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+--- Thread: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos (/Thread-Yoku-s-story-The-Seven-Legendary-Hereos)
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Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - TenshouTsubasa - Aug. 09, 2011
NOTICE: this story has nothing to do with beyblade, it's about pokemon-Eevee.
I don't accept Character requests, as I already have the main story.
As this story is original written in Chinese, if there is something weird, please tell me.
This is originally written by me.
---------------------------
傳說七勇者 The Seven Legendary Heroes
åºï¼šé»’暗的世界 Chapter 0: The dark world
The sky is dark, you can't feel a slight of live in here.
No 'tomorrow' and 'brightness' here, but 'darkness' and 'despair'.........
This, is the future.
(1st person- Evaria)
'Huff puff.......'
I'm tightly hugged by my mama, who is a Flareon, feeling her heat, the huffing sound form her, and watching the dark world going backwards.
'Thunderbolt!'
My papa, who is a Jolteon, is keep on shooting high-voltage lightnings at the guys behind us, to protect us.
'Koarashi, how long do we have to run? I'm running of Thundebolt!'
'Almost there! The time hole......It's on the hill in front of us!'
I peeked an eye on the front. There is a whirlpool-like hole at front of us.
It is the Time Hole!
Mama slowed down and start to put me inside the time hole. 'Evaria, hurry and go in.'
'Wait, how about you, mama? How about you and Papa?'
She halted and slowly said, 'I and papa will keep on fighting with them.'
'No! Mama!' I grabbed her hands tightly. ' You will ......'
'That's alright, my child.' She hold me up and put me into the time hole. 'You're the only one to save this world from darkness. We should protect you.'
Suddenly, a strange feeling is rising from mother's back, When I was about to cry ' Watch out' , A sharp blade pierce through mama's body, with some intestines was pierced out from her stomach!
Mama cried painfully, she looked backsides, a Scyther laughed wickedly!
'Hand in the "Son of light!" '
'I won't!'
'Okay, you refused, huh?' that Scyther mercilessly pierce the blade even harder, mama's wound got worse! ' How about now?'
'Mama, hand me out!' I cried, 'I don't want you suffer more!'
Mama split up a mouthful of blood, ' I can't, my child. Remember to rewrite the future, this is for mama, Okay?'
She faced the Scyther and said, ' Never!'
Then, she quickly tossed me into the time hole!
'Mama----' I cried.
The scene inside the time hole changes quickly. The darkness world become bright and colourful. The deadly grassland becomes lively.
I knew that I'm going to the past.
But I'll never forgot mama, her kindliness face and the last words from her.
'Remember to rewrite the future.This is for mama, Okay?'
I closed my eyes, tears were falling from the corner from my eyes.
'I'll never forget you, mama!
'I'm proud to have a mama like you!'
RE: Yoku's Chinese-to-English story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - Justaway - Aug. 09, 2011
The start is good...keep writing..
RE: Yoku's Chinese-to-English story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - TenshouTsubasa - Aug. 09, 2011
I have already written to Chapter Eight in chinese,
but this is the only one in English.
I might not have enough time.....
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - TenshouTsubasa - Aug. 09, 2011
Hey, come on have some comments......
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - TenshouTsubasa - Aug. 10, 2011
HEY! COMMENT PLEASE!
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - Temporal - Aug. 10, 2011
Actually, this is pretty original. Nice, nice. There are some minor issues like the use of the word "worser", but that's easy to fix.
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - TenshouTsubasa - Aug. 12, 2011
(Aug. 10, 2011 4:41 AM)Temporal Wrote: Actually, this is pretty original. Nice, nice. There are some minor issues like the use of the word "worser", but that's easy to fix.
If not using 'worser' what should I use?
(actually, I'm stomach is in a pain when I watched it-Evaria's mother stomach is being pierced through.....)
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - Temporal - Aug. 12, 2011
Simply 'worse'. As in: "The wound got WORSE". sounds more professional and clean, does it not?
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - TenshouTsubasa - Aug. 12, 2011
(Aug. 12, 2011 8:03 AM)Temporal Wrote: Simply 'worse'. As in: "The wound got WORSE". sounds more professional and clean, does it not?
My brain's stuck these days. Fixed.
When is the deadline of the Writing battle?
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - TenshouTsubasa - Aug. 13, 2011
Time for a bump.
BUMP!
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - BeybladerPotter - Aug. 13, 2011
Cool. I can help you if you want Yoku. I can edit your chapters. Anyway, this is original..
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - TenshouTsubasa - Aug. 14, 2011
Oh nice. This is what Just I need.
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - BeybladerPotter - Aug. 18, 2011
Just PM me when you're ready.
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - TenshouTsubasa - Aug. 28, 2011
Why there is a leak hole?
Let me make it float....
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - JCx06 - Aug. 29, 2011
good job!
more show less tell, IMO
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - Cannon - Oct. 07, 2011
It's good.
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - Clefairy - Oct. 14, 2011
Nice and clean.Keep on writing
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - Clefairy - Feb. 21, 2012
When are you making Chapter 2?
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - Blitzy - Feb. 23, 2012
This.
This.Is.AWESOME.
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - MFB Mad Master - Apr. 02, 2012
Hm, I find the title "The Seven Legendary Hereos" to be a strip off of Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door but don't worry, I know you are reffering to the seven Eevee evolutions
Good story, keep writing!
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - lightning 3 - Apr. 20, 2012
when will you make chapter2
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - Duck - Apr. 22, 2012
Did mama die?
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - BigBang98 - Apr. 24, 2012
you could translate the other chapters by gtranslate
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - TakasuMouce - Apr. 24, 2012
(Apr. 24, 2012 10:52 AM)BigBang98 Wrote: you could translate the other chapters by gtranslate
Google translate is not very reliable. If I were him, I would personnaly translate it myself.
RE: Yoku's story: The Seven Legendary Hereos - T. L-Drago 9207 - Apr. 24, 2012
You spelled heroes wrong in the title of the topic.