RE: [story] The Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 4 is up) - Eternal-E - Sep. 18, 2012
Chapter 5:"Hand it over, kid." Zero snarled to Jim. "A deal's a deal."
"ANDREW!" Jim ylled giving zero his bey. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA WIN!"
"I tried!" I yelled. "He's stronger than before!"
"WAIT!" Zero said. "That was a really good battle. I'll give you the information if you promise to create a team yourself."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing! "YES!" I said. "Team Soaring Spirit! That's what it's gonna be called!"
"Yeagh well you and your bladder bladers should listen." Zero said. "I've gotten information about a tornament being held in 32 days. This is a team tornament and you must have at least 3 bladers on a team. I don't know of the competition but I do know where this will be held. The screming rainbow stadium in Kentucky. That's all I know."
"Wow!" I yelled. "The screaming rainbow stadium! That place is HUGE!"
"Well can I join this team?" Jim asked.
"I'll hold tryouts this Friday." I said. "I hope you can make it!"
"So It's settled. What stadium will they be in?" Jim asked.
"I'm thinking to put up a Takara Tomy BB-10 Attack type stadium."I said. "It's the most fair of any of them. You shoud train. There will be a lot of people out there. And you shouldn't lose!"
FRIDAY:
"Wow!" I said. "Quite a turn out! I wonder where Joe is..."
"Hey!" A random girl said. "Andrew's speaking!"
"No I'm not!" I said. The girl walked up. She was a thin girl with long curly hair. She was kinda tall, a little shorter than me, and her last interfearense with a grammar nazi was 13 years ago(the 12 year old girl. same age as I was.) She was definately... Cute.
RE: [story] The Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 5 is up) - akio314 - Sep. 19, 2012
A few grammar and spelling mistakes, but I really like the story. SO STINKIN' EPIC! This may be one of the best stories on the WBO.
RE: [story] The Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 5 is up) - Eternal-E - Sep. 19, 2012
Definately not the best, Wink Wink, but thanks!
RE: [story] The Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 5 is up) - akio314 - Sep. 19, 2012
(Sep. 19, 2012 11:39 PM)Eternal-E Wrote: Definately not the best, Wink Wink, but thanks! Actually it is very good, but people think it isn't as good as it really is because of the somewhat-frequent grammar and spelling mistakes and the wierdish title, but it is actually really good compared to some other people's stories on this website. But the plot is totally awesome! *No wink this time*
RE: [story] The Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 5 is up) - Eternal-E - Sep. 19, 2012
(Sep. 19, 2012 11:45 PM)Akio314 Wrote: (Sep. 19, 2012 11:39 PM)Eternal-E Wrote: Definately not the best, Wink Wink, but thanks! Actually it is very good, but people think it isn't as good as it really is because of the somewhat-frequent grammar and spelling mistakes and the wierdish title, but it is actually really good compared to some other people's stories on this website. But the plot is totally awesome! *No wink this time*
That reminds me! I've been meaning to take the "the" out of the title. Also, I've just said "the" three times in the same scentense. Two the's that last time. One... Let it rip!
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 5 is up) - bladeshredder02 - Sep. 27, 2012
awsome homie
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 5 is up) - bladeshredder02 - Sep. 27, 2012
I get it im older in real life actually im 13 so i get it now i didn't know your real age
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 5 is up) - Eternal-E - Sep. 28, 2012
(Sep. 27, 2012 4:22 PM)bladeshredder Wrote: I get it im older in real life actually im 13 so i get it now i didn't know your real age
wait a second... what?
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 6 is up) - sonoro - Sep. 29, 2012
good story and nice title! i like chapter 5 the most!
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 6 is up) - Eternal-E - Sep. 29, 2012
why chapter 5? "Hi!" The mystery girl said. "I'm Margret. I don't have a bey, but let's battle. If you can let me borrow one of corse."
I blushed. "Sure" I said pulling my launcher grip off my belt. "Come with me." I opened the curtain behind me. "This is the Golden Griffon stadium. It was creared when my old bey, Eagle, clashed too toughly with my friends old bey, Leone. Together, the spirit created a stadium, and a new bey. Can you guess it's name?"
"Hmmm..." She said. "Golden Griffon?"
"Yes." I said. "W145BD. And you get to use it."
"Wow." Margret blushed. "You must really like that bey. If you don't mind me asking, Where is it?"
I felt like the dumbest person in the world. I forgot to show her the bey she could borrow! "Right this way." I said opening the small door under the stadium. "This, is Golden Griffon. Do you have a launcher? Because Griffon came with one of those too."
"I do have a launcher..." She said. "But not a grip." She pulled out her launcher.
"Oh... My... Gosh!" I said. "That's the Griffon String! The launcher I lost on the street months ago! The string is twise as long and twise as strong! It also has a rubber grip on the handle AND the word Griffon in red like an autoghaph! It goes perfectly with the Golden Grip!" I gave her the golden grip and attach it to the Griffon String. It was a perfect fit. "Three!" I shouted attaching Tempo to the launcher.
"Two!" She shouted attaching Griffon to the launcher.
"One!" We bolth said aiming our launchers at the stadium. "Let It RIP!!!"
Tempo and Griffon landed into the stadium. Tempo was taking the offensive when Griffon was holding a more defensive pattern. There was an obvious differense between the two beys.
"TEMPO!" I said. "Let's end this quickly! Special Move, CLOCKWORK FO-" A bey was shot up at mine and they bolth landed down on Griffon. Tempo and Griffon were stopped and the misterious bey flew back to a shadowy figure.
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 6 is up) - sonoro - Sep. 29, 2012
(Sep. 29, 2012 3:41 AM)Eternal-E Wrote: why chapter 5? "Hi!" The mystery girl said. "I'm Margret. I don't have a bey, but let's battle. If you can let me borrow one of corse."
I blushed. "Sure" I said pulling my launcher grip off my belt. "Come with me." I opened the curtain behind me. "This is the Golden Griffon stadium. It was creared when my old bey, Eagle, clashed too toughly with my friends old bey, Leone. Together, the spirit created a stadium, and a new bey. Can you guess it's name?"
"Hmmm..." She said. "Golden Griffon?"
"Yes." I said. "W145BD. And you get to use it."
"Wow." Margret blushed. "You must really like that bey. If you don't mind me asking, Where is it?"
I felt like the dumbest person in the world. I forgot to show her the bey she could borrow! "Right this way." I said opening the small door under the stadium. "This, is Golden Griffon. Do you have a launcher? Because Griffon came with one of those too."
"I do have a launcher..." She said. "But not a grip." She pulled out her launcher.
"Oh... My... Gosh!" I said. "That's the Griffon String! The launcher I lost on the street months ago! The string is twise as long and twise as strong! It also has a rubber grip on the handle AND the word Griffon in red like an autoghaph! It goes perfectly with the Golden Grip!" I gave her the golden grip and attach it to the Griffon String. It was a perfect fit. "Three!" I shouted attaching Tempo to the launcher.
"Two!" She shouted attaching Griffon to the launcher.
"One!" We bolth said aiming our launchers at the stadium. "Let It RIP!!!"
Tempo and Griffon landed into the stadium. Tempo was taking the offensive when Griffon was holding a more defensive pattern. There was an obvious differense between the two beys.
"TEMPO!" I said. "Let's end this quickly! Special Move, CLOCKWORK FO-" A bey was shot up at mine and they bolth landed down on Griffon. Tempo and Griffon were stopped and the misterious bey flew back to a shadowy figure.
i dont know i just like 5
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 7 is up) - Eternal-E - Sep. 29, 2012
"Who are you?" I asked. The shadowy figure diddn't awnser. He started walking in slowly. After a few seconds, I almost got a clear view of his face.
"Hey Andrew!" He said. It was Joe. "I got a Metal Face on my new Kerbecs! Heavy! Who's your friend?"
"This is Margret." I said. "I let her use the Griffon for battle." She held up the Griffon smiling.
"So you're the famous Joe I've been hearing about." Margret said. "It's nice to meet you."
"Wait..." Joe said. "Been hearing about? I thought my friend would tell me about his girlfriend." Just than, He stormed out angrily.
"You know..." I said. "He's only gonna be happy if he's right." We bolth blushed. "So... Will you go on a date with me?"
"Well..." She said. "I appriciate the request, but this is very sudden. I've only met you erlier today. I do like you, but I don't know if I like like you yet. You know what I mean? Tell you what. I'll go to BeyBurger with you. If it goes well, we can go again. ok?"
"Sound's good." I said. "Sound's good. But first we should finish this."
"Of corse" Margret said.
I opened the curtain. "People!" I almost shouted. "Everyone is here! So let the battle begin!"
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 7 is up) - Kujikato - Sep. 29, 2012
No offense, but your chapters are too short, aim for about 600 words for one chapter.
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 7 is up) - bladeshredder02 - Sep. 29, 2012
epic bro your going through these pages faster than the weakest bey vs. the strongest bey
[/size][size=xx-large] awsome story so far XD
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 7 is up) - bladeshredder02 - Oct. 01, 2012
yaagyy
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 7 is up) - bladeshredder02 - Oct. 02, 2012
dude when is chapter 8 im about to pop its so good no AWSOME XD
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 7 is up) - Eternal-E - Oct. 04, 2012
Chapter 8 is up. I'll change the title when I get home.
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 7 is up) - bladeshredder02 - Oct. 04, 2012
I forgot is zero andrews brother.
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 8 is up) - Sparta - Oct. 05, 2012
(Sep. 04, 2012 12:49 AM)Eternal-E Wrote: I luckily used my awesome skills Uhm...eh...
So, a few misspellings here and there (I think I saw "seemed" as "seamed," and some awkward wordings). Try rereading your story and fixing anything that doesn't agree with autocorrect (Or Microsoft Word) and the basic sentence grammar rules. If you have any questions or uncertainties, please feel free to shoot me a PM! 
Also, the transition from the character looking at the poster to suddenly being in the stadium threw me off. Try to add a little bit of meat in there and add him walking in or something. Otherwise, the science thing held a lot of weight; using a vacuum was pretty smart
Good job.
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 8 is up) - Eternal-E - Oct. 12, 2012
Just finished Chapter 9! Let's read it you guys! Also I'm taking a break from this story to write the next few chapters in my other story, I will continue this in about a month.
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 8 is up) - wtater888 - Oct. 12, 2012
I think you fixed it and sorry for a late post
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 9 is up) - bladeshredder02 - Oct. 14, 2012
the sentence that says i "promise i will make you a better blader" you spelled it "aa better blader"
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 9 is up) - mje123 - Oct. 14, 2012
really enjoyed this story
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 10 is up) - Eternal-E - Oct. 17, 2012
Chapter 10 is up!
RE: [story] Legend of the Bleeding Bey's. (chapter 11 is up) - Eternal-E - Dec. 05, 2012
Sorry for the double post but...
Chapter 11 is complete!!!
|
