Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - TheGolden Blade - Aug. 05, 2021
This will be a super intense beyblade burst.. I’m posting chapters whenever I can but you can expect a good fanfic. So this fanfic will be about the end of beyblade as we all know it..
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - UnseenBurst - Aug. 05, 2021
(Aug. 05, 2021 6:42 PM)TheGolden Blade Wrote: This will be a super intense beyblade burst.. I’m posting chapters whenever I can but you can expect a good fanfic. So this fanfic will be about the end of beyblade as we all know it..
GOLDENBLADE YOUR BACK!! I thought I'd never see you again I'll so going to be following!
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - GenesisBlader - Aug. 05, 2021
(Aug. 05, 2021 6:52 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote: (Aug. 05, 2021 6:42 PM)TheGolden Blade Wrote: This will be a super intense beyblade burst.. I’m posting chapters whenever I can but you can expect a good fanfic. So this fanfic will be about the end of beyblade as we all know it..
GOLDENBLADE YOUR BACK!! I thought I'd never see you again I'll so going to be following!
i'll be following
you guys know each other?
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - LegendJustice - Aug. 05, 2021
Nice! you were one of my inspirations before I had an account!
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - UnseenBurst - Aug. 05, 2021
(Aug. 05, 2021 6:55 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: (Aug. 05, 2021 6:52 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote: GOLDENBLADE YOUR BACK!! I thought I'd never see you again I'll so going to be following!
i'll be following
you guys know each other?
When I first joined WBO GoldenBlade was online a lot and he had fanfic I would always read because I loved it, he's kinda the reason I started making fanfics! But let's get back on topic
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - LJ-Blader - Aug. 05, 2021
Let’s see how this goes…
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - TheGolden Blade - Aug. 05, 2021
Chapter 1: Shine my Tigre...
Tadi wakes up*
Tadi’s Mind: Another day, another epic battle. I wonder who I’ll battle today.
Tadi gets dressed*
Tadi’s mind: I should go to the neighborhood championship that’s being hosted today. I just hope I don’t battle weaklings…
Tadi gets bicycle and goes to tournament*
Chad: Look who it is, it’s Tadi. Last time I battled you you didn’t even put a fight.
Tadi: Things have changed now.. I’m not the same I was.
Chad: Woah, so creepy. Welp, I hope you don’t get destroyed today.
Announcer: Okay boys and girls! If you signed up for today’s tournament… you’ll have to qualify to actually play in it. We’ll be doing a strength test momentarily.
Tadi: Piece of cake.
Announcer: Alright so group 1 come do the test!
Group 1 takes test and no one passes*
Announcer: That was unexpected.. Next group!
*All groups but Tadi’s group goes*
Announcer: Alright! The last group
Announcer: There are only 2 more spots.. so give your best!
Tadi: I’m gonna get a spot in the tournament…
A random kid: No I am!
Chad: That spot is mine!
3
2
1
LET IT RIP!
Announcer: Oh my! It looks like Tadi and Chad are in!
Tadi: I knew it.
Chad: Piece of cake.
Announcer: This tournament will consist between 16 bladers!
Announcer: And the first battle of the tournament… will be TADI VS the cat boy AKA IAN!
Ian: Huh? A weak opponent, I’m disappointed.
Tadi: “Cat boy” This is interesting.
Announcer: Bladers.. to the stadium!
Tadi Mind: He’s a stamina type.. then I know just how to attack.
Ian: Let’s do this my Iogar
Ref: Ready SET!
3
2
1
GO SHOOT!
Announcer: Remember that since it’s not the finals, whoever reaches 2 points first wins!
Tadi: Go Tigre!
Ian: Iogar! Do closed stamina launch!
Announcer: Oh? What is this! Tigre is attacking but Iogar doesn’t seem to be moving!
Tadi: GO TIGRE! BITING UPPER!
Ian: IOGAR! DO A FIRE COUNTER!
Bite Tigre rings out*
Ref: Fire Iogar with a ring out finish.. The score is 1-0 to Ian!
Announcer: Can you believe it? Iogar finishes Tigre with class!
Tadi Mind: he’s angered both of us. He has to be punished.
Ref: Second Battle! Ready Set!
3
2
1
GO SHOOT!
Announcer: What is this? Tigre seems a lot taller!
Tadi: You don’t know what this mode does.
Ian: I’ll just use CLOSED STAMINA LAUNCH!
Tadi: GO TIGRE! DESTROY THEM.
Ian: What…?
Tadi: DOWN FIRE BREAKER!
Iogar flies into the air.
Tadi: It’s time for collision! Fire IMPACT!
Ian: Not gonna let you! Staminal dive!
Tigre and Iogar collides*
Tadi: BREAK THEM!
Iogar gets destroyed*
Ian: Iogar..
Ref: Bite Tigre with a burst finish! Tadi is the winner!
Crowd goes silent*
Announcer: That is a brutal finish by Tadi! We’ll continue the battles tomorrow since it’s starting to rain! Adios!
Tadi: You don’t know my true goal.. just wait.
Tadi laughs*
Preview:
Tadi: It’s chad’s turn to battle then.
Tadi: He has gotten stronger for sure!
Chad: Alright corneus finish him off!
Tadi: what move is that?
Tadi: His bey If on fire!
Tadi: Next on beyblade burst.. end of an era: Show them our power corneus!
3
2
1
GO SHOOT!
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - UnseenBurst - Aug. 05, 2021
(Aug. 05, 2021 7:53 PM)TheGolden Blade Wrote: Chapter 1: Shine my Tigre...
Tadi wakes up*
Tadi’s Mind: Another day, another epic battle. I wonder who I’ll battle today.
Tadi gets dressed*
Tadi’s mind: I should go to the neighborhood championship that’s being hosted today. I just hope I don’t battle weaklings…
Tadi gets bicycle and goes to tournament*
Chad: Look who it is, it’s Tadi. Last time I battled you you didn’t even put a fight.
Tadi: Things have changed now.. I’m not the same I was.
Chad: Woah, so creepy. Welp, I hope you don’t get destroyed today.
Announcer: Okay boys and girls! If you signed up for today’s tournament… you’ll have to qualify to actually play in it. We’ll be doing a strength test momentarily.
Tadi: Piece of cake.
Announcer: Alright so group 1 come do the test!
Group 1 takes test and no one passes*
Announcer: That was unexpected.. Next group!
*All groups but Tadi’s group goes*
Announcer: Alright! The last group
Announcer: There are only 2 more spots.. so give your best!
Tadi: I’m gonna get a spot in the tournament…
A random kid: No I am!
Chad: That spot is mine!
3
2
1
LET IT RIP!
Announcer: Oh my! It looks like Tadi and Chad are in!
Tadi: I knew it.
Chad: Piece of cake.
Announcer: This tournament will consist between 16 bladers!
Announcer: And the first battle of the tournament… will be TADI VS the cat boy AKA IAN!
Ian: Huh? A weak opponent, I’m disappointed.
Tadi: “Cat boy” This is interesting.
Announcer: Bladers.. to the stadium!
Tadi Mind: He’s a stamina type.. then I know just how to attack.
Ian: Let’s do this my Iogar
Ref: Ready SET!
3
2
1
GO SHOOT!
Announcer: Remember that since it’s not the finals, whoever reaches 2 points first wins!
Tadi: Go Tigre!
Ian: Iogar! Do closed stamina launch!
Announcer: Oh? What is this! Tigre is attacking but Iogar doesn’t seem to be moving!
Tadi: GO TIGRE! BITING UPPER!
Ian: IOGAR! DO A FIRE COUNTER!
Bite Tigre rings out*
Ref: Fire Iogar with a ring out finish.. The score is 1-0 to Ian!
Announcer: Can you believe it? Iogar finishes Tigre with class!
Tadi Mind: he’s angered both of us. He has to be punished.
Ref: Second Battle! Ready Set!
3
2
1
GO SHOOT!
Announcer: What is this? Tigre seems a lot taller!
Tadi: You don’t know what this mode does.
Ian: I’ll just use CLOSED STAMINA LAUNCH!
Tadi: GO TIGRE! DESTROY THEM.
Ian: What…?
Tadi: DOWN FIRE BREAKER!
Iogar flies into the air.
Tadi: It’s time for collision! Fire IMPACT!
Ian: Not gonna let you! Staminal dive!
Tigre and Iogar collides*
Tadi: BREAK THEM!
Iogar gets destroyed*
Ian: Iogar..
Ref: Bite Tigre with a burst finish! Tadi is the winner!
Crowd goes silent*
Announcer: That is a brutal finish by Tadi! We’ll continue the battles tomorrow since it’s starting to rain! Adios!
Tadi: You don’t know my true goal.. just wait.
Tadi laughs*
Preview:
Tadi: It’s chad’s turn to battle then.
Tadi: He has gotten stronger for sure!
Chad: Alright corneus finish him off!
Tadi: what move is that?
Tadi: His bey If on fire!
Tadi: Next on beyblade burst.. end of an era: Show them our power corneus!
3
2
1
GO SHOOT!
Try putting your chapter in Spoiler's, it makes it better to read, try spacing out every piece of dialogue also, you can put all the numbers in one dialogue like 3! 2! 1! Go, Shoot! other than that great chapter! It could be longer but awesome start!
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - LegendJustice - Aug. 05, 2021
(Aug. 05, 2021 7:53 PM)TheGolden Blade Wrote: Chapter 1: Shine my Tigre...
Tadi wakes up*
Tadi’s Mind: Another day, another epic battle. I wonder who I’ll battle today.
Tadi gets dressed*
Tadi’s mind: I should go to the neighborhood championship that’s being hosted today. I just hope I don’t battle weaklings…
Tadi gets bicycle and goes to tournament*
Chad: Look who it is, it’s Tadi. Last time I battled you you didn’t even put a fight.
Tadi: Things have changed now.. I’m not the same I was.
Chad: Woah, so creepy. Welp, I hope you don’t get destroyed today.
Announcer: Okay boys and girls! If you signed up for today’s tournament… you’ll have to qualify to actually play in it. We’ll be doing a strength test momentarily.
Tadi: Piece of cake.
Announcer: Alright so group 1 come do the test!
Group 1 takes test and no one passes*
Announcer: That was unexpected.. Next group!
*All groups but Tadi’s group goes*
Announcer: Alright! The last group
Announcer: There are only 2 more spots.. so give your best!
Tadi: I’m gonna get a spot in the tournament…
A random kid: No I am!
Chad: That spot is mine!
3
2
1
LET IT RIP!
Announcer: Oh my! It looks like Tadi and Chad are in!
Tadi: I knew it.
Chad: Piece of cake.
Announcer: This tournament will consist between 16 bladers!
Announcer: And the first battle of the tournament… will be TADI VS the cat boy AKA IAN!
Ian: Huh? A weak opponent, I’m disappointed.
Tadi: “Cat boy” This is interesting.
Announcer: Bladers.. to the stadium!
Tadi Mind: He’s a stamina type.. then I know just how to attack.
Ian: Let’s do this my Iogar
Ref: Ready SET!
3
2
1
GO SHOOT!
Announcer: Remember that since it’s not the finals, whoever reaches 2 points first wins!
Tadi: Go Tigre!
Ian: Iogar! Do closed stamina launch!
Announcer: Oh? What is this! Tigre is attacking but Iogar doesn’t seem to be moving!
Tadi: GO TIGRE! BITING UPPER!
Ian: IOGAR! DO A FIRE COUNTER!
Bite Tigre rings out*
Ref: Fire Iogar with a ring out finish.. The score is 1-0 to Ian!
Announcer: Can you believe it? Iogar finishes Tigre with class!
Tadi Mind: he’s angered both of us. He has to be punished.
Ref: Second Battle! Ready Set!
3
2
1
GO SHOOT!
Announcer: What is this? Tigre seems a lot taller!
Tadi: You don’t know what this mode does.
Ian: I’ll just use CLOSED STAMINA LAUNCH!
Tadi: GO TIGRE! DESTROY THEM.
Ian: What…?
Tadi: DOWN FIRE BREAKER!
Iogar flies into the air.
Tadi: It’s time for collision! Fire IMPACT!
Ian: Not gonna let you! Staminal dive!
Tigre and Iogar collides*
Tadi: BREAK THEM!
Iogar gets destroyed*
Ian: Iogar..
Ref: Bite Tigre with a burst finish! Tadi is the winner!
Crowd goes silent*
Announcer: That is a brutal finish by Tadi! We’ll continue the battles tomorrow since it’s starting to rain! Adios!
Tadi: You don’t know my true goal.. just wait.
Tadi laughs*
Preview:
Tadi: It’s chad’s turn to battle then.
Tadi: He has gotten stronger for sure!
Chad: Alright corneus finish him off!
Tadi: what move is that?
Tadi: His bey If on fire!
Tadi: Next on beyblade burst.. end of an era: Show them our power corneus!
3
2
1
GO SHOOT!
It could be longer try putting spaces and your grammar is pretty and no one knows what happened.... It's just about a kid who goes to a tournament no real plot we don't even know what house there in or warehouse?
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - GenesisBlader - Aug. 05, 2021
same as they said try to add real plot and spaces so that it doesn't feel jumbled together
then work on your grammar and your good!
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - Hollowmind13 - Aug. 05, 2021
My opinion (Btw good to see you back):
Oh look! A button!
Yeah, try spacing dialog, like what I'm doing with the paragraphs.
About the plot, there's 1 tournament, Chad knows Tabi, Tabi is evil and broke a bey... Yeah that's about it, but I guess the plot needs some time to accelerate.
I like how you didn't explained the beys, just said their name and type (making it feel more human, kinda). But it also hurts the fic overall performance so... yeah.
Missing some detail, which is kinda bad...
Don't take anything that I said like I was trying to be mean, just average constructive critisism. Of course (almost) every fic starts bad or not-so-great, but they turn out great.
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - TheGolden Blade - Aug. 05, 2021
Welp I read your comments and I think this chapter gonna be better but here we go:
Chapter 2: Show then our power corneus
The next day…
Announcer: All right! We’ll now be continuing the tournament! This is going epic so far!
Announcer: And now, we’ll be continuing the battles so let it rip!
Battles continue*
Announcer: And now, for the final battle! We have our current neighborhood champion… Chad!
Chad: Alright it’s time to beat newbies up.
Announcer: But he’s facing a strong opponent, the one and only.. Shakira!
Shakira: Heh.
Announcer: Alright let the battle start!
Ref: Ready! Set!
All: 3! 2! 1! GOOO SHOOT!
Chad: Alright beat him up Flight Corneus!
Shakira: Kayakus Slepiosus doesn’t lose that easily.
Chad: We’ll see about that!
Shakira: AHHHH GIVE HIM SLEEP DRAIN!
Announcer: Oh! What is this? Shakira is stealing a move from the legend himself Free De La Hoya!
Chad: Hmm, I know how to get out of this.
Chad: CORNEUS! FLY!
Shakira: Hmm, use your counter move now slepiosus!
Announcer: WOW! he sends Corneus into the air! But is that what Chad wanted!
Chad: Yes it was!
Chad: AAAAAAAAAA CORNEUS DIVE!
Announcer: He’s hit Slepiosus from the top! Is it gonna be a burst?
Chad: AAAAA BURST!
Slepiosus bursts*
Ref: Flight Corneus with a burst finish! The score is 2-0 and Chad wins!
Announcer: What a finish! There are now 8 bladers left! We will be picking up tomorrow! Bye!
1 hour later…
???: Hey you.
Chad: Who was that?
Chad: Is it…
Valt: Hello!
Valt: I was watching your battle, nice bey you have there.
Chad: Thanks!
Valt: You know where I can find Tadi?
Chad: I believe he went home. Why?
Valt: I saw his battle too… He destroyed the opponent’s bey on purpose.
Chad: Oh.
Chad: Valt, You said I’m strong right?
Valt: Yeah!
Chad: Then battle me!
Valt: Alright, let’s do this.
Valt and Chad: 3! 2! 1! GOO SHOOT!
Valt: This is my Heroic Valkyrie!
Chad: Truly an amazing bey!
Chad: But we’re gonna finish you off! GOOOO CORNEUS!
Chad: Send him to the air with FLYING UPPER!
Valt: Let’s see what you got! AAAA VALKRYIE!
Chad: That aura..,
Valt: Let’s go partner…
Voice echoes*
Valt: DOUBLE HEROE SLASH!!
Corneus bursts in one hit*
Chad: But how?
Valt: We had a nice battle!
Chad: I have got to get stronger.
Valt: I’m still worried about Tadi though.
Valt: The way he resonates with his bey… It’s similar to Lane Valhalla…
Chad: Who is that?
Valt: He is a strong blader.. He was on the wrong path but luckily he changed paths and found the true meaning of blading..
Chad: What is the true meaning?
Valt: I can’t answer that for you. You’ll have to answer it yourself.
Chad: Hmm, alright.
Valt: Well! I’m heading out! Bye!
Chad: Bye!
Chad Mind: I need intense training to get on his level… He truly is a legend.
Tadi: You what? You battled Valt aoi?
Chad: He’s so strong!
Tadi: I have got to battle him
Tadi: Valt battle me!
Valt: Let’s do this!
Next in Beyblade Burst… End of an Era
Valt vs Tadi!
3! 2! 1! Go shoot!
Feel free to ask questions about the fanfic c:
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - GenesisBlader - Aug. 05, 2021
(Aug. 05, 2021 10:56 PM)TheGolden Blade Wrote: Welp I read your comments and I think this chapter gonna be better but here we go:
Chapter 2: Show then our power corneus
The next day…
Announcer: All right! We’ll now be continuing the tournament! This is going epic so far!
Announcer: And now, we’ll be continuing the battles so let it rip!
Battles continue*
Announcer: And now, for the final battle! We have our current neighborhood champion… Chad!
Chad: Alright it’s time to beat newbies up.
Announcer: But he’s facing a strong opponent, the one and only.. Shakira!
Shakira: Heh.
Announcer: Alright let the battle start!
Ref: Ready! Set!
All: 3! 2! 1! GOOO SHOOT!
Chad: Alright beat him up Flight Corneus!
Shakira: Kayakus Slepiosus doesn’t lose that easily.
Chad: We’ll see about that!
Shakira: AHHHH GIVE HIM SLEEP DRAIN!
Announcer: Oh! What is this? Shakira is stealing a move from the legend himself Free De La Hoya!
Chad: Hmm, I know how to get out of this.
Chad: CORNEUS! FLY!
Shakira: Hmm, use your counter move now slepiosus!
Announcer: WOW! he sends Corneus into the air! But is that what Chad wanted!
Chad: Yes it was!
Chad: AAAAAAAAAA CORNEUS DIVE!
Announcer: He’s hit Slepiosus from the top! Is it gonna be a burst?
Chad: AAAAA BURST!
Slepiosus bursts*
Ref: Flight Corneus with a burst finish! The score is 2-0 and Chad wins!
Announcer: What a finish! There are now 8 bladers left! We will be picking up tomorrow! Bye!
1 hour later…
???: Hey you.
Chad: Who was that?
Chad: Is it…
Valt: Hello!
Valt: I was watching your battle, nice bey you have there.
Chad: Thanks!
Valt: You know where I can find Tadi?
Chad: I believe he went home. Why?
Valt: I saw his battle too… He destroyed the opponent’s bey on purpose.
Chad: Oh.
Chad: Valt, You said I’m strong right?
Valt: Yeah!
Chad: Then battle me!
Valt: Alright, let’s do this.
Valt and Chad: 3! 2! 1! GOO SHOOT!
Valt: This is my Heroic Valkyrie!
Chad: Truly an amazing bey!
Chad: But we’re gonna finish you off! GOOOO CORNEUS!
Chad: Send him to the air with FLYING UPPER!
Valt: Let’s see what you got! AAAA VALKRYIE!
Chad: That aura..,
Valt: Let’s go partner…
Voice echoes*
Valt: DOUBLE HEROE SLASH!!
Corneus bursts in one hit*
Chad: But how?
Valt: We had a nice battle!
Chad: I have got to get stronger.
Valt: I’m still worried about Tadi though.
Valt: The way he resonates with his bey… It’s similar to Lane Valhalla…
Chad: Who is that?
Valt: He is a strong blader.. He was on the wrong path but luckily he changed paths and found the true meaning of blading..
Chad: What is the true meaning?
Valt: I can’t answer that for you. You’ll have to answer it yourself.
Chad: Hmm, alright.
Valt: Well! I’m heading out! Bye!
Chad: Bye!
Chad Mind: I need intense training to get on his level… He truly is a legend.
Tadi: You what? You battled Valt aoi?
Chad: He’s so strong!
Tadi: I have got to battle him
Tadi: Valt battle me!
Valt: Let’s do this!
Next in Beyblade Burst… End of an Era
Valt vs Tadi!
3! 2! 1! Go shoot!
Feel free to ask questions about the fanfic c:
nice episode definitely improved from last one 
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - Hollowmind13 - Aug. 05, 2021
(Aug. 05, 2021 10:56 PM)TheGolden Blade Wrote: Welp I read your comments and I think this chapter gonna be better but here we go:
Chapter 2: Show then our power corneus
The next day…
Announcer: All right! We’ll now be continuing the tournament! This is going epic so far!
Announcer: And now, we’ll be continuing the battles so let it rip!
Battles continue*
Announcer: And now, for the final battle! We have our current neighborhood champion… Chad!
Chad: Alright it’s time to beat newbies up.
Announcer: But he’s facing a strong opponent, the one and only.. Shakira!
Shakira: Heh.
Announcer: Alright let the battle start!
Ref: Ready! Set!
All: 3! 2! 1! GOOO SHOOT!
Chad: Alright beat him up Flight Corneus!
Shakira: Kayakus Slepiosus doesn’t lose that easily.
Chad: We’ll see about that!
Shakira: AHHHH GIVE HIM SLEEP DRAIN!
Announcer: Oh! What is this? Shakira is stealing a move from the legend himself Free De La Hoya!
Chad: Hmm, I know how to get out of this.
Chad: CORNEUS! FLY!
Shakira: Hmm, use your counter move now slepiosus!
Announcer: WOW! he sends Corneus into the air! But is that what Chad wanted!
Chad: Yes it was!
Chad: AAAAAAAAAA CORNEUS DIVE!
Announcer: He’s hit Slepiosus from the top! Is it gonna be a burst?
Chad: AAAAA BURST!
Slepiosus bursts*
Ref: Flight Corneus with a burst finish! The score is 2-0 and Chad wins!
Announcer: What a finish! There are now 8 bladers left! We will be picking up tomorrow! Bye!
1 hour later…
???: Hey you.
Chad: Who was that?
Chad: Is it…
Valt: Hello!
Valt: I was watching your battle, nice bey you have there.
Chad: Thanks!
Valt: You know where I can find Tadi?
Chad: I believe he went home. Why?
Valt: I saw his battle too… He destroyed the opponent’s bey on purpose.
Chad: Oh.
Chad: Valt, You said I’m strong right?
Valt: Yeah!
Chad: Then battle me!
Valt: Alright, let’s do this.
Valt and Chad: 3! 2! 1! GOO SHOOT!
Valt: This is my Heroic Valkyrie!
Chad: Truly an amazing bey!
Chad: But we’re gonna finish you off! GOOOO CORNEUS!
Chad: Send him to the air with FLYING UPPER!
Valt: Let’s see what you got! AAAA VALKRYIE!
Chad: That aura..,
Valt: Let’s go partner…
Voice echoes*
Valt: DOUBLE HEROE SLASH!!
Corneus bursts in one hit*
Chad: But how?
Valt: We had a nice battle!
Chad: I have got to get stronger.
Valt: I’m still worried about Tadi though.
Valt: The way he resonates with his bey… It’s similar to Lane Valhalla…
Chad: Who is that?
Valt: He is a strong blader.. He was on the wrong path but luckily he changed paths and found the true meaning of blading..
Chad: What is the true meaning?
Valt: I can’t answer that for you. You’ll have to answer it yourself.
Chad: Hmm, alright.
Valt: Well! I’m heading out! Bye!
Chad: Bye!
Chad Mind: I need intense training to get on his level… He truly is a legend.
Tadi: You what? You battled Valt aoi?
Chad: He’s so strong!
Tadi: I have got to battle him
Tadi: Valt battle me!
Valt: Let’s do this!
Next in Beyblade Burst… End of an Era
Valt vs Tadi!
3! 2! 1! Go shoot!
Feel free to ask questions about the fanfic c:
Question: will you explain the beys later? (btw nice chapter)
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - UnseenBurst - Aug. 05, 2021
(Aug. 05, 2021 10:56 PM)TheGolden Blade Wrote: Welp I read your comments and I think this chapter gonna be better but here we go:
Chapter 2: Show then our power corneus
The next day…
Announcer: All right! We’ll now be continuing the tournament! This is going epic so far!
Announcer: And now, we’ll be continuing the battles so let it rip!
Battles continue*
Announcer: And now, for the final battle! We have our current neighborhood champion… Chad!
Chad: Alright it’s time to beat newbies up.
Announcer: But he’s facing a strong opponent, the one and only.. Shakira!
Shakira: Heh.
Announcer: Alright let the battle start!
Ref: Ready! Set!
All: 3! 2! 1! GOOO SHOOT!
Chad: Alright beat him up Flight Corneus!
Shakira: Kayakus Slepiosus doesn’t lose that easily.
Chad: We’ll see about that!
Shakira: AHHHH GIVE HIM SLEEP DRAIN!
Announcer: Oh! What is this? Shakira is stealing a move from the legend himself Free De La Hoya!
Chad: Hmm, I know how to get out of this.
Chad: CORNEUS! FLY!
Shakira: Hmm, use your counter move now slepiosus!
Announcer: WOW! he sends Corneus into the air! But is that what Chad wanted!
Chad: Yes it was!
Chad: AAAAAAAAAA CORNEUS DIVE!
Announcer: He’s hit Slepiosus from the top! Is it gonna be a burst?
Chad: AAAAA BURST!
Slepiosus bursts*
Ref: Flight Corneus with a burst finish! The score is 2-0 and Chad wins!
Announcer: What a finish! There are now 8 bladers left! We will be picking up tomorrow! Bye!
1 hour later…
???: Hey you.
Chad: Who was that?
Chad: Is it…
Valt: Hello!
Valt: I was watching your battle, nice bey you have there.
Chad: Thanks!
Valt: You know where I can find Tadi?
Chad: I believe he went home. Why?
Valt: I saw his battle too… He destroyed the opponent’s bey on purpose.
Chad: Oh.
Chad: Valt, You said I’m strong right?
Valt: Yeah!
Chad: Then battle me!
Valt: Alright, let’s do this.
Valt and Chad: 3! 2! 1! GOO SHOOT!
Valt: This is my Heroic Valkyrie!
Chad: Truly an amazing bey!
Chad: But we’re gonna finish you off! GOOOO CORNEUS!
Chad: Send him to the air with FLYING UPPER!
Valt: Let’s see what you got! AAAA VALKRYIE!
Chad: That aura..,
Valt: Let’s go partner…
Voice echoes*
Valt: DOUBLE HEROE SLASH!!
Corneus bursts in one hit*
Chad: But how?
Valt: We had a nice battle!
Chad: I have got to get stronger.
Valt: I’m still worried about Tadi though.
Valt: The way he resonates with his bey… It’s similar to Lane Valhalla…
Chad: Who is that?
Valt: He is a strong blader.. He was on the wrong path but luckily he changed paths and found the true meaning of blading..
Chad: What is the true meaning?
Valt: I can’t answer that for you. You’ll have to answer it yourself.
Chad: Hmm, alright.
Valt: Well! I’m heading out! Bye!
Chad: Bye!
Chad Mind: I need intense training to get on his level… He truly is a legend.
Tadi: You what? You battled Valt aoi?
Chad: He’s so strong!
Tadi: I have got to battle him
Tadi: Valt battle me!
Valt: Let’s do this!
Next in Beyblade Burst… End of an Era
Valt vs Tadi!
3! 2! 1! Go shoot!
Feel free to ask questions about the fanfic c:
This chapter was really good! A major improvement just some grammar problems (Heroic Valkyrie sounds familiar) overall nice chapter! 7/10 Could use a bit of work but overall nice chapter! (Tadi, my man, don't go down the dark path)
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - LegendJustice - Aug. 05, 2021
Dang! you improved fast! So 7/10 it was missing some grammar problems but the there is Just plot there are some parts people don't understand (mostlikely me) and then there's that fact valt can out of no we're but you have an explanation so that's goo!
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - UnseenBurst - Aug. 05, 2021
TheGolden Blade I recommend doing a Chapter about Tadi that gives more background on him and his character
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - TheGolden Blade - Aug. 06, 2021
Guys, I’ll do special chapters explaining a character’s backstory or something if you want it just tell me.
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - TheGolden Blade - Aug. 08, 2021
Chapter 3: Valt vs Tadi!
Tadi wakes up*
Tadi: Time to get dressed.
Tadi dresses and leaves*
Tadi: I will call Chad, I’ll see if he’s up for a battle
Chad: No need for that, I’m right behind you.
Tadi: Oh, hey man.
Chad: You won’t believe what happened.
Tadi: Everything is possible in this world.
Chad: Okay, so, I battled Valt aoi!
Tadi: You what!?
Chad: I know.
Tadi: Show me where he is, I have got to battle him.
Chad: Woah, hang on. He’s a legend, you won’t beat him without intense training.
Tadi: You’re right.
Tadi: But there’s no time for that, I need to battle him.
Chad: Don’t say I didn’t want you when you lose.
Tadi: Just because you lost doesn’t mean I will.
Chad: Hmm.
Tadi: Now I’m going to go find him, bye.
Chad: Bye.
Tadi: Now where can he be?
Tadi: I think he is at the stadium down the street,
Tadi walks until stadium*
Tadi: Well, there he is.
Tadi: Valt.
Valt: Hello, you’re Tadi right?
Tadi: Yes, and I want to battle you.
Valt: Alright let’s do this.
Tadi: Since we’re at the stadium let’s make it official.
Tadi: We’ll battle in 1 hour!
1 hour later*
Announcer: Okay boys and girls! The time you’ve been all waiting for has arrived! It’s Tadi vs the legend.. Valt Aoi!
Tadi: I need to beat him.
Valt: Let’s do this partner.
Announcer: Bladers, get ready to battle!
Ref: Ready, set!
All: 3! 2! 1!
Valt and Tadi: Go shoot!
Tadi: Go Tigre! Destroy them.
Valt: Our Valkyrie won’t lose that easily!
Tadi: I… will.. break it.
*Heartbeats*
Valt is shocked*
Tadi: AAAAAAAAAAA.
Valt: Valkyrie! Start with Rush shoot!
Tadi: It’s time to resonate!
Tadi eyes turn purple*
Tadi: TIGRE! USE OUR NEW MOVE! FINAL BITE!
Valkyrie and Tigre collides*
Valt: Go Valkryie!
Tadi: AAAAAAAA.
Valkryie rings out*
Ref: Bite Tigre with a ring out finish, the score is 0-1
Crowd cheers*
Announcer: Wow! Valt is currently losing this battle! Will the wonder boy lose?
Valt: We won’t let blading be done this way, right Valkryie?
Valkryie shines*
Valt’s voice echoes*
Valt: Let’s do this Valkryie!
Tadi: Next round is ours! Two more points and we win!
Ref: Ready, set!
All: 3! 2! 1!
Valt and Tadi: Go shoot!
Announcer: Valkryie is off with some amazing speed!
Valt: Show them what you got Valkryie!
Valt: Ultra Flash Shoot!
Announcer: Valkryie is using a flash shoot!
Tadi: That won’t stop my Tigre… AAAAAAAA
Tadi: Tigre shoot!
Valt: Now go ahead and burst them… VALKRYIE!
Valt resonates with Valkryie*
Valt: It’s our turn to fight back now!
Tadi: Alright then, AAAAAAA.
Tadi: Go for a FINAL BITE!
Both beys collide*
Announcer: LOOK AT THAT ENERGY!
Valt and Tadi: AAAAAAA!
Tigre rings out*
Ref: Heroic Valkryie with a ring out finish! The score is 1-1!
Crowd cheers*
Announcer: The wonder boy has made an incredible come back!
Tadi: I refuse to lose..
Tadi in low voice: I. Will. Break. Valkryie.
(END)
Tadi: Let’s do this Tigre! We will win!
Valt: Go Valkryie!
Tadi: Huh! What move is that?
Valt: Now, we’ll burst them!
Next in beyblade burst… End of an Era:
Valkryie! Get them!
3! 2! 1! Go shoot!
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - UnseenBurst - Aug. 08, 2021
(Aug. 08, 2021 5:40 AM)TheGolden Blade Wrote: Chapter 3: Valt vs Tadi!
Tadi wakes up*
Tadi: Time to get dressed.
Tadi dresses and leaves*
Tadi: I will call Chad, I’ll see if he’s up for a battle
Chad: No need for that, I’m right behind you.
Tadi: Oh, hey man.
Chad: You won’t believe what happened.
Tadi: Everything is possible in this world.
Chad: Okay, so, I battled Valt aoi!
Tadi: You what!?
Chad: I know.
Tadi: Show me where he is, I have got to battle him.
Chad: Woah, hang on. He’s a legend, you won’t beat him without intense training.
Tadi: You’re right.
Tadi: But there’s no time for that, I need to battle him.
Chad: Don’t say I didn’t want you when you lose.
Tadi: Just because you lost doesn’t mean I will.
Chad: Hmm.
Tadi: Now I’m going to go find him, bye.
Chad: Bye.
Tadi: Now where can he be?
Tadi: I think he is at the stadium down the street,
Tadi walks until stadium*
Tadi: Well, there he is.
Tadi: Valt.
Valt: Hello, you’re Tadi right?
Tadi: Yes, and I want to battle you.
Valt: Alright let’s do this.
Tadi: Since we’re at the stadium let’s make it official.
Tadi: We’ll battle in 1 hour!
1 hour later*
Announcer: Okay boys and girls! The time you’ve been all waiting for has arrived! It’s Tadi vs the legend.. Valt Aoi!
Tadi: I need to beat him.
Valt: Let’s do this partner.
Announcer: Bladers, get ready to battle!
Ref: Ready, set!
All: 3! 2! 1!
Valt and Tadi: Go shoot!
Tadi: Go Tigre! Destroy them.
Valt: Our Valkyrie won’t lose that easily!
Tadi: I… will.. break it.
*Heartbeats*
Valt is shocked*
Tadi: AAAAAAAAAAA.
Valt: Valkyrie! Start with Rush shoot!
Tadi: It’s time to resonate!
Tadi eyes turn purple*
Tadi: TIGRE! USE OUR NEW MOVE! FINAL BITE!
Valkyrie and Tigre collides*
Valt: Go Valkryie!
Tadi: AAAAAAAA.
Valkryie rings out*
Ref: Bite Tigre with a ring out finish, the score is 0-1
Crowd cheers*
Announcer: Wow! Valt is currently losing this battle! Will the wonder boy lose?
Valt: We won’t let blading be done this way, right Valkryie?
Valkryie shines*
Valt’s voice echoes*
Valt: Let’s do this Valkryie!
Tadi: Next round is ours! Two more points and we win!
Ref: Ready, set!
All: 3! 2! 1!
Valt and Tadi: Go shoot!
Announcer: Valkryie is off with some amazing speed!
Valt: Show them what you got Valkryie!
Valt: Ultra Flash Shoot!
Announcer: Valkryie is using a flash shoot!
Tadi: That won’t stop my Tigre… AAAAAAAA
Tadi: Tigre shoot!
Valt: Now go ahead and burst them… VALKRYIE!
Valt resonates with Valkryie*
Valt: It’s our turn to fight back now!
Tadi: Alright then, AAAAAAA.
Tadi: Go for a FINAL BITE!
Both beys collide*
Announcer: LOOK AT THAT ENERGY!
Valt and Tadi: AAAAAAA!
Tigre rings out*
Ref: Heroic Valkryie with a ring out finish! The score is 1-1!
Crowd cheers*
Announcer: The wonder boy has made an incredible come back!
Tadi: I refuse to lose..
Tadi in low voice: I. Will. Break. Valkryie.
(END)
Tadi: Let’s do this Tigre! We will win!
Valt: Go Valkryie!
Tadi: Huh! What move is that?
Valt: Now, we’ll burst them!
Next in beyblade burst… End of an Era:
Valkryie! Get them!
3! 2! 1! Go shoot!
Tadi: I'm gonna win
*5 $econds later*
Tigre bursts
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - TheGolden Blade - Aug. 08, 2021
Guys after the tournament ends what do you guys want to see?
A- Tadi on the path to become the strongest alone
B- Tadi joins a club to get stronger
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - Dragon Blader Z - Aug. 08, 2021
B of course cause Tadi needs someone to train with to become strong
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - UnseenBurst - Aug. 08, 2021
(Aug. 08, 2021 6:17 PM)TheGolden Blade Wrote: Guys after the tournament ends what do you guys want to see?
A- Tadi on the path to become the strongest alone
B- Tadi joins a club to get stronger
B would make way better character development (But don't make him willing to join, it'll kill the development)
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - LegendJustice - Aug. 08, 2021
(Aug. 08, 2021 6:17 PM)TheGolden Blade Wrote: Guys after the tournament ends what do you guys want to see?
A- Tadi on the path to become the strongest alone
B- Tadi joins a club to get stronger
B it will help with character devolvement
RE: Beyblade burst.. End of an Era - TheGolden Blade - Aug. 11, 2021
Chapter 4: Valkryie! Get them!
Announcer: Okay boys and girls! That was an amazing second round!
Valt: It sure was!
Announcer: The score is 1-1! Who will be the winner of this epic battle?
Tadi: I will.
Announcer: We will now begin the third battle!
Ref: Ready! Set!
All: 3! 2! 1!
Valt and Tadi: Go shoot!
Tadi: Go Tigre! Burst them!
Valt: Valkryie! Rush shoot!
Tadi: Tigre shoot!
Announcer: This is a battle between two attack types! What will be the outcome?
Tadi: I’ve worked too hard to lose. LET’S GO TIGRE!
Tadi resonates with Tigre*
Valt: AHHHHH VALKRYIE!!!
Tadi: BREAK THEM TIGRE!
Valt: Don’t go down this path Tadi!
Tadi: I feel power, but I want more.. MORE!
Valt: Valkryie will show you how to blade!
Valt: FLASH SHOOT!
Tadi: That move won’t work on us again!
Tadi: Go Tigre! Bite Impact!
Announcer: They both collide! What will happen?
Valt and Tadi: AAAAAAAAAA!
Announcer: Tigre gets sent into the air! Will this be a ring out finish!
Tadi: Rise Tigre! Show them what you’ve got!
Announcer: And.. Tigre hangs on!
Tadi: NOW GET THEM!
Tadi: GO TIGRE!
Valt: VALKRYIE!
Tadi: FINAL BITE!
Valt: Do it now!
Announcer: What!? Valkryie is picking up speed!
Valkryie dodges Tigre*
Announcer: Amazing! Valkryie has dodged Tigre!
Tadi: What?
Announcer: Tigre hits the wall and is now unbalanced!
Valt: AHHHH VALKRYIE!
Valt: Heroic Flash Slash!
Valkryie collides with Tigre!
Tadi: Survive Tigre!
Tigre gets sent to the air and burst*
Ref: Heroic Valkryie, with a burst finish. The final score is 3-1! And Valt Aoi is the winner!
Crowd cheers*
Announcer: WOOOO! The wonder boy has done it with style!
Tadi: But how?
Tadi runs*
Valt: Wait Tadi!
Valt: It’s too late, he’s gone.
1 hour later…
Tadi: How did I lose? I fought with all my strength.
Tadi: We have to resonate more Tigre.
Chad: Hey, I saw your battle.
Tadi: Hm.
Chad: You put up a good fight.
Tadi: I guess.
Chad: Hey, you up for a battle?
Tadi: Sure.
Both: Ready! Set! 3! 2! 1! Go shoot!
Tadi: Go Tigre!
Chad: Burst them Corneus!
Tadi: Tigre Shoot!
Chad: Corneus Shoot!
Both beys ring out*
Tadi: Oh.
Chad: Again!
Both: Let it rip!
Tadi: Go Tigre!
Chad: Go Corneus!
Both beys collide and ring out finish*
Tadi: Again?
Both: Let it rip!
Tadi and Chad battle for 100 times and all of them end up in a simultaneous ring out finish*
Chad: I’m exhausted.
Tadi: Same.
Chad: I think we should battle tomorrow.
Tadi: Alright, when tomorrow?
Chad: After the tournament..
Tadi: Deal, meet me here after the tournament.
Chad: Well then, I’m going home, bye.
Tadi: Bye.
Tadi: Tigre..
Tadi’s heartbeat increases*
Tadi: We will become the greatest ever, and complete our goal.
Tadi: What we plan on doing to blading.. is far worse then what they imagine.
Tadi: Ok, it’s the Quarter Finals of the Tournament!
Tadi: I got a pretty tough, opponent, but I’ll beat him.
Tadi: Me and Tigre will resonate more and become the greatest ever.
Valt: Tadi, do this battke the right way.
Tadi: It looks like Valt is watching me battle!
Next on Beyblade burst… End of an Era:
Quarter Finals! An insane battle!
3!
2!
1!
Go shoot!
Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you guys, Tadi is going to have a pet.
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