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+--- Thread: A Frozen World to a Dragon Tale (A Story) (/Thread-A-Frozen-World-to-a-Dragon-Tale-A-Story)
A Frozen World to a Dragon Tale (A Story) - BillyBlast - Jun. 17, 2011
After Exciting Dreams and stuff and ideas and incorporated it in to my depressing life I am Making a New Story NO CHARACTER REQUEST SPAMMERS. This is my Final Attempt at writing if this is bad I will never write on the WBO Again also Ignore Poll Just comment about it but don't just yell awesoem say something you likd hated or critisize/Advise.
Part one Below
Spoiler (Click to View)
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - TwiztidBlader - Jun. 17, 2011
Name:Andrew Rogami
Bey:Charge Capricorne 100RMF(Right Metal Flat)
Side:Good
Special Move:Thunder Storm Screwdriver (The bey Flys into the air so high that it starts to rain then coming down with speeds causing it to conduct electricity. Then hitting the other bey(s) causing them to lose all spin)
Personality:Fun-loving,entergetic
Age:12
Description:He recieved his bey from his freind before he moved away.He has perfected his Capricorne so that he can use it's full power.
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - BillyBlast - Jun. 17, 2011
(Jun. 17, 2011 6:33 AM)M.Cancer90R2F Wrote: Name:Andrew Rogami
Bey:Charge Capricorne 100RMF(Right Metal Flat)
Side:Good
Special Move:Thunder Storm Screwdriver (The bey Flys into the air so high that it starts to rain then coming down with speeds causing it to conduct electricity. Then hitting the other bey(s) causing them to lose all spin)
Personality:Fun-loving,entergetic
Age:12
Description:He recieved his bey from his freind before he moved away.He has perfected his Capricorne so that he can use it's full power.
well i might not take request but i will consider them when i need them I really need Bad guys
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - Xlr8 - Jun. 17, 2011
well i wish i was in the place of the main character the concept and the story itself is good
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - BillyBlast - Jun. 17, 2011
The story still needs to come out because Billy is tyhe main character and for your info their beys
Devin- Thunder Serpent R145 CS (Thunder in this instance is as good as the Libra wheel)
Eric- Night Saggitario C230 WD (Claws230 and Night in this instance is as good as Virgo 5 minute mold)
Julien- Earth Terasu GB145 IB (Ice Ball)
Billy- Burn Fico CH120 MF/MD (Metal defense/ Metal Flat
I can't wait for Sparta to jump all over this
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - Synth - Jun. 17, 2011
no emotion... nuff' said.
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - TenshouTsubasa - Jun. 17, 2011
This story is a scenario to me.
Some improvements are needed ,
and where is those fullstops and question marks?
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - BillyBlast - Jun. 18, 2011
(Jun. 17, 2011 1:20 PM)Meteo LDrago Wrote: This story is a scenario to me.
Some improvements are needed ,
and where is those fullstops and question marks?
well i always feel i confuse characters in the same line so that is why there are lines and fir the Grammer i try my best but can not get evrything
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - BillyBlast - Jun. 18, 2011
I want a lot of reviews before I start Writing the next Chapter
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - BillyBlast - Jun. 18, 2011
Writing the Next Chapter Now
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - Captain Caprii - Jun. 19, 2011
is pretty good i havent finished reading both chapters so i cant give help right now but when i do ill give help
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - BillyBlast - Jun. 19, 2011
(Jun. 19, 2011 4:50 AM)Captain Caprii Wrote: is pretty good i havent finished reading both chapters so i cant give help right now but when i do ill give help
Thanks sorry i haven't finished another Chapter guys for some reason when i was writing i was constantly interupped then forced to leave my computer several times
Should i include Previous episode info as a starting or at the end of the episode a prievew or give a prievew alone all together or neither
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - Captain Caprii - Jun. 19, 2011
why is the boy calling hes beyblade serpent when wwats hes name examined he said it was libra?good story tho
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - BillyBlast - Jun. 19, 2011
(Jun. 19, 2011 4:57 AM)Captain Caprii Wrote: why is the boy calling hes beyblade serpent when wwats hes name examined he said it was libra?good story tho
mistake writing libra that was Devin's Bey his Bey is Libra Serpent R145 CS pretty much Libra changed to thunder though it has the same performance as Libra
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - RowDog - Jun. 19, 2011
You use capital letters too often. Capital letters are only used at either the beginning of a sentence or for the name of a person or place. The gym doesn't need a capital letters. Personally there are too many grammar mistakes and not enough depth for me to really like the story. But trying is only going to make you better and good luck for the future.
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - BillyBlast - Jun. 19, 2011
(Jun. 19, 2011 5:43 AM)RowDog Wrote: You use capital letters too often. Capital letters are only used at either the beginning of a sentence or for the name of a person or place. The gym doesn't need a capital letters. Personally there are too many grammar mistakes and not enough depth for me to really like the story. But trying is only going to make you better and good luck for the future.
I know i always accidently make capitol too much i try to remove and often forget though for the episode name most times in episodes except simple words that sometimes do even become capitol are capitol though in the story i can understand that
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - BillyBlast - Jul. 02, 2011
SORRY FOR THE WAIT Writing now i have been Sick sorry
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - Sparta - Jul. 02, 2011
Ohmygosh, people and their polls these days. "Hated it quit forever!"? Really, you're encouraging people to vote for that. In fact, I think I want to (But I won't).
Not so hot chapter Wrote:Not so hot chapter
A few points:
1. Where's your descriptions? You can't slap dialogue together post it on a thread and call yourself a writer! These things take effort. Try to describe the scenes, using good adjectives and all senses. For once, type something not in quotations.
2. Transitions. Your story goes from on place to another without any explanation (Or you use the crappy "Then" or "Suddenly"). It should take a sentence or two, and should take the reader from one idea to the next. Call it a bridge, if you will.
Oh, one more addition:
“I will just take this check I’m rich†Devin says
“Devin you’re pretty cool let’s be friends says Eric “OK†Devin Replies.
No. Just, no.
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - BillyBlast - Jul. 02, 2011
(Jul. 02, 2011 3:26 AM)Sparta Wrote: Ohmygosh, people and their polls these days. "Hated it quit forever!"? Really, you're encouraging people to vote for that. In fact, I think I want to (But I won't).
Not so hot chapter Wrote:Not so hot chapter
A few points:
1. Where's your descriptions? You can't slap dialogue together post it on a thread and call yourself a writer! These things take effort. Try to describe the scenes, using good adjectives and all senses. For once, type something not in quotations.
2. Transitions. Your story goes from on place to another without any explanation (Or you use the crappy "Then" or "Suddenly"). It should take a sentence or two, and should take the reader from one idea to the next. Call it a bridge, if you will.
Oh, one more addition:
“I will just take this check I’m rich†Devin says
“Devin you’re pretty cool let’s be friends says Eric “OK†Devin Replies.
No. Just, no.
Thanks Am I at least Improving from this my first http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Billy-s-Beyblade-Adventure-Character-Request-Available-BAD-GUYS-WANTED and this http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Beyblade-Ultimate-Quest-STORY my second I asked for them to be closed because they are all the same story just trying to be better also Next CHapter won't be up soon lost all my work when My comp froze sorry guys
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - Sparta - Jul. 02, 2011
(Jul. 02, 2011 3:29 AM)BillyBlast Wrote:And yet you're typing...(Jul. 02, 2011 3:26 AM)Sparta Wrote: Ohmygosh, people and their polls these days. "Hated it quit forever!"? Really, you're encouraging people to vote for that. In fact, I think I want to (But I won't).Next CHapter won't be up soon lost all my work when My comp froze sorry guys
Not so hot chapter Wrote:Not so hot chapter
A few points:
1. Where's your descriptions? You can't slap dialogue together post it on a thread and call yourself a writer! These things take effort. Try to describe the scenes, using good adjectives and all senses. For once, type something not in quotations.
2. Transitions. Your story goes from on place to another without any explanation (Or you use the crappy "Then" or "Suddenly"). It should take a sentence or two, and should take the reader from one idea to the next. Call it a bridge, if you will.
Oh, one more addition:
“I will just take this check I’m rich†Devin says
“Devin you’re pretty cool let’s be friends says Eric “OK†Devin Replies.
No. Just, no.
Am I the only one seeing this?
RE: Beyblade Ultimate Challenge [Bey Story] - BillyBlast - Jul. 02, 2011
(Jul. 02, 2011 3:38 AM)Sparta Wrote:My Microsoft Word Froze then my computer It happens alot so I unplug the computer it actually pretty fast unpluggung and back in Though My work was unsaved(Jul. 02, 2011 3:29 AM)BillyBlast Wrote:And yet you're typing...(Jul. 02, 2011 3:26 AM)Sparta Wrote: Ohmygosh, people and their polls these days. "Hated it quit forever!"? Really, you're encouraging people to vote for that. In fact, I think I want to (But I won't).Next CHapter won't be up soon lost all my work when My comp froze sorry guys
Not so hot chapter Wrote:Not so hot chapter
A few points:
1. Where's your descriptions? You can't slap dialogue together post it on a thread and call yourself a writer! These things take effort. Try to describe the scenes, using good adjectives and all senses. For once, type something not in quotations.
2. Transitions. Your story goes from on place to another without any explanation (Or you use the crappy "Then" or "Suddenly"). It should take a sentence or two, and should take the reader from one idea to the next. Call it a bridge, if you will.
Oh, one more addition:
“I will just take this check I’m rich†Devin says
“Devin you’re pretty cool let’s be friends says Eric “OK†Devin Replies.
No. Just, no.
Am I the only one seeing this?
RE: A Winter Shake to a Pheonix Eye (A Story) - BillyBlast - Sep. 02, 2011
I'm Atempting again
RE: A Winter Shake to a Pheonix Eye (A Story) - BillyBlast - Sep. 05, 2011
Can I get one Review on the new story