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+--- Thread: My Beyblade saga (new,improved form) NO MORE POSTS ANYMORE ON THIS THREAD (/Thread-My-Beyblade-saga-new-improved-form-NO-MORE-POSTS-ANYMORE-ON-THIS-THREAD)
My Beyblade saga (new,improved form) NO MORE POSTS ANYMORE ON THIS THREAD - JayRoss899 - Feb. 07, 2012
Characters:
Name:Jay (me)
Beyblade: Cyber Libra D125D (right spin defence)
Sp. moves:Cyber Flash,Defence Rush,C Drive
Horrorscope: Libra
Blader look:Wears a black Aeropostale hoodie and blue jeans.He also wears White Adidas shoes.Has light skin.
Name: Devin (My best friend)
Beyblade: Counter Pegasus SW145B
Sp. moves:Wing Rush,Counter Wing
Horrorscope: Virgo (even though Devin uses a Pegasus,which matches his PERSONALITY)
Blader look:Wears a blue jersey and green track pants.Also wears blue nikes.Has light skin
Chapter One Part One
I was in a rush to get home from my friend's house.It was my birthday,and i was going to the movies.I got home and my best friend,Devin was there.My parents had hung up balloons and said they were throwing a party instead.Devin said,"I challenge you to a Beyblade battle!" I said,"Sure!".Luckily,I had a Bey stadium in my backyard,so we went back there for our battle.We both readied our launchers.
"3!",I called out.
"2!",Devin called.
"1!",my parents called out.
"Let it rip!", Devin and I called out together.
We both launched our beys."Go,Cyber Libra!",I called out as Libra circles the middle of the stadium,constantly hitting Pegasus.Devin then cried,"Counter Pegasus!Counter attack!"Pegasus starts to turn things around.My Dad said,"What a great battle for a birthday!".My Mom then said,"I agree!".Devin called out,"Counter Pegasus!Special move!Wing rush!".Pegasus started to circle the entire stadium and constantly hitting Libra;without even touching it!"Libra!",I cried,"Special move!Cyber flash!".Libra started to pull Pegasus toward it.As soon as Pegasus touched Libra,a big flash forced Pegasus into a stadium out."Nice battle!",I said to Devin as he was picking up his bey.My parents clapped."Good job,Jay!",My parents both said together.I
said,"Thank you.",as I go inside.Devin told me that he had to go home for lunch,so we said bye to each other.
RE: My Beyblade saga (new,improved form) - Raigeko13 - Feb. 07, 2012
Erm...
Work on your puntuation....
Mary Sues... Bad ones..
Your sentences are all statements, and none of them flow either.
Very short first chapter.
Bad.
RE: My Beyblade saga (new,improved form) - JayRoss899 - Feb. 07, 2012
Sorry..
I was too lazy to do the full length of the chapter.
I'll do a full chapter on chapter 2.
RE: My Beyblade saga (new,improved form) - Ga' - Feb. 07, 2012
Then why post?...
Just wait till you're done with the first chapter, and then post. Why do you think I haven't updated my story (not one-shot, that one is done) in forever? Because I don't have time, but don't want to update for the sake of updating. I keep stories quality, and so should you.
RE: My Beyblade saga (new,improved form) - JayRoss899 - Feb. 07, 2012
OK!!!I will edit my thread!!!I think I'll change "Chapter One" to:"Chapter One Part 1".
RE: My Beyblade saga (new,improved form) - Flameos - Feb. 07, 2012
have u ever heard of encourangement its great but it uses all the sp. move 1st leave some room for suprises
other than that keep going dont stop your great
RE: My Beyblade saga (new,improved form) - JayRoss899 - Feb. 08, 2012
Thx Flameos I just gotta think up some ideas for my part 2 of chapter one first.
RE: My Beyblade saga (new,improved form) - TenshouTsubasa - Feb. 09, 2012
Yo there, your story is kind of.......suck.
You didn't make people feel excited and make the readers wanted to watch this story continuously, that is a serious problem.
Also, too short. a story is nothing if it is too short.
RE: My Beyblade saga (new,improved form) - JayRoss899 - Feb. 10, 2012
!!!???!!!???
I JUST,got a mod to close my other version!!!I don't wanna waste mine OR their time by deleting my thread OR getting a mod to close it!I know u guys HATE it but if u like it but say u hate it,that does waste my time on purpose.For those of you who DON'T like it,I understand!!!
RE: My Beyblade saga (new,improved form) - DARK RAINBOW - Feb. 10, 2012
can do with "SOME" improvement...
RE: My Beyblade saga (new,improved form) - JayRoss899 - Feb. 11, 2012
Thnx but I'm not letting anymore posts in this thread sorry.
RE: My Beyblade saga (new,improved form) NO MORE POSTS ANYMORE ON THIS THREAD - Airus - Nov. 05, 2013
JayRoss899, please stop with the anger. Find my story Horogium, Master of Time. Look at it and use my techniques to improve your story.
RE: My Beyblade saga (new,improved form) - Dual - Nov. 05, 2013
(Feb. 11, 2012 1:51 AM)JayRoss899 Wrote: Thnx but I'm not letting anymore posts in this thread sorry.That's actually not possible...unless you mean you want the thread closed? Anyway, if you want to have a good basis, take a look at defstamina and chinablades stories. You might have to do some digging, but those are very good stories to look at in terms of...well, everything.
Edit: Just checked the date. The threads a year old -.-
RE: My Beyblade saga (new,improved form) NO MORE POSTS ANYMORE ON THIS THREAD - LMAO - Nov. 05, 2013
Guys this thread is almost 2 years old, no point in replying to it since JayRoss899 hasn't been active and won't see this.
RE: My Beyblade saga (new,improved form) NO MORE POSTS ANYMORE ON THIS THREAD - Airus - Nov. 05, 2013
(Nov. 05, 2013 2:35 AM)LMAO Wrote: Guys this thread is almost 2 years old, no point in replying to it since JayRoss899 hasn't been active and won't see this.
You know what, I agree. JayRoss899 hasn't been around here much anymore, nor have I talked to him lately (I know JayRoss899)