoever is on Hades' team which right now is himself and his own son; Keenan. So when Sprig is down talking, I walk over with Taole, Mark and Charlotte and say: "Are you the leader of the Force Team?" I ask.
"Yes, why?" Sprig says.
"Because I was wondering if the seven of you could team up with you to kill Roberto but his son called him Hades. The reason there was four chairs missing is because they were for us." I explain.
"Oh, sure," he says.
"We were also wondering if we could go right now?" Taole asks.
"That is what we were planning. Guys and girls, introduce yourselves to the four new recruits," Sprig orders.
"Suza, 16," she says.
"Ryre, 15," he says.
"Terfin, 17," he says.
"Viola, 14," she says.
"Gary, 16," he says.
"Kayless, 12," she says.
"Nice to meet you," I say for all four of us.
"OK, let's go kill Hades!" Sprig instructs.
"Sure thing! I'm first so I'll lead the way," Ryre says. So the eleven of us go, wanting to kill Hades but at the very end of it, some may not return.
RE: Vendetta - Synth - Apr. 13, 2012
...Uh, I really didn't understand a thing...
A lot of Grammar and spelling mistakes. The story is fast, make slow but detailed.
KIU
RE: Vendetta - PhantomKid - Apr. 13, 2012
Probably because you don't know what is GOING to happen it will be a bit mysterious but it works in my brain. It may not work for yours.
RE: Vendetta - Synth - Apr. 13, 2012
Not because of that. Of course you know, Your the flippin creator! I'm just the reader XD
here's a better version (to my Opinion, That is XD)
Quote:I woke up, then suddenly something flashed in my mind: it was what happend on that rainy day 6 years ago. I saw my brother: Roy. He is eight so he barely remembers that moment in October. But I do, and it still haunts me. The reason is why it shows at this time is because it is the same day, 6 years ago. Now, I'm old enough to understand, However I still don't know why it had happened. But still, I am fighting for my life and Roy. My name is Kouhser, But Kurt for short. I thought, why would Roberto do that? If he had a point, what was it? Roy and I are homeless, as you might know. But when a man about in his thirties now, Roberto Quilpac, a man who is also from my dad's work, tried to just make a simple tea drink and conversation, but what he meant to do, was fulfilled. Roberto also invited Me and Roy over, just because he has a son about my age, to have us accompanied. But when I heard that gun shot I ran upstairs and saw both of them; both my mom and dad dead, motionless on their chairs. I looked up and saw Roberto, with just a simple pistol, about to shoot me. However, he ran downstairs and stayed there. I quickly gathered Roy and ran away deep into the heart of Detroit. So that is where we are now. Roy and I just walk. It gets too dark, we sleep on any bench we can find. I am furious at Roberto, and I will never forget it. I will track down Roberto, kill him and flee to Delaware where most of my relatives are. So, I went to where I think Roberto is each day. Roy does not know what I am doing, but that is good. I do not want him to know. But I promised, since that very day, that I will kill Roberto Quilpac.
RE: Vendetta - PhantomKid - Apr. 13, 2012
OK thanks. Updated. Chapter 2 will be in the OP sometime next week.
RE: Vendetta - PhantomKid - Apr. 16, 2012
REALLY, I will close this if no one posts on it! I have only had 1 response!
RE: Vendetta - Duck - Apr. 16, 2012
Um... hello... cinnamon bread tastes yummy... guns are scary... and, uh, good luck writing... don't close the thread...
RE: Vendetta - PhantomKid - Apr. 16, 2012
So do you think it is good?
RE: Vendetta - Cookie Bouquets - Apr. 17, 2012
pretty good bro!
RE: Vendetta - PhantomKid - Apr. 17, 2012
Thanks Chapter 2 up in 2 minutes! Hah...
I am now taking character requests but only for bad guys because already made up good guys.
ONLY THE FIRST TEN! Here is how you do it:
Name: [not very original though]
Weapon of choice:
Age:
Personality:
Reason for being that bad guy:
RE: Vendetta [ Now TakingCharacter Requests! [for bad guys]] - Cookie Bouquets - Apr. 17, 2012
name: Shionji Naoyuki
Weapon: Scythe
age: 15
Personality: doesn't talk much, hates people
Reason: I'm trying to get in more stories, and all
RE: Vendetta [ Now TakingCharacter Requests! [for bad guys]] - C0NFU21ON - Apr. 17, 2012
Name: Keenan Nodda Weapon Of Choice: Twin Sais Age:14 Reason: i like stories Personality: Smart, overconfident
RE: Vendetta [ Now TakingCharacter Requests! [for bad guys]] - PhantomKid - Apr. 17, 2012
Quote:Weapon: Scythe
May I ask what that is?
Never mind, found out.
Chapter 3: Maybe tomorrow or the next or next.
RE: Vendetta [ Now TakingCharacter Requests! [for bad guys]] - PhantomKid - Apr. 17, 2012
Keenan will appear in the next chapter but Shionji may have to wait. I have perfect plans for Keenan...
RE: Vendetta [ Now TakingCharacter Requests! Chapter 3 in the OP!] - PhantomKid - Apr. 17, 2012
Warning! Chapter 3 has just been posted, but extremely long! Not chapter 3 [down there]
CONFU2ION, Keenan is in this chapter but last name is Quilpac instead of Nodda
RE: Vendetta [ Now TakingCharacter Requests! Chapter 3 in the OP!] - PhantomKid - Apr. 18, 2012
Chapter 4 up tonight or tomorrow...
RE: Vendetta [ Now TakingCharacter Requests! Chapter 3 in the OP!] - nationsbeyblade - Apr. 18, 2012
nice beginning it really hooks the reader so keep on writing and you will probably become a great author (if you want to be one) and btw nice signiture!
RE: Vendetta [ Now TakingCharacter Requests! Chapter 3 in the OP!] - PhantomKid - Apr. 18, 2012
Thanks on both. Did you read Chapter 3?
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