RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 20, 2021
UnseenBurst Or anyone else who reads this sneak peak for Satsu next bey decode it
Ti enod bmotas tesnus
PinkRose can you date my fan fic
???????????
Chapter 9
Enter Satomb Sunset!!!
Satsu: so let's get started!
Shun: Okay let's head the the Work shop!
Satsu: Work shop? Don't you guys have a base?
Jacob: ummm no lol we don't we don't need one.
Satsu: but BC sol has a base!
Jacob: Okay we need a base!
Shun: my uncle owns a ware house we can make that our base!
Jacob: wow you have a lot of connections with people.
Satsu: BOYS are we gonna build my bey or not?!!!!
Shun 's mind: she looks sweet but she's acting like a devil man chills.
Shun: Okay let's head to the work shop!
(They head to the work shop)
Jacob: soo how do you wanna build it?!
Satsu: I want it to have 5 blades with a tip that doesn't go to fast but with wicked attack!!!
Shun: makes sense you don't want the weight to make a it slow with the five blades if you make it fast the five blades will just slow it down! Correct?
Satsu: exactly!
Jacob: then what are we waiting for! Let's get creating!
Satsu: Okay!
(2 hours later)
Satsu: it's finished Satomb Sunset!
Shun: Then let's get battling I'll be referee!
(Satsu has a flashback)
Jacob: JAX VORTAGE
(Sunset burst)
(End of flashback)
Satsu: Jacob I won't loose.
Jacob: Neither will I!!!
Shun: First to 3 points Ready set!
Jacob & Satsu 3 2 1 LET IT -
(Satsu does a backflip)
Satsu & Jacob: RIP!!!
(Jackal instantly starts attacking)
Jacob: JAX VORTAGE!!
Satsu: THAT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN COUNTER THAT!!!
(Sunset dodges it and goes to the center)
Jacob: CHARGE!!
(Jacob charges in on Sunset)
(Satsu's aura fires up)
Satsu: SATOMB AWAY!!
(Sunset blades start glowing and burst Jackal)
Satsu: Woah! Good round!!
Shun: I'm recording this Hello this is he power of Justices beys
Jacob: umm your recording?
Shun: Yeah dude!
Ryui: Justice beys huh Ranson time for you to get an evolution.
Jacob: Satsu I'm tired I'm gonna go get a water okay?
Satsu: Sure.
Shun: NOW YOU BATTLE ME!!!
Satsu: Okay whatever lol this will be easy!
Shun: SAY THAT AGAIN I DARE YOU!!
Satsu: Let if rip.
Shun's mind: your mysterious I'll give you that.
Shun: Let it rip!
(Both beys right for the center)
Satsu: SUNSET SATOMB SMASH!
Shun: COUNTER THAT!
Jacob: I'm back! Huh a battle? EPIC!
(Both beys burst)
Jacob: Woah!
Shun: GG
Satsu: You too!
(Satsu has a flashback)
Satsu: NO Sunset.....
???: You are weak don't come back here ever again
(End of flashback)
Sastu: Ow.
Jacob: are you okay?
Satsu: I'm good.
Hope you like this chapter UnseenBurst do you mind rating?
Btw ryui was watching this video he was not actually there
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - JCE_13 - Jun. 20, 2021
Grammar/Punctuation: 2.5/5
Characters: 4/5
Storyline: 5/5
Battles: 4.5/5
Dialogue: 3.5/5
Overall: 18.5/25
Keep up the good work.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 20, 2021
(Jun. 20, 2021 7:23 PM)JCE_13 Wrote: Grammar/Punctuation: 2.5/5
Characters: 4/5
Storyline: 5/5
Battles: 4.5/5
Dialogue: 3.5/5
Overall: 18.5/25
Keep up the good work.
Thx dude
So does anyone else wanna sign up for the character contest so far UnseenBurst looks like he's gonna win or @darkred anyone else????
PLEASE lol but does anyone else wanna sign up?
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - ColdFlames13 - Jun. 21, 2021
Uh... Never fear, for ColdFlames is here!
(Jun. 20, 2021 7:30 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: (Jun. 20, 2021 7:23 PM)JCE_13 Wrote: Grammar/Punctuation: 2.5/5
Characters: 4/5
Storyline: 5/5
Battles: 4.5/5
Dialogue: 3.5/5
Overall: 18.5/25
Keep up the good work.
Thx dude
So does anyone else wanna sign up for the character contest so far UnseenBurst looks like he's gonna win or @darkred anyone else????
PLEASE lol but does anyone else wanna sign up?
SO... I have never actually made a fan made character or bey (Except ofc that other fan fiction) but it looks fun so I'm going to try it out lol.
Also can you post more about your system..?
So mine is done but it may be illegal
Name: Austin Murphy
Age: 14
Appearance: Black Hoodie, Blue Jeans and black hair.
Personality: Courageous, Resilient
Beyblade (I'm guessing this either has to be a justice bey or whatever there was before): Savage Aeolus (Balance) Hurricane Loop
Beyblade Appearance: It starts off with four blades that look like Valtryeks blades and are black.
Moves: North Wind: The Beyblade goes on attack. South Wind: The Beyblade hits the wall and twists to reveal one more blade and its in stamina mode. West Wind: It hits the wall and reveals two more blades (If its still in balance which is four blades) and its in defense mode. (Attack): North Cannon: It hits the wall but no blades come out and charges at the opponent. (Stamina): South Spin: It goes in the center and uses loop to stay there. (Defense): West Stand: It goes in the center (Or any where) and defends itself.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 21, 2021
(Jun. 21, 2021 2:03 PM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: Uh... Never fear, for ColdFlames is here!
(Jun. 20, 2021 7:30 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: Thx dude
So does anyone else wanna sign up for the character contest so far UnseenBurst looks like he's gonna win or @darkred anyone else????
PLEASE lol but does anyone else wanna sign up?
SO... I have never actually made a fan made character or bey (Except ofc that other fan fiction) but it looks fun so I'm going to try it out lol.
Also can you post more about your system..?
So mine is done but it may be illegal
Name: Austin Murphy
Age: 14
Appearance: Black Hoodie, Blue Jeans and black hair.
Personality: Courageous, Resilient
Beyblade (I'm guessing this either has to be a justice bey or whatever there was before): Savage Aeolus (Balance) Hurricane Loop
Beyblade Appearance: It starts off with four blades that look like Valtryeks blades and are black.
Moves: North Wind: The Beyblade goes on attack. South Wind: The Beyblade hits the wall and twists to reveal one more blade and its in stamina mode. West Wind: It hits the wall and reveals two more blades (If its still in balance which is four blades) and its in defense mode. (Attack): North Cannon: It hits the wall but no blades come out and charges at the opponent. (Stamina): South Spin: It goes in the center and uses loop to stay there. (Defense): West Stand: It goes in the center (Or any where) and defends itself.
Nice I like it 👍
Upcoming chapters
Chapter 10
Clash of the centurie! Jacob and the gang find another team to battle and they have Justice beys!!! Chapter 11
Enter Savage Aeolus! Jacob meets a new blader who wants to battle him! But he has a secret Chapter 12
Enter Rebel Raboot! Satsu goes into the city to find new bladers and ends up finding a strong won! Chapter 13
Air Ship! The WBO forms an air ship that's carries bladers around the world and bladers battle! ( it's that ship but it in the air lol)
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - Beyl0v3r - Jun. 21, 2021
Wait dude I'll totally do this
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 21, 2021
(Jun. 21, 2021 6:05 PM)Beyl0v3r Wrote: Wait dude I'll totally do this
Sure I mean you are co owner
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - Beyl0v3r - Jun. 21, 2021
I'll make my character when I get home.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 21, 2021
(Jun. 21, 2021 6:13 PM)Beyl0v3r Wrote: I'll make my character when I get home.
K
Chapter 10
Clash on the Centrie
Jacob: Umm Okay.
Satsu: So Shun did you get your uncle to give you the ware house?
Shun: Yes! I did he gave me the address and everything!
Jacob: Okay so what are we waiting for!
Satsu: K let’s go!
(They head to the warehouse)
Shun: Okay everyone where here after a long walk. *sigh*
Satsu: What took you so long?
Jacob: H-HOW!!!!!!!!!!!!
Satsu: Bike duh 🙄.
Shun: That’s beside the point let’s go inside.
Satsu: K hope we don’t have to clean the place up.
Jacob: your acting lazy today.
(Jacob says with sarcasm)
Satsu: Whatever.
(They open the gates)
????: what are YOU doing here?
(Mysterious guy says with a rude accent)
Shun: Huh what are you doing in MY uncle warehouse?!!
????: we found this place alone so we took it.
Jacob: We?
Ronin: oh your the creator of Justice beys! Allow me to introduce myself and the others I am Ronin and this is Haru and Ashu and where The Mighty Dark.
Satsu: HAHA Might dark? WHAT TYPE OF NAME IS THAT!!!!!!!
Ashu: YOU LITTLE-
Ronin: Stop it We will solve this in a battle winner gets the warehouse.
Jacob: Sure!
Hard: Okay-
Ronin: shush Me vs Jacob.
Jacob: Okay Where’s the Stadium?
Ronin: Follow me.
(Satsu, Jacob & Shun Follow Ronin and his Gang)
Ronin: Haru!
Hard: Yes sir?
Ronin: Your the Ref.
Shun’s mind: Woah This Ronin guy seems emotionless and he is ordering his friends What type of friend is he? But Jacob will defeat him!
(Shun has a flashback)
Shun: NOOO…… system…..
(End of flashback)
Haru: Ready Set!
Jacob & Ronin: 3 2 1 LET IT-
Ronin: Before we start My beys name is Rudar So you will remember the name when you loose.
Jacob: …
Jacob & Ronin: RIP!!!
(Jackal Starts attacking Radar)
Ronin: RUDAR
Satsu: Woah this guy seems strong but Jacob will win!
Ronin: RAZER WHIP
(Ruder doges all of Jackals attacks and burst Jackal)
Haru: Jackal burst 2 points go to Ronin
Jacob’s mind: Jackal this is an opponent that we can not underestimate.
Jackal: Agreed I sense a dark Aura from Rudar.
Jacob: Huh 🤔 Okay Ronin Let’s go!
Haru: First to 3 points Ready Set!
Jacob & Ronin: 3 2 1 LET IT RIP!
(Rudar Instantly takes the center)
Ronin: RAZER SMASH!!!
(Radar breaks out of the center and starts attacking Jackal)
Jacob: COUNTER THAT!!!
(Jackal doges it and attacks Rudar from the back) To be continued
UnseenBurst Can you Rate It?
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - ColdFlames13 - Jun. 21, 2021
Not to be rude but... You should work on your punctuation.. Or get Grammarly or something.. Not to be mean
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 21, 2021
(Jun. 21, 2021 11:01 PM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: Not to be rude but... You should work on your punctuation.. Or get Grammarly or something.. Not to be mean
Thanks for your Feedback
But I have been working on my punctuation
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - ColdFlames13 - Jun. 21, 2021
(Jun. 21, 2021 11:10 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: (Jun. 21, 2021 11:01 PM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: Not to be rude but... You should work on your punctuation.. Or get Grammarly or something.. Not to be mean
Thanks for your Feedback
But I have been working on my punctuation
I saw that lol.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 21, 2021
(Jun. 21, 2021 11:24 PM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: (Jun. 21, 2021 11:10 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: Thanks for your Feedback
But I have been working on my punctuation
I saw that lol. Lol but I got to work on my next Chapter
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - ColdFlames13 - Jun. 21, 2021
(Jun. 21, 2021 11:25 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: (Jun. 21, 2021 11:24 PM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: I saw that lol. Lol but I got to work on my next Chapter
Okay
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 22, 2021
Chapter 10 part 2
So this will be short since this is just the battle of Jacob vs Ronin
Jacob: NOW FINISH IT JAX VORTAGE!!
Ronin: HOW DARE YOU!!! RUDAR ATTACK!!
(Both aura's fire up)
(Both beys come clashing at each other)
Shun: come on Jacob pull it together!
(Shun says with enthusiasm)
(Rudar burst)
Haru: 2 points given to Jacob!
Ronin: WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON!!
Haru: no one sir.
Ronin: good to ahead and start NOW!
Jacob 's mind: WHO DOES THIS GUY THINK HE IS, HE MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL!!
Haru: Ready Set!
Jacob & Ronin: 3 2 1 let it rip!
(Rudar takes the center)
Ronin: RAZER SMASH!!
Jacob 's mind: Hm He seems to be relying on his Blades, Now that I think about it he pretty much needs his razer way to much. But he leaves the back of his bey defenceless so if I attack from the back I should get a burst!
Jacob: JACKAL!! NOW ATTACK FROM THE BACK!
Ronin 's mind: No... How did he find out our weak spot...
Ronin: NOW FINISH HIM!
(Rudar starts dodging but Jackal speeds up and burst Rudar)
Ronin: ..... No no NOOO..
Satsu: we won now get out!
Who else things that Satsu can be a LOT MEAN lol
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - ColdFlames13 - Jun. 22, 2021
I should make one of these because it looks fun
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 22, 2021
(Jun. 22, 2021 12:15 AM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: I should make one of these because it looks fun
Yeah but it's hard work I'll tell you that
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - ColdFlames13 - Jun. 22, 2021
(Jun. 22, 2021 12:16 AM)LegendJustice Wrote: (Jun. 22, 2021 12:15 AM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: I should make one of these because it looks fun
Yeah but it's hard work I'll tell you that
Just need a name..
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - Beyl0v3r - Jun. 22, 2021
Ok here it is:
First name: Ronan.Last name: (REDACTED)
Age:14
Bey: edge piranha
Birthday: July 8th
Old job:the bey police (from metal fight)
Description: he's pretty much like Hyde from turbo but has a love for fish that he never expresses cuz he thinks that people would think he's weak.
I forgot about special moves...
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 22, 2021
(Jun. 22, 2021 12:29 AM)Beyl0v3r Wrote: Ok here it is:
First name: Ronan.Last name: (REDACTED)
Age:14
Bey: edge piranha
Birthday: July 8th
Old job:the bey police (from metal fight)
Description: he's pretty much like Hyde from turbo but has a love for fish that he never expresses cuz he thinks that people would think he's weak.
I forgot about special moves...
Okay!
(Jun. 22, 2021 12:17 AM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: (Jun. 22, 2021 12:16 AM)LegendJustice Wrote: Yeah but it's hard work I'll tell you that
Just need a name..
Bey Blade burst flames?
Beyblade burst cold?
Beybade burst 13?
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - ColdFlames13 - Jun. 22, 2021
(Jun. 22, 2021 12:36 AM)LegendJustice Wrote: (Jun. 22, 2021 12:29 AM)Beyl0v3r Wrote: Ok here it is:
First name: Ronan.Last name: (REDACTED)
Age:14
Bey: edge piranha
Birthday: July 8th
Old job:the bey police (from metal fight)
Description: he's pretty much like Hyde from turbo but has a love for fish that he never expresses cuz he thinks that people would think he's weak.
I forgot about special moves...
Okay!
(Jun. 22, 2021 12:17 AM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: Just need a name..
Bey Blade burst flames?
Beyblade burst cold?
Beybade burst 13?
Lol
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - Beyl0v3r - Jun. 22, 2021
Oh and it's a Left spin attack type.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 22, 2021
(Jun. 22, 2021 12:52 AM)Beyl0v3r Wrote: Oh and it's a Left spin attack type.
K
(Jun. 22, 2021 12:51 AM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: (Jun. 22, 2021 12:36 AM)LegendJustice Wrote: Okay!
Bey Blade burst flames?
Beyblade burst cold?
Beybade burst 13?
Lol
Based on your username lol
(Jun. 22, 2021 12:51 AM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: (Jun. 22, 2021 12:36 AM)LegendJustice Wrote: Okay!
Bey Blade burst flames?
Beyblade burst cold?
Beybade burst 13?
Lol
Based on your username lol
UnseenBurst can you rate any of my recent chapters? If you don't want to do it it's okay!
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 22, 2021
Chapter 11
Enter Savage Aeolus!!
Satsu: Wow we have this nice base to our selfs! What a great day!
(Satsu Says exited)
Jacob: I still thing what you said to him was mean but okay.
(Jacob says Confused)
Shun: Well they broke into private property.
(Shun says strict)
Jacob: Whatever. **looks at Jackal**
Satsu: If you want to battle that bad just head to the city.
Jacob: But shouldn't I be sticking around here to help?
Satsu: JUST GO!!
(Satsu says mad)
Jacob: Okay, Ok Chill.
Jacob says to calm her down)
Shun: Don't worry Jacob we got this covered! right Satsu?
(Shun says motivated)
Satsu: Yeah, yeah **roles eyes**.
(Jacob starts walking away)
Jacob: oh I know I'll head to the Bey Grove!
(Jacob goes to a small park behind a store)
Jacob's mind: Why is everyone gathered up like that?
???: who's next?
Random kid: umm you have best everyone in the park.
(Random kid says nervously)
Jacob: What's going on?
???: Huh your Jacob Kong the creator of Justice beys!
(??? Says excited)
Jacob: Yeah, I am and I would like to battle you!
Austin: Sure! I'm Austin!
Random kid: OOoooooOooo battle everyone get the live streaming equipment.
(Random Kid says impatiently)
Gaza: And I'm Gaza Now where live streaming in a few minutes!
Austin: **sighs**That's Gaza for you.
(Austin says funny)
Jacob: Well? What are we waiting for!
Gaza: we're live streaming! Ready set!
Jacob & Austin: 3 2 1 LET IT RIP!!
(Meanwhile)
Satsu: **puts on TV** huh Jacob is on TV!!!
Shun: Really? Wait is it a battle?
Satsu: Yes, Idiot now come over here!
Shun: Who's that?
(Shun says Confused)
(Back to the battle)
Austin: also my beys name is Savage Auolus!
Jacob: Cool! JACKAL JAX VORTAGE!!
(Jackal comes charging at Auolus)
Austin 's mind: Woah he got there so fast luckily I evolved Auolus to a justice bey!
Austin: Savage smash!
(Auolus dodges it and clashes into Jackal like a bill chasing a red flag)
Gaza: WOW FOLKS THAT'S MY BROTHER!!!!!
(Gaza says excited)
Jacob: Your strong I'll give you that!!
(Jacob has a flashback)
???: Your a weekling!!
Young Jacob: N-no my mommy sawmill be one of the best!
???: Ha she was telling you what you wanted to here your NEVER gonna be one of the best!!!
(End of flashback)
Jacob: N-no not again I will loose... JACKAL JAX WHIP!!!
(Auolus burst)
Austin: Woah great battle 👍
(Austin says putting a thumbs up)
Jacob: You to! Well I have to head back now later!
Austin: Okay! It was good battling you!
Gaza: And that's the end of it folks the for catching the live stream until next time!!!
(Jacob goes to the base)
Shun: YOU DID GREAT!!
Sastu: I goes hand it to ya you were great.
(Satsu says sarcastically proud)
Jacob: The guys b it J gotta head home later! UnseenBurst can you rate this chapter?
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - UnseenBurst - Jun. 23, 2021
(Jun. 22, 2021 11:53 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: Chapter 11
Enter Savage Aeolus!!
Satsu: Wow we have this nice base to our selfs! What a great day!
(Satsu Says exited)
Jacob: I still thing what you said to him was mean but okay.
(Jacob says Confused)
Shun: Well they broke into private property.
(Shun says strict)
Jacob: Whatever. **looks at Jackal**
Satsu: If you want to battle that bad just head to the city.
Jacob: But shouldn't I be sticking around here to help?
Satsu: JUST GO!!
(Satsu says mad)
Jacob: Okay, Ok Chill.
Jacob says to calm her down)
Shun: Don't worry Jacob we got this covered! right Satsu?
(Shun says motivated)
Satsu: Yeah, yeah **roles eyes**.
(Jacob starts walking away)
Jacob: oh I know I'll head to the Bey Grove!
(Jacob goes to a small park behind a store)
Jacob's mind: Why is everyone gathered up like that?
???: who's next?
Random kid: umm you have best everyone in the park.
(Random kid says nervously)
Jacob: What's going on?
???: Huh your Jacob Kong the creator of Justice beys!
(??? Says excited)
Jacob: Yeah, I am and I would like to battle you!
Austin: Sure! I'm Austin!
Random kid: OOoooooOooo battle everyone get the live streaming equipment.
(Random Kid says impatiently)
Gaza: And I'm Gaza Now where live streaming in a few minutes!
Austin: **sighs**That's Gaza for you.
(Austin says funny)
Jacob: Well? What are we waiting for!
Gaza: we're live streaming! Ready set!
Jacob & Austin: 3 2 1 LET IT RIP!!
(Meanwhile)
Satsu: **puts on TV** huh Jacob is on TV!!!
Shun: Really? Wait is it a battle?
Satsu: Yes, Idiot now come over here!
Shun: Who's that?
(Shun says Confused)
(Back to the battle)
Austin: also my beys name is Savage Auolus!
Jacob: Cool! JACKAL JAX VORTAGE!!
(Jackal comes charging at Auolus)
Austin 's mind: Woah he got there so fast luckily I evolved Auolus to a justice bey!
Austin: Savage smash!
(Auolus dodges it and clashes into Jackal like a bill chasing a red flag)
Gaza: WOW FOLKS THAT'S MY BROTHER!!!!!
(Gaza says excited)
Jacob: Your strong I'll give you that!!
(Jacob has a flashback)
???: Your a weekling!!
Young Jacob: N-no my mommy sawmill be one of the best!
???: Ha she was telling you what you wanted to here your NEVER gonna be one of the best!!!
(End of flashback)
Jacob: N-no not again I will loose... JACKAL JAX WHIP!!!
(Auolus burst)
Austin: Woah great battle 👍
(Austin says putting a thumbs up)
Jacob: You to! Well I have to head back now later!
Austin: Okay! It was good battling you!
Gaza: And that's the end of it folks the for catching the live stream until next time!!!
(Jacob goes to the base)
Shun: YOU DID GREAT!!
Sastu: I goes hand it to ya you were great.
(Satsu says sarcastically proud)
Jacob: The guys b it J gotta head home later! UnseenBurst can you rate this chapter?
Grammar: 3/5. Spotted a couple of mistakes
Story: 3/5. I loved the plot you were going for I wish you dragged it out longer so we could get more information.
Characters: 3/5. Finally, we get some information about the characters tho I wish you got more into it
Dialogue: 3/5. I loved how you used a bit of my Dialogue and mixed it with your dialogue to create a smoothie lol
Length: 3/5. You getting there just get into more important stuff in the story and don't feel like your being rushed take all the time in the world.
15/25 You've amped it up nice I'm proud
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