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+--- Thread: Fan Fiction Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (part 7 ongoing) (/Thread-Fan-Fiction-Beyblade-burst-apocalypse-15-part-7-ongoing)
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - Golden Freddy - Oct. 14, 2020
(Oct. 14, 2020 2:25 AM)kai edits Wrote:(Oct. 14, 2020 2:21 AM)Golden Freddy Wrote: But my bey is a ghost
No it isn’t cause mine is a ghost
Your bey is not in the fanfic yet
I know I wanted to make a joke.sorry
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 14, 2020
Chapter 7 thank you shun/run away maiden
Akira and Alice:wake up big brother
Shun:I am up.
Akira:you ok shun
Alice:that's a bad cut on your hand let me see.
Shun shows her hand
Alice:that's the birthmark of maiden when did maiden came into contact with you.
Shun:a long time ago
Alice:you are strong big brother
In shun's head
Maiden:your a really idiot you should of used my power.
Shun:I am sorry I just want to win using my own power.
Maiden:it's fine shun I understand.
Back in the real world
Aiga walks in shun's hospital room.
Aiga:shun your awake. Is your wounds healing
Shun:yes. What happened my bey.
Aiga:it's next to you
Shun grabs maiden
Shun:aiga where is valt.
Valt walks into the room
Valt: Shun your up.
Shun:valt the match we had that you lost. You won it not me. Maiden was in control it seems unfair.
Valt:a lost is a lost remember that.
Later
Alice:something is wrong with shun since the bey showed up.
Shun gets out of bed and walks to the nearest bey stadium.
Shun:maiden do this your way this time.
Next battle
Shun vs free
Free:you seem different from the other I like you shun kurenai.
Shun:free. i-
Maiden:focus shun
3 2 1 go shoot
Shun:maiden overshot
Maiden hits the wall then lands in the center.
Free:neat trick. Fafnir mirage spin
Fafnir takes some of maidens spin
Shun:maiden let's go arghhhhhhhhhh
Maiden glows black
Free:what's this. Not good fafnir attack maiden
Shun:maiden block it.
Maiden dodges the attack.
Shun and maiden: maiden universal impact
Maiden hits fafnir
Free:nice try fafnir mirage counter.
Fafnir shakes off maidens attack.
Shun:maidens time
Free:that's not happening fafnir
Fafnir hits maiden.
Chapter end
Next time on beyblade burst apocalypse
Shun:come on maiden let's go win
Akira:what's going on with shun's mark
Defeat free
3 2 1 go shoot
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - Eclipse Force - Oct. 14, 2020
(Oct. 14, 2020 3:43 AM)kai edits Wrote: Chapter 7 thank you shun/run away maiden
Akira and Alice:wake up big brother
Shun:I am up.
Akira:you ok shun
Alice:that's a bad cut on your hand let me see.
Shun shows her hand
Alice:that's the birthmark of maiden when did maiden came into contact with you.
Shun:a long time ago
Alice:you are strong big brother
In shun's head
Maiden:your a really idiot you should of used my power.
Shun:I am sorry I just want to win using my own power.
Maiden:it's fine shun I understand.
Back in the real world
Aiga walks in shun's hospital room.
Aiga:shun your awake. Is your wounds healing
Shun:yes. What happened my bey.
Aiga:it's next to you
Shun grabs maiden
Shun:aiga where is valt.
Valt walks into the room
Valt: Shun your up.
Shun:valt the match we had that you lost. You won it not me. Maiden was in control it seems unfair.
Valt:a lost is a lost remember that.
Later
Alice:something is wrong with shun since the bey showed up.
Shun gets out of bed and walks to the nearest bey stadium.
Shun:maiden do this your way this time.
Next battle
Shun vs free
Free:you seem different from the other I like you shun kurenai.
Shun:free. i-
Maiden:focus shun
3 2 1 go shoot
Shun:maiden overshot
Maiden hits the wall then lands in the center.
Free:neat trick. Fafnir mirage spin
Fafnir takes some of maidens spin
Shun:maiden let's go arghhhhhhhhhh
Maiden glows black
Free:what's this. Not good fafnir attack maiden
Shun:maiden block it.
Maiden dodges the attack.
Shun and maiden: maiden universal impact
Maiden hits fafnir
Free:nice try fafnir mirage counter.
Fafnir shakes off maidens attack.
Shun:maidens time
Free:that's not happening fafnir
Fafnir hits maiden.
Chapter end
Next time on beyblade burst apocalypse
Shun:come on maiden let's go win
Akira:what's going on with shun's mark
Defeat free
3 2 1 go shoot
I did enjoy the chapter, but Maiden automatically giving Valt the win still is plot armor. Anyways excited to see how Free vs Shun plays out, now that we know Shun can lose.
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 14, 2020
(Oct. 14, 2020 3:48 AM)Eclipse Force Wrote:(Oct. 14, 2020 3:43 AM)kai edits Wrote: Chapter 7 thank you shun/run away maiden
Akira and Alice:wake up big brother
Shun:I am up.
Akira:you ok shun
Alice:that's a bad cut on your hand let me see.
Shun shows her hand
Alice:that's the birthmark of maiden when did maiden came into contact with you.
Shun:a long time ago
Alice:you are strong big brother
In shun's head
Maiden:your a really idiot you should of used my power.
Shun:I am sorry I just want to win using my own power.
Maiden:it's fine shun I understand.
Back in the real world
Aiga walks in shun's hospital room.
Aiga:shun your awake. Is your wounds healing
Shun:yes. What happened my bey.
Aiga:it's next to you
Shun grabs maiden
Shun:aiga where is valt.
Valt walks into the room
Valt: Shun your up.
Shun:valt the match we had that you lost. You won it not me. Maiden was in control it seems unfair.
Valt:a lost is a lost remember that.
Later
Alice:something is wrong with shun since the bey showed up.
Shun gets out of bed and walks to the nearest bey stadium.
Shun:maiden do this your way this time.
Next battle
Shun vs free
Free:you seem different from the other I like you shun kurenai.
Shun:free. i-
Maiden:focus shun
3 2 1 go shoot
Shun:maiden overshot
Maiden hits the wall then lands in the center.
Free:neat trick. Fafnir mirage spin
Fafnir takes some of maidens spin
Shun:maiden let's go arghhhhhhhhhh
Maiden glows black
Free:what's this. Not good fafnir attack maiden
Shun:maiden block it.
Maiden dodges the attack.
Shun and maiden: maiden universal impact
Maiden hits fafnir
Free:nice try fafnir mirage counter.
Fafnir shakes off maidens attack.
Shun:maidens time
Free:that's not happening fafnir
Fafnir hits maiden.
Chapter end
Next time on beyblade burst apocalypse
Shun:come on maiden let's go win
Akira:what's going on with shun's mark
Defeat free
3 2 1 go shoot
I did enjoy the chapter, but Maiden automatically giving Valt the win still is plot armor. Anyways excited to see how Free vs Shun plays out, now that we know Shun can lose.
Well the match where valt lost was a unofficial match so valt did not lose. Free vs shun is a long battle so it might be another 2 chapters.
Chapter 8 defeat free
Free:your strong shun this battle is fun
Shun:i-
Maiden:focus shun
Shun:alright maiden
Maiden is attacking fafnir head on
Free:what are you planning shun
Maiden is on its last click before bursting.
Shun:with you and me maiden overbursto
Maiden hits the wall and hits fafnir
Shun:maidennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Free:useless fafnir mirage claw
Shun:i- i- won't lose. Lose? Lose. This can't be happening. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
A dark aura appears around shun and maiden.
Shun:do not cross me. Everything disappear disappear now.
Maiden hits fafnir head on
Free:this got interesting fafnir.
Shun:maiden destroy everything arghhhhhhhhhhhh
A random bey enter the ring
Dimitri:go valkyrie victory slash
Maiden gets hits back
Shun:I will not lose maiden abyss turbo
Maiden turns completely black
Free:so this is your bond with maiden.
Shun:darkness big bang
Maiden hits both fafnir and valkyrie
Dimitri:child's play valkyrie victory counter
Maiden gets knocked in the air
Shun:I am not done maidens time
*time freezes*
Shun:maiden darkness slash
Maiden hits valkyrie
Dimitri:pathetic valkyrie victory upper
Maiden bursts mid air
Shun:I lost
*Time resumes*
Free:well a lost is a lost
Free picks up fafnir
Dimitri:shun your pathetic
Shun starts crying
A boy random walks towards shun
???:well shun I can help you be better at beyblade but I need something for you first.
Chapter end
Next time on beyblade burst apocalypse
Shun:why I keep losing
Gwynn:your not ready to use maiden at full power
Awaken darkness
3 2 1 go shoot
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - Eclipse Force - Oct. 14, 2020
Shun vs Free was fine, but Dimitri’s arrival feels really random. At least Shun didn’t win just with Maidens Time.
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 14, 2020
(Oct. 14, 2020 1:36 PM)Eclipse Force Wrote: Shun vs Free was fine, but Dimitri’s arrival feels really random. At least Shun didn’t win just with Maidens Time.
Dimitri was trying to save shun from maiden.
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - Golden Freddy - Oct. 14, 2020
Can maidens ability freeze ghosts
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - SacredXcalibur - Oct. 14, 2020
(Oct. 14, 2020 8:32 PM)Golden Freddy Wrote: Can maidens ability freeze ghosts
you know there's a chance that your bey might not even win the contest.
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - Golden Freddy - Oct. 14, 2020
(Oct. 14, 2020 9:10 PM)SacredXcalibur Wrote:(Oct. 14, 2020 8:32 PM)Golden Freddy Wrote: Can maidens ability freeze ghosts
you know there's a chance that your bey might not even win the contest.
Ok? I never said it would?
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 14, 2020
Chapter 9 awaken darkness
Shun wakes up
Shun:where am I
Gwynn:your awake it seems your bey ran wild again. It seems like you too have a bond.
Shun:maiden did this
Gwynn:yes but turns out I fixed it.
Shun:how and why
Gwynn:I simply just upgraded it the right way. And I want you to win the tournament so we can battle shun kurenai.
Shun:gwynn thank you
Shun hugs gwynn
Gwynn:why did you hug me
Shun:because you saved my life
Gwynn:maiden should be able to battle perfectly now.
Gwynn hands maiden to shun
Gwynn:I want you to know no matter what happens with maiden I will help you.
Shun:thank you gwynn
Shun takes maiden.
Shun:maiden's time
*time stops*
Shun walks back to the tournament all banged up.
Next match shun vs drum
Time resumes
Drum:I can't wait to battle you shun
Shun:me either.
Maiden:let's go shun
3 2 1 go shoot
Shun copies valts runaway shoot but added a flip while jumping.
Drum:go dragon
Shun:let's go maiden
Drum:dragon shoot
Dragon hits maiden repeating
Shun:maiden defense
Maiden blocks the attacks
Drum:dragon tempest wing
Shun:pathetic maidens time
*time stops*
Shun:dang I got 20 seconds before time resumes maiden over dash
Maiden dashes around the stadium at a fast speed and hits dragon.
Time resumes
Drum:dragon tempest bond
Dragon hits maiden and maiden is knocked out.
Shun:maiden's redo
Time starts before maiden gets knocked out.
Shun:maiden defense
Maiden blocks it in time.
Drum:you seem to a worthy opponent for my secret technique
Chapter end
Next time on beyblade burst apocalypse
Shun:maiden it's time to sync to complete power
Drum:nice try but dragon and I will win
Dimitri:valkyrie you sense something in shun's bey that you need.
Sync up overburst maiden/Dimitri's flare
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - Golden Freddy - Oct. 14, 2020
Why do I think that gwyn messed up maiden with the upgrade and maiden is gonna go even more wild
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 14, 2020
(Oct. 14, 2020 11:11 PM)Golden Freddy Wrote: Why do I think that gwyn messed up maiden with the upgrade and maiden is gonna go even more wild
Dang bro you predicted the future
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - GreenK9148 - Oct. 14, 2020
(Oct. 14, 2020 11:12 PM)kai edits Wrote:(Oct. 14, 2020 11:11 PM)Golden Freddy Wrote: Why do I think that gwyn messed up maiden with the upgrade and maiden is gonna go even more wild
Dang bro you predicted the future
Dang bro you should consider changing that fact because now everyone knows what's going to happen and the story isn't going to be suspenseful at all.
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - Golden Freddy - Oct. 14, 2020
(Oct. 14, 2020 11:23 PM)GreenK9148 Wrote:(Oct. 14, 2020 11:12 PM)kai edits Wrote: Dang bro you predicted the future
Dang bro you should consider changing that fact because now everyone knows what's going to happen and the story isn't going to be suspenseful at all.
I mean for me it was a obvious guess. If gwyn some how fixes Maiden and changes what the entire story is about (shun and maidens growth) what’s the point of the story
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - GreenK9148 - Oct. 14, 2020
(Oct. 14, 2020 11:25 PM)Golden Freddy Wrote:(Oct. 14, 2020 11:23 PM)GreenK9148 Wrote: Dang bro you should consider changing that fact because now everyone knows what's going to happen and the story isn't going to be suspenseful at all.
I mean for me it was a obvious guess. If gwyn some how fixes Maiden and changes what the entire story is about (shun and maidens growth) what’s the point of the story
YEah, it was really obvious. But, now it's confirmed. I see no point to read this fanfic anymore.
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - Golden Freddy - Oct. 14, 2020
(Oct. 14, 2020 11:28 PM)GreenK9148 Wrote:(Oct. 14, 2020 11:25 PM)Golden Freddy Wrote: I mean for me it was a obvious guess. If gwyn some how fixes Maiden and changes what the entire story is about (shun and maidens growth) what’s the point of the story
YEah, it was really obvious. But, now it's confirmed. I see no point to read this fanfic anymore.
I mean it’s only one part of the story I don’t think we’ve even met like the main villian. And I have a theory that the bey chosen to be in the story is the villian
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - Eclipse Force - Oct. 14, 2020
Nice to see Dante. It seems Gwyn has tampered with Shun's bey too, which will be interested. I dont why Shun's only struggling with weaker opponents, but at least she's beatable now I guess.
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - Golden Freddy - Oct. 14, 2020
(Oct. 14, 2020 11:34 PM)Eclipse Force Wrote: Nice to see Dante. It seems Gwyn has tampered with Shun's bey too, which will be interested. I dont why Shun's only struggling with weaker opponents, but at least she's beatable now I guess.
Yeah Drum is nice to see. I feel like that Gwyn probably made shuns problems with maiden even worse
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 15, 2020
(Oct. 14, 2020 11:34 PM)Eclipse Force Wrote: Nice to see Dante. It seems Gwyn has tampered with Shun's bey too, which will be interested. I dont why Shun's only struggling with weaker opponents, but at least she's beatable now I guess.
It's because of maiden been tampered
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - Valtryek Aoi - Oct. 15, 2020
(Oct. 15, 2020 12:35 AM)kai edits Wrote:(Oct. 14, 2020 11:34 PM)Eclipse Force Wrote: Nice to see Dante. It seems Gwyn has tampered with Shun's bey too, which will be interested. I dont why Shun's only struggling with weaker opponents, but at least she's beatable now I guess.
It's because of maiden been tampered
Wait, so maiden had to be force toned down?
Not really that satisfying, especially seeing as it'll probably spark, then spiral away into stopping time in the entire universe or something.
Gwyn tampered with maiden?
Doesn't really sound within his character, unless this place just got wack. Maybe it was an accident?
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 15, 2020
(Oct. 15, 2020 12:46 AM)Valtryek Aoi Wrote:Bro my fanfic is different I changed the characters a bit and now all of you say this character is out of character it's supposed to be like that. Maiden did not get toned down its the first arc why would maiden be a problem in the fanfic any way it's my fanfic I can do anything I want.(Oct. 15, 2020 12:35 AM)kai edits Wrote: It's because of maiden been tampered
Wait, so maiden had to be force toned down?
Not really that satisfying, especially seeing as it'll probably spark, then spiral away into stopping time in the entire universe or something.
Gwyn tampered with maiden?
Doesn't really sound within his character, unless this place just got wack. Maybe it was an accident?
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - Eclipse Force - Oct. 15, 2020
(Oct. 15, 2020 12:46 AM)Valtryek Aoi Wrote:(Oct. 15, 2020 12:35 AM)kai edits Wrote: It's because of maiden been tampered
Wait, so maiden had to be force toned down?
Not really that satisfying, especially seeing as it'll probably spark, then spiral away into stopping time in the entire universe or something.
Gwyn tampered with maiden?
Doesn't really sound within his character, unless this place just got wack. Maybe it was an accident?
Characterization is off for alot of people
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 15, 2020
(Oct. 15, 2020 12:54 AM)Eclipse Force Wrote:Well I know. I was trying to be one of a kind(Oct. 15, 2020 12:46 AM)Valtryek Aoi Wrote: Wait, so maiden had to be force toned down?
Not really that satisfying, especially seeing as it'll probably spark, then spiral away into stopping time in the entire universe or something.
Gwyn tampered with maiden?
Doesn't really sound within his character, unless this place just got wack. Maybe it was an accident?
Characterization is off for alot of people
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - Valtryek Aoi - Oct. 15, 2020
(Oct. 15, 2020 12:53 AM)kai edits Wrote:(Oct. 15, 2020 12:46 AM)Valtryek Aoi Wrote: Wait, so maiden had to be force toned down?Bro my fanfic is different I changed the characters a bit and now all of you say this character is out of character it's supposed to be like that. Maiden did not get toned down its the first arc why would maiden be a problem in the fanfic any way it's my fanfic I can do anything I want.
Not really that satisfying, especially seeing as it'll probably spark, then spiral away into stopping time in the entire universe or something.
Gwyn tampered with maiden?
Doesn't really sound within his character, unless this place just got wack. Maybe it was an accident?
Woah woah, I'm just saying it doesn't sound within his character. Not like I started hating on it, but my personal preference is that the characterization would stay similar to almost 100%. My opinion.
Also, I meant that maiden was toned down in this arc, not the first one.
And finally, yes, it's your fanfic, so you do what you want. I'm just commenting on it.
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 15, 2020
(Oct. 15, 2020 12:59 AM)Valtryek Aoi Wrote:Here a little teaser for all of you(Oct. 15, 2020 12:53 AM)kai edits Wrote: Bro my fanfic is different I changed the characters a bit and now all of you say this character is out of character it's supposed to be like that. Maiden did not get toned down its the first arc why would maiden be a problem in the fanfic any way it's my fanfic I can do anything I want.
Woah woah, I'm just saying it doesn't sound within his character. Not like I started hating on it, but my personal preference is that the characterization would stay similar to almost 100%. My opinion.
Also, I meant that maiden was toned down in this arc, not the first one.
And finally, yes, it's your fanfic, so you do what you want. I'm just commenting on it.
Shun:maiden consume him now darkness burst
Dimitri:you think you can beat me.
Shun:maidens time overburst
Shun laughs as her aura flickers on and off
Shun:I am
*glitches*
Shun and maiden:we are one