Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader - snoc - Jun. 20, 2020
Just a one chapter thing I wrote cause boredom
Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader
Another day, another loss. Thats pretty much the rule Nikoto followed religiously, cause he was really bad at blading.
he never wanted to just stick to popular combos others used, he wanted to create his own. However making a good combo requires skill that he doesn't have.
Nikoto was heading to the bey stadium again this morning. His bright orange hair seemed to sway in the wind as he approached the stadium.
??: W-woah whats this gust of wind? SMACK AAck! My bey i-its.... Nikoto quickly turned the corner to see the strongest blader there on his knees, holding his bey. WHich was shattered.
Another kid on the other side of the stadium had Blue hair and a cocky grin. Nikoto: Ai, what happened to your bey? Ai:S-shut up you weakling! Nikoto: Cmon dude.
Ai: Fine, that kid over there just shattered my bey with one hit of his. ???: Yes, but I'll be going now. The mysterious kid adjusted his bright white suite, then walked away.
Nikoto: What a brat. HEY YOU, COME BACK HERE! ???: Why should I? Nikoto: WELL, AT LEaST SAY YOUR NAME! ???: Its Kai. Remember it well. Nikoto: Alright, you can go replace the broken parts of your bey Ai. I'm gonna beat that dude!
Ai: But you always lose! Nikoto: I know....but I'm gonna make a new bey, to beat him! Nikoto rushed home to create a bey. Throughout the day he worked on something based off the Immortal phoenix. It would have a shield around it that could be knocked off, this was gonna be the ultimate bey.
Nikoto: Alright, revive phoenix! Lets show that dude whos boss tomorrow! Nikoto slept the night away, knowing confidently he would win.
The next day came. Ai: Yo Nikoto, what bey is that? Nikoto: Meet Revive phoenix! Ai: Woah it has metal! Now that I think about it, I think the other dudes bey also had some!
Kai came to the bey stadium. Nikoto: I have a new bey made for defeating you, face me! Kai: Hmm, This is just gonna be a waste of my time, but I suppose I'll fight you for some extra glory to my name.
3...2...1...GO SHOOT! Kai's bey landed in the stadium. It moved around very fast, cutting through the air creating wind gusts. AI: Its doing that thing again! Kai's bey smashed around phoenix. Nikoto: Go, friction boost!
The tip of Phoenix tilted, and the bey accelerated. Kai: YOU CANT ESCAPE ME!! Kai's bey smashed Phoenix and a part of it flew in the air. The protective barrier around Pheonix detached and was gone. Ai: Oh no, your bey broke!
Nikoto: No, I meant to do that! Kai's bey came in for a attack, but therpiece from phoenix landed on the stadium, and phoenix smashed it at Kai's bey.
Nikoto: Give em our phoenix blast! Kai's bey's layer landed at his feat. Its metal blades shined. Kai had lost. Kai: W-ah....this cant be possible! Kai: No, i will not accept this!
Kai grabbed his beys pieces and stomped on them. He also got Nikoto's Phoenix and threw it on the pavement, shattering it. Kia ran away. Ai: Your bey! Nikoto: Its fine, cause I won my first battle! Ai: Oh yeah! Also I replaced my beys parts, wanna battle? Nikoto took out his normal bey Nikoto: Sure thing!
Later that week a person with rich looking clothes came across the broken beys. ??????:Hmm, a broken bey. He took the parts. ??????: If I took these and remade them, this would be a perfect present for my boys Phi and Hyde. The Man took the pieces and hurried off.
Just a little chapter, but tell me what you think!
RE: Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader - CheetoBlader - Jun. 20, 2020
(Jun. 20, 2020 7:25 PM)snoc Wrote: Just a one chapter thing I wrote cause boredom
Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader
Another day, another loss. Thats pretty much the rule Nikoto followed religiously, cause he was really bad at blading.
he never wanted to just stick to popular combos others used, he wanted to create his own. However making a good combo requires skill that he doesn't have.
Nikoto was heading to the bey stadium again this morning. His bright orange hair seemed to sway in the wind as he approached the stadium.
??: W-woah whats this gust of wind? SMACK AAck! My bey i-its.... Nikoto quickly turned the corner to see the strongest blader there on his knees, holding his bey. WHich was shattered.
Another kid on the other side of the stadium had Blue hair and a cocky grin. Nikoto: Ai, what happened to your bey? Ai  -shut up you weakling! Nikoto: Cmon dude.
Ai: Fine, that kid over there just shattered my bey with one hit of his. ???: Yes, but I'll be going now. The mysterious kid adjusted his bright white suite, then walked away.
Nikoto: What a brat. HEY YOU, COME BACK HERE! ???: Why should I? Nikoto: WELL, AT LEaST SAY YOUR NAME! ???: Its Kai. Remember it well. Nikoto: Alright, you can go replace the broken parts of your bey Ai. I'm gonna beat that dude!
Ai: But you always lose! Nikoto: I know....but I'm gonna make a new bey, to beat him! Nikoto rushed home to create a bey. Throughout the day he worked on something based off the Immortal phoenix. It would have a shield around it that could be knocked off, this was gonna be the ultimate bey.
Nikoto: Alright, revive phoenix! Lets show that dude whos boss tomorrow! Nikoto slept the night away, knowing confidently he would win.
The next day came. Ai: Yo Nikoto, what bey is that? Nikoto: Meet Revive phoenix! Ai: Woah it has metal! Now that I think about it, I think the other dudes bey also had some!
Kai came to the bey stadium. Nikoto: I have a new bey made for defeating you, face me! Kai: Hmm, This is just gonna be a waste of my time, but I suppose I'll fight you for some extra glory to my name.
3...2...1...GO SHOOT! Kai's bey landed in the stadium. It moved around very fast, cutting through the air creating wind gusts. AI: Its doing that thing again! Kai's bey smashed around phoenix. Nikoto: Go, friction boost!
The tip of Phoenix tilted, and the bey accelerated. Kai: YOU CANT ESCAPE ME!! Kai's bey smashed Phoenix and a part of it flew in the air. The protective barrier around Pheonix detached and was gone. Ai: Oh no, your bey broke!
Nikoto: No, I meant to do that! Kai's bey came in for a attack, but therpiece from phoenix landed on the stadium, and phoenix smashed it at Kai's bey.
Nikoto: Give em our phoenix blast! Kai's bey's layer landed at his feat. Its metal blades shined. Kai had lost. Kai: W-ah....this cant be possible! Kai: No, i will not accept this!
Kai grabbed his beys pieces and stomped on them. He also got Nikoto's Phoenix and threw it on the pavement, shattering it. Kia ran away. Ai: Your bey! Nikoto: Its fine, cause I won my first battle! Ai: Oh yeah! Also I replaced my beys parts, wanna battle? Nikoto took out his normal bey Nikoto: Sure thing!
Later that week a person with rich looking clothes came across the broken beys. ??????:Hmm, a broken bey. He took the parts. ??????: If I took these and remade them, this would be a perfect present for my boys Phi and Hyde. The Man took the pieces and hurried off.
Just a little chapter, but tell me what you think! What kind of feedback do you want? Honest feedback, or sugarcoated feedback?
RE: Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader - snoc - Jun. 20, 2020
(Jun. 20, 2020 7:44 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: (Jun. 20, 2020 7:25 PM)snoc Wrote: Just a one chapter thing I wrote cause boredom
Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader
Another day, another loss. Thats pretty much the rule Nikoto followed religiously, cause he was really bad at blading.
he never wanted to just stick to popular combos others used, he wanted to create his own. However making a good combo requires skill that he doesn't have.
Nikoto was heading to the bey stadium again this morning. His bright orange hair seemed to sway in the wind as he approached the stadium.
??: W-woah whats this gust of wind? SMACK AAck! My bey i-its.... Nikoto quickly turned the corner to see the strongest blader there on his knees, holding his bey. WHich was shattered.
Another kid on the other side of the stadium had Blue hair and a cocky grin. Nikoto: Ai, what happened to your bey? Ai:S-shut up you weakling! Nikoto: Cmon dude.
Ai: Fine, that kid over there just shattered my bey with one hit of his. ???: Yes, but I'll be going now. The mysterious kid adjusted his bright white suite, then walked away.
Nikoto: What a brat. HEY YOU, COME BACK HERE! ???: Why should I? Nikoto: WELL, AT LEaST SAY YOUR NAME! ???: Its Kai. Remember it well. Nikoto: Alright, you can go replace the broken parts of your bey Ai. I'm gonna beat that dude!
Ai: But you always lose! Nikoto: I know....but I'm gonna make a new bey, to beat him! Nikoto rushed home to create a bey. Throughout the day he worked on something based off the Immortal phoenix. It would have a shield around it that could be knocked off, this was gonna be the ultimate bey.
Nikoto: Alright, revive phoenix! Lets show that dude whos boss tomorrow! Nikoto slept the night away, knowing confidently he would win.
The next day came. Ai: Yo Nikoto, what bey is that? Nikoto: Meet Revive phoenix! Ai: Woah it has metal! Now that I think about it, I think the other dudes bey also had some!
Kai came to the bey stadium. Nikoto: I have a new bey made for defeating you, face me! Kai: Hmm, This is just gonna be a waste of my time, but I suppose I'll fight you for some extra glory to my name.
3...2...1...GO SHOOT! Kai's bey landed in the stadium. It moved around very fast, cutting through the air creating wind gusts. AI: Its doing that thing again! Kai's bey smashed around phoenix. Nikoto: Go, friction boost!
The tip of Phoenix tilted, and the bey accelerated. Kai: YOU CANT ESCAPE ME!! Kai's bey smashed Phoenix and a part of it flew in the air. The protective barrier around Pheonix detached and was gone. Ai: Oh no, your bey broke!
Nikoto: No, I meant to do that! Kai's bey came in for a attack, but therpiece from phoenix landed on the stadium, and phoenix smashed it at Kai's bey.
Nikoto: Give em our phoenix blast! Kai's bey's layer landed at his feat. Its metal blades shined. Kai had lost. Kai: W-ah....this cant be possible! Kai: No, i will not accept this!
Kai grabbed his beys pieces and stomped on them. He also got Nikoto's Phoenix and threw it on the pavement, shattering it. Kia ran away. Ai: Your bey! Nikoto: Its fine, cause I won my first battle! Ai: Oh yeah! Also I replaced my beys parts, wanna battle? Nikoto took out his normal bey Nikoto: Sure thing!
Later that week a person with rich looking clothes came across the broken beys. ??????:Hmm, a broken bey. He took the parts. ??????: If I took these and remade them, this would be a perfect present for my boys Phi and Hyde. The Man took the pieces and hurried off.
Just a little chapter, but tell me what you think! What kind of feedback do you want? Honest feedback, or sugarcoated feedback?
idk just tell me what you think. If its trash, tell me, idk what you're gonna say. Just a for fun project anyways, If i do another one it wont be for a good while.
RE: Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader - CheetoBlader - Jun. 20, 2020
(Jun. 20, 2020 8:05 PM)snoc Wrote: (Jun. 20, 2020 7:44 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: What kind of feedback do you want? Honest feedback, or sugarcoated feedback?
idk just tell me what you think. If its trash, tell me, idk what you're gonna say. Just a for fun project anyways, If i do another one it wont be for a good while. It’s hard to tell who’s talking at times, it feels very rushed, and I can’t really see the goal of the story, or the plot.
RE: Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader - snoc - Jun. 20, 2020
(Jun. 20, 2020 8:08 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: (Jun. 20, 2020 8:05 PM)snoc Wrote: idk just tell me what you think. If its trash, tell me, idk what you're gonna say. Just a for fun project anyways, If i do another one it wont be for a good while. It’s hard to tell who’s talking at times, it feels very rushed, and I can’t really see the goal of the story, or the plot.
ik its rushed, just a for fun thing. The plot is very basic, kid losses all the time then he goes to his beystadium again and the kid who usually beats everyone lost to someone else. The loser kid feels he can beat the new kid despite his losses, so he makes Revive Phoenix. The new kid (whose name is Kai) Uses Dead Hades (sry if these weren't very noticeable, I didn't want to outright say the other bey was hades so I kinda just alluded to it). Kai loses, gets made and destroys his bey Hades and loser kids bey Phoenix so its like it never happened in his mind. Later the father of Phi and Hyde comes across the broken pieces of the bey, so he can reassemble them and give it to his sons as a gift. The story doesn't really have a goal besides tell the simple story, and the story is about what could've happened (or an alternate reality perhaps) with Phoenix and Hades before they were given to Phi and Hyde. I didn't want the story to be too crazy and more realistic, so I did a simple plot.
edit: and you dont have to ask me if I want sugarcoated replies or honest opinions lol, If I ask for actual opinions I want actual opinions
RE: Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader - Logic123ABC - Jun. 20, 2020
(Jun. 20, 2020 8:33 PM)snoc Wrote: (Jun. 20, 2020 8:08 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: It’s hard to tell who’s talking at times, it feels very rushed, and I can’t really see the goal of the story, or the plot.
ik its rushed, just a for fun thing. The plot is very basic, kid losses all the time then he goes to his beystadium again and the kid who usually beats everyone lost to someone else. The loser kid feels he can beat the new kid despite his losses, so he makes Revive Phoenix. The new kid (whose name is Kai) Uses Dead Hades (sry if these weren't very noticeable, I didn't want to outright say the other bey was hades so I kinda just alluded to it). Kai loses, gets made and destroys his bey Hades and loser kids bey Phoenix so its like it never happened in his mind. Later the father of Phi and Hyde comes across the broken pieces of the bey, so he can reassemble them and give it to his sons as a gift. The story doesn't really have a goal besides tell the simple story, and the story is about what could've happened (or an alternate reality perhaps) with Phoenix and Hades before they were given to Phi and Hyde. I didn't want the story to be too crazy and more realistic, so I did a simple plot.
edit: and you dont have to ask me if I want sugarcoated replies or honest opinions lol, If I ask for actual opinions I want actual opinions
Tbh I thought it was good, but I did not catch your plot whatsoever lol
RE: Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader - snoc - Jun. 20, 2020
(Jun. 20, 2020 8:59 PM)Logic123ABC Wrote: (Jun. 20, 2020 8:33 PM)snoc Wrote: ik its rushed, just a for fun thing. The plot is very basic, kid losses all the time then he goes to his beystadium again and the kid who usually beats everyone lost to someone else. The loser kid feels he can beat the new kid despite his losses, so he makes Revive Phoenix. The new kid (whose name is Kai) Uses Dead Hades (sry if these weren't very noticeable, I didn't want to outright say the other bey was hades so I kinda just alluded to it). Kai loses, gets made and destroys his bey Hades and loser kids bey Phoenix so its like it never happened in his mind. Later the father of Phi and Hyde comes across the broken pieces of the bey, so he can reassemble them and give it to his sons as a gift. The story doesn't really have a goal besides tell the simple story, and the story is about what could've happened (or an alternate reality perhaps) with Phoenix and Hades before they were given to Phi and Hyde. I didn't want the story to be too crazy and more realistic, so I did a simple plot.
edit: and you dont have to ask me if I want sugarcoated replies or honest opinions lol, If I ask for actual opinions I want actual opinions
Tbh I thought it was good, but I did not catch your plot whatsoever lol
sry, could've been better but I didnt put to much thought into it. Just kinda made it and decided I should share it, todays been pretty boring for me.
RE: Beyblade Burst One Shot: Deluxe Blader - Logic123ABC - Jun. 21, 2020
(Jun. 20, 2020 9:24 PM)snoc Wrote: (Jun. 20, 2020 8:59 PM)Logic123ABC Wrote: Tbh I thought it was good, but I did not catch your plot whatsoever lol
sry, could've been better but I didnt put to much thought into it. Just kinda made it and decided I should share it, todays been pretty boring for me.
I still think your story was good, there's nuthin to be sorry about!
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