World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
Fan Fiction Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader - Printable Version

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Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader - snoc - Jun. 20, 2020

Just a one chapter thing I wrote cause boredom

Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader

Just a little chapter, but tell me what you think!


RE: Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader - CheetoBlader - Jun. 20, 2020

(Jun. 20, 2020  7:25 PM)snoc Wrote: Just a one chapter thing I wrote cause boredom

Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader

Just a little chapter, but tell me what you think!
What kind of feedback do you want? Honest feedback, or sugarcoated feedback?


RE: Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader - snoc - Jun. 20, 2020

(Jun. 20, 2020  7:44 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote:
(Jun. 20, 2020  7:25 PM)snoc Wrote: Just a one chapter thing I wrote cause boredom

Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader

Just a little chapter, but tell me what you think!
What kind of feedback do you want? Honest feedback, or sugarcoated feedback?

idk just tell me what you think. If its trash, tell me, idk what you're gonna say. Just a for fun project anyways, If i do another one it wont be for a good while.


RE: Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader - CheetoBlader - Jun. 20, 2020

(Jun. 20, 2020  8:05 PM)snoc Wrote:
(Jun. 20, 2020  7:44 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: What kind of feedback do you want? Honest feedback, or sugarcoated feedback?

idk just tell me what you think. If its trash, tell me, idk what you're gonna say. Just a for fun project anyways, If i do another one it wont be for a good while.
It’s hard to tell who’s talking at times, it feels very rushed, and I can’t really see the goal of the story, or the plot.


RE: Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader - snoc - Jun. 20, 2020

(Jun. 20, 2020  8:08 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote:
(Jun. 20, 2020  8:05 PM)snoc Wrote: idk just tell me what you think. If its trash, tell me, idk what you're gonna say. Just a for fun project anyways, If i do another one it wont be for a good while.
It’s hard to tell who’s talking at times, it feels very rushed, and I can’t really see the goal of the story, or the plot.

ik its rushed, just a for fun thing. The plot is very basic, kid losses all the time then he goes to his beystadium again and the kid who usually beats everyone lost to someone else. The loser kid feels he can beat the new kid despite his losses, so he makes Revive Phoenix. The new kid (whose name is Kai) Uses Dead Hades (sry if these weren't very noticeable, I didn't want to outright say the other bey was hades so I kinda just alluded to it). Kai loses, gets made and destroys his bey Hades and loser kids bey Phoenix so its like it never happened in his mind. Later the father of Phi and Hyde comes across the broken pieces of the bey, so he can reassemble them and give it to his sons as a gift. The story doesn't really have a goal besides tell the simple story, and the story is about what could've happened (or an alternate reality perhaps) with Phoenix and Hades before they were given to Phi and Hyde. I didn't want the story to be too crazy and more realistic, so I did a simple plot.

edit: and you dont have to ask me if I want sugarcoated replies or honest opinions lol, If I ask for actual opinions I want actual opinions


RE: Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader - Logic123ABC - Jun. 20, 2020

(Jun. 20, 2020  8:33 PM)snoc Wrote:
(Jun. 20, 2020  8:08 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: It’s hard to tell who’s talking at times, it feels very rushed, and I can’t really see the goal of the story, or the plot.

ik its rushed, just a for fun thing. The plot is very basic, kid losses all the time then he goes to his beystadium again and the kid who usually beats everyone lost to someone else. The loser kid feels he can beat the new kid despite his losses, so he makes Revive Phoenix. The new kid (whose name is Kai) Uses Dead Hades (sry if these weren't very noticeable, I didn't want to outright say the other bey was hades so I kinda just alluded to it). Kai loses, gets made and destroys his bey Hades and loser kids bey Phoenix so its like it never happened in his mind. Later the father of Phi and Hyde comes across the broken pieces of the bey, so he can reassemble them and give it to his sons as a gift. The story doesn't really have a goal besides tell the simple story, and the story is about what could've happened (or an alternate reality perhaps) with Phoenix and Hades before they were given to Phi and Hyde. I didn't want the story to be too crazy and more realistic, so I did a simple plot.

edit: and you dont have to ask me if I want sugarcoated replies or honest opinions lol, If I ask for actual opinions I want actual opinions

Tbh I thought it was good, but I did not catch your plot whatsoever lol


RE: Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader - snoc - Jun. 20, 2020

(Jun. 20, 2020  8:59 PM)Logic123ABC Wrote:
(Jun. 20, 2020  8:33 PM)snoc Wrote: ik its rushed, just a for fun thing. The plot is very basic, kid losses all the time then he goes to his beystadium again and the kid who usually beats everyone lost to someone else. The loser kid feels he can beat the new kid despite his losses, so he makes Revive Phoenix. The new kid (whose name is Kai) Uses Dead Hades (sry if these weren't very noticeable, I didn't want to outright say the other bey was hades so I kinda just alluded to it). Kai loses, gets made and destroys his bey Hades and loser kids bey Phoenix so its like it never happened in his mind. Later the father of Phi and Hyde comes across the broken pieces of the bey, so he can reassemble them and give it to his sons as a gift. The story doesn't really have a goal besides tell the simple story, and the story is about what could've happened (or an alternate reality perhaps) with Phoenix and Hades before they were given to Phi and Hyde. I didn't want the story to be too crazy and more realistic, so I did a simple plot.

edit: and you dont have to ask me if I want sugarcoated replies or honest opinions lol, If I ask for actual opinions I want actual opinions

Tbh I thought it was good, but I did not catch your plot whatsoever lol

sry, could've been better but I didnt put to much thought into it. Just kinda made it and decided I should share it, todays been pretty boring for me.


RE: Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader - Logic123ABC - Jun. 21, 2020

(Jun. 20, 2020  9:24 PM)snoc Wrote:
(Jun. 20, 2020  8:59 PM)Logic123ABC Wrote: Tbh I thought it was good, but I did not catch your plot whatsoever lol

sry, could've been better but I didnt put to much thought into it. Just kinda made it and decided I should share it, todays been pretty boring for me.

I still think your story was good, there's nuthin to be sorry about!