(Sep. 17, 2020  12:19 AM)CheetoBlader Wrote:

(Sep. 17, 2020  12:18 AM)kai edits Wrote: I misclicked just now smh.

How did you misclick? What did you misclick?

(Sep. 17, 2020  1:39 AM)The Blacknight Wrote:

(Sep. 17, 2020  12:19 AM)CheetoBlader Wrote: How did you misclick? What did you misclick?

This is getting spicy. And a bit outta hand, almost popcorn worthy. Almost.

(Sep. 18, 2020  7:25 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: Character Name Reveals #3:
Odjiso Aryak
Relanzo Qurano
Vinera Guilder    
Bhavesh Agate  

But the questions are: who is the main character, or is the main character even listed? Are all of them main characters? How much “screen time” will each of them get? Just some food for thought.

Next update will be on Thursday, unless this post gets three likes. Then it’ll be Tuesday. (Not to “like beg” or anything like that. Just sayin’)

(Sep. 18, 2020  7:27 PM)The Blacknight Wrote:

(Sep. 18, 2020  7:25 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: Character Name Reveals #3:
Odjiso Aryak
Relanzo Qurano
Vinera Guilder    
Bhavesh Agate  

But the questions are: who is the main character, or is the main character even listed? Are all of them main characters? How much “screen time” will each of them get? Just some food for thought.

Next update will be on Thursday, unless this post gets three likes. Then it’ll be Tuesday. (Not to “like beg” or anything like that. Just sayin’)

wait so are these owl house characters(don't watch owl house so idk)

(Sep. 18, 2020  7:27 PM)The Blacknight Wrote:

(Sep. 18, 2020  7:25 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: Character Name Reveals #3:
Odjiso Aryak
Relanzo Qurano
Vinera Guilder    
Bhavesh Agate  

But the questions are: who is the main character, or is the main character even listed? Are all of them main characters? How much “screen time” will each of them get? Just some food for thought.

Next update will be on Thursday, unless this post gets three likes. Then it’ll be Tuesday. (Not to “like beg” or anything like that. Just sayin’)

wait so are these owl house characters(don't watch owl house so idk)

(Sep. 18, 2020  7:29 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote:

(Sep. 18, 2020  7:27 PM)The Blacknight Wrote: wait so are these owl house characters(don't watch owl house so idk)

No? Read the thread smh

(Sep. 18, 2020  7:32 PM)GreenK9148 Wrote:

(Sep. 18, 2020  7:27 PM)The Blacknight Wrote: wait so are these owl house characters(don't watch owl house so idk)

They're not Owl House character. But, you should watch the owl house because I'm totally not advertising it right now. Even if they were owl house characters. I don't see Hooty in here.

(Sep. 18, 2020  11:35 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: Also, if anyone wants it, they can I guess put their names down for pings when a chapter is posted, or an update.

(Sep. 18, 2020  11:36 PM)GreenK9148 Wrote:

(Sep. 18, 2020  11:35 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: Also, if anyone wants it, they can I guess put their names down for pings when a chapter is posted, or an update.

Yeah, ping me down for it.

Chapter One (Click to View)

“Go! Attack!” Chanted a twelve year old boy named Harold.
    “Not on my watch! Defend!” Yelled his friend.
    Two Beyblades clashed in the center of their beat-up Beystadium, hitting each other, getting knocked backwards, then bouncing back and clashing more, one eventually running out of stamina.
    “Thirty nine to two, right? My favor, of course,” Harold’s friend bragged.
    Harold sighed. “Yes Reagan, you’re winning. Again.”
    Reagan grinned. “Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s just your Beyblade, not you,” she said sarcastically. “But hey! Maybe the one you’re getting today will be an improvement! I know mine will be, but that’s nearly impossible!”
    Harold hated when she was sarcastic towards him. It was just annoying. He didn’t know why it was annoying every time though. Maybe it was the tone of voice. Maybe it was the fact that something negative was directed at him, and it just hurt because it was from his best friend. Or maybe it was all of the above.
    “Yeah… on the topic of new Beyblades though, what time is it? We don’t wanna be late to pick them up! Then we’ll have to wait!”
    “Um, good question. I’ll go check the time, and probably grab some water. You want some too?” Reagan asked, slowly backing up to her house.
    “Er, thanks, but no thanks. I’ll be fine. Thanks though,” Harold made a small ‘no thank you’ with his hands.
    “Alright then. Be right back!” She said, running off to her garage.
    Harold sat down on the nice green grass. Unlike the nearby concrete, it was pretty cool, temperature wise at least. Harold looked out at the street. It wasn’t really busy at all, as it was a dead-end street. Harold watched a squirrel scurry around, looking for nuts and stuff, and eating them.
After a few minutes, Reagan hadn’t returned yet. She would do this before, in the school year, normally getting small bits of homework done, but now that summer had started, he wasn’t quite sure what she was doing. She was probably alright though. She did have a parent at the house, along with three siblings.
Finally after about two more minutes, Reagan was to be seen, running back from her garage, with a bottle of water in hand, panting.
    “You… are so lucky… to only have… one sibling… they are demons… awful ones…” Reagan said in-between breaths. She opened her water bottle and chugged it down, leaving less than a fourth of the water remaining.
    Harold chuckled. “Ah, sounds fun. So, what time is it?” 
    “No, it really isn’t. You don’t have to live with ‘em. And uh, for the time… well… hehe I may or may not have forgotten to check… but it’s not entirely my fault!” Reagan quickly added the last part in. “Siblings were being annoying, just wanted to leave quickly, so I forgot. Besidess, it’s just a human error, we all make them, right?”
    The boy sighed. “It’s fine, I’ll just check my house then.”
    “Why didn’t you just do that in the beginning?” Reagan asked, in a complaining tone. “Instead of making me?”
    “Because your house is much closer. My house is two doors down, remember? I don’t see the point in running all the way over there, when you could’ve just popped into your house. I couldn’t have looked into the future and known that your siblings were gonna be annoying.”
    “Well you should’ve,” Reagan knew her friend was right, but refused to admit it. She was too stubborn to do so.
    Harold sighed. “Ugh. Whatever. I’ll be right back,” Harold said, running off to his house.
Harold put his key into the keyhole and twisted it, unlocking the door. He opened it, and rushed over to his kitchen, looking at the electric clock on their microwave.
“Alright, it’s about two o’clock, we should probably go now,” he said to himself. The boy walked over to their laundry room where his mother was to tell her. “Hey, uh Reagan and I are leaving to pick up our Beyblades, so uh, we’ll be back soon. We’re just going to the park for them, so uh yeah. Just telling you.”
“Alright, that’s fine. Just remember to take the flip-phone with you so that you can contact me, and I can contact you,” Harold’s mom said, not even looking up from the clothes she was folding.
    “Yes ma’am!” Harold said, quickly running back outside, grabbing his family’s flip-phone. He quickly got back to Reagan. “We gotta go now!” He said, both anxious and excited, grabbing his red headed friend’s hand, and pulling her up from the ground.
    Reagan stood up quickly with the help from Harold, and nodded. “Race ya there!” She exclaimed, sprinting off quickly leaving Harold behind. But, she quickly returned, blushing from embarrassment. “I may or may not have forgotten where the park is…” Reagan had her head positioned in a way that she’d be looking at Harold’s shoes.
    Harold chuckled. “That’s what you get for leaving me in the dust. But, actually though, it’s fine. We don’t normally go there anyways. C’mon, follow me,” Harold said, starting to walk down the street, with Reagan following right behind him.

They arrived at the park, looking around for someone with longish blonde hair, grey shorts with two pockets in the front, and two along the sides, along with an orange and white striped t-shirt. At least, that’s what the text to Reagan said.
“Do you see him? It’s almost two thirty, shouldn’t he be here by now?” Reagan asked, rereading the text for about the twelfth time. “If he’s not here in the next minute, his phone is going to be receiving quite a few notifications.”
    “I don’t see him yet, but I’m sure he’ll be here soon. Besides, Elijah wouldn’t just bail on us like that. He’d at least tell us, right?” Harold explained, once again being the voice of reason between the two.
    “Yeah… I’m still gonna ask where the heck is he though,” Reagan said, typing a message into her phone. The message said this: “where the heck are you? we’ve been looking for 5 mins! >“.
    Quickly, there was a response: “look up”. Harold and Reagan looked up, seeing Elijah sitting on a tree branch. “Took ya long enough!” Elijah said, looking down and smiling at the duo. He reached into his left side pockets and pulled out two spinning tops, otherwise known as Beyblades. “Catch!” Elijah tossed the tops into the air, down to Harold and Reagan, who both successfully caught them, thankfully. If they hadn’t, there would be grimy dirt on shiny new layers, disks, and drivers.
    “Would’ve been that hard to just stand out in the open versus hiding in a tree?” Reagan complained, examining her Beyblade. She found the driver to have a part that spins, so she started to fidget with it.
    “A bit, yeah. I have like two more years before college, I’m making the most of my free time,” Elijah brushed some hair out of his face with his fingers. “And anyways, I’m not charging you two for those Beys, so you’re welcome.”
    “Yeah yeah, whatever, thanks,” Reagan said, still fidgeting with the driver.
    “Yeah, thanks. I don’t think either of us would’ve been able to afford them. She has the money,” Harold nodded at Reagan, “but spends it all at the same time, and I just don’t have the 
spending money, so thanks. I know you’re trying to save up for college as well, so that’s nice of you.”
    “Anytime, afterall, you are my neighbors. I remember when you were just coming home from the hospital, dang it’s been a while hasn’t it?”
    “Yeah, I guess so… wow, twelve years, that’s a pretty long time…”
    “Yeah…” There was a silence. “Well this is awkward… I guess you guys can go now, I have to go home and study, as well as do more Bey designs… see y’all later,” Elijah hopped down from the tree, and started sprinting back to his house.
    Harold looked at Reagan. “I suppose we should head back too. We can battle at home, and our parents, or at least my mom, probably wants us home now.”
    “Hmmm fine. But tomorrow, I wanna go to the other park we normally go to, they have nice stadiums, and I wanna use ‘em,” Reagan had now disassembled her Beyblade, and was looking at the parts.
“Sure. Unless something comes up, which nothing will probably, then yeah. I like the stadiums there,” Harold started to jog back to their houses, and Reagan followed.

    As the two crossed a street, now only two streets from their houses, Reagan asked something. “Hey, what are you gonna name your Bey? I’m naming mine Hypnotize Athena! Because the goddess Athena was so powerful and awesome, and then if you add hypnotizing powers, you have like- the most powerful person, or in this case, most powerful Bey, you’d be unstoppable!” Reagan was moving her arms and hands to enlargen her point, and from excitement. “So what about you?”
    “I’m… not sure actually. I think I need more time to think, or for inspiration, I dunno. Hypnotize Athena is really cool though, definitely gonna be really good,” Harold looked left and right, then quickly speed walked across the final street, careful for any incoming cars, and making sure Reagan was fine, which she was. They got to their houses quickly.
    “Alright, ready to battle now?” Harold took out his launcher, ready to battle.
    “Oh, well I sorta want Athena’s first battle to be in a… how do I say this- nicer stadium. No offense, I just think the best Bey deserves a bit better, y’know?”
    “Oh… uh, yeah… I guess that’s fine… totally fine,” even though Harold said it was perfectly fine, it clearly wasn’t.
“Great! Well I’m gonna go inside now, it’s a little hot, see ya tomorrow?” Reagan was already backing up towards her house, and she also knew that it wasn’t fine. She didn’t really care though. If Harold had to say something was wrong, then he should go ahead and say it. That was her thinking.
“Oh, yeah, tomorrow, bye then…” Harold headed back towards his house, and opened the front door. He put the flip-phone back on the table, and went to his room. He set his Beyblade down on his desk, and sat down on his bed. “Tomorrow, I’m gonna be the one winning,” Harold lied down on his bed. “Tomorrow, I’m the winner.”

(Oct. 07, 2020  8:46 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: Hai so I finished the first chapter in the car yesterday and I would’ve started chapter two but it was too dark and my eyes would die because of the white screen but yeah here it is but it has indents and stuff instead of line breaks so I hope that’s fine. About 1.8K words so yay. Lemme know what you think, honest opinions only.

I hope you enjoy!

Chapter One (Click to View)

“Go! Attack!” Chanted a twelve year old boy named Harold.
    “Not on my watch! Defend!” Yelled his friend.
    Two Beyblades clashed in the center of their beat-up Beystadium, hitting each other, getting knocked backwards, then bouncing back and clashing more, one eventually running out of stamina.
    “Thirty nine to two, right? My favor, of course,” Harold’s friend bragged.
    Harold sighed. “Yes Reagan, you’re winning. Again.”
    Reagan grinned. “Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s just your Beyblade, not you,” she said sarcastically. “But hey! Maybe the one you’re getting today will be an improvement! I know mine will be, but that’s nearly impossible!”
    Harold hated when she was sarcastic towards him. It was just annoying. He didn’t know why it was annoying every time though. Maybe it was the tone of voice. Maybe it was the fact that something negative was directed at him, and it just hurt because it was from his best friend. Or maybe it was all of the above.
    “Yeah… on the topic of new Beyblades though, what time is it? We don’t wanna be late to pick them up! Then we’ll have to wait!”
    “Um, good question. I’ll go check the time, and probably grab some water. You want some too?” Reagan asked, slowly backing up to her house.
    “Er, thanks, but no thanks. I’ll be fine. Thanks though,” Harold made a small ‘no thank you’ with his hands.
    “Alright then. Be right back!” She said, running off to her garage.
    Harold sat down on the nice green grass. Unlike the nearby concrete, it was pretty cool, temperature wise at least. Harold looked out at the street. It wasn’t really busy at all, as it was a dead-end street. Harold watched a squirrel scurry around, looking for nuts and stuff, and eating them.
After a few minutes, Reagan hadn’t returned yet. She would do this before, in the school year, normally getting small bits of homework done, but now that summer had started, he wasn’t quite sure what she was doing. She was probably alright though. She did have a parent at the house, along with three siblings.
Finally after about two more minutes, Reagan was to be seen, running back from her garage, with a bottle of water in hand, panting.
    “You… are so lucky… to only have… one sibling… they are demons… awful ones…” Reagan said in-between breaths. She opened her water bottle and chugged it down, leaving less than a fourth of the water remaining.
    Harold chuckled. “Ah, sounds fun. So, what time is it?” 
    “No, it really isn’t. You don’t have to live with ‘em. And uh, for the time… well… hehe I may or may not have forgotten to check… but it’s not entirely my fault!” Reagan quickly added the last part in. “Siblings were being annoying, just wanted to leave quickly, so I forgot. Besidess, it’s just a human error, we all make them, right?”
    The boy sighed. “It’s fine, I’ll just check my house then.”
    “Why didn’t you just do that in the beginning?” Reagan asked, in a complaining tone. “Instead of making me?”
    “Because your house is much closer. My house is two doors down, remember? I don’t see the point in running all the way over there, when you could’ve just popped into your house. I couldn’t have looked into the future and known that your siblings were gonna be annoying.”
    “Well you should’ve,” Reagan knew her friend was right, but refused to admit it. She was too stubborn to do so.
    Harold sighed. “Ugh. Whatever. I’ll be right back,” Harold said, running off to his house.
Harold put his key into the keyhole and twisted it, unlocking the door. He opened it, and rushed over to his kitchen, looking at the electric clock on their microwave.
“Alright, it’s about two o’clock, we should probably go now,” he said to himself. The boy walked over to their laundry room where his mother was to tell her. “Hey, uh Reagan and I are leaving to pick up our Beyblades, so uh, we’ll be back soon. We’re just going to the park for them, so uh yeah. Just telling you.”
“Alright, that’s fine. Just remember to take the flip-phone with you so that you can contact me, and I can contact you,” Harold’s mom said, not even looking up from the clothes she was folding.
    “Yes ma’am!” Harold said, quickly running back outside, grabbing his family’s flip-phone. He quickly got back to Reagan. “We gotta go now!” He said, both anxious and excited, grabbing his red headed friend’s hand, and pulling her up from the ground.
    Reagan stood up quickly with the help from Harold, and nodded. “Race ya there!” She exclaimed, sprinting off quickly leaving Harold behind. But, she quickly returned, blushing from embarrassment. “I may or may not have forgotten where the park is…” Reagan had her head positioned in a way that she’d be looking at Harold’s shoes.
    Harold chuckled. “That’s what you get for leaving me in the dust. But, actually though, it’s fine. We don’t normally go there anyways. C’mon, follow me,” Harold said, starting to walk down the street, with Reagan following right behind him.

They arrived at the park, looking around for someone with longish blonde hair, grey shorts with two pockets in the front, and two along the sides, along with an orange and white striped t-shirt. At least, that’s what the text to Reagan said.
“Do you see him? It’s almost two thirty, shouldn’t he be here by now?” Reagan asked, rereading the text for about the twelfth time. “If he’s not here in the next minute, his phone is going to be receiving quite a few notifications.”
    “I don’t see him yet, but I’m sure he’ll be here soon. Besides, Elijah wouldn’t just bail on us like that. He’d at least tell us, right?” Harold explained, once again being the voice of reason between the two.
    “Yeah… I’m still gonna ask where the heck is he though,” Reagan said, typing a message into her phone. The message said this: “where the heck are you? we’ve been looking for 5 mins! >“.
    Quickly, there was a response: “look up”. Harold and Reagan looked up, seeing Elijah sitting on a tree branch. “Took ya long enough!” Elijah said, looking down and smiling at the duo. He reached into his left side pockets and pulled out two spinning tops, otherwise known as Beyblades. “Catch!” Elijah tossed the tops into the air, down to Harold and Reagan, who both successfully caught them, thankfully. If they hadn’t, there would be grimy dirt on shiny new layers, disks, and drivers.
    “Would’ve been that hard to just stand out in the open versus hiding in a tree?” Reagan complained, examining her Beyblade. She found the driver to have a part that spins, so she started to fidget with it.
    “A bit, yeah. I have like two more years before college, I’m making the most of my free time,” Elijah brushed some hair out of his face with his fingers. “And anyways, I’m not charging you two for those Beys, so you’re welcome.”
    “Yeah yeah, whatever, thanks,” Reagan said, still fidgeting with the driver.
    “Yeah, thanks. I don’t think either of us would’ve been able to afford them. She has the money,” Harold nodded at Reagan, “but spends it all at the same time, and I just don’t have the 
spending money, so thanks. I know you’re trying to save up for college as well, so that’s nice of you.”
    “Anytime, afterall, you are my neighbors. I remember when you were just coming home from the hospital, dang it’s been a while hasn’t it?”
    “Yeah, I guess so… wow, twelve years, that’s a pretty long time…”
    “Yeah…” There was a silence. “Well this is awkward… I guess you guys can go now, I have to go home and study, as well as do more Bey designs… see y’all later,” Elijah hopped down from the tree, and started sprinting back to his house.
    Harold looked at Reagan. “I suppose we should head back too. We can battle at home, and our parents, or at least my mom, probably wants us home now.”
    “Hmmm fine. But tomorrow, I wanna go to the other park we normally go to, they have nice stadiums, and I wanna use ‘em,” Reagan had now disassembled her Beyblade, and was looking at the parts.
“Sure. Unless something comes up, which nothing will probably, then yeah. I like the stadiums there,” Harold started to jog back to their houses, and Reagan followed.

    As the two crossed a street, now only two streets from their houses, Reagan asked something. “Hey, what are you gonna name your Bey? I’m naming mine Hypnotize Athena! Because the goddess Athena was so powerful and awesome, and then if you add hypnotizing powers, you have like- the most powerful person, or in this case, most powerful Bey, you’d be unstoppable!” Reagan was moving her arms and hands to enlargen her point, and from excitement. “So what about you?”
    “I’m… not sure actually. I think I need more time to think, or for inspiration, I dunno. Hypnotize Athena is really cool though, definitely gonna be really good,” Harold looked left and right, then quickly speed walked across the final street, careful for any incoming cars, and making sure Reagan was fine, which she was. They got to their houses quickly.
    “Alright, ready to battle now?” Harold took out his launcher, ready to battle.
    “Oh, well I sorta want Athena’s first battle to be in a… how do I say this- nicer stadium. No offense, I just think the best Bey deserves a bit better, y’know?”
    “Oh… uh, yeah… I guess that’s fine… totally fine,” even though Harold said it was perfectly fine, it clearly wasn’t.
“Great! Well I’m gonna go inside now, it’s a little hot, see ya tomorrow?” Reagan was already backing up towards her house, and she also knew that it wasn’t fine. She didn’t really care though. If Harold had to say something was wrong, then he should go ahead and say it. That was her thinking.
“Oh, yeah, tomorrow, bye then…” Harold headed back towards his house, and opened the front door. He put the flip-phone back on the table, and went to his room. He set his Beyblade down on his desk, and sat down on his bed. “Tomorrow, I’m gonna be the one winning,” Harold lied down on his bed. “Tomorrow, I’m the winner.”

(Oct. 11, 2020  9:02 PM)Golden Freddy Wrote: I have a idea for some characters/beys that would really go with the theme for this series

---

If your interest CheetoBlader

(Oct. 11, 2020  11:42 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote:

(Oct. 11, 2020  9:02 PM)Golden Freddy Wrote: I have a idea for some characters/beys that would really go with the theme for this series

---

If your interest CheetoBlader

Well I do have character submissions open, so sure. But you don’t know the theme of this series aha. It only just started. But, go ahead.

Also um BuilderROB if you don’t mind, could you give a small rating based off of the rewrite of chapter one? I wanna see the difference lol

(Oct. 12, 2020  12:40 AM)BuilderROB Wrote:

(Oct. 11, 2020  11:42 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: Well I do have character submissions open, so sure. But you don’t know the theme of this series aha. It only just started. But, go ahead.

Also um BuilderROB if you don’t mind, could you give a small rating based off of the rewrite of chapter one? I wanna see the difference lol

The Fan Fiction Critic has been summoned.

Beyblade Burst Spirit
Grammar: 5/5
Story: 4/5
Characters: 5/5
Dialogue: 5/5
Length: 5/5

Total: 24/25

The story is a bit unclear at the moment, which is fine, since this is the first chapter, which is near perfect in terms of Beyblade fan fictions. The characters actually have a bit of depth, and I can see that Reagan probably comes from a higher class family due to the dialogue clues. The grammar was near perfect, although I did notice a few dialogue sentences which were technically somewhat wrong, although that may be a bit of me being picky with grammar. Length is great, and dialogue is also great.

(Oct. 11, 2020  11:42 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote:

(Oct. 11, 2020  9:02 PM)Golden Freddy Wrote: I have a idea for some characters/beys that would really go with the theme for this series

---

If your interest CheetoBlader

Well I do have character submissions open, so sure. But you don’t know the theme of this series aha. It only just started. But, go ahead.

Also um BuilderROB if you don’t mind, could you give a small rating based off of the rewrite of chapter one? I wanna see the difference lol

(Oct. 12, 2020  12:49 AM)Golden Freddy Wrote:

(Oct. 11, 2020  11:42 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: Well I do have character submissions open, so sure. But you don’t know the theme of this series aha. It only just started. But, go ahead.

Also um BuilderROB if you don’t mind, could you give a small rating based off of the rewrite of chapter one? I wanna see the difference lol

Well why I think it goes with the theme is because this beyblade is just a spirit. The owner of the beyblade is a projection made by the beyblade.

---

But these are the names of the beyblade that I thought of you can choose which one you like the best. But each name has a different version of the origins of it and has its own parts that goes with the character.

Here are the names:
. golden freddy
. withered golden Freddy
. shadow freddy
. phantom golden freddy
. phantom shadow freddy
. nightmare fredbear
. nightmare
. Fredbear
. Dreadbear
. Frostbear