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+--- Thread: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! (/Thread-Nwolf-s-new-story-Senpuujin)
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Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - .:J:. - Aug. 29, 2011
So i know all you guys have been waiting for the sequel to 'Drahelix is born', and it's been long awaited (by the readers of course), so i thought i'd give you a taster of the new story, just a taster to keep you happy:
The Beggining
signal one
The wind whipped through the streets of Kyleer city, as the storm approached. It lashed at any passers by, but there were few, all new of the approaching danger, and most had left. The remaining group had boarded up with their supplies in anticipation.
signal two
Flashes of lightning arched through the midnight sky. Trees bent backwards as if to dodge the gale. Debris soared through the streets burying themselves into street lights. The smashed lights sparked and died.
signal three
The President spoke through the crackling speakers of TVs and radios warning of the danger, telling locals to stay inside and hope for the best. Hope. Hope that everything would be ok. But everyone was dreading the worst.
Thunder, And then a few seconds later white light. The city was engulfed for several seconds. Lightning had touched down on Kyleer, and in the place where it had struck stood a lone figure.
Arix Dranity was back.
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - Xyo - Aug. 29, 2011
I like it when will you be updating, every week?
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - .:J:. - Aug. 29, 2011
well it depends, if people enjoy this story and comment, i will start up the story for real, and will post the chapters when i can. it will probably be one chapter a week. however! i don't want people to rush me. the chapter will be out when i've thought of it! this is for your sake, otherwise the story will not turn out good! also i will not be taking character requests.
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - BeybladerPotter - Aug. 30, 2011
(Aug. 29, 2011 3:28 PM)Nwolf Wrote: So I know all you guys have been waiting for the sequel to "Drahelix is Born", and it's been long awaited (by the readers of course), so I thought I'd give you a taster of the new story, just a taster to keep you happy:
The Beginning
Signal One
The wind whipped through the streets of Kyleer city, as the storm approached. It lashed at any passers by, but there were few, all new of the approaching danger, and most had left. The remaining group had boarded up with their supplies in anticipation.
Signal Two
Flashes of lightning arched through the midnight sky. Trees bent backwards as if to dodge the gale. Debris soared through the streets burying themselves into street lights. The smashed lights sparked and died.
Signal Three
The President spoke through the crackling speakers of TVs and radios warning of the danger, telling locals to stay inside and hope for the best. Hope. Hope that everything would be ok. But everyone was dreading the worst.
Thunder, And then a few seconds later white light. The city was engulfed for several seconds. Lightning had touched down on Kyleer, and in the place where it had struck stood a lone figure.
Arix Dranity was back.
Fixed.
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - .:J:. - Aug. 30, 2011
oh thanks BP, didn't see those! anyway what do you guys think?
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - .:J:. - Aug. 30, 2011
also if you guys could help advertise it in your sig it would be great if you want to, if not curse you! lol jks, but anyone want part 2? i kinda want people to read this and post
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - NoodooSoup - Aug. 30, 2011
Pretty interesting for now, but yeah, fix what BP did. Like capitalization and stuff; I honestly can't read a story that doesn't have that
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - .:J:. - Aug. 30, 2011
yeah thanks, i was never any good at capitalizations, anyway just to let you know, this will relate to the drahelix is born story, so it might confuse some people who haven't read it, however i'll leave clues of the past, so you can piece together what happened
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - .:J:. - Aug. 31, 2011
chapter 2 will soon be out, maybe later today if you're lucky!
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - .:J:. - Sep. 03, 2011
I'm currently writing chapter 2 and is looking good, also making a custom bey to go with this story and my beyteam
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - Temporal - Sep. 05, 2011
Ah, nice. More than enough suspense, and the scene is depicted well. The similes are also pretty good. In all, I'd like to see more.
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - .:J:. - Sep. 06, 2011
thanks alot, yeah i take my time to write good chapters, it's 3/4 done now, so should be up today definitely!
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - .:J:. - Sep. 06, 2011
next chapter, it's more of a filler for the upcoming fight!
God's whirlwind arrives!
One week had passed since the signal 3 hurricane struck the city of Kyleer. Since that time Arix Dranity had found himself wondering what was going on. One moment he had been engulfed in light, the next lying on a dusty road, with wind lashing at his smooth face. Just when Arix thought he was going to die, the wind gathered up into one sphere, and dropped down by his side. The last thing he heard was the clinking of metal before he blanked out.
He had found himself squinting into the blinding light of an overhead chandelier, and lying on a soft, immaculate white mattress. “Hello? Oh god is some psychopath chasing after me again, last time it was my brother, who’s it going to be next? And now I’m talking to myself…†Sighed Arix painfully. He could still feel the whip like wind leaving scars on his chest. He stood up, and then fell back arching in agony, his chest red hot. The pain ceased as quickly as it started, fading away as if nothing happened. Breathing out heavily he twisted around on the mattress to find himself facing a beyblade. “I wonder who’s this is…†Arix muttered, before memory flooded his thoughts, painfully. The storm, the light, the wind, the clinking of metal! “Aah, so this is mine then…â€
Turbine Senpuujin. He only knew the names of these parts because of the facebolt and metal wheel. The spin track looked like a T125, but it was wider, and lower down. “Hhhm, maybe it should be called hurricane bringer 100?†considered Arix. “But what about the tip? Aah! I know! Vortex rubber flat!†Exclaimed Arix in a moment of brilliance. “I’m still talking to myself…â€
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - Raijin - Sep. 06, 2011
Senpuujin means Whirlwind Person. Just thought you'd like to know.
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - .:J:. - Sep. 06, 2011
really? my japanese sucks, i thought it was God's whilriwnd, but is there a different translation for symbols then english? anyway doesn't matter that's still ok
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - Sparta - Sep. 06, 2011
Hm. The story is great, and it looks really good so far. Just a few things:
1. Your grammar and spelling could use a bit of work. Just a bit of touching up here and there.
2. When you add tags after dialogue, you want to make sure the dialogue is only one sentence. You can split it up, like this:
“Hello?" Arix asked himself, "Oh god is some psychopath chasing after me again? Last time it was my brother...who’s it going to be next? And now I’m talking to myself…â€
3. The chapter was good but so short. Can you add some length? Maybe combine a few chapters into one.
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - .:J:. - Sep. 06, 2011
like I said it was a filler, I've been too ill to write a substantial chapter that could easily connect the the two chapters, so I made a filler. anyway It's running up towards a massive fight, and when there's a massive fight, theres a massive chapter!
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - Raijin - Sep. 07, 2011
Senpuugami means Whirlwind God and Gami no Senpuu means Whirlwind of God. You may want to change your title to one of those if that's what you wanted.
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - .:J:. - Sep. 07, 2011
nah, whirlwind person sounds ok, also I must have got the symbols mixed up. anyway My beys spirit is a person, I was just going to make it a god, but now it can be a person of wind!
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - .:J:. - Sep. 08, 2011
Next chapter should be up later today with an awesome new beyblade battle!
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - TimelessOne - Sep. 08, 2011
hEH, INTERESTING, EVEN i HAVNT READ YOUR LAST STORY. i'LL CHECK IT SOON THOUGH!
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - .:J:. - Sep. 08, 2011
thanks dude, and yeah It won't be so complicated you won't understand it because you haven't read drahelix is born...
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - Ga' - Sep. 08, 2011
(Sep. 08, 2011 9:58 AM)qwertxj3 Wrote: hEH, INTERESTING, EVEN i HAVNT READ YOUR LAST STORY. i'LL CHECK IT SOON THOUGH!
WHY U NO STOP WITH CAPS LOCK?! Just edit your post, caps lock is making your post look like SPAM. Stop shouting, geezus.
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - TITAN - Sep. 09, 2011
First:
@Ga'Hooleone-It would be nice if you added content to your post.
I like this so far! As stated by others, there are grammar mistakes, but they don't take away from the story too much. The plot seems interesting, but what on Earth happened to Drahelix?!
RE: Nwolf's new story: Senpuujin! - .:J:. - Sep. 12, 2011
This post will contain spoilers. if you have not read Drahelix Is born fully, and you don't want the story to be ruined, don't read!
Spoiler (Click to View)