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+--- Thread: Fan Fiction Beyblade Burst: Drive (/Thread-Fan-Fiction-Beyblade-Burst-Drive)
Beyblade Burst: Drive - ZionandBirddo - May. 23, 2021
This will be a fanfic I will be writing and will try to get out every week(hopefully Friday), I hope you enjoy it and thank you for checking it out!
Summary: Bored of the current state of Beyblade, Ryuta Mikado engineers a whole knew style of Beyblade! The Drive format which introduces a whole new explosive style of play!
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - DeceasedCrab - May. 23, 2021
Well, I checked to see if the name had already been used, and the search function Did Not Disappoint!
https://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Fan-Fiction-BEYBLADE-BURST-Drive-CHAPTER-1?highlight=Drive
Overdrive has been used as well.
Wonder if there's been more than one Drive already? Because that would be amusing.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - ZionandBirddo - May. 23, 2021
(May. 23, 2021 5:55 AM)DeceasedCrab Wrote: Well, I checked to see if the name had already been used, and the search function Did Not Disappoint!
https://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Fan-Fiction-BEYBLADE-BURST-Drive-CHAPTER-1?highlight=Drive
Overdrive has been used as well.
Wonder if there's been more than one Drive already? Because that would be amusing.
Oh I’m sorry I can change the name of you’d like
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - DeceasedCrab - May. 23, 2021
I really don't care either way, its your fanfic. You could call it Drive 2: Electric Boogaloo, or Drives, or Drove.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - Jdog757 - May. 23, 2021
(May. 23, 2021 6:19 AM)DeceasedCrab Wrote: I really don't care either way, its your fanfic. You could call it Drive 2: Electric Boogaloo, or Drives, or Drove.Yes we need electric boogaloo
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - ZionandBirddo - May. 23, 2021
System Summary: Drive System Layer: A regular layer(no chip), each layer has the same teeth similar to that of Slash Valkyrie. Disc: Drive system discs are made entirely of metal and have a core with the prongs to lock into the bey and the blade which can be detached and flipped to make an "upper" and "downward" mode. Driver: All drivers have the gimmick of Drive mode which is basically a God Reboot for each tip which is activated when spin speed is low, each tip is built like reboot but the tip is different for each one, each tips' name ends in Drive. ex. Accel: Drive
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - MasterofDerp - May. 23, 2021
(May. 23, 2021 7:20 PM)ZionandBirddo Wrote: System Summary: Drive System Layer: A regular layer(no chip), each layer has the same teeth similar to that of Slash Valkyrie. Disc: Drive system discs are made entirely of metal and have a core with the prongs to lock into the bey and the blade which can be detached and flipped to make an "upper" and "downward" mode. Driver: All drivers have the gimmick of Drive mode which is basically a God Reboot for each tip which is activated when spin speed is low, each tip is built like reboot but the tip is different for each one, each tips' name ends in Drive. ex. Accel: Drive
Srry, but I gotta say that I’m not a fan of the system. With Slash Valkyrie like teeth all beys are gonna be super easy to burst and incredibly redundant, and the driver gimmick is really limiting. Disc is fine, but the “drive” driver gimmicks make every single bey an attack type or stamina type depending on the function, and for stationary beys like Ragnaruk or Chaos, that really doesn’t help at all.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - Hollowmind13 - May. 23, 2021
Oh, that fit exactly with one of my fake drivers, if you want details, let me know
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - ZionandBirddo - May. 23, 2021
(May. 23, 2021 8:27 PM)MasterofDerp Wrote:(May. 23, 2021 7:20 PM)ZionandBirddo Wrote: System Summary: Drive System Layer: A regular layer(no chip), each layer has the same teeth similar to that of Slash Valkyrie. Disc: Drive system discs are made entirely of metal and have a core with the prongs to lock into the bey and the blade which can be detached and flipped to make an "upper" and "downward" mode. Driver: All drivers have the gimmick of Drive mode which is basically a God Reboot for each tip which is activated when spin speed is low, each tip is built like reboot but the tip is different for each one, each tips' name ends in Drive. ex. Accel: Drive
Srry, but I gotta say that I’m not a fan of the system. With Slash Valkyrie like teeth all beys are gonna be super easy to burst and incredibly redundant, and the driver gimmick is really limiting. Disc is fine, but the “drive” driver gimmicks make every single bey an attack type or stamina type depending on the function, and for stationary beys like Ragnaruk or Chaos, that really doesn’t help at all.
By Slash Valkyrie like teeth I just meant it had 3 big teeth not exactly the same, my bad for not specifying that.
Name: Ryuta Mikado
Gender: Male
Age: 11
Height: 4'10"
Hair Color: Yellow, Black Highlights
Eye Color: Amber
Beyblade Name: Thunder Raijin Striker Bolt: Drive
Beyblade Parts: Thunder Raijin: A three bladed layer with blades in the shape of lightning bolts
Striker: A six bladed disc with sharp blades pointing downwards to keep the bey grounded
Bolt: Drive: A metal flat tip with a rubber flat in the center to create an aggressive low friction design, when in drive mode the tip becomes a hole flat
Beyblade Type: Attack
Appearance: Ryuta has yellow hair with a black lightning bolt, on his left cheek he has a blue "D", he wears a white vest with yellow stars on it, a black undershirt with a White R on it, black shorts, and White sneakers with yellow highlights
Personality: Ryuta is a kind hearted kid who likes to entertain others, but is often impatient in battles wanting them to be highspeed battles, he tends to see things from every prospective making him a reasonable guy
Special Moves: Bolt Shoot: Thunder Raijin is launched at an angle hitting the metal part of the tip making a much more controllable banking pattern, Bolt Drive: The bolt tip retracts when at low speeds revealing a hole flat tip giving it a boost in speed
Credits to DeltaZakuro for the character template as I borrowed this from them.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - ZionandBirddo - May. 24, 2021
Name: "Yami" Uma Haruno
Gender: Male
Age: 11
Height: 5'0"
Hair Color: Navy Blue
Eye Color: Magenta
Beyblade Name: Justice Undine Thrive Fight: Drive
Beyblade Parts: Justice Undine: A four bladed layer with curved blades that look like waves
Thrive: A round disc with 12 Bumps that point upward to give the bey great upward force
Fight: Drive: A semi-defense tip made of clear rubber, when in Drive mode it becomes a star tip
Beyblade Type: Balance
Appearance: Uma has messy spiked hair often kept up with a black headband, he wears a blue t-shirt with red stripes, he wears black jeans with a blue belt, and cyan boots
Personality: Uma is very confident in himself and his abilities, being nicknamed Yami Uma(Dark Horse) for winning beybattles in the last few matches, He's a very impulsive person though often doing things based on feelings, he can often be angered when people try to limit his blading style which tends to rely on hard hitting attacks
Special Moves: Undying Crash: Undine hits it's opponent at blinding speeds when launched and then goes to the center, Fight: Drive: The fight tip retracts when at low speeds revealing a star tip giving it a boost in speed
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - ZionandBirddo - May. 27, 2021
Name: Senshi Dentō
Gender: Male
Age: 11
Height: 5' 1"
Hair Color: Light Purple
Eye Color: Lapis
Beyblade Name: Halt Susanoo Stroke Bound: Drive
Beyblade Parts: Halt Susanoo: A 12 bladed layer with blades like katanas with 6 being a soft rubber and 6 being plastic in formation of a rough circle Stroke: A circular metal disc with a cone shape and two bumpers on the side to reduce recoil, when in upward mode it acts as armor
Bound: Drive: A rubber ball tip with a nub in the center in the shape of a ball allowing for a double ball tip, when in Drive mode it becomes a hole flat with four POM tabs
Beyblade Type: Defense
Appearance: Senshi has light purple hair worn in a topknot and has a golden hair clip, he wears a traditional male kimono with a black color, white undershirt, and a red sash, white pants, and black shoes
Personality: Senshi is a calm student who tends to be more on the intellectual side compared to his classmates, he has natural leadership qualities, such as being charismatic, driven, and level-headed, but tends not to stray far from tradition making him seem uptight
Special Moves: Standard Shoot: A launch with great control and speed, Bound: Drive: The bound tip retracts when at low speeds revealing a hole flat with POM tabs giving it a boost in speed
Name: Fumi Amari
Gender: Female
Age: 11
Height: 5' 1"
Hair Color: Pale White, Baby Blue highlights
Eye Color: Lime
Beyblade Name: Stellar Fujin Whirlwind Torque: Drive
Beyblade Parts: Stellar Fujin: A layer with it's blades positioned upward higher than Air Knight to make a shape similar to a tornado allowing for upward force uncapable for layers like Garuda and Air Knight while also giving it a better defense than the latter by having metal on the outer blades Whirlwind: A heavy metal disc that is a perfect circle with blades similar to the Garuda layer meant to create upward force to create a "flying" bey, when in downward mode it grounds the bey Torque: Drive: A metal flat tip with a metal sharp in the center with a rounder sharp like the Nothing driver that is meant to pivot and counter attack when it is knocked off balance, when in Drive mode it becomes a hole flat with tornado blades on the outside of the tip like Flugel to promote the flying gimmick
Beyblade Type: Stamina
Appearance: Fumi has long messy hair that is never really upkept, she wears a pendant on her neck that glows when she resonates with her bey, a light blue dress with a giant gold pocket and orange shapes around the dress, black shorts, and orange sneakers
Personality: Fumi is free spirited and tends to battle when she is interested or Fujin leads her to a battle and will leave in the middle of a battle if she is bored, she often comes off as aloof to her classmates not having many friends and often observing but is rumored to be very skillful in battle
Special Moves: Stellar Tempest: Fujin uses it's layer, disc, and driver to levitate in the stadium, Torque: Drive: The torque tip retracts when at low speeds revealing a hole flat giving it a boost in speed and upward force due to its tornado blades
Episode list for now it'll be updated when more episodes are teased! Ep 1
Shining Birth! Drive System! Summary: Ryuta Mikado, a 5th grader at Beigoma Academy after losing his 555th battle to the beyclub decides to innovate a new bey system to shake up the stale battles happening at his school
Ep 2
The Dark Horse of Justice! Yami Uma! Summary: the No.3 Blader at the Bey Club, "Yami" Uma is inspired by Ryuta's battle and new system
and converts his Brave Spriggan into Justice Undine, and challenges Ryuta to a battle to test his newfound rival
Ep 3
Warrior of Tradition! Susanoo! Summary:After the exhausting battle with Yami, Ryuta and Yami decide to go to a ramen shop with his friend Senshi, they seem to get along well and are having fun together until Ryuta does not tell the shop owner “Gochisousama“(Thank you for the meal, it was a feast), Senshi is offended that Ryuta was being ill mannered which leads to a battle between Ryuta and Senshi's bey, Halt Susanoo!
Ep 4
Thunder and Storm Collide! Raijin vs. Fujin! Summary: During a practice match between Ryuta, Yami, and Senshi, a mysterious girl walks up to the stadium and launches her Drive bey Stellar Fujin into the stadium and challenges Ryuta to a battle! But she starts to stream the battle?
Ep 5
Striking Comeback! C'mon Raijin! In the heat of the battle Ryuta is being humiliated on camera in a 2-1 match where even Raijin's powerful Drive mode can't put a hard blow to Fujin and it's powerful Stellar Tempest! Ryuta needs to make a strategy now to beat Fujin, especially since Fumi is getting bored
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - ZionandBirddo - Jun. 05, 2021
Episode One: Shining Birth! Drive System!
Gargua: Are ya sure you want to battle kid? I mean you have a huge losing streak!
Ryuta: That was the past! I'm taking you down for sure this time!
Gargua: *sighs* I guess I can't complain at a free win
Ryuta: Jeez...you act like I'm not even a challenge
Both: 3!2!1! Go shoot!
*Ryuta's Hollow Valkyrie hit the stadium ground bouncing towards Gargua's Rage Longinus clashing with some hard hits but doesn't seem to be hitting a finishing blow*
Ryuta: C'mon Valkyrie! I know you can do this show Longinus who's boss!
Gargua: Even if you can get some decent hits your Operate' can't outspin Destroy' in a battle of LAD it's a predetermined victory!
Ryuta: Beyblade battles are never predetermined! Sometimes it comes up to chance you know!
Gargua: The odds are stacked against you opposite spin, worse LAD, superior combo! When will ya realize it's pointless!
Ryuta: When the battle is over! Valkyrie!! Bouncing Spinshot!
*Ryuta tries to resonate with Valkyrie and his eyes light up...…but nothing happens!*
Gargua:...…..Man what a loser! had me worked up over nothin'
Gargua: Fine! I'll end it!
*Rage Longinus slams into Hollow Valkyrie making it fly in mid air and burst*
Ryuta: Again??? This is my 555th loss!
Gargua: Maybe you should get a better bey! I hear Tempest Solomon Wheel Xtend+ 1S and World Spriggan Wheel Drift 1S are great!
Ryuta: Everyone uses the same three combos around here! what happened to the "burst" in Beyblade Burst!?
Gargua: Because everyone would rather be winners here than losers!
Ryuta: I'll change the way people see blading!
*Ryuta rushed to his room and set up his beyprinter to brainstorm some ideas*
Ryuta: Hmmm.....what would make Beyblade fun?
Ryuta: Maybe the battles should be faster, maybe I could alter the drivers like....this!
*Ryuta puts the Drive gimmick into the driver model*
Ryuta: I think all the layers should have the same teeth so it's fair to some types like Stamina, and the discs can be flipped to have different modes!
Ryuta: I'll upload this format online so everyone can make their own...…Drive! These will be called Drive beys!
Ryuta: Now to make my own! I just don't know what my bey's spirit should be though...*Ryuta passes out*
Raijin: Ryuta awake! I have slumbered for a while awaiting a worthy partner!
Ryuta: Why would you want me as a partner? I've lost every battle I've been in!
Raijin: Ryuta, I believe your spirit can match that of the legends if you can lose the uncertainty in your heart
Ryuta: The uncertainty in my heart huh? I guess I can try if you believe in me!
*The next day Ryuta runs up to Gargua to challenge him and secretly places a camera streaming the beybattle*
Gargua: I guess ya just can't take enough losing huh?!
Ryuta: I don't think so! This time I'll beat you with my Thunder Raijin!
Gargua: Shiny new toy huh? If that's all ya think ya need you're in for a real letdown!
Ryuta: I'll let my bey do the talking this time let's do this!
Both: 3!2!1! Go shoot!
* Thunder Raijin zips through the stadium with incredible speed on it's rubber tip hitting Longinus left and right!*
Ryuta: Aww yeah!! Go get Longinus Raijin! Bolt Shoot!
Gargua: *Scoffs* Nothing is going to happen just like last time!
*Raijin's avatar arises unsheathing a mighty lightning sword and charges forward on it's metal tip hitting Longinus more consistently*
Gargua: Sure! The hits are strong but this is a left spin it'll just equalize the spin anyways! Not like an idiot like you could figure that out!
Ryuta: *Saddens* Man...he's right I can't win at this rate I'll just end up running myself into the ground...
Raijin: Ryuta, remember if you are sure of your skills, remember you can win! I believe in you!
*Raijin's spin starts to slows and so does Longinus' spin as well, but then Bolt's Drive activates!*
Ryuta: Watch! This is my time to shine! Bolt: Drive!
*Raijin charges at Longinus at top speeds, while trying to deal a finishing blow....Raijin bursts!?*
Ryuta: Huh?
Gargua: Ahahahahahahaha! You forgot when a right spin hits a left at a higher speed it bursts! It's a slow-mo. burst!
Ryuta: *Chuckles* Well I guess you bested me but it was a great match!
Gargua: I guess you did good loser! Definitely a much more graceful defeat than last time!
*Ryuta picks up the camera and addresses the viewers*
Ryuta: So bladers what do you think of the new Drive system!? I have some files in the chat and description if you want to make your own! See ya guys later!
Yami: What an inspiring battle! I must make one of these interesting beys!
To be continued....
Sorry this is a bit late I got out of school recently, and I know it's a bit long but I had a lot to say and hope you enjoyed it!
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - ZionandBirddo - Jun. 12, 2021
I forgot it was Friday.....rip, I'll post the next chapter soon and I'll throw in a character profile as compensation, sorry for the wait!
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - PinkRose - Jun. 12, 2021
Hmm, just read the first chapter and this actually seems somewhat interesting. Are you taking OC entries?
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - ZionandBirddo - Jun. 13, 2021
(Jun. 12, 2021 10:36 AM)PinkRose Wrote: Hmm, just read the first chapter and this actually seems somewhat interesting. Are you taking OC entries?Yes actually, I was thinking maybe I could do a character contest as well.
Episode 2: The Dark Horse Of Justice! Yami Uma!
Yami: *excited* Senshi! Did you see that ?! Those beys are incredible!
Senshi: You are speaking of those Drive beys Haruno-kun?
Yami: Senshi how many times must I tell you this!? We are best-friends please call me Yami!
Senshi: yes, my apologies Yami-kun
Yami: *sighs* Anyways, I must make one of those Drive beys they seem like some fun
Senshi: Shall I ready the printer Yami-kun?
Yami: Yes please Senshi, I'll ready up the template
Senshi: The printer is up Yami-kun fire away
Yami: Let's see, ummm the blades should be more balanced like this, make 'em a bit curvy but I'll position them so it'll still have some good smash attack
Senshi: Superb work on your layer Haru.....Yami-kun!
Yami: Don't praise me just yet I'm not finished!
Senshi: Yes, Yami-kun
Yami: Now for the disc it should have bumps for defense but...they could point upwards for a bit more smash attack and upward force! Yeah that's looking good!
Senshi: Excellent work Yami-kun!
Yami: You don't have to praise me on everything I do Senshi!
Senshi: *apologetic* Yes Yami-kun
Yami: Now the driver should be a semi-defense tip made of clear rubber!
Senshi: But won't that mess up the balance Yami-kun?
Yami: Nope! It'll be fast fast at first but then the semi defense tip will grip to the center and be defensive! And the Drive tip can be a star!
Senshi: How could I ever doubt you Yami-kun!
Yami: Alright the files are done so I guess we just wait a few hours for it to print!
*After a couple of hours the bey was done but it was too late to battle so they waited until the next day*
Yami: *exasperated* Ryuta wait up!
Ryuta: Woah! THE Yami Uma!? What do you need, and did you run all the way here?
Yami: *awkward* I might have been a bit late waking up but do you want to battle me?
Senshi: You wouldn't have been late if you woke up when I tried to wake you Yami-kun!
Ryuta: Ummmm....of course I'll battle!
Yami: Great! I'm sure you've seen my Brave Spriggan It'll be an honor to battle!
Ryuta: *in his thoughts* Raijin are you sure we can beat Yami I mean he isn't ranked no.3 for nothing...
Raijin: I've never watched over a battle of you between Yami, but I'm sure if you can find your inner strength you can win!
Ryuta: Inner strength?...You mean my resonance
Raijin: Yes, I can sense a great aura from this boy so mastering your resonance is key
Ryuta: You sure I can do this?
Raijin: Yes I do, so far you have gotten 30 victories after your loss you have come so far! So even if you lose this match I believe you come out stronger
Ryuta: Thank you Raijin, I am ready
Ryuta: Alright! Let's do this!
Both: 3!2!1! Go shoot!
*Both beys hit the ground with a great impact speeding around the track at great speed!*
Ryuta: It's time to kick this battle into overdrive! Bolt Shoot!
*Raijin on it's metal tip closes the gap between it and Spriggan delivering a hard hit*
Ryuta: Dang! That 2D chassis sure has some good defense not even that hit could knock it out!
Uma: Defense isn't all it's good for hit 'em Spriggan!
*Spriggan uses the awakened 2D chassis to deliver some fatal blows to Raijin*
Raijin: Now Ryuta!
Ryuta: Now I've got him where I want 'em! Bolt: Drive!
*Raijin's tip retracts speeding up and hits the slowed down Spriggan resulting in a KO!
Ryuta: Thanks Raijin! Our new strategy has been working great!
Raijin: It's a team effort Ryuta
Yami: Huh? I lost! This kid has got some serious skill! Senshi please hand me my partner please!
Senshi: *swipes of tablet* Yes right away Yami-kun!
*Senshi hands Yami Justice Undine*
Yami: Here is my partner Justice Undine!
Ryuta: A Drive bey? This will be fun I've never had the chance to test against one!
Yami: Alright then second round!
Both: 3!2!1! Go shoot!
*Undine hits the stadium first going at speeds even faster than Raijin itself!*
Ryuta: That bey is faster than Raijin! But how?
Yami: My clear rubber is way faster than normal rubber! Now finish him Undine! Undying Crash!
*Undine clashes with Raijin at every angle dealing hit after hit after hit!
Ryuta: *in pain* AHHHHHHHHH!!! I won't let us down! I won't! C'mon Raijin!
Raijin: Ryuta! You're channeling your resonance in the wrong way! Calm down!
*Undine settles into the center using it's rubber tip for a good grip on the stadium*
Ryuta: I got....this..Raijin! Bolt Shoot again!
Yami: That attack will be useless I'm too planted in the center
Ryuta: Shut up! We'll push through! I believe in Raijin! Another Bolt Shoot!
Yami: *sighs* Undine counter his attack
*As Raijin attacks Undine counters while still staying in the center! But Raijin is pushing through!*
Yami: You've got some real spirit much better than some of my opponents! Guess this will be a battle of Drives
Ryuta: *chuckles* I guess so but you better not hold back!
Yami: Not planning on it
Both: Let's Go!!! Drive!
*Raijin and Undine clash at full speed as both resonate it seems that both beys are at a breaking point and then-*
Senshi: It's a burst finish! but umm, for whom?
Ryuta: *disappointed* It was Yami I saw it
Yami: Awww..cheer up! That's the closest anyone's ever been to beating me in a long while!
Ryuta: Thanks Yami
Yami: *exhausted* Man that was a draining battle wanna go get ramen?
Ryuta: Sure man I'm hungry!
Senshi: Would you like me to pay Yami-kun?
Yami: No! I keep telling you I have my own cash!
Senshi: Alright then Yami-kun....
Ryuta: *In the distance* Man that's a great bey Yami want to have a rematch?
Senshi: *glares* It's finally complete!
To be continued.......
Name: Bakura Tensei
Gender: Male
Age: 11
Height: 4' 11"
Hair Color: Chartreuse Green, Red streaks
Eye Color: Orange
Beyblade Name: Fallen Barbatos Vile Crush: Drive
Beyblade Parts: Layer: Fallen Barbatos: A 5 bladed layer with 2 "horns" and 3 blades with sharp edges to "shred" the opposing bey making for a very aggressive right-spin layer with also good knockback power Disc: Vile: A disc with 3 sharp metal blades put higher up on the disc to align with the layer but when in downward mode they are positioned lower for downward force and disc to disc contact Driver: Crush: Drive: A flat tip with tons of blades surrounding it from the top to the bottom, when in Drive mode it has a shape similar to Spiral but hollowed out
Beyblade Type: Attack
Appearance: Bakura has short hair with two prominent spikes in the center reminiscent to horns, he wears a navy blue coat with chains and zippers hanging on it, an Orange shirt with a blue kanji symbol for Vile and ripped ends, Jeans with rips in them, and red cleats with yellow highlights
Personality: Bakura has a superiority complex over other bladers for his skills and being the no.1 blader at Beigoma, which is result of his parents making him feel small so he feels he must exert his superiority over kids his age to compensate for his sadness, In reality Bakura is a kind hearted kid who most kids look up to, and works harder than anyone in his class to be a better blader and greater student hoping to receive validation from his parents.
Special Moves: Sealing Krush: Barbatos rips around the stadium tearing it apart and pummels its' opponent into the ground usually burying it in the hole it created, Crush: Drive: The crush tip retracts when at low speeds revealing a spiral tip giving it a boost in speed
Generic Combos: These are Generic Combos characters used before getting Drive beys (will be updated as characters are added):
Ryuta: Hollow Valkyrie Convert Operate' 4A
Yami: Brave Spriggan Xtreme' Awakened 2D
Senshi: Curse Achilles 0Bump Keep' 1D
Fumi: Mirage Diabolos Eternal 2S
I hope the extra content makes up for this being 2 days late promise episode 3 is coming in on time next Friday.
I noticed things might not have updated for the thread so just posting this so anyone who's interested in this thread is updated that the new chapter released.(edit: I just realized what happened nevermind)
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - PinkRose - Jun. 15, 2021
Kinda late review because for whatever reason I end up closing Chrome every time I try to type it and then I forget. Aaaanyway, here you go!
Plot: 5/5. We're still at the very start and meeting the cast, I see nothing wrong here.
Dialogue: 4.5/5. The exchanges between everyone are pretty funny, especially with Senshi.
Characterization: 5/5. I tend to look a bit more into characterization when the cast's entirely new/OCs, and in this case, I wasn't disappointed. Yami kinda confuses me tho, is he supposed to be a calmer sort of character or more of a loud person or both?
Grammar/Writing : 3/5. Yeah, this is the one weakness of the story. It's rather lacking in detail and sometimes there are timeskips that happen without any indication at all (like the skip between Yami finishing his Bey and him challenging Ryuta to a battle, you could at least tell us that it was after school or something). So basically, what I'm saying is you should try inserting more detail into the story, it would help a lot. Oh and, there are some issues with punctuation, but nothing too much.
Battles: 4.5/5. No complaints here, the first one was fine and the second one was actually somewhat exciting.
Final Score: 22/25. This story has some potential to be interesting, and I wanna see where you're taking it soI'll be following from now on.
(Btw, if you need any help with proofreading and similar stuff, you can always DM me. And for the character contest, can you mention me when it starts or something?)
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - ZionandBirddo - Jun. 16, 2021
I know mostly PinkRose is excited for this one, so I'm declaring that there will be a character contest starting between June 20th-July 4th, I'll post a format you can use and there will be 3 winners in this contest so good luck!
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - ZionandBirddo - Jun. 19, 2021
Episode 3: Warrior of Tradition! Susanoo!
*After school, Ryuta, Yami, and Senshi went to the Handy Ramen shop next to the campus of Beigoma*
Yami: So Ryuta how long have you been blading?
Ryuta: I've been blading since I could remember, although some memories are a bit fuzzy
Senshi: Really? That's pretty impressive Mikado-san!
Ryuta: Oh, I don't mean to be rude but I never caught your name what is it?
Senshi: Oh, My name is Senshi Dentō I'm happy to be in your acquaintance Mikado-san
Yami: Senshi you don't have to be so formal! You can call him Ryuta
Ryuta: No it's fine, I had friend who talked like that I'm not bothered by it
Senshi: Hmm, that's weird Handy-san should have been here to order by now..
Ryuta: Don't sweat it! We can talk while we wait
Yami: Yeah that's a good idea! It's a good idea to get better acquainted
Senshi: So Mikado-san, You have any intent on joining the Beyclub?
Ryuta: Not really, I feel like it would limit myself too much
Senshi: Hmm, that's an interesting opinion may I ask why you don't intend on joining the Beyclub?
Ryuta: The club feels a bit too limiting to me having to be confined to a rank and everything and when I get to the top what's next?
Yami: I never, thought about it that way, well how about I train you instead?
Ryuta: Oh, That would be great! I could always use the practice
Mr. Handy: Sorry for being so late to orders! We had an inventory mix-up
Senshi: That's perfectly fine Handy-san could we have menus for 3 please?
Mr. Handy: Oh yeah here you boys go!
Yami: Not me though, I'll have just have my usual
Ryuta: *browses the menu* I guess I'll have the Kagoshima
Senshi: And I'll have the Miso please Handy-san
Mr.Handy: Alright I'll 'em have it out in a bit!
Yami: So Ryuta I have a question...
Ryuta: What is it Yami?
Yami: Can you talk to Raijin?
Ryuta: Yeah I can! We usually try to make strategies together
Senshi: So you too have resonance amazing Mikado-san!
Ryuta: It's nothing big I'm pretty sure a lot of bladers have some resonance it's just deep within
Senshi: That's pretty profound Mikado-san
Mr. Handy: Here's the Nagasaki Champon, Kagoshima, and Miso!
All: Thank you!
*The boys eat for about 20 minutes and head to cash register to pay for the meal*
Senshi: Gochisousama Handy-san
Yami: Gochisousama Mr. Handy
Ryuta: Here's my part of the bill Mr. Handy
Senshi: You should have said gochiousama Mikado-san, it was very rude to not say it after Handy-san made the meal for you
Ryuta: I don't see what the problem is it's not like I didn't pay for the meal
Yami: Hey Ryuta have your parents ever make you say gochiousama before?
Ryuta: No, they're pretty chill about that stuff
Yami: Ah, okay then well it's rude not to say it so you should
Ryuta: The situation already ran it's course, he didn't seem upset so I'm pretty sure I'm fine
Senshi: Then Mikado-san how about we have a beybattle? I win you say gochiousama, I lose you don't sound fair?
Ryuta: Yeah you're on!
Mr. Handy: I have a stadium out in the back you can use, it's really popular with the bladers around here
Ryuta: Thanks Mr. Handy!
Yami: Alright this will be a two point battle!
Senshi: I hope you can handle my bey!
Ryuta: I'm pretty sure me and Raijin have this one covered!
Both: 3!2!1! Go shoot!
*Raijin hits the stadium at amazing speed quickly circling around the stadium but it doesn't seem like it's hitting anything...*
Senshi: You were expecting to fight a more mobile bey weren't you Mikado-san?
Ryuta: Huh? It's in the center? I guess I'll have to switch it up then, Go Raijin!!! Bolt Shoot!!
Yami: That's not Senshi's usual setup, could it be a Drive bey?
Senshi: You're right Yami-san! This is my Susanoo a great defense type
*Raijin gears towards the center giving Susanoo a flurry of attacks but it's not budging an inch, Raijin is seemingly getting repelled!*
Senshi: Mikado-san you should watch out for Susanoo's rubber blades they're excellent for repelling attacks!
Yami: Interesting, it has bound defense
Ryuta:*worried* Nothing my Bolt: Drive can't handle!
*Raijin on it's last bit of power rams into Susanoo with it's Drive but despite it's best efforts it's launched out the stadium for a Ring-Out!*
Yami: Ring-Out for Senshi!
Raijin: I was observing the last match, and it seems his bey is supported by a small tip so knocking it off balance is the way to go
Ryuta: Then it seems we should aim a bit lower with the Bolt Shoot then
Yami: You guys ready?
Ryuta: Yeah
Senshi: Yes Yami-san
Both: 3!2!1! Go shoot!
Ryuta: Bolt Shoot!
Senshi: Standard Shoot!
*Susanoo comes in at great speeds dodging Raijin and then settling in at the center nullifying the Bolt Shoot!
Ryuta: How'd he predict our Bolt Shoot Raijin?
Senshi: I saw you leaning your launcher so I changed strategies Mikado-san!
Ryuta: Raijin as we planned! Go!!!!
*Raijin goes at it again hitting Susanoo and knocks it off balance and it starts to scrape!*
*Senshi gets a bit worried but an aura starts to surround him*
Senshi:-Is this actually resonance?
Yami: Go Senshi! You resonated with your bey!
Senshi: I won't let you down Yami-san! Susanoo! Strike back!
*Susanoo's Bound driver presses against the stadium giving it a boost in speed and strikes at Raijin full force bursting it!*
Yami: It's a burst finish for Senshi! Score 2-0!
Ryuta: Dang, oh well then I guess I'll uphold my end of the deal
Ryuta: Sorry for being so rude Mr.Handy, gochiousoma
Mr. Handy: Why thank you Mr. Mikado!
Senshi: Well now that this has been settled how about we go do some training at Beigoma before we have to head to our dorms?
Ryuta: Yeah sure Senshi I'd like the rematch!
Yami: You're on you two I'm not holding back!
To be continued.......
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - LegendJustice - Jun. 19, 2021
Seems interesting (to bad I can't get pink rose to read my fan fics) I might join
Name: Ronin Skoda
Bey: Samurai Rudar
Personality: the dude is nice and positive but can be wicked Rude when it comes to Fighting people (not beyblade fighting. fighting with hands)
And can see times has a Temper he once choked his sister
Backstory: Ronin seems to be rich but we'll lonely his hey is his only friend but when he started battling people he was making friends everyday.
Moves: Honor Samurai. Blade whip. Honor manipulation.
What he looks like: He where's a white shirt with the logo Warrio with some nice casuall Black jeans and a white hate backwords.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - ZionandBirddo - Jun. 19, 2021
(Jun. 19, 2021 4:42 AM)JJustice Wrote: Seems interesting (to bad I can't get pink rose to read my fan fics) I might join
Name: Ronin Skoda
Bey: Samurai Rudar
Personality: the dude is nice and positive but can be wicked Rude when it comes to Fighting people (not beyblade fighting. fighting with hands)
And can see times has a Temper he once choked his sister
Backstory: Ronin seems to be rich but we'll lonely his hey is his only friend but when he started battling people he was making friends everyday.
Moves: Honor Samurai. Blade whip. Honor manipulation.
What he looks like: He where's a white shirt with the logo Warrio with some nice casuall Black jeans and a white hate backwords.
Actually I was going to have the contest use a different format. Just make sure your bey follows the Drive system please
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - LegendJustice - Jun. 19, 2021
(Jun. 19, 2021 5:18 AM)ZionandBirddo Wrote:(Jun. 19, 2021 4:42 AM)JJustice Wrote: Seems interesting (to bad I can't get pink rose to read my fan fics) I might join
Name: Ronin Skoda
Bey: Samurai Rudar
Personality: the dude is nice and positive but can be wicked Rude when it comes to Fighting people (not beyblade fighting. fighting with hands)
And can see times has a Temper he once choked his sister
Backstory: Ronin seems to be rich but we'll lonely his hey is his only friend but when he started battling people he was making friends everyday.
Moves: Honor Samurai. Blade whip. Honor manipulation.
What he looks like: He where's a white shirt with the logo Warrio with some nice casuall Black jeans and a white hate backwords.
Actually I was going to have the contest use a different format. Just make sure your bey follows the Drive system please
Yeah it does I just said it's moves and all the other stuff beside that it's your character feel free to make changes
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - ZionandBirddo - Jun. 21, 2021
As the competition starts today here is the format that I usually use when making characters just make sure the bey follows the Drive system and you describe new parts you make please
Name:
Gender:
Age:
Height:
Hair Color:
Eye Color:
Beyblade Name:
Beyblade Parts:
Beyblade Type:
Appearance:
Personality:
Special Moves:
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive - LegendJustice - Jun. 21, 2021
(Jun. 21, 2021 3:20 AM)ZionandBirddo Wrote: As the competition starts today here is the format that I usually use when making characters just make sure the bey follows the Drive system and you describe new parts you make please
Name:
Gender:
Age:
Height:
Hair Color:
Eye Color:
Beyblade Name:
Beyblade Parts:
Beyblade Type:
Appearance:
Personality:
Special Moves:
Gender: Male
Age: 13
Height: 5-10
Hair coller: Red
Eye coller: White ( he is not blind lol)
Beyblade Name: Counter Rudar
Beybade parts: Rudar R3 7Under Hunter
Beyblade type: Attack Type
Appearance: Ronin is a 13 year old boy with a red shirt and a black jacket with black Jeans and white gloves
Personality: he is kind and humble but sometimes he steals for the poor and then created his hey Attack Rudar and wants to battle people with it and he sometimes steals beys that people don't want to the poor!
Special moves: COUNTER Smash Attack non Attack Experience, and Attack Whip
I know I won't get picked but it's worth a try lol
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive (Character Contest) - UnseenBurst - Jun. 22, 2021
I find it funny that after my Character Contest everyone else is having one anyways might enter need some time to think
RE: Beyblade Burst: Drive (Character Contest) - reshiwum - Jun. 23, 2021
EDIT: Updated, now with special moves! ZionandBirddo
I hope this is alright haha *nervous laughter*
Name: Azariya "Azusa" Sakumi
Gender: Female
Age: 14
Hair color: Magenta with a Yellow streak
Eye Color: Deep Magenta
Height: 158 cm
Beyblade Name: Hadal Asmodeus 4Cross Orbit: Drive
Spin Direction: Right-spin
Beyblade Type: Defense
Beyblade Parts
Layer - Hadal Asmodeus: Hadal Asmodeus is a gold-magenta layer that features a side view of a daemon with the said tones. It features teeth similar to Slash Valkyrie's (ofc).
Forge Disc - 4: Refer to this article
Disc Frame - Cross: Refer to this article
Performance Tip - Orbit: Drive: The usual Orbit Tip, but with modifications to suit the Drive system (Refer to this article)
Special Moves: Hadal Over:drive, Infernal Purgatory
Appearance: Azusa has a magenta, side-swept spiky-ish hair that has a streak of yellow that looks a little like a lightning. She has a pair of deep magenta eyes. She wears a black tank-top with a mustard-colored hoodie tied to her hips. She wears a pair of nano-material training pants that reaches her knees, along with a pair of black combat boots. One of her most notable feature is her sharp, "Shark-like" teeth.
Personality: Azusa is mostly arrogant and self-centered, and can be considered sharp-tongued and rude as well. She likes to taunt her foes before battling to provoke their focus, making her easier to find a way to win. Despite these negative traits, Azusa is willing to help when she is asked to (although she can be a little stubborn).
Note Bank: She gets a little annoyed when she is called "Azariya" because she herself had troubles with reading/pronouncing the kanjis of her own name, hence why she called herself "Azusa". It sounds easier to pronounce.