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+--- Thread: Original Beyblade Burst Series (Cast Final) (/Thread-Original-Beyblade-Burst-Series-Cast-Final)
RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - dt1000 - Nov. 28, 2017
(Nov. 28, 2017 11:46 AM)Alexa C H Wrote: Hey Guys!
I want to let everyone know something. Don't get me wrong. I do NOT mean to criticize or anything. I'm just mentioning. I noticed a lot of grammatical errors in the doc. Can I correct them?
Edit : Can i introduce my character and write a chapter too?
And also thanks @[Dragunix] for helping me catch with the flow...
I noticed that, so I'm fixing as many as possible.
what're the results?
RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - Dragunix - Nov. 28, 2017
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RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - MWF - Nov. 28, 2017
(Nov. 28, 2017 2:37 PM)Dragunix Wrote:(Nov. 28, 2017 11:46 AM)Alexa C H Wrote: Hey Guys!Yes, you can do that in chapter 7. I'll write 8
I want to let everyone know something. Don't get me wrong. I do NOT mean to criticize or anything. I'm just mentioning. I noticed a lot of grammatical errors in the doc. Can I correct them?
Edit : Can i introduce my character and write a chapter too?
And also thanks @[Dragunix] for helping me catch with the flow...
(Nov. 28, 2017 12:45 PM)MWF Wrote: @[Dragunix] I have an idea. Ch 6 (Is that the chapter we are on?) will be following Vis and it would be Vis would be showing Kioke around (well, kind of. Just think of how that would work.) and When Vis is showing Kioke his favorite outside beystadium the events of the side story will take place. (With slight changes because Kioke is there,)Yes. Just post chapter 6 after u r done. Kioke'scharacter growth could begin here...
sorry for bothering you but I need to have confirmation for using Kioke in my chapter.
Btw, AwesomeKid20094 , I revised a sentence in the doc. Rykos IS NOT a novice. He's already been through the basics and everything.
Edited sentence: I saw the look in his eyes, which scrolled over me several times as if searching for some potential.
Rykos is a pro at this point, so unless your character is some kinda omniscient being who can see people's souls, I disagree with the way you wrote my character...
ok should i post a draft here first? Also Where is Kioke. His location will effect the beginning of the chapter.
RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - Alexa C H - Nov. 28, 2017
So I will write chapter 7. But should I post the draft on this thread before that?
Can I use some of the other characters to build the plot in chapter 7?
RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - Dragunix - Nov. 28, 2017
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RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - MWF - Nov. 28, 2017
(Nov. 28, 2017 5:04 PM)Dragunix Wrote:(Nov. 28, 2017 3:03 PM)MWF Wrote: ok should i post a draft here first? Also Where is Kioke. His location will effect the beginning of the chapter.
EVERYONE WHO WRITES ON DOC. YES, POST THE DRAFT HERE FOR REVISION BEFORE FINAL IS COMPLETE
(Nov. 28, 2017 3:55 PM)Alexa C H Wrote: So I will write chapter 7. But should I post the draft on this thread before that?Draft has to be posted here first 4 revision.
Can I use some of the other characters to build the plot in chapter 7?
And yes, if u use other's characters, you must post here anyways
(Nov. 28, 2017 1:49 PM)dt1000 Wrote: I noticed that, so I'm fixing as many as possible.Results for the survey will be postes tmrw morning.
what're the results?
I am sorry for asking again but where is Kioke? His location will effect the beginning of the chapter.
RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - Dragunix - Nov. 28, 2017
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RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - MWF - Nov. 28, 2017
(Nov. 28, 2017 7:41 PM)Dragunix Wrote: Kioke is in America on his way to the team HQ wherever that is.
ok. I just needed to know how he would be arriving. Lets say he would be arriving by plane (the team HQ, which is the Maganda twins' parents' gym, is near the coast.) ok Draft will be posted soon. Thanks.
RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - MWF - Nov. 28, 2017
Vis and Zac, who insisted to tag along to keep an eye on Vis, are waiting at the airport for the potential fifth member for team Double Threat. Two people walk up and one of them says, "So I am guessing you two are the ones we are here to see?" Zac responds with, "Are you two here for team Double Threat?" They respond with yes and Zac says, "Then yes you found the right people. My name is Zac and I am the fourth member of the team. My younger brother over here is Vis, the Third member of the team." Vis says, "And you are?" The person says, "My name is Lima and my brother here is Kioke. He is the one who is here for team double threat." Vis says, "Ok now that that is settled let me show you around." Zac chuckles and says, "Just follow us."
Kioke and Lima follow Zac and Vis around to a beystadium in a park near the beach. Vis says, "This is a good place to rest. How have you been liking the coast so far?" the two say that they like it and Vis gets his beyblade ready and launches letting Sonar spin in the center. "This is a good stadium, it is close to the sea and is quiet. until a beyblade battle happens that is." As Vis says this A few bladers walk up to the stadium. Zac tells Vis about them But Vis still stays at the stadium. One of the people says, "Leave." Vis responds with, "Why? Are you warning me of something? What do you mean?" A second person says, "We mean leave the beystadium. Beyblading is a seeing mans sport." Vis grins as Zac assures Kioke and Lima and Vis says, "Want to test that theory?" Vis Gets his beyblade ready, " I would say tournament rules but I don't think you know them. So instead how about this, You three will battle in a battle royal and the winner will go against me first to two points. Got it?" The three people launch their beyblades and the winner is quickly decided. Vis grins and says, "The wining combo is Xeno xcalibur triple extreme am i right?" The Blader is shocked but says yes. Vis gets an Echo Boost ready and they launch. Sonar charges into the opponent. X2 bursts before Sonar lands on the ground. Vis Opens his eyes and does an unnerving grin, "Burst finish. Two points, I Win." The three people run away and Kioke is amazed. Vis makes a click sound then turns to Kioke to say, "Now about your tryouts, We will deal with that when we get to the rest of the team." Kioke is startled by this statement but does not complain.
-end of draft-
now, any thoughts? should Kioke's tryout be in this chapter or should it be saved for another chapter.
RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - Dragunix - Nov. 28, 2017
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RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - Suzaku-X - Nov. 28, 2017
(Nov. 28, 2017 4:27 AM)Eleanor Wrote:Everything is going smoothly...But we havent got the beyblade concepts of the characters...
U know it is required...if U want to know why then let me explain...
In the MFB Series or the bakuten shoot series...We knew each and every part of the beyblades pf characters...So when there is a damage in the beyblades suppose the " Engine gear" ....There was a solution to it...That is fixing a new gear in the beyblade ( Dragoon...If U remember) which led to a new episode " Fixing the gears"...
So if U know what the blade is made up of...Or its parts...U can write more clear battle descriptions...Like where the damage is inflicited in a battle..In the attack ring or any other layer...Why did the blade burst...??.. the chapters will be more clear then...
So I hope U all understood...Why beyblade concepts r required...This way U can introduce a new character who is a technician like kenny or madoka.. Who can fix beyblades...
Marian is also one. I would post my art but my parents blocked me from doing that.
RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - MWF - Nov. 29, 2017
(Nov. 28, 2017 10:58 PM)Dragunix Wrote: Maybe not as a scene?? Or maybe as a flashback in a later chapter. It really depends on chapter 7...
But this looks good. Would you like me to post?
go ahead.
RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - Dragunix - Nov. 29, 2017
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RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - MWF - Nov. 29, 2017
(Nov. 29, 2017 12:19 AM)Dragunix Wrote: I have a HUGE request to ask:
Several of the story POV adjectives are inconsistent. Could someone work on changing that to make it consistent throughout?
when the story follows Vis it is in third person limited and follows a little trick. Until knows the name of a person they are referred as a person. The clever reasoning behind it is that Vis is blind, He can't give a name a face.
RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - Dragunix - Nov. 29, 2017
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RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - Eleanor - Nov. 29, 2017
(Nov. 29, 2017 12:19 AM)Dragunix Wrote: I have a HUGE request to ask:
Several of the story POV adjectives are inconsistent. Could someone work on changing that to make it consistent throughout?
Sorry but I dont get it...What do U mean " inconsistency" in the chapters???
RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - Ayane_2355 - Nov. 29, 2017
(Nov. 29, 2017 1:44 AM)Eleanor Wrote:(Nov. 29, 2017 12:19 AM)Dragunix Wrote: I have a HUGE request to ask:
Several of the story POV adjectives are inconsistent. Could someone work on changing that to make it consistent throughout?
Sorry but I dont get it...What do U mean " inconsistency" in the chapters???
They mean an inconsistency in POV. In almost every chapter there is a different person we're hearing from. They would like there to be one final person that we're hearing from in this story, in every chapter.
RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - Suzaku-X - Nov. 29, 2017
I mean, if there is meant to be one final person, that would kinda skew things, say if Arashi were the main, we'd know jack squat about most of the others from his POV lol.
RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - Eleanor - Nov. 29, 2017
Hmmm....Thanx I get it now....But doesnt that mean that for this POV Case...The specific person has to be in all chapters...
RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - Jay Dragoon - Nov. 29, 2017
Well I came to the party late
RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - Dragunix - Nov. 29, 2017
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RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - Eleanor - Nov. 29, 2017
(Nov. 29, 2017 1:49 AM)Jay Dragoon Wrote: Well I came to the party late
Nah....Its never too late..
RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - Ayane_2355 - Nov. 29, 2017
(Nov. 29, 2017 1:48 AM)Suzaku-X Wrote: I mean, if there is meant to be one final person, that would kinda skew things, say if Arashi were the main, we'd know jack squat about most of the others from his POV lol.
Well, the point of taking something from someone's point of view is to be able to know their thoughts and (have more explained) reactions to every situation. If that is how he is, then that is how we will know of the story. And, we could just keep with a third person POV, but, that might be a stretch.
RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - Dragunix - Nov. 29, 2017
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RE: Original Beyblade Burst Series - Suzaku-X - Nov. 29, 2017
(Nov. 29, 2017 1:51 AM)Ayane_2355 Wrote:(Nov. 29, 2017 1:48 AM)Suzaku-X Wrote: I mean, if there is meant to be one final person, that would kinda skew things, say if Arashi were the main, we'd know jack squat about most of the others from his POV lol.
Well, the point of taking something from someone's point of view is to be able to know their thoughts and (have more explained) reactions to every situation. If that is how he is, then that is how we will know of the story. And, we could just keep with a third person POV, but, that might be a stretch.
How about this. We have 1 main POV, but switches in certain moments. Because at this point, I'd need to rewrite my entire previous chapter lol.