Young Sparta Writing - A Star Wars Fanfiction - MaximumX - Sep. 29, 2011
This is a Star Wars "book" Sparta and I wrote when we were 9. Let's just say our writing has gotten a lot better since then.
The grammar and spelling is terrible purposefully; I kept it the same as the original. I will try to update periodically.
Here it is:
STAR WARS: TWO JEDI KNIGHTS: FRIENDS AND ENEMIES
Introduction:
It is the time of the Old Republic, and the battle of Geonosis is near. More Jedi are needed. Jedi were sent out to get more reinforcements, one to Tatooine, where 2 twins lived…
Chapter 1:
Clash! 2 metal lightsabers banged against each other. The twins, Brandon and Kevin were having a battle with their metal tubed fake lightsabers.
“I bet ya I’ll win!†Kevin yelled over the noise.
“No way!†Brandon yelled back.
“I’ll bet you a hundred credits I’ll win!†Kevin screamed as the battle roared on.
“You’re on!†Brandon yelled back, over the roar of the fake sabers. Suddenly, Kevin directed the saber toward Brandon’s legs, but Brandon jumped over the hard, metal saber!
The battle continued, each time their blades hit, the sparks would shoot up like shooting stars and after float around like fire flies dancing. Then, Kevin aimed for Brandon’s head, but Brandon ducked his head just in time! Brandon tried it but Kevin blocked it. All of a sudden, Kevin thrusted his saber at Brandon! He tried to react quickly, but it was to late. The cold metal saber hit Brandon and he knew he had lost. Brandon gave up his only 100 credits, disappointedly. He knew he’d never win a battle against him.
That night, their dad woke Kevin up and said, “Kevin, you have to go.â€
“Where?†Kevin asked.
“To the orphanage,†Dad replied. Kevin quietly packed his stuff. “Bye Bran,†Kevin whispered before he left.
As the door closed, Brandon woke up. He looked around. Kevin was nowhere to be found.
Chapter 2:
The next morning Brandon asked his dad where Kevin was. “He ran away.†His dad replied.
“Why?†Brandon asked.
“I don’t know, he just did,†his dad replied trying to change the subject.
Exactly a year later at dawn, Brandon’s dad said “leave now to the orphanage, droid ships are coming!â€. So Brandon packed his things and thought about something “hey dad, won’t you be leaving also, to get away from those droids?†Brandon asked.
“nope I can take ‘em†his dad said in his tough voice. Brandon gave a weak smile.
Meanwhile, at the orphanage, Kevin was sitting in a pen, or as people called it, “the cribby houseâ€. Anyway, Kevin was practicing with a toy, blue plastic saber when suddenly a woman came. “What in the world is this beast!?†the woman (who was about 98 years old) said.
“Be quiet old hag!†Kevin yelled in a deep, dirty voice.
“I never liked you anyway!†the woman clearly stated.
“Can someone make this woman shut!?†Kevin cursed under his breath.
Then, for no reason at all, the woman ran away screaming “help, this boy’s an ugly thing! I’m telling your mother!!â€
“I don’t care, ‘cause my mother died right after I was born!, which was when exactly the new standard year!!†Kevin roared back. When Kevin turned around to practice more, he saw someone he thought he’d never see again.
Chapter 3:
“Brandon, my bud!†Kevin screeched in delight as he threw his arm around his old twin. “take this back†Kevin said as he took 100 credits out of his pocket. “no, keep ‘em, you won ‘em fair and square†Brandon said “fine I’ll keep 50 of them, but you keep the other 50, ok?†Kevin asked “deal†Brandon said, so he took back 50 of his own credits.
That night, at midnight, an alarm whent off and Kevin woke up. “great, war’s coming here,†Kevin muttered as he woke Brandon up. “What’s wrong?†Brandon asked as he got out of his bed “w-w-war is c-coming†Kevin whimpered as he too, got out of bed.
Suddenly something caught Kevin’s eye, a metal object with little buttons on it “it’s metal so it’ll somewhat keep us alive!†Kevin said in his head as he picked up the object, Suddenly a Tuscan Raider came to kill them! It was brownish-tanish with a chocolate coloured toga. He smelled like dried blood and even looked like he’d been attacked by a million moistfarmers (A/N: I have no idea…) Suddenly he lounged screaming “huh-huh-huhng-huh!â€! “I hope this works Kevin said as he pushed a red button on the tube of metal, and it did, A light blue streak shot out of what Kevin and Brandon realized to be a real saber, what ment is that it cuts things off people and things, not just stings them. So Kevin Charged the tuskin, but it pulled out a metal pointed stick and Kevin looked at Brandon and he new what he had to do, so he forward flip toward Kevin and took the Saber right out of Kevin’s hands “hey wh-“ Kevin started but he was to amazed to finish. Brandon aimed for the legs…missed. Brandon tried to stab…to late! Tuskin moved to the right. Brandon went for the head stab…Tuskin reared hgis head backwards just in time, Brandon jumped up and tried to stab from behind…a hit! The Tuskin was glued to the spot and couldn’t move. “that’ll leave a mark†Brandon said as he took the Saber out of the tuskins body.
Suddenly, a man came over and said “we could use a good jedi like you, son!†“but my twin beat me in a saber battle, can he come to?†Brandon asked politely. “Alright then, you may both come, but you need to hurry, the ship is over there, there is little time to spare†he stated.
Chapter 4:
“Where are we going?†Brandon asked as they aborded the ship. “Well, first we’re going to Corasant. Then we’re going to Geanosis,†the Jedi replied. “We’re going to Corasaunt!†Kevin exclaimed. Brandon knew Kevin had always wanted to go there. That was the home of the Jedi Knights of the Galactic Republic.
“I already have some parts. I tell you how to make them. Don’t add the little details right now. Do them later. You’ve got to hurry. We’re almost out of time,†he said. “What are we making?†Brandon asked. “We’re making lightsabers,†Kevin said. “Good job,†said the man, “My name is Chris.†What did you do Kev?†Brandon asked. “I don’t know,†Kevin replied. “He used the force,†Chris answered. “You’re both going to need it where we’re going.â€
Chapter 5:
“Where are we going?†Kevin asked. “To a greatly dangerous war,†Chris whispered. “But, why did you need us?†Brandon questioned. “And why will we need the force?†Kevin asked. “We need you as Jedi because it’s the beginning of a war, plus a Bounty Hunter, so many Jedi Knights will die in this war,†He rushed.
“Then how do you know we’re not gonna die?†Kevin asked. “We don’t. But we need you,†Chris replied. “Then we’d clearly be safer on Tatooine,†Brandon stated. “No. If the druids win, they’re going to try to destroy Tatooine,†Chris firmly stated. “Fine,†Brandon complained.
“Hey, I see Geanosis!†Kevin exclaimed. “Well, get ready then. May the force be with you,†Chris sincerely said.
“Get ready, Dooku, my children are coming, now as Jedi,†their dad, the Emporor menicingly said. “I will master. I’ll destroy every Jedi Knight, and with druids and clones it should be easy,†Count Dooku replied to his master. “Let the battle begin.â€
Can I say fail?
RE: Young Sparta Writing - A Star Wars Fanfiction - Sparta - Sep. 29, 2011
Ahh...sweet nostalgia...
You see, this is proof that people need to take advice instead of fighting it. Does that look like my writing now? I took advice my brother gave me and began to write everyday, rereading and noticing things I could work on. I took all the help I could get from anyone, and I'm certainly better than this trash.
But I was so bad at spelling back then...sniff..Geonosis...
Meanwhile, at the orphanage, Kevin was sitting in a pen, or as people called it, “the cribby houseâ€. Anyway, Kevin was practicing with a toy, blue plastic saber when suddenly a woman came. “What in the world is this beast!?†the woman (who was about 98 years old) said.
“Be quiet old hag!†Kevin yelled in a deep, dirty voice.
“I never liked you anyway!†the woman clearly stated.
“Can someone make this woman shut!?†Kevin cursed under his breath.
Then, for no reason at all, the woman ran away screaming “help, this boy’s an ugly thing! I’m telling your mother!!â€
“I don’t care, ‘cause my mother died right after I was born!, which was when exactly the new standard year!!†Kevin roared back.
Hell yeah. Eat that, you stupad haeg!
RE: Young Sparta Writing - A Star Wars Fanfiction - .:J:. - Sep. 29, 2011
I loled at this, i'm ashamed of you sparta...
but look at us now! we is ways betta wiv our gramma! innit!
lol but i'm hoping this was posted as a joke... *awkward silence*...
RE: Young Sparta Writing - A Star Wars Fanfiction - NoodooSoup - Sep. 29, 2011
Hey, it's not that bad compared to other ones! At least the grammar's okay and not dog carp. This makes we want to post one of my old stories; I haven't read them in ages, but sadly, I think they were deleted when my computer died . I even had a two story series (almost three), titled Sammy the Secret Agent Squirrel. Hah, those were the good days.
RE: Young Sparta Writing - A Star Wars Fanfiction - Sparta - Sep. 29, 2011
We need to have a thread for great writers nostalgia, and we post all of our worst stories from when we were young.
Our reputations will burn in flames, but it will be fun doing it!
RE: Young Sparta Writing - A Star Wars Fanfiction - NoodooSoup - Sep. 29, 2011
Yes! I approve of this idea! In the meantime, I better start looking for these "stories" of mine XD
Making the thread now.
RE: Young Sparta Writing - A Star Wars Fanfiction - SwiftShadow - Sep. 30, 2011
I really like that this was posted. It shows how far you have come over time and how much effort you have put into writing. I've gained an even greater level of respect for you Sparta! This is like an inspiration to me of how far you can get with hard work.
I also like the idea for the writing nostalgia thread. I think I have a few old stories saved on my computer, but I'm sort of scared to open them and read them...
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