(Nov. 23, 2020  11:53 PM)BeybladeManiac0 Wrote:

(Nov. 23, 2020  7:44 PM)6Jupiter5 Wrote: Good job on the length, I would recommend trying to reduce the cringe in dialogue as Lane sounds like a defiant baby.

Isn't what he is in the anime?
XD

(Nov. 23, 2020  11:53 PM)BeybladeManiac0 Wrote:

(Nov. 23, 2020  7:44 PM)6Jupiter5 Wrote: Good job on the length, I would recommend trying to reduce the cringe in dialogue as Lane sounds like a defiant baby.

Isn't what he is in the anime?
XD

(Nov. 24, 2020  12:30 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote:

(Nov. 23, 2020  11:53 PM)BeybladeManiac0 Wrote: Isn't what he is in the anime?
XD

r/technicallythetruth

(Nov. 24, 2020  12:36 AM)kai edits Wrote: Lane:let me hurt my sister to look cool.
Meanwhile in beyblade burst apocalypse
Lane:sis?
Lanes sister:go away.
Lane is sent flying by lanes sister fist.
Shun:it's hard to believe they are siblings since they act like husband and wife.

(Nov. 24, 2020  12:38 AM)EarthHelios Wrote:

(Nov. 24, 2020  12:36 AM)kai edits Wrote: Lane:let me hurt my sister to look cool.
Meanwhile in beyblade burst apocalypse
Lane:sis?
Lanes sister:go away.
Lane is sent flying by lanes sister fist.
Shun:it's hard to believe they are siblings since they act like husband and wife.

too much incest XD.

(Nov. 24, 2020  12:40 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: Lane takes the cake as the most depressed and mental kid in burst lol

(Nov. 24, 2020  12:42 AM)kai edits Wrote:

(Nov. 24, 2020  12:40 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: Lane takes the cake as the most depressed and mental kid in burst lol

Bro like you hurt your sister come on man you had one job.
Lane:your such a pain.
Lanes sister:This why mom does not freaking love you!

(Nov. 24, 2020  12:44 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: I need to get a life I stg

Chapters 44-49

Chapter 44: Athena Vs Shu!
Chapter 45: Athena Vs Chiki!
Chapter 46: True Battle Of Friendship! (Tentative Title)
Chapter 47: Lucifer Vs Achilles!
Chapter 48: Training For The Final Battle!
Chapter 49: Overcome Your Fears!

(Nov. 24, 2020  3:32 AM)BeybladeManiac0 Wrote: You should draw this fanfic as a comic. From what I've seen, you're an amazing artist.

(Nov. 24, 2020  3:32 AM)BeybladeManiac0 Wrote: You should draw this fanfic as a comic. From what I've seen, you're an amazing artist.

(Nov. 24, 2020  3:39 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote:

(Nov. 24, 2020  3:32 AM)BeybladeManiac0 Wrote: You should draw this fanfic as a comic. From what I've seen, you're an amazing artist.

That takes a lot of time i kinda dont have. I can maybe draw 2-4 shots from each chapter, its almost the same thing.

(Nov. 24, 2020  5:09 AM)BeybladeManiac0 Wrote:

(Nov. 24, 2020  3:39 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: That takes a lot of time i kinda dont have. I can maybe draw 2-4 shots from each chapter, its almost the same thing.

That's even better. If you want, I could draw images of the Beys by themselves.

(Nov. 24, 2020  5:39 AM)6Jupiter5 Wrote:

(Nov. 24, 2020  5:09 AM)BeybladeManiac0 Wrote: That's even better. If you want, I could draw images of the Beys by themselves.

DeltaZakuro doesn’t want others to draw it. You can draw it on your own free time, but it won’t be official.

(Nov. 24, 2020  10:07 AM)BeybladeManiac0 Wrote:

(Nov. 24, 2020  5:39 AM)6Jupiter5 Wrote: DeltaZakuro doesn’t want others to draw it. You can draw it on your own free time, but it won’t be official.

That's what I meant. But would I be able to post them in the fan design thread? (as long as I mention the original creator?)

(Nov. 24, 2020  2:19 PM)6Jupiter5 Wrote:

(Nov. 24, 2020  10:07 AM)BeybladeManiac0 Wrote: That's what I meant. But would I be able to post them in the fan design thread? (as long as I mention the original creator?)

Yes, you could (I did it at least). Mention that it isn’t official.

(Nov. 21, 2020  11:07 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Might as well do it... Heres Chapter 7 (warning: Some slight language)

Athena: I'll go with Angelic Adeona!!

Lane: Very well... I will make sure Adeona is destroyed!!!

Athena: Yeeaah, that isn't happening...

*they get in Launch positions
*
Athena: *in her mind* i love you Lane! I can't stand by and watch your power destroy you! I cannot allow that happen!

Lane: *in his mind* Athena... Once I destroy Adeona, i never want to see your face in my sight again... My goal will not be blocked by the likes of you!

Athena: Lets do this already!

Lane: Yeah.

3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!

*Lucifer had took the center, Adeona was showing some extreme speed*

Lane: Come At Me! I Pulverize You!!

*Adeona was nailing Lucifer with a barrage of fierce attacks*

Lane: Oh....

*the barrier was slowly going down*

Ranjiro: SHE'S DESTROYING THE BARRIER?!?

Athena: FINISH IT WITH ANGELIC BURST!!!

*Adeona slashes across Lucifer, knocking it out of the stadium*

Lane: W-what...?

*Athena picks up her bey and stares at Lane who was getting extremely frustrated!*

Lane: *rages and screams* I'LL DESTROY YOU NEXT TIME!!!!!

*Athena frowns and stares at Lane with a hurt expression*

Athena: Lane....

*the two get in their launch positions*

3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!

*Lucifer had taken the center as Adeona charges towards it*

Lane: Bring It!

Athena: GO!!!!

*Adeona knocks Lucifer high into the air, destroying its barrier*

*Lanes flare rises and it flows toward Athena, Athenas flare rises and it flows toward Lane*

Athena: Lane.. I may not be the best sister in the world but please, come back to me! I miss you!!!!

*Adeona and Lucifer were clashing head to head*

Athena: Please! Step out of the darkness and come home with me!

~Lane was in absolute shock from what he was hearing, in utter rage he rejects Athena and refuses to listen~

Athena: IM BRINGING YOU BACK ONE WAY OR THE OTHER!!!! ANGELIC CRASH!!!

Lane: I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!!! VARIANT ARMAGEDDON!!!!!

*both beys collide as a massive burst of energy erupts from the stadium, Athena and Lane shield their face from the massive explosion, Harry squeaks as he scurries into a crate for cover*

*The smoke cleared and Lucifer was still spinning and Adeona had burst*

Athena: No... It can't be...

Lane: Do you understand now? You will never ever be on my level!!

*Athena falls to her knees almost in tears, she shook in terror as Lanes flare grows even more*

Lane: I don't wanna see your face in my sights again!!

*Lane leaves the factory*

Ranjiro: That spiky haired jacka**!!!! Next time I see him, ima blow his a** out of the stadium!!!

Hikaru: We should check on her, see if she is alright?

Rantaro: I'll talk to her, you guys go back.

Hikaru: Are you sure?

Rantaro: Yeah.

*everyone left and Rantaro walks over to Athena but before he could say anything....*

Athena: I don't wanna talk about it....

*Rantaro sighs and walks away*

~Athenas tears start streaming as she sits in the cold, dark and quiet factory, she reaches forward to grab her bey but her exhaustion causes her to fall over, she hadnt slept in days.~

Did i fail? Is the brother i looked up to all my life gone?

~that thought rushed through her head and it made her cry even harder. The abandoned factory echoed with Athenas sobbing....~


Next Chapter: The Great Warrior Of Legends! Brave Valkyrie!

(Nov. 26, 2020  3:36 AM)beykid44 Wrote:

(Nov. 21, 2020  11:07 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Might as well do it... Heres Chapter 7 (warning: Some slight language)

Athena: I'll go with Angelic Adeona!!

Lane: Very well... I will make sure Adeona is destroyed!!!

Athena: Yeeaah, that isn't happening...

*they get in Launch positions
*
Athena: *in her mind* i love you Lane! I can't stand by and watch your power destroy you! I cannot allow that happen!

Lane: *in his mind* Athena... Once I destroy Adeona, i never want to see your face in my sight again... My goal will not be blocked by the likes of you!

Athena: Lets do this already!

Lane: Yeah.

3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!

*Lucifer had took the center, Adeona was showing some extreme speed*

Lane: Come At Me! I Pulverize You!!

*Adeona was nailing Lucifer with a barrage of fierce attacks*

Lane: Oh....

*the barrier was slowly going down*

Ranjiro: SHE'S DESTROYING THE BARRIER?!?

Athena: FINISH IT WITH ANGELIC BURST!!!

*Adeona slashes across Lucifer, knocking it out of the stadium*

Lane: W-what...?

*Athena picks up her bey and stares at Lane who was getting extremely frustrated!*

Lane: *rages and screams* I'LL DESTROY YOU NEXT TIME!!!!!

*Athena frowns and stares at Lane with a hurt expression*

Athena: Lane....

*the two get in their launch positions*

3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!

*Lucifer had taken the center as Adeona charges towards it*

Lane: Bring It!

Athena: GO!!!!

*Adeona knocks Lucifer high into the air, destroying its barrier*

*Lanes flare rises and it flows toward Athena, Athenas flare rises and it flows toward Lane*

Athena: Lane.. I may not be the best sister in the world but please, come back to me! I miss you!!!!

*Adeona and Lucifer were clashing head to head*

Athena: Please! Step out of the darkness and come home with me!

~Lane was in absolute shock from what he was hearing, in utter rage he rejects Athena and refuses to listen~

Athena: IM BRINGING YOU BACK ONE WAY OR THE OTHER!!!! ANGELIC CRASH!!!

Lane: I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!!! VARIANT ARMAGEDDON!!!!!

*both beys collide as a massive burst of energy erupts from the stadium, Athena and Lane shield their face from the massive explosion, Harry squeaks as he scurries into a crate for cover*

*The smoke cleared and Lucifer was still spinning and Adeona had burst*

Athena: No... It can't be...

Lane: Do you understand now? You will never ever be on my level!!

*Athena falls to her knees almost in tears, she shook in terror as Lanes flare grows even more*

Lane: I don't wanna see your face in my sights again!!

*Lane leaves the factory*

Ranjiro: That spiky haired jacka**!!!! Next time I see him, ima blow his a** out of the stadium!!!

Hikaru: We should check on her, see if she is alright?

Rantaro: I'll talk to her, you guys go back.

Hikaru: Are you sure?

Rantaro: Yeah.

*everyone left and Rantaro walks over to Athena but before he could say anything....*

Athena: I don't wanna talk about it....

*Rantaro sighs and walks away*

~Athenas tears start streaming as she sits in the cold, dark and quiet factory, she reaches forward to grab her bey but her exhaustion causes her to fall over, she hadnt slept in days.~

Did i fail? Is the brother i looked up to all my life gone?

~that thought rushed through her head and it made her cry even harder. The abandoned factory echoed with Athenas sobbing....~


Next Chapter: The Great Warrior Of Legends! Brave Valkyrie!

I'm sad this will be the last chapter i read of this :c