World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
Fan Fiction Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (part 7 ongoing) - Printable Version

+- World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. (https://worldbeyblade.org)
+-- Forum: Off-Topic Forums (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Off-Topic-Forums)
+--- Forum: Your Creations (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Your-Creations)
+--- Thread: Fan Fiction Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (part 7 ongoing) (/Thread-Fan-Fiction-Beyblade-burst-apocalypse-15-part-7-ongoing)

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - EarthHelios - Nov. 05, 2020

(Nov. 05, 2020  1:08 AM)kai edits Wrote:
(Nov. 05, 2020  1:06 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: Nice chapter. But one question: Who is Mary

A special character that Jupiter requested. Mary is gonna be a important character now.

Oh ok. SO the ship is Mary X Akira right?

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Nov. 05, 2020

(Nov. 05, 2020  1:08 AM)EarthHelios Wrote:
(Nov. 05, 2020  1:08 AM)kai edits Wrote: A special character that Jupiter requested. Mary is gonna be a important character now.

Oh ok. SO the ship is Mary X Akira right?
Yes it is. It's the first ship of 2 girls in my fanfic.

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - EarthHelios - Nov. 05, 2020

(Nov. 05, 2020  1:09 AM)kai edits Wrote:
(Nov. 05, 2020  1:08 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: Oh ok. SO the ship is Mary X Akira right?
Yes it is. It's the first ship of 2 girls in my fanfic.

ooh interesting.

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Nov. 05, 2020

(Nov. 05, 2020  1:10 AM)EarthHelios Wrote:
(Nov. 05, 2020  1:09 AM)kai edits Wrote: Yes it is. It's the first ship of 2 girls in my fanfic.

ooh interesting.
It's kinda hot lol. 
A little question for you guys will Alice and Delta get married and Mary and akira.

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - EarthHelios - Nov. 05, 2020

(Nov. 05, 2020  1:12 AM)kai edits Wrote:
(Nov. 05, 2020  1:10 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: ooh interesting.
It's kinda hot lol. 
A little question for you guys will Alice and Delta get married and Mary and akira.

1. Yeah lol
2. Delta and Alice are getting married

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Nov. 05, 2020

(Nov. 05, 2020  1:14 AM)EarthHelios Wrote:
(Nov. 05, 2020  1:12 AM)kai edits Wrote: It's kinda hot lol. 
A little question for you guys will Alice and Delta get married and Mary and akira.

1. Yeah lol
2. Delta and Alice are getting married

I kinda like shipping two girls together lol

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - EarthHelios - Nov. 05, 2020

(Nov. 05, 2020  1:14 AM)kai edits Wrote:
(Nov. 05, 2020  1:14 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: 1. Yeah lol
2. Delta and Alice are getting married

I kinda like shipping two girls together lol

While that happens.
And everyone is on a ship Drum is like crying in the corner because he sees his best friend getting married and he doesnt have a girlfriend lol

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Nov. 05, 2020

(Nov. 05, 2020  1:16 AM)EarthHelios Wrote:
(Nov. 05, 2020  1:14 AM)kai edits Wrote: I kinda like shipping two girls together lol

While that happens.
And everyone is on a ship Drum is like crying in the corner because he sees his best friend getting married and he doesnt have a girlfriend lol

Btw drum died lol

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - EarthHelios - Nov. 05, 2020

(Nov. 05, 2020  1:21 AM)kai edits Wrote:
(Nov. 05, 2020  1:16 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: While that happens.
And everyone is on a ship Drum is like crying in the corner because he sees his best friend getting married and he doesnt have a girlfriend lol

Btw drum died lol

Big OOF

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Nov. 05, 2020

(Nov. 05, 2020  1:22 AM)EarthHelios Wrote:
(Nov. 05, 2020  1:21 AM)kai edits Wrote: Btw drum died lol

Big OOF
He died of crying

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - EarthHelios - Nov. 05, 2020

(Nov. 05, 2020  1:28 AM)kai edits Wrote:
(Nov. 05, 2020  1:22 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: Big OOF
He died of crying

His face turned red cause he mad

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Nov. 05, 2020

(Nov. 05, 2020  1:29 AM)EarthHelios Wrote:
(Nov. 05, 2020  1:28 AM)kai edits Wrote: He died of crying

His face turned red cause he mad

Yup

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - EarthHelios - Nov. 05, 2020

Delta: You may be better at blading but Im better at getting girls Drum
Drum: Cries* Please help me.
Delta: Yeet
Drum runs away
End of story of Delta and Drum Friendship

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Nov. 05, 2020

(Nov. 05, 2020  1:31 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: Delta: You may be better at blading but Im better at getting girls Drum
Drum: Cries* Please help me.
Delta: Yeet
Drum runs away
End of story of Delta and Drum Friendship
So true lol.

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - EarthHelios - Nov. 05, 2020

(Nov. 05, 2020  1:44 AM)kai edits Wrote:
(Nov. 05, 2020  1:31 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: Delta: You may be better at blading but Im better at getting girls Drum
Drum: Cries* Please help me.
Delta: Yeet
Drum runs away
End of story of Delta and Drum Friendship
So true lol.

The next thing you know Shu is gonna end his friendship with Valt

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Nov. 05, 2020

Maybe who knows

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - EarthHelios - Nov. 05, 2020

Hopefully Shu gets his revenge on Lui

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - SacredXcalibur - Nov. 05, 2020

can I rate your fanfic?

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Nov. 05, 2020

(Nov. 05, 2020  6:48 PM)SacredXcalibur Wrote: can I rate your fanfic?

Sure
Part 3 chapter 11 Akira and shu vs shun and free!
During training with shu.
Shun breaths heavily.
Shun:is that all you got?
Shu:I just getting warmed up. Spriggan!
Spriggan knocks maiden into the air.
Shun:no.
A aura appears around shun and maiden.
Shun:i-.
Shun laughs.
Shun:spriggan is getting stronger. Maiden! Maidens fusion.
A bright light comes from shun.
Kisara:alright I am back!
Later at the tournament.
Akira:I am still mad you Mary .
Mary:be like that.
Shun:come on free let's have some fun.
Free:let's go shun.
A bright light comes from shun.
Kisara:alright!
3 2 1 go shoot.
Akira:go world Cerberus! Chain impact.
Cerberus hits maiden into the air.
Shu:go spriggan! Crimson rush!
Spriggan hits maiden as it hits the ground.
Kisara:tch. Your pretty strong. I think my body's warmed up now. It's my turn!
Maiden attacks repeatedly.
Free:go fafnir! Mirage claw!
Fafnir knocks spriggan into the air.
Kisara:goodbye spriggan! Maidens breaker!
Maiden slams into spriggan then spriggan is sent flying outside the stadium inside of a hole in the wall.
Akira:go Cerberus! Darkness breaking!
Maiden absorbs the attack.
Kisara:you did well.
Kisara smiles. Maiden hits Cerberus into the air.
Akira:chain turbo.
Cerberus glows yellow.
Akira:finish him off! Chains recollection.
Free:shun watch out.
Fafnir runs in and takes the attack.
Akira:Cerberus!
A huge explosion hits fafnir then fafnir bursts.
Free:thank you shun!
Kisara tights her fist.
Kisara:I will- I will end this with my own hands. MAIDENS ULTIMATE RECOLLECTION!
Maiden slams into Cerberus extremely hard.
Kisara:die Cerberus!
A huge explosion sends both akira and free off their feet.
Free:shun calm down your gonna hurt yourself.
Cerberus is sent flying in the wall outside the stadium.
Kisara:maiden!
Maiden hits the wall and lands into kisara hand.
Free:shun that was a amazing how did you did that?
Kisara unfuses.
Shun:I don't know?
Shun laughs.
Free:you have to know.
Shun grabs her chest.
Free:are you ok?
Shun breaths heavily and collapses on the floor. chapter end

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - SacredXcalibur - Nov. 06, 2020

Beyblade Burst Apocalypse

Grammar: 3/5, It's improved but there's still a lot of errors.

Dialogue: 2/5, Its sounds Natural but a bit Monotone.

Characters: 3/5, they've improved a little but not much characters have more than 1 side to them with an exception being Alice cuz she normally seems kind and supportive but then you did that thing where she kicks Lane.

Plot: 1/5, Every episode feels like a one-shot. There's no Noticeable villain, it could use a ton of improvement.

Length: 3/5 too short but still readable.

Total: 12/25

Not bad but could use a ton of improvement,

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Nov. 06, 2020

Due to personal and with me breaking up with my girlfriend I decided to stop writing this fanfic for awhile

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (on break) - kai edits - Nov. 07, 2020

Part 3 chapter 12 the end!
Free:shun wake up. I need you so wake up.
In shun's mind.
Shun:am I dead?
Kisara:yes sadly.
Sarah:shun are you?
Lana:shun why are you crying?
Kai:shun cheer up.
Sad music plays in the background.
Shun:i- I wanted to tell you guys thanks for being for me.
In the real world a year later.
Alice:babe where are you.
Delta:I am right here. I am so happy we got married.
Free walks in the room.
Free:meet a new member of the family Alexa kurenai.
Alexa:nice to meet you all.
Alice:where is shun I thought she will be here.
Tears runs down free's cheek.
Free:she died.
Alice:what how?
Free:her maidens recollection was to strong for her body to handle.
Shun:just because I am down does not mean I am out.
Shun smiles.
Free:shun your Alive.
Free turns around there is no one there.
Free:thank you shun. I know you will come back always.
Free holds maiden and smiles.
Free:you also be with me shun!
Free tears land on maiden.
Chapter end.
(I am trying to make part 4. I am still recovering from my breakup so don't expect more chapters for awhile.)

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (on break) - kai edits - Nov. 08, 2020

Part 3 chapter 13 shun returns!
Free picks up maiden.
Free:I wonder what to do with you.
Akira:who is the next one to be on the throne?
???:I am.
Akira:who are you?
Shun:guess who's back!
Akira starts to cry.
Akira:I thought you died.
Shun:looks like I lucked out of this one.
Maiden flys into shun's hand.
Shun:did my successor learn of her duties on the throne.
Akira:not yet.
Free:akira did you eat the last cookie again? Oh my god!
Shun:long time no see my friend.
Free:I thought you were dead.
Shun smiles.
Shun:good seeing you all. I have work to do.
Shun walks out of the room.
Later.
Shu:this place is so quiet now since shun died.
Shun:shu you think I will keep you hanging
Shu:shun your Alive!
Shun:I lived through worst than a huge explosion.
Shu:why you came back.
Shun:to finish my last match against my best opponents then I will search for stronger ones.
Shu:then let's battle shun!
Shun:right!
Later In shun's mind.
Kisara:shun why did you came back?
Sarah:that is a good question.
Kai:how did you even lived that huge explosion?
Erica:shun's back!
Lana:tch this is boring.
Chapter end

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) - kai edits - Nov. 08, 2020

Good news beyblade burst apocalypse is back! I will post chapter depending how I feel. I am still heart broken about my break up so bare with me on this one. I don't want you to think "oh this fanfic is trash because Kai edits does not post on it a lot."
Try being in my shoes. I am depressed so I am trying to show you my feeling with my writing.

RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) - SacredXcalibur - Nov. 08, 2020

(Nov. 08, 2020  6:38 PM)kai edits Wrote: Good news beyblade burst apocalypse is back! I will post chapter depending how I feel. I am still heart broken about my break up so bare with me on this one. I don't want you to think "oh this fanfic is trash because Kai edits does not post on it a lot."
Try being in my shoes. I am depressed so I am trying to show you my feeling with my writing.

we understand. you don't have to apologize.