RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - sushiroll1234 - May. 03, 2021
is the contest over?
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - DeltaZakuro - May. 03, 2021
(May. 03, 2021 3:03 AM)sushiroll1234 Wrote: is the contest over?
Read the last post.
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - sushiroll1234 - May. 03, 2021
(May. 03, 2021 3:05 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: (May. 03, 2021 3:03 AM)sushiroll1234 Wrote: is the contest over?
Read the last post.
okie
Name: Alex Scott
Gender: Male
Age: 15
Height: 6'3
Hair Color: turquoise blue
Eye Color: blue
Beyblade Name: Tidal Aegaon Wave, Zenith', zephyr'M
Beyblade Parts:
Tidal-a 4 winged attack type ring with attack points shaped like sharp rolling waves.
Wave- a ring that lines up with the sharp edges of the tidal ring and looks like rolling waves but less sharp then tidal's design.
Zenith'- a bigger version of Zenith and with 4 points instead of 3
Zephyr'M- zephyr' but with a metal tip
Beyblade Type: attack
Appearance: a skinny figure,white skin, a black shirt with a leather jacket on top, a charm on his neck (all details besides eye and hair color)
Personality: pretty chill(a knock-off free 🤣) in battle can get pretty heated and s e r i o u s, takes pity,respectable
Special Moves: Rage of the sea, Tidal crash, tidal charge,
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - Ryuga's Son - May. 03, 2021
(May. 03, 2021 2:57 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: (May. 03, 2021 2:55 AM)Ryuga's Son Wrote: When will winners be announced?
Contest ends May 14th and I'm gonna need at least a week or 2 afterwards to decide the winners.
Okay makes sense. Thanks for responding.
(May. 03, 2021 2:57 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: (May. 03, 2021 2:55 AM)Ryuga's Son Wrote: When will winners be announced?
Contest ends May 14th and I'm gonna need at least a week or 2 afterwards to decide the winners.
Okay makes sense. Thanks for responding.
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - DeltaZakuro - May. 04, 2021
Prologue (WBO Exclusive)
~it had been many years since the Victories dub over HELL. Arthur who was now in his 20's was absolutely sulking in his tower. a girl who was several years younger than him was standing in the corner, awaiting Arthurs orders~
Arthur: GOD DAMMIT!!!! WE LOST AGAIN!!!!
~Arthur pounded his fists against the table in absolute rage~
Arthur: Alena!!
Alena: Yes, King Arthur?
Arthur: Prepare the stadium! i have more training to do!!
*Alena prepared the stadium and stood in front of it, much to Arthurs surprise*
Arthur: just what are you doing?
Alena: its been a very long time since we've battled. do you think your Prime Apocalypse can keep up with my Crusher Anahel?!
Arthur: i believe it can! theres nothing my Apocalypse cant accomplish!
Alena: Is that so?
*both bladers took positions*
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!
*Both beys landed in the stadium as Apocalypse was spinning at top speed*
Arthur: i'll finish this in one blow!!! End Blaster!!
*the sword of Apocalypse glowed as it approached Anahel who was doing a tight flower pattern aimlessly*
Alena: *grins wickedly*
*the attack landed but Anahel was hardly affected by it at all, it then began to speed up thanks to the rubber on its driver*
Arthur: How did-?
Alena: My turn!! Attack!!!
*Anahels blades glistened as it fired a deadly barrage of attacks on Apocalypse and since Anahel was so much heavier, the attacks were dealing serious damage*
Arthur: Im impressed, you have some skill but it wont be enough to save you! Go forth Apocalypse!!
*Apocalypse escaped as it entered Dark Turbo*
Arthur: I'll end this here! Prime Reboot!!
*Apocalypse began speeding up too as it prepared to unleash its final attack*
Alena: *Yells out* Destroy them Anahel!!
*Anahel turned gold before it turned to darkness*
Arthur: W-What is that?!?
Alena: Break to oblivion!! Crusher Death!!!
*the 3 plastic and 3 rubber blades on Anahel glowed accelerated towards Apocalypse
Arthur: Big Bang Slash!!
*Anahel and Apocalypse clashed as bolts of purple and black shot throughout the room and then...*
Crack!
Arthur: NO!
*Multiple cracks began to form in Apocalypse's layer as Anahel began pushing back*
Alena: Now you break! Finish!
*Anahel pushed through Apocalypse as fragments of its layer flew in front of Arthurs face*
Arthur: Impossible.. Apocalypse...
*Alena who showed no remorse went over to Arthurs desk and kicked over the chair as she stared down at the record button*
Arthur: What are you doing? Get away from there!!
*Ignoring him, Alena pressed the record button and her message was now live all over the world*
Alena: *Speaking to the camera* Bladers of the blading world! i am Alena Yagami, i am a former member of the now disbanded organization HELL! i have a declaration, with HELL out of the way i will rule the world with this Angel Bey: Crusher Anahel!! i have successfully decimated Arthur Percival's Prime Apocalypse and i will precede to do the same to any remaining HELL Members! This is my warning to the blading world as a whole! Nobody come after me, if you do then you will feel Anahels true wrath!
*She held her bey to the camera*
Alena: This Anahel will break all who challenges it so be warned: if you wish to battle me, then your bey will not make it out alive!
~Alena was practically shouting at this point~
Alena: HELL IS OVER!!! MY REIGN OF TERROR STARTS NOW!!!
*She slams the record button with her fist and the haunting recording ends, she turns heel and leaves*
*Arthur picked up the pieces of his Apocalypse as he watched Alena eradicate the remaining members of HELL*
~Alena finished and she walked out the door and stared down at Anahel who was glowing with a dark aura, amused by this; Alena puts her bey away and leaves into the vast blading world~
Episode 1 releases June 25th
PinkRose @tenma thoughts?
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - sushiroll1234 - May. 04, 2021
(May. 03, 2021 3:07 AM)sushiroll1234 Wrote: (May. 03, 2021 3:05 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Read the last post.
okie
Name: Alex Scott
Gender: Male
Age: 15
Height: 6'3
Hair Color: turquoise blue
Eye Color: blue
Beyblade Name: Tidal Aegaon Wave, Zenith', zephyr'M
Beyblade Parts:
Tidal-a 4 winged attack type ring with attack points shaped like sharp rolling waves.
Wave- a ring that lines up with the sharp edges of the tidal ring and looks like rolling waves but less sharp then tidal's design.
Zenith'- a bigger version of Zenith
Zephyr'M- zephyr' but with a metal tip
Beyblade Type: attack
Appearance: a skinny figure,white skin, a black shirt with a leather jacket on top, a charm on his neck (all details besides eye and hair color)
Personality: pretty chill(a knock-off free 🤣) in battle can get pretty heated and s e r i o u s, takes pity,respectable
Special Moves: Rage of the sea, Tidal crash, tidal charge, btw- i would prefer ale to be a protagonist/ a good boi
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - DeltaZakuro - May. 04, 2021
(May. 04, 2021 12:26 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue (WBO Exclusive)
~it had been many years since the Victories dub over HELL. Arthur who was now in his 20's was absolutely sulking in his tower. a girl who was several years younger than him was standing in the corner, awaiting Arthurs orders~
Arthur: GOD DAMMIT!!!! WE LOST AGAIN!!!!
~Arthur pounded his fists against the table in absolute rage~
Arthur: Alena!!
Alena: Yes, King Arthur?
Arthur: Prepare the stadium! i have more training to do!!
*Alena prepared the stadium and stood in front of it, much to Arthurs surprise*
Arthur: just what are you doing?
Alena: its been a very long time since we've battled. do you think your Prime Apocalypse can keep up with my Crusher Anahel?!
Arthur: i believe it can! theres nothing my Apocalypse cant accomplish!
Alena: Is that so?
*both bladers took positions*
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!
*Both beys landed in the stadium as Apocalypse was spinning at top speed*
Arthur: i'll finish this in one blow!!! End Blaster!!
*the sword of Apocalypse glowed as it approached Anahel who was doing a tight flower pattern aimlessly*
Alena: *grins wickedly*
*the attack landed but Anahel was hardly affected by it at all, it then began to speed up thanks to the rubber on its driver*
Arthur: How did-?
Alena: My turn!! Attack!!!
*Anahels blades glistened as it fired a deadly barrage of attacks on Apocalypse and since Anahel was so much heavier, the attacks were dealing serious damage*
Arthur: Im impressed, you have some skill but it wont be enough to save you! Go forth Apocalypse!!
*Apocalypse escaped as it entered Dark Turbo*
Arthur: I'll end this here! Prime Reboot!!
*Apocalypse began speeding up too as it prepared to unleash its final attack*
Alena: *Yells out* Destroy them Anahel!!
*Anahel turned gold before it turned to darkness*
Arthur: W-What is that?!?
Alena: Break to oblivion!! Crusher Death!!!
*the 3 plastic and 3 rubber blades on Anahel glowed accelerated towards Apocalypse
Arthur: Big Bang Slash!!
*Anahel and Apocalypse clashed as bolts of purple and black shot throughout the room and then...*
Crack!
Arthur: NO!
*Multiple cracks began to form in Apocalypse's layer as Anahel began pushing back*
Alena: Now you break! Finish!
*Anahel pushed through Apocalypse as fragments of its layer flew in front of Arthurs face*
Arthur: Impossible.. Apocalypse...
*Alena who showed no remorse went over to Arthurs desk and kicked over the chair as she stared down at the record button*
Arthur: What are you doing? Get away from there!!
*Ignoring him, Alena pressed the record button and her message was now live all over the world*
Alena: *Speaking to the camera* Bladers of the blading world! i am Alena Yagami, i am a former member of the now disbanded organization HELL! i have a declaration, with HELL out of the way i will rule the world with this Angel Bey: Crusher Anahel!! i have successfully decimated Arthur Percival's Prime Apocalypse and i will precede to do the same to any remaining HELL Members! This is my warning to the blading world as a whole! Nobody come after me, if you do then you will feel Anahels true wrath!
*She held her bey to the camera*
Alena: This Anahel will break all who challenges it so be warned: if you wish to battle me, then your bey will not make it out alive!
~Alena was practically shouting at this point~
Alena: HELL IS OVER!!! MY REIGN OF TERROR STARTS NOW!!!
*She slams the record button with her fist and the haunting recording ends, she turns heel and leaves*
*Arthur picked up the pieces of his Apocalypse as he watched Alena eradicate the remaining members of HELL*
~Alena finished and she walked out the door and stared down at Anahel who was glowing with a dark aura, amused by this; Alena puts her bey away and leaves into the vast blading world~
Episode 1 releases June 25th
PinkRose @tenma thoughts?
Potential Part 2? maybe.
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - i'm batman - May. 04, 2021
(May. 04, 2021 12:26 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue (WBO Exclusive)
~it had been many years since the Victories dub over HELL. Arthur who was now in his 20's was absolutely sulking in his tower. a girl who was several years younger than him was standing in the corner, awaiting Arthurs orders~
Arthur: GOD DAMMIT!!!! WE LOST AGAIN!!!!
~Arthur pounded his fists against the table in absolute rage~
Arthur: Alena!!
Alena: Yes, King Arthur?
Arthur: Prepare the stadium! i have more training to do!!
*Alena prepared the stadium and stood in front of it, much to Arthurs surprise*
Arthur: just what are you doing?
Alena: its been a very long time since we've battled. do you think your Prime Apocalypse can keep up with my Crusher Anahel?!
Arthur: i believe it can! theres nothing my Apocalypse cant accomplish!
Alena: Is that so?
*both bladers took positions*
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!
*Both beys landed in the stadium as Apocalypse was spinning at top speed*
Arthur: i'll finish this in one blow!!! End Blaster!!
*the sword of Apocalypse glowed as it approached Anahel who was doing a tight flower pattern aimlessly*
Alena: *grins wickedly*
*the attack landed but Anahel was hardly affected by it at all, it then began to speed up thanks to the rubber on its driver*
Arthur: How did-?
Alena: My turn!! Attack!!!
*Anahels blades glistened as it fired a deadly barrage of attacks on Apocalypse and since Anahel was so much heavier, the attacks were dealing serious damage*
Arthur: Im impressed, you have some skill but it wont be enough to save you! Go forth Apocalypse!!
*Apocalypse escaped as it entered Dark Turbo*
Arthur: I'll end this here! Prime Reboot!!
*Apocalypse began speeding up too as it prepared to unleash its final attack*
Alena: *Yells out* Destroy them Anahel!!
*Anahel turned gold before it turned to darkness*
Arthur: W-What is that?!?
Alena: Break to oblivion!! Crusher Death!!!
*the 3 plastic and 3 rubber blades on Anahel glowed accelerated towards Apocalypse
Arthur: Big Bang Slash!!
*Anahel and Apocalypse clashed as bolts of purple and black shot throughout the room and then...*
Crack!
Arthur: NO!
*Multiple cracks began to form in Apocalypse's layer as Anahel began pushing back*
Alena: Now you break! Finish!
*Anahel pushed through Apocalypse as fragments of its layer flew in front of Arthurs face*
Arthur: Impossible.. Apocalypse...
*Alena who showed no remorse went over to Arthurs desk and kicked over the chair as she stared down at the record button*
Arthur: What are you doing? Get away from there!!
*Ignoring him, Alena pressed the record button and her message was now live all over the world*
Alena: *Speaking to the camera* Bladers of the blading world! i am Alena Yagami, i am a former member of the now disbanded organization HELL! i have a declaration, with HELL out of the way i will rule the world with this Angel Bey: Crusher Anahel!! i have successfully decimated Arthur Percival's Prime Apocalypse and i will precede to do the same to any remaining HELL Members! This is my warning to the blading world as a whole! Nobody come after me, if you do then you will feel Anahels true wrath!
*She held her bey to the camera*
Alena: This Anahel will break all who challenges it so be warned: if you wish to battle me, then your bey will not make it out alive!
~Alena was practically shouting at this point~
Alena: HELL IS OVER!!! MY REIGN OF TERROR STARTS NOW!!!
*She slams the record button with her fist and the haunting recording ends, she turns heel and leaves*
*Arthur picked up the pieces of his Apocalypse as he watched Alena eradicate the remaining members of HELL*
~Alena finished and she walked out the door and stared down at Anahel who was glowing with a dark aura, amused by this; Alena puts her bey away and leaves into the vast blading world~
Episode 1 releases June 25th
PinkRose @tenma thoughts?
I'm not PinkRose or tenma but...
I thought at first maybe Alena would try to bring HELL back, but apparently not. So, rip Arthur and Apocalypse you will not be missed.
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - Ryuga's Son - May. 04, 2021
(May. 04, 2021 12:26 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue (WBO Exclusive)
~it had been many years since the Victories dub over HELL. Arthur who was now in his 20's was absolutely sulking in his tower. a girl who was several years younger than him was standing in the corner, awaiting Arthurs orders~
Arthur: GOD DAMMIT!!!! WE LOST AGAIN!!!!
~Arthur pounded his fists against the table in absolute rage~
Arthur: Alena!!
Alena: Yes, King Arthur?
Arthur: Prepare the stadium! i have more training to do!!
*Alena prepared the stadium and stood in front of it, much to Arthurs surprise*
Arthur: just what are you doing?
Alena: its been a very long time since we've battled. do you think your Prime Apocalypse can keep up with my Crusher Anahel?!
Arthur: i believe it can! theres nothing my Apocalypse cant accomplish!
Alena: Is that so?
*both bladers took positions*
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!
*Both beys landed in the stadium as Apocalypse was spinning at top speed*
Arthur: i'll finish this in one blow!!! End Blaster!!
*the sword of Apocalypse glowed as it approached Anahel who was doing a tight flower pattern aimlessly*
Alena: *grins wickedly*
*the attack landed but Anahel was hardly affected by it at all, it then began to speed up thanks to the rubber on its driver*
Arthur: How did-?
Alena: My turn!! Attack!!!
*Anahels blades glistened as it fired a deadly barrage of attacks on Apocalypse and since Anahel was so much heavier, the attacks were dealing serious damage*
Arthur: Im impressed, you have some skill but it wont be enough to save you! Go forth Apocalypse!!
*Apocalypse escaped as it entered Dark Turbo*
Arthur: I'll end this here! Prime Reboot!!
*Apocalypse began speeding up too as it prepared to unleash its final attack*
Alena: *Yells out* Destroy them Anahel!!
*Anahel turned gold before it turned to darkness*
Arthur: W-What is that?!?
Alena: Break to oblivion!! Crusher Death!!!
*the 3 plastic and 3 rubber blades on Anahel glowed accelerated towards Apocalypse
Arthur: Big Bang Slash!!
*Anahel and Apocalypse clashed as bolts of purple and black shot throughout the room and then...*
Crack!
Arthur: NO!
*Multiple cracks began to form in Apocalypse's layer as Anahel began pushing back*
Alena: Now you break! Finish!
*Anahel pushed through Apocalypse as fragments of its layer flew in front of Arthurs face*
Arthur: Impossible.. Apocalypse...
*Alena who showed no remorse went over to Arthurs desk and kicked over the chair as she stared down at the record button*
Arthur: What are you doing? Get away from there!!
*Ignoring him, Alena pressed the record button and her message was now live all over the world*
Alena: *Speaking to the camera* Bladers of the blading world! i am Alena Yagami, i am a former member of the now disbanded organization HELL! i have a declaration, with HELL out of the way i will rule the world with this Angel Bey: Crusher Anahel!! i have successfully decimated Arthur Percival's Prime Apocalypse and i will precede to do the same to any remaining HELL Members! This is my warning to the blading world as a whole! Nobody come after me, if you do then you will feel Anahels true wrath!
*She held her bey to the camera*
Alena: This Anahel will break all who challenges it so be warned: if you wish to battle me, then your bey will not make it out alive!
~Alena was practically shouting at this point~
Alena: HELL IS OVER!!! MY REIGN OF TERROR STARTS NOW!!!
*She slams the record button with her fist and the haunting recording ends, she turns heel and leaves*
*Arthur picked up the pieces of his Apocalypse as he watched Alena eradicate the remaining members of HELL*
~Alena finished and she walked out the door and stared down at Anahel who was glowing with a dark aura, amused by this; Alena puts her bey away and leaves into the vast blading world~
Episode 1 releases June 25th
PinkRose @tenma thoughts?
Um I'm not PinkRose or tenma but I'm a random idiotic guy if you prefer.
Plot: 8.2/10
Description: 8.7/10
Dialouge: This type of dialogue isn't my style but it was fleshed out well, so I'll give it a 7.7/10.
Character Personalities: Love it. 9.3/10
Drama: 8/10 (kinda weird for prolouge imo)
Grammar: 8.2/10
Precision: 10/10
Appeal to Reader: 9.3/10
A bunch of other blah blah.
Overall this is a whopping
8.73/10
(I guess you could say it rounds to 9/10)
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - reshiwum - May. 04, 2021
(May. 04, 2021 12:26 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue (WBO Exclusive)
~it had been many years since the Victories dub over HELL. Arthur who was now in his 20's was absolutely sulking in his tower. a girl who was several years younger than him was standing in the corner, awaiting Arthurs orders~
Arthur: GOD DAMMIT!!!! WE LOST AGAIN!!!!
~Arthur pounded his fists against the table in absolute rage~
Arthur: Alena!!
Alena: Yes, King Arthur?
Arthur: Prepare the stadium! i have more training to do!!
*Alena prepared the stadium and stood in front of it, much to Arthurs surprise*
Arthur: just what are you doing?
Alena: its been a very long time since we've battled. do you think your Prime Apocalypse can keep up with my Crusher Anahel?!
Arthur: i believe it can! theres nothing my Apocalypse cant accomplish!
Alena: Is that so?
*both bladers took positions*
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!
*Both beys landed in the stadium as Apocalypse was spinning at top speed*
Arthur: i'll finish this in one blow!!! End Blaster!!
*the sword of Apocalypse glowed as it approached Anahel who was doing a tight flower pattern aimlessly*
Alena: *grins wickedly*
*the attack landed but Anahel was hardly affected by it at all, it then began to speed up thanks to the rubber on its driver*
Arthur: How did-?
Alena: My turn!! Attack!!!
*Anahels blades glistened as it fired a deadly barrage of attacks on Apocalypse and since Anahel was so much heavier, the attacks were dealing serious damage*
Arthur: Im impressed, you have some skill but it wont be enough to save you! Go forth Apocalypse!!
*Apocalypse escaped as it entered Dark Turbo*
Arthur: I'll end this here! Prime Reboot!!
*Apocalypse began speeding up too as it prepared to unleash its final attack*
Alena: *Yells out* Destroy them Anahel!!
*Anahel turned gold before it turned to darkness*
Arthur: W-What is that?!?
Alena: Break to oblivion!! Crusher Death!!!
*the 3 plastic and 3 rubber blades on Anahel glowed accelerated towards Apocalypse
Arthur: Big Bang Slash!!
*Anahel and Apocalypse clashed as bolts of purple and black shot throughout the room and then...*
Crack!
Arthur: NO!
*Multiple cracks began to form in Apocalypse's layer as Anahel began pushing back*
Alena: Now you break! Finish!
*Anahel pushed through Apocalypse as fragments of its layer flew in front of Arthurs face*
Arthur: Impossible.. Apocalypse...
*Alena who showed no remorse went over to Arthurs desk and kicked over the chair as she stared down at the record button*
Arthur: What are you doing? Get away from there!!
*Ignoring him, Alena pressed the record button and her message was now live all over the world*
Alena: *Speaking to the camera* Bladers of the blading world! i am Alena Yagami, i am a former member of the now disbanded organization HELL! i have a declaration, with HELL out of the way i will rule the world with this Angel Bey: Crusher Anahel!! i have successfully decimated Arthur Percival's Prime Apocalypse and i will precede to do the same to any remaining HELL Members! This is my warning to the blading world as a whole! Nobody come after me, if you do then you will feel Anahels true wrath!
*She held her bey to the camera*
Alena: This Anahel will break all who challenges it so be warned: if you wish to battle me, then your bey will not make it out alive!
~Alena was practically shouting at this point~
Alena: HELL IS OVER!!! MY REIGN OF TERROR STARTS NOW!!!
*She slams the record button with her fist and the haunting recording ends, she turns heel and leaves*
*Arthur picked up the pieces of his Apocalypse as he watched Alena eradicate the remaining members of HELL*
~Alena finished and she walked out the door and stared down at Anahel who was glowing with a dark aura, amused by this; Alena puts her bey away and leaves into the vast blading world~
Episode 1 releases June 25th
PinkRose @tenma thoughts?
!! This is very well done! Alena's personality is well fleshed out already - even knowing the fact that this is just the prologue - and none of the scenes here seem bland at all. We stan a menacing queen. Battles and conversations/descriptions are also nicely written despite the format not being my favorite.
I am excited for the rest of the fic!! Keep going, DZ!
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - PinkRose - May. 04, 2021
(May. 04, 2021 12:26 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue (WBO Exclusive)
~it had been many years since the Victories dub over HELL. Arthur who was now in his 20's was absolutely sulking in his tower. a girl who was several years younger than him was standing in the corner, awaiting Arthurs orders~
Arthur: GOD DAMMIT!!!! WE LOST AGAIN!!!!
~Arthur pounded his fists against the table in absolute rage~
Arthur: Alena!!
Alena: Yes, King Arthur?
Arthur: Prepare the stadium! i have more training to do!!
*Alena prepared the stadium and stood in front of it, much to Arthurs surprise*
Arthur: just what are you doing?
Alena: its been a very long time since we've battled. do you think your Prime Apocalypse can keep up with my Crusher Anahel?!
Arthur: i believe it can! theres nothing my Apocalypse cant accomplish!
Alena: Is that so?
*both bladers took positions*
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!
*Both beys landed in the stadium as Apocalypse was spinning at top speed*
Arthur: i'll finish this in one blow!!! End Blaster!!
*the sword of Apocalypse glowed as it approached Anahel who was doing a tight flower pattern aimlessly*
Alena: *grins wickedly*
*the attack landed but Anahel was hardly affected by it at all, it then began to speed up thanks to the rubber on its driver*
Arthur: How did-?
Alena: My turn!! Attack!!!
*Anahels blades glistened as it fired a deadly barrage of attacks on Apocalypse and since Anahel was so much heavier, the attacks were dealing serious damage*
Arthur: Im impressed, you have some skill but it wont be enough to save you! Go forth Apocalypse!!
*Apocalypse escaped as it entered Dark Turbo*
Arthur: I'll end this here! Prime Reboot!!
*Apocalypse began speeding up too as it prepared to unleash its final attack*
Alena: *Yells out* Destroy them Anahel!!
*Anahel turned gold before it turned to darkness*
Arthur: W-What is that?!?
Alena: Break to oblivion!! Crusher Death!!!
*the 3 plastic and 3 rubber blades on Anahel glowed accelerated towards Apocalypse
Arthur: Big Bang Slash!!
*Anahel and Apocalypse clashed as bolts of purple and black shot throughout the room and then...*
Crack!
Arthur: NO!
*Multiple cracks began to form in Apocalypse's layer as Anahel began pushing back*
Alena: Now you break! Finish!
*Anahel pushed through Apocalypse as fragments of its layer flew in front of Arthurs face*
Arthur: Impossible.. Apocalypse...
*Alena who showed no remorse went over to Arthurs desk and kicked over the chair as she stared down at the record button*
Arthur: What are you doing? Get away from there!!
*Ignoring him, Alena pressed the record button and her message was now live all over the world*
Alena: *Speaking to the camera* Bladers of the blading world! i am Alena Yagami, i am a former member of the now disbanded organization HELL! i have a declaration, with HELL out of the way i will rule the world with this Angel Bey: Crusher Anahel!! i have successfully decimated Arthur Percival's Prime Apocalypse and i will precede to do the same to any remaining HELL Members! This is my warning to the blading world as a whole! Nobody come after me, if you do then you will feel Anahels true wrath!
*She held her bey to the camera*
Alena: This Anahel will break all who challenges it so be warned: if you wish to battle me, then your bey will not make it out alive!
~Alena was practically shouting at this point~
Alena: HELL IS OVER!!! MY REIGN OF TERROR STARTS NOW!!!
*She slams the record button with her fist and the haunting recording ends, she turns heel and leaves*
*Arthur picked up the pieces of his Apocalypse as he watched Alena eradicate the remaining members of HELL*
~Alena finished and she walked out the door and stared down at Anahel who was glowing with a dark aura, amused by this; Alena puts her bey away and leaves into the vast blading world~
Episode 1 releases June 25th
PinkRose @tenma thoughts?
This doesn't count as spamming your notifs, does it?
Yeah, finally got around to reading this thing so let's go and rate it!
Plot: 4.5/5. I mean, this is just a basic introduction to our MC, but it sets her up well.
Dialogue: 4.5/5. Even if I'm there's a bit of inconsistency with the ~ and * and stuff like that, the dialogue flows nicely and is character accurate so yeah, noice.
Characterization: 5/5. Like I just said, characters are accurate (well it's just Arthur, but still, he's every bit of the egotistical sore loser we remember from GT) and I don't really see anything wrong with it.
Grammar: 4/5. Just some inconsistency with the tenses (keeps switching from present to past and vice versa)
Battle: 5/5. Sure, it's short, but that's exactly the point.
But quick question: If this is the next gen of Bladers, how is Arthur still in his 20's? I'm assuming this is a typo?
Final Rating: 23/25. Pretty great start, this looks promising. Can't wait to see Chapter 1, so good luck, stay safe, and see you soon!
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - ZionandBirddo - May. 04, 2021
(May. 04, 2021 2:11 PM)PinkRose Wrote: (May. 04, 2021 12:26 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue (WBO Exclusive)
~it had been many years since the Victories dub over HELL. Arthur who was now in his 20's was absolutely sulking in his tower. a girl who was several years younger than him was standing in the corner, awaiting Arthurs orders~
Arthur: GOD DAMMIT!!!! WE LOST AGAIN!!!!
~Arthur pounded his fists against the table in absolute rage~
Arthur: Alena!!
Alena: Yes, King Arthur?
Arthur: Prepare the stadium! i have more training to do!!
*Alena prepared the stadium and stood in front of it, much to Arthurs surprise*
Arthur: just what are you doing?
Alena: its been a very long time since we've battled. do you think your Prime Apocalypse can keep up with my Crusher Anahel?!
Arthur: i believe it can! theres nothing my Apocalypse cant accomplish!
Alena: Is that so?
*both bladers took positions*
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!
*Both beys landed in the stadium as Apocalypse was spinning at top speed*
Arthur: i'll finish this in one blow!!! End Blaster!!
*the sword of Apocalypse glowed as it approached Anahel who was doing a tight flower pattern aimlessly*
Alena: *grins wickedly*
*the attack landed but Anahel was hardly affected by it at all, it then began to speed up thanks to the rubber on its driver*
Arthur: How did-?
Alena: My turn!! Attack!!!
*Anahels blades glistened as it fired a deadly barrage of attacks on Apocalypse and since Anahel was so much heavier, the attacks were dealing serious damage*
Arthur: Im impressed, you have some skill but it wont be enough to save you! Go forth Apocalypse!!
*Apocalypse escaped as it entered Dark Turbo*
Arthur: I'll end this here! Prime Reboot!!
*Apocalypse began speeding up too as it prepared to unleash its final attack*
Alena: *Yells out* Destroy them Anahel!!
*Anahel turned gold before it turned to darkness*
Arthur: W-What is that?!?
Alena: Break to oblivion!! Crusher Death!!!
*the 3 plastic and 3 rubber blades on Anahel glowed accelerated towards Apocalypse
Arthur: Big Bang Slash!!
*Anahel and Apocalypse clashed as bolts of purple and black shot throughout the room and then...*
Crack!
Arthur: NO!
*Multiple cracks began to form in Apocalypse's layer as Anahel began pushing back*
Alena: Now you break! Finish!
*Anahel pushed through Apocalypse as fragments of its layer flew in front of Arthurs face*
Arthur: Impossible.. Apocalypse...
*Alena who showed no remorse went over to Arthurs desk and kicked over the chair as she stared down at the record button*
Arthur: What are you doing? Get away from there!!
*Ignoring him, Alena pressed the record button and her message was now live all over the world*
Alena: *Speaking to the camera* Bladers of the blading world! i am Alena Yagami, i am a former member of the now disbanded organization HELL! i have a declaration, with HELL out of the way i will rule the world with this Angel Bey: Crusher Anahel!! i have successfully decimated Arthur Percival's Prime Apocalypse and i will precede to do the same to any remaining HELL Members! This is my warning to the blading world as a whole! Nobody come after me, if you do then you will feel Anahels true wrath!
*She held her bey to the camera*
Alena: This Anahel will break all who challenges it so be warned: if you wish to battle me, then your bey will not make it out alive!
~Alena was practically shouting at this point~
Alena: HELL IS OVER!!! MY REIGN OF TERROR STARTS NOW!!!
*She slams the record button with her fist and the haunting recording ends, she turns heel and leaves*
*Arthur picked up the pieces of his Apocalypse as he watched Alena eradicate the remaining members of HELL*
~Alena finished and she walked out the door and stared down at Anahel who was glowing with a dark aura, amused by this; Alena puts her bey away and leaves into the vast blading world~
Episode 1 releases June 25th
PinkRose @tenma thoughts?
This doesn't count as spamming your notifs, does it?
Yeah, finally got around to reading this thing so let's go and rate it!
Plot: 4.5/5. I mean, this is just a basic introduction to our MC, but it sets her up well.
Dialogue: 4.5/5. Even if I'm there's a bit of inconsistency with the ~ and * and stuff like that, the dialogue flows nicely and is character accurate so yeah, noice.
Characterization: 5/5. Like I just said, characters are accurate (well it's just Arthur, but still, he's every bit of the egotistical sore loser we remember from GT) and I don't really see anything wrong with it.
Grammar: 4/5. Just some inconsistency with the tenses (keeps switching from present to past and vice versa)
Battle: 5/5. Sure, it's short, but that's exactly the point.
But quick question: If this is the next gen of Bladers, how is Arthur still in his 20's? I'm assuming this is a typo?
Final Rating: 23/25. Pretty great start, this looks promising. Can't wait to see Chapter 1, so good luck, stay safe, and see you soon! So for the Arthur's age question in GT he was at most 11 so since he looks older than Drum I'll stick with 11 for this calculation in Superking he'd be 12 and I'll use Alena's age in the prologue to help calculate his age by adding 13 to 12, so Arthur's age would be roughly 25 at this point putting him in his mid twenties.
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - DeltaZakuro - May. 04, 2021
Prologue Part 2
*it was 4 months later and Alenas rampage was only just beginning, she had crushed Bey-Clubs, Bey-Gangs, etc. her next target was an underground bey gang. her and 5 other bladers stood around a Double Decker stadium. Alenas eyes were glowing a evil red as a pink, purple and black aura glowed and flared around her, this sight haunted the bladers and other people in the room*
Alena: You boys ready? Dont disappoint me!
*her opponents beys were Jet Wyvern Bl Br 1D, Super Hyperion Z 1A, King Helios R 1B, Rage Longinus X 3A and Curse Satan 00 Js 1D*
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!
*the 6 beys land in the stadium, Anahel spun around the stadium as Wyvern was the first one to attack*
Boys: Now Attack
*one bey clashed with Anahel as the others followed suit*
*Alena grinned wickedly as the 6 beys clash with Anahel and calls out her special move*
Alena: Crusher Death!!
*a ball of fire erupts from the stadium as all 5 beys go flying into the lower level*
Alena: you think im gonna let you get away so easily!?
*Alenas half heart on her cheek went from pink to blood red as her aura activates.*
Alena: BREAK THEM ALL!! ANAHEL!!!
*A silhouette of Anahels avatar appeared behind her as its shadow towered over the arena. Anahel jumps off the upper level and bursts through everyone in one vicious attack. the explosion that followed blew everyone off their feet*
Alena: too weak.. YOU'RE ALL TOO WEAK!!!
*the defeated bladers stared in fright as the demonic girl shouted down at them, the girl grinned as Anahels silhouetted avatar looms over them*
Alena: This is what i live for... to break weaklings like you!!!
*she turned to the rest of the bladers*
Alena: ANYBODY ELSE?!?!
*the rest of the bladers walked back, some of them started crying*
Alena: What i thought.
*Alena left and went to a bench to clean off her gear*
Alena: We're getting so much stronger.. nobody can even last a second against us and im glad, that shows our power and dominance over everyone.
*an old man sits down next to her*
Alena: what do you want old man?
Old Man: Oh nothing, Just tired and need to rest my feet. you dont mind do you?
Alena: I guess not..
*the old man notices her bey*
Old Man: You're a blader?
Alena: What's it to you?
Old Man: Just curious.. you know my kids love blading.
Alena: are they strong?
Old Man: they dont really care about that, they blade for fun.
*Alena cringed at the word*
Alena: Fun? its only fun when you win, and thats something i specialize in!
Old Man: oh i bet, i recognize you from the broadcast. you seem very confident in yourself, saying that you will break everyone.
Alena: and i will! the weak dont deserve to even look at a bey ever!
Old Man: i see.. i know, would you like to come over to my place?
Alena: what the hell kind of a question is that?
Old Man: i want to invite you to my mansion. my name is Hisato Kuromi, you're welcome to stay as much as you like.
Alena: if you insist.. i need a place to stay anyway..
*the 2 get up and leave, Hisato wonders: even though she put out such a threatening message, i believe there is good in this child and that light truly shines in her heart.. but she will need to discover that herself. the best i can do is shower her and my kids with love*
*Alena looked to her bey which was glowing again, she put it away and walked with Hisato to his mansion, her new home*
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - PinkRose - May. 05, 2021
Man, Hisato's giving me Jingemon vibes. I like him already.
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - Pixi - May. 05, 2021
(May. 05, 2021 1:36 AM)PinkRose Wrote: Man, Hisato's giving me Jingemon vibes. I like him already.
butler grandpa guy
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - DeltaZakuro - May. 05, 2021
Prologue Final Part
~1 week later~
*Alena had entered a district tournament and blasted through it. her finals opponent was literally just a little kid who was talking a bunch of trash, the score was literally 2-0 with Alena in the lead*
Kid: i watched your broadcast! you dont have anything on me!!
Alena: id watch your mouth kid, you're nothing but a shrimp compared to me.
Kid: A SHRIMP!?! YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!!
*Alena couldnt help but laugh at the kids stupidness, now getting serious her eyes turn red causing the kid to take a step back*
Kid: w-whats with her eyes?..
Referee: Second Battle! Ready Set!
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!!
*both beys landed in the stadium, the kids combo was a Variant Lucifer Orbit 2D and because it was a defense type it claimed the center with its rubber barrier out*
Kid: Alright!! Come at me!!
*Anahel attacks but the barrier was able to keep it back*
Alena: Oh?
Kid: Yes thats it!!
*Alena was a bit surprised but her composure returned when she realized its weakness*
Alena: a barrier isnt gonna be enough to stop me!
*Anahel fires a ruthless barrage of attacks at Variant Lucifer but its stamina and defense were just too much. Alena was actually starting to get worried but at the same time she was starting to get super ecstatic*
Alena: finally a worthy challenge.. You are so worthy of being destroyed!
Kid: What are you on about? Battles not over chick!!
*Alena looked at the kid with a horrifying look, causing him to scream in terror*
Kid: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!?!
Alena: Anahel craves your destruction!! it craves your pain, screams, cries and terror!!!
*the kid was trembling before her, just giving Alena even more satisfaction*
Alena: Oh whats wrong?! is the poor baby gonna cry?!
*Anahel finally broke through and Lucifer was knocked into the wall which killed its stamina*
Kid: No!! Look Out!!!
Alena: KILL IT!!! CRUSHER DEATH!!!
*Anahel blew the bey into the sky as it shattered into multiple pieces*
Kid: n-no... it cant be!
Referee: Crusher Anahel! Burst Finish!! Alena Yagami wins the tournament!!!
*Alena walks out without a word, winning a tournament meant nothing to her. she headed out to find her next victim*
Alena: aside from that crybaby, not a single person can give me a proper challenge!!
*she could hear the growls of Anahel, she could tell it craved more destruction and screams*
Alena: I see Anahel, we definitely need to find stronger opponents. the blading world is mine so of course i will crush them no matter what!!
*Alena grinned wickely as the sun began to set and her pink, purple and black aura rised, her plans took effect NOW*
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - UnseenBurst - May. 05, 2021
(May. 05, 2021 2:20 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue Final Part
~1 week later~
*Alena had entered a district tournament and blasted through it. her finals opponent was literally just a little kid who was talking a bunch of trash, the score was literally 2-0 with Alena in the lead*
Kid: i watched your broadcast! you dont have anything on me!!
Alena: id watch your mouth kid, you're nothing but a shrimp compared to me.
Kid: A SHRIMP!?! YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!!
*Alena couldnt help but laugh at the kids stupidness, now getting serious her eyes turn red causing the kid to take a step back*
Kid: w-whats with her eyes?..
Referee: Second Battle! Ready Set!
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!!
*both beys landed in the stadium, the kids combo was a Variant Lucifer Orbit 2D and because it was a defense type it claimed the center with its rubber barrier out*
Kid: Alright!! Come at me!!
*Anahel attacks but the barrier was able to keep it back*
Alena: Oh?
Kid: Yes thats it!!
*Alena was a bit surprised but her composure returned when she realized its weakness*
Alena: a barrier isnt gonna be enough to stop me!
*Anahel fires a ruthless barrage of attacks at Variant Lucifer but its stamina and defense were just too much. Alena was actually starting to get worried but at the same time she was starting to get super ecstatic*
Alena: finally a worthy challenge.. You are so worthy of being destroyed!
Kid: What are you on about? Battles not over chick!!
*Alena looked at the kid with a horrifying look, causing him to scream in terror*
Kid: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!?!
Alena: Anahel craves your destruction!! it craves your pain, screams, cries and terror!!!
*the kid was trembling before her, just giving Alena even more satisfaction*
Alena: Oh whats wrong?! is the poor baby gonna cry?!
*Anahel finally broke through and Lucifer was knocked into the wall which killed its stamina*
Kid: No!! Look Out!!!
Alena: KILL IT!!! CRUSHER DEATH!!!
*Anahel blew the bey into the sky as it shattered into multiple pieces*
Kid: n-no... it cant be!
Referee: Crusher Anahel! Burst Finish!! Alena Yagami wins the tournament!!!
*Alena walks out without a word, winning a tournament meant nothing to her. she headed out to find her next victim*
Alena: aside from that crybaby, not a single person can give me a proper challenge!!
*she could hear the growls of Anahel, she could tell it craved more destruction and screams*
Alena: I see Anahel, we definitely need to find stronger opponents. the blading world is mine so of course i will crush them no matter what!!
*Alena grinned wickely as the sun began to set and her pink, purple and black aura rised, her plans took effect NOW*
Dang I woudn't want to battle her she is down right scary
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - ZionandBirddo - May. 05, 2021
I finished all the parts of the prologue and I got to say, you had me on the edge of my seat with the Lucifer battle the whole thing was a joyride to the very end and got me very interested in what's to come and Alena feels like Delta, Phi, and Ryuga mixed into one making for an interesting character who I am interested in seeing the outcome of(though, I have a feeling it may be similar to Delta's arc just more natural.) But you've already done plot armor right, looking at you Lean.
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - i'm batman - May. 05, 2021
(May. 05, 2021 2:20 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue Final Part
~1 week later~
*Alena had entered a district tournament and blasted through it. her finals opponent was literally just a little kid who was talking a bunch of trash, the score was literally 2-0 with Alena in the lead*
Kid: i watched your broadcast! you dont have anything on me!!
Alena: id watch your mouth kid, you're nothing but a shrimp compared to me.
Kid: A SHRIMP!?! YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!!
*Alena couldnt help but laugh at the kids stupidness, now getting serious her eyes turn red causing the kid to take a step back*
Kid: w-whats with her eyes?..
Referee: Second Battle! Ready Set!
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!!
*both beys landed in the stadium, the kids combo was a Variant Lucifer Orbit 2D and because it was a defense type it claimed the center with its rubber barrier out*
Kid: Alright!! Come at me!!
*Anahel attacks but the barrier was able to keep it back*
Alena: Oh?
Kid: Yes thats it!!
*Alena was a bit surprised but her composure returned when she realized its weakness*
Alena: a barrier isnt gonna be enough to stop me!
*Anahel fires a ruthless barrage of attacks at Variant Lucifer but its stamina and defense were just too much. Alena was actually starting to get worried but at the same time she was starting to get super ecstatic*
Alena: finally a worthy challenge.. You are so worthy of being destroyed!
Kid: What are you on about? Battles not over chick!!
*Alena looked at the kid with a horrifying look, causing him to scream in terror*
Kid: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!?!
Alena: Anahel craves your destruction!! it craves your pain, screams, cries and terror!!!
*the kid was trembling before her, just giving Alena even more satisfaction*
Alena: Oh whats wrong?! is the poor baby gonna cry?!
*Anahel finally broke through and Lucifer was knocked into the wall which killed its stamina*
Kid: No!! Look Out!!!
Alena: KILL IT!!! CRUSHER DEATH!!!
*Anahel blew the bey into the sky as it shattered into multiple pieces*
Kid: n-no... it cant be!
Referee: Crusher Anahel! Burst Finish!! Alena Yagami wins the tournament!!!
*Alena walks out without a word, winning a tournament meant nothing to her. she headed out to find her next victim*
Alena: aside from that crybaby, not a single person can give me a proper challenge!!
*she could hear the growls of Anahel, she could tell it craved more destruction and screams*
Alena: I see Anahel, we definitely need to find stronger opponents. the blading world is mine so of course i will crush them no matter what!!
*Alena grinned wickely as the sun began to set and her pink, purple and black aura rised, her plans took effect NOW*
OKAY, Alena's scary. And idk why but the kid's dialogue about the shrimp thing made me remember Edward from Fullmetal Alchemist. And I can't help but feel a little bad for the kid.
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - PinkRose - May. 05, 2021
(May. 05, 2021 2:20 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue Final Part
~1 week later~
*Alena had entered a district tournament and blasted through it. her finals opponent was literally just a little kid who was talking a bunch of trash, the score was literally 2-0 with Alena in the lead*
Kid: i watched your broadcast! you dont have anything on me!!
Alena: id watch your mouth kid, you're nothing but a shrimp compared to me.
Kid: A SHRIMP!?! YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!!
*Alena couldnt help but laugh at the kids stupidness, now getting serious her eyes turn red causing the kid to take a step back*
Kid: w-whats with her eyes?..
Referee: Second Battle! Ready Set!
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!!
*both beys landed in the stadium, the kids combo was a Variant Lucifer Orbit 2D and because it was a defense type it claimed the center with its rubber barrier out*
Kid: Alright!! Come at me!!
*Anahel attacks but the barrier was able to keep it back*
Alena: Oh?
Kid: Yes thats it!!
*Alena was a bit surprised but her composure returned when she realized its weakness*
Alena: a barrier isnt gonna be enough to stop me!
*Anahel fires a ruthless barrage of attacks at Variant Lucifer but its stamina and defense were just too much. Alena was actually starting to get worried but at the same time she was starting to get super ecstatic*
Alena: finally a worthy challenge.. You are so worthy of being destroyed!
Kid: What are you on about? Battles not over chick!!
*Alena looked at the kid with a horrifying look, causing him to scream in terror*
Kid: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!?!
Alena: Anahel craves your destruction!! it craves your pain, screams, cries and terror!!!
*the kid was trembling before her, just giving Alena even more satisfaction*
Alena: Oh whats wrong?! is the poor baby gonna cry?!
*Anahel finally broke through and Lucifer was knocked into the wall which killed its stamina*
Kid: No!! Look Out!!!
Alena: KILL IT!!! CRUSHER DEATH!!!
*Anahel blew the bey into the sky as it shattered into multiple pieces*
Kid: n-no... it cant be!
Referee: Crusher Anahel! Burst Finish!! Alena Yagami wins the tournament!!!
*Alena walks out without a word, winning a tournament meant nothing to her. she headed out to find her next victim*
Alena: aside from that crybaby, not a single person can give me a proper challenge!!
*she could hear the growls of Anahel, she could tell it craved more destruction and screams*
Alena: I see Anahel, we definitely need to find stronger opponents. the blading world is mine so of course i will crush them no matter what!!
*Alena grinned wickely as the sun began to set and her pink, purple and black aura rised, her plans took effect NOW*
You messed with the wrong girl, Generic Kid....You messed with the wrong girl.
Serious rating since this is the end of the prologue? Sure, let's go:
Plot: 5/5. Welp, we get to know even more about Alena, who she is, and how she battles. That's the purpose of prologues and it's done right.
Dialogue: 4.5/5. Man, I loved that bit at the start of the battle. Dunno why, but Alena calling Generic Kid a shrimp had me wheezing for a moment.
Characterization: 5/5. Can already tell peeps will be having a hard time getting through to Alena in the future, this girl's straight up nuts.
Grammar: 4.5/5. Yeah, still some minor errors but like, no-one's grammar in perfect.
Battle: 5/5. I don't know if Generic Kid using Lucifer is just a random pick or not...but you get bonus points for it anyway. I didn't expect a random to last for more than two seconds, so that was a bit interesting, even if he got countered and rekt in the end. Kinda curious on how Anahel's avatar looks now that you mention it.
Final Rating: 24/25. Awesome ending to an awesome prologue, now I'm really looking forward to the rest of the story....and lowkey hoping Droite makes it in XD.
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - DeltaZakuro - May. 05, 2021
King Spriggan 7Axe Meteorite -Axe
-Axe Metal Ring: a metal ring that looks like Spriggans axe. it is also painted gold.
King Spriggan Layer (KS) - a very bulky layer with 2 white rubber blades which contains the face of Spriggan and features 2 golden axe blades. the center features a metal core with the face of Spriggan (which looks a bit like Lord). like the evolutions that came before it, it is dual spin.
0Wall Disk (0W)
Quattro Driver (Qt)
User: Selena Kurenai
Special Moves: King Slash, King Guard, King Upper, Counter Break, Axe Shoot
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - PinkRose - May. 05, 2021
Ayo, Axe Shoot is back!
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - Ryuga's Son - May. 05, 2021
(May. 04, 2021 11:07 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue Part 2
*it was 4 months later and Alenas rampage was only just beginning, she had crushed Bey-Clubs, Bey-Gangs, etc. her next target was an underground bey gang. her and 5 other bladers stood around a Double Decker stadium. Alenas eyes were glowing a evil red as a pink, purple and black aura glowed and flared around her, this sight haunted the bladers and other people in the room*
Alena: You boys ready? Dont disappoint me!
*her opponents beys were Jet Wyvern Bl Br 1D, Super Hyperion Z 1A, King Helios R 1B, Rage Longinus X 3A and Curse Satan 00 Js 1D*
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!
*the 6 beys land in the stadium, Anahel spun around the stadium as Wyvern was the first one to attack*
Boys: Now Attack
*one bey clashed with Anahel as the others followed suit*
*Alena grinned wickedly as the 6 beys clash with Anahel and calls out her special move*
Alena: Crusher Death!!
*a ball of fire erupts from the stadium as all 5 beys go flying into the lower level*
Alena: you think im gonna let you get away so easily!?
*Alenas half heart on her cheek went from pink to blood red as her aura activates.*
Alena: BREAK THEM ALL!! ANAHEL!!!
*A silhouette of Anahels avatar appeared behind her as its shadow towered over the arena. Anahel jumps off the upper level and bursts through everyone in one vicious attack. the explosion that followed blew everyone off their feet*
Alena: too weak.. YOU'RE ALL TOO WEAK!!!
*the defeated bladers stared in fright as the demonic girl shouted down at them, the girl grinned as Anahels silhouetted avatar looms over them*
Alena: This is what i live for... to break weaklings like you!!!
*she turned to the rest of the bladers*
Alena: ANYBODY ELSE?!?!
*the rest of the bladers walked back, some of them started crying*
Alena: What i thought.
*Alena left and went to a bench to clean off her gear*
Alena: We're getting so much stronger.. nobody can even last a second against us and im glad, that shows our power and dominance over everyone.
*an old man sits down next to her*
Alena: what do you want old man?
Old Man: Oh nothing, Just tired and need to rest my feet. you dont mind do you?
Alena: I guess not..
*the old man notices her bey*
Old Man: You're a blader?
Alena: What's it to you?
Old Man: Just curious.. you know my kids love blading.
Alena: are they strong?
Old Man: they dont really care about that, they blade for fun.
*Alena cringed at the word*
Alena: Fun? its only fun when you win, and thats something i specialize in!
Old Man: oh i bet, i recognize you from the broadcast. you seem very confident in yourself, saying that you will break everyone.
Alena: and i will! the weak dont deserve to even look at a bey ever!
Old Man: i see.. i know, would you like to come over to my place?
Alena: what the hell kind of a question is that?
Old Man: i want to invite you to my mansion. my name is Hisato Kuromi, you're welcome to stay as much as you like.
Alena: if you insist.. i need a place to stay anyway..
*the 2 get up and leave, Hisato wonders: even though she put out such a threatening message, i believe there is good in this child and that light truly shines in her heart.. but she will need to discover that herself. the best i can do is shower her and my kids with love*
*Alena looked to her bey which was glowing again, she put it away and walked with Hisato to his mansion, her new home*
I liked the chapter, but how come, with Alena's personality, agree to come to a Old Man's house and into someone's house who plays beyblade for fun?
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - PinkRose - May. 05, 2021
I'm betting she just went along cuz she had nowhere to stay and didn't actually expect them to be kind to her and stuff (and definitely didn't expect to grow fond of them)
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - Ryuga's Son - May. 05, 2021
(May. 05, 2021 2:20 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue Final Part
~1 week later~
*Alena had entered a district tournament and blasted through it. her finals opponent was literally just a little kid who was talking a bunch of trash, the score was literally 2-0 with Alena in the lead*
Kid: i watched your broadcast! you dont have anything on me!!
Alena: id watch your mouth kid, you're nothing but a shrimp compared to me.
Kid: A SHRIMP!?! YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!!
*Alena couldnt help but laugh at the kids stupidness, now getting serious her eyes turn red causing the kid to take a step back*
Kid: w-whats with her eyes?..
Referee: Second Battle! Ready Set!
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!!
*both beys landed in the stadium, the kids combo was a Variant Lucifer Orbit 2D and because it was a defense type it claimed the center with its rubber barrier out*
Kid: Alright!! Come at me!!
*Anahel attacks but the barrier was able to keep it back*
Alena: Oh?
Kid: Yes thats it!!
*Alena was a bit surprised but her composure returned when she realized its weakness*
Alena: a barrier isnt gonna be enough to stop me!
*Anahel fires a ruthless barrage of attacks at Variant Lucifer but its stamina and defense were just too much. Alena was actually starting to get worried but at the same time she was starting to get super ecstatic*
Alena: finally a worthy challenge.. You are so worthy of being destroyed!
Kid: What are you on about? Battles not over chick!!
*Alena looked at the kid with a horrifying look, causing him to scream in terror*
Kid: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!?!
Alena: Anahel craves your destruction!! it craves your pain, screams, cries and terror!!!
*the kid was trembling before her, just giving Alena even more satisfaction*
Alena: Oh whats wrong?! is the poor baby gonna cry?!
*Anahel finally broke through and Lucifer was knocked into the wall which killed its stamina*
Kid: No!! Look Out!!!
Alena: KILL IT!!! CRUSHER DEATH!!!
*Anahel blew the bey into the sky as it shattered into multiple pieces*
Kid: n-no... it cant be!
Referee: Crusher Anahel! Burst Finish!! Alena Yagami wins the tournament!!!
*Alena walks out without a word, winning a tournament meant nothing to her. she headed out to find her next victim*
Alena: aside from that crybaby, not a single person can give me a proper challenge!!
*she could hear the growls of Anahel, she could tell it craved more destruction and screams*
Alena: I see Anahel, we definitely need to find stronger opponents. the blading world is mine so of course i will crush them no matter what!!
*Alena grinned wickely as the sun began to set and her pink, purple and black aura rised, her plans took effect NOW*
Here's my ratings for the prolouge overall.
Plot: 9/10. We get to see how Alena is, her personality, bey, powers, dreams, etc. But does she have any empathy? Any other humane feelings? This is why I had to rate it a 9/10 instead of a 10/10
Characterization: 8.3/10. I didn't quite see any good personality from other characters. Otherwise, this is good.
Attraction: 10/10: Perfect. Nothing to say about.
Description: 8.5/10: Good the way it is, but it can be better if you describe feelings, places, etc. Show, not tell.
Consistency of Plot: 10/10
Overall, I would say that this is a 87/100.
(May. 05, 2021 4:20 PM)PinkRose Wrote: I'm betting she just went along cuz she had nowhere to stay and didn't actually expect them to be kind to her and stuff (and definitely didn't expect to grow fond of them)
Maybe, but deltazakuro needs to display that. Needs to show humane feelings. And some description.
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