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+--- Thread: Fan Fiction Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (BBB OC Story) (Completed Until Further Notice) (/Thread-Fan-Fiction-Story-Of-Lane-s-Sister-Athena-BBB-OC-Story-Completed-Until-Further-Notice)
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - UnseenBurst - Aug. 06, 2021
(Aug. 06, 2021 6:28 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Chapter 43
https://www.wattpad.com/1109180307-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst
So, I didn't rate the chapter last time, I got busy out of nowhere sorry about that, but I'm free for about 6-7 hours so ima read this then rate it.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - GenesisBlader - Aug. 06, 2021
nice chapter and i like how lane is showing signs of aggression
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - LJ-Blader - Aug. 06, 2021
Lane is aiming for… the Valhalla Manor!
Athena is so much fun to write and read, thanks for giving everyone this character DeltaZakuro!
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - Beyl0v3r - Aug. 06, 2021
I'm WAAAAY behind but chapter 3... MAN THAT WAS JUICY
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - UnseenBurst - Aug. 06, 2021
Yo DeltaZakuro this is my rating.
Plot: 5/5: It was really good Lui Vs Lane was so interesting, I loved the battlee
Grammar: 4.5/5: Your grammar is really good, just a couple of small i's when there supposed to be capitalized.
Length: 5/5: It was perfectly long, you added everything you needed and ended on an awesome cliffhanger!
Character: 5/5: You really captured their personalities and it's so Lui to apologize to Longinus, especially after and "Embarrassing" loss.
Dialogue: 4.5/5: It's really good, but in my opinion, it's kinda plain, what I mean by that is, like they're just talking about the plot, add some arguing and funny roasts then it'll be way more interesting!
Overall: 19/25: It was really good, just a few holes but you can improve, your really good at this!
Edit: I meant to give you a 5 not a 2 on Plot sorry about that
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - Beyl0v3r - Aug. 06, 2021
WHO WANTS TO HELP ME AND RUBY MURDER LANE
FOR MAKING BABY CRY
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - PinkRose - Aug. 07, 2021
(Aug. 06, 2021 6:28 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Chapter 43
https://www.wattpad.com/1109180307-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst
Welp, I gotta say my favorite part of the chapter was Shu's little exchange wuth Athena; it goes to show that sometimes, even if the truth might hurt a bit, it's better than keeping someone in the dark and leading to even worse consequences. Wish his anime counterpart learned that lesson, it always feels like he's keeping things from his friends and students just because he deems them too risky to be told when they're not.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - Demon Belial - Aug. 07, 2021
I am going to read it righwt now.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - Aug. 18, 2021
New Chapter Out Soon!
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - Aug. 18, 2021
Chapter 44
https://www.wattpad.com/1114681652-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - UnseenBurst - Aug. 18, 2021
(Aug. 18, 2021 1:47 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Chapter 44
https://www.wattpad.com/1114681652-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst
Spoiler (Click to View)
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - Aug. 19, 2021
(Aug. 18, 2021 4:17 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote:(Aug. 18, 2021 1:47 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Chapter 44
https://www.wattpad.com/1114681652-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst
Spoiler (Click to View)
Season 2 is still Sparking as it takes place shortly after Season 1. Season 3 is DB, and yes, Athena and Lane will both return in S3 and have DB Beys
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - UnseenBurst - Aug. 19, 2021
Okay, thanks! This is my theory of how Season 3 starts. Athena hears about everyone losing to this kid called The Demon King so, she tries taking him on herself, she's shocked to see just a kid in a cape hanging out in the mansion, Athena will kinda be confused and ask Bell some questions, Bell (Being Bell) will take this as an insult and says that he'll probably wipe the floor with Athena and in the battle, Athena's shocked to find out that he created a new Beyblade System called the DB System, Bell tells Athena about it and then they start the battle, Bell actually wins not easily but it wasn't too hard, Athena's crushed by this and seeks guidance from Adeona, Adeona says they need to evolve into the DB System and become stronger, (Also, Lane witnessed the battle so he's planning on evolving soon) After Athena evolves her Bey she goes back to challenge Bell, but Bell's battling Ransou with his new Cyclone Ragnaruk when she sees them. That's all I've got for now, I'm looking forward to season 3 with DB Beys and Athena's reaction to meeting Bell but, I'm also excited for Season 2!
Edit: Nevermind just read the plot for Season 3
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - Aug. 19, 2021
would also like to point out that Season 3's Protagonists are Athenas adopted younger sisters. Unseen has actually predicted what i had in mind for Season 3's starting chapters.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - UnseenBurst - Aug. 19, 2021
(Aug. 19, 2021 1:15 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: would also like to point out that Season 3's Protagonists are Athenas adopted younger sisters. Unseen has actually predicted what i had in mind for Season 3's starting chapters.
Dang, I spoiled everything lol I'm pretty impressed I got it right tho lol
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - GenesisBlader - Aug. 19, 2021
oh nuts who's the old enemy?!?!?
nice chapter btw, cant wait to see athena defeat chiki perhaps
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - Kiryu Kazuma - Aug. 19, 2021
(Aug. 19, 2021 2:22 AM)GenesisBlader Wrote: oh nuts who's the old enemy?!?!?
nice chapter btw, cant wait to see athena defeat chiki perhaps
I guess the old enemy is Phi.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - Aug. 20, 2021
A lot of people on Wattpad said Phi too. Well Phi does get mentioned in the coming chapters but im not confirming anything :)
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - UnseenBurst - Aug. 20, 2021
(Aug. 20, 2021 1:00 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: A lot of people on Wattpad said Phi too. Well Phi does get mentioned in the coming chapters but im not confirming anything
Folks, DeltaZakuro has just revealed it, lol but I know for a fact it's either Phi, Hyde, or Arthur
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - Aug. 29, 2021
New Chapter soon.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - UnseenBurst - Aug. 29, 2021
(Aug. 29, 2021 1:51 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: New Chapter soon.
I know this is off topic but I thought you were sick?
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - Aug. 29, 2021
(Aug. 29, 2021 1:51 AM)UnseenBurst Wrote:(Aug. 29, 2021 1:51 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: New Chapter soon.
I know this is off topic but I thought you were sick?
I've returned and I've gotten better.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - Aug. 29, 2021
Chapter 45
https://www.wattpad.com/1121410197-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - UnseenBurst - Aug. 29, 2021
(Aug. 29, 2021 11:35 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Chapter 45
https://www.wattpad.com/1121410197-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst
It was ________?! I never saw that coming! LOL, lemme read through the rest then I'll give my thoughts
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - GenesisBlader - Aug. 30, 2021
cant wait to read this!!!! wonder who the villan is... 🧐🤔
nicely done! that battle between athena and chiki was so epic it almost made me wet my pants lol (joke)