(Aug. 04, 2019  10:35 PM)Geardini1846 Wrote: Um... Why and what was that?

(Aug. 04, 2019  11:02 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote:

(Aug. 04, 2019  10:35 PM)Geardini1846 Wrote: Um... Why and what was that?

What?

(Nov. 05, 2019  1:03 AM)CheetoBlader Wrote: Hey, sorry for the delay. I was working on it, then I scrapped it so I could change things and work on the the plot. Because… well… I haven’t had too much of a plan until now. I was going with the flow 75% of the time. I will not be accepting characters until further notice. Please wait a bit while I finish making some plans and type up the chapter.

(Nov. 05, 2019  4:16 AM)#Fafnir Wrote:

(Nov. 05, 2019  1:03 AM)CheetoBlader Wrote: Hey, sorry for the delay. I was working on it, then I scrapped it so I could change things and work on the the plot. Because… well… I haven’t had too much of a plan until now. I was going with the flow 75% of the time. I will not be accepting characters until further notice. Please wait a bit while I finish making some plans and type up the chapter.

It's perfectly fine, I'm just wondering why I'm receiving notifications for posts that aren't there.

(Nov. 05, 2019  3:36 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote:

(Nov. 05, 2019  4:16 AM)#Fafnir Wrote: It's perfectly fine, I'm just wondering why I'm receiving notifications for posts that aren't there.

I think that’s because I was working on the draft. You won’t receive anymore false ones though, I’ve switched to Google Docs.

(Nov. 10, 2019  7:01 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: Chapter 21: An Experienced Mentor! Revenge’s Rebirth!

Spoiler (Click to View)

Roan was in his room sitting down, thinking about that day, and how it happened.

“I bumped into gold eyed dude at the plaza, and I was there to get some shoes, but I wouldn’t have gone there at that time if Colin hadn’t dragged me out of my house,” Roan thought. “So it’s all Colin’s fault.”

“Well, I can’t stay here forever, Colin’s gonna find me sooner or later.” Roan looked over to Colin’s house, which was next door.

Roan’s stomach grumbled. “I’ll just go to Chick-fil-A and grab lunch.”

When Roan was walking to Chick-fil-A, he was getting looked at by a couple of Bladers. Roan arrived at his destination.

Roan ordered his food, got it, and sat down. Roan was eating peacefully without a thought, then someone sat down across from him. The person who sat down across from Roan wore a gold colored jacket, jeans, and black running shoes that looked worn.

“Hey, Roan. I heard about your match against Norman, sorry about Revenge.” The boy said.

Roan looked up at the boy like he was an alien. “Who are you, who is that, and how do you know who I am?” Roan questioned.

The boy giggled for a second then stopped. “Sorry about my manners, my name is Andy, Andy Samuels. My Beyblade is Amaterios, and I’m one of the Spirit Six.”

“What’s that?” Roan asked.

“You don’t know? The Spirit Six are the top six Bladers in the world!” Andy explained. “And every year around January and February, they have a tournament where the current top six have a round robin tournament!”

Roan was amazed by this. “How do I get in?”

Andy thought for a second. “You’ll have to boost your rankings by going to tournaments and playing in ranked matches.”

“Got it. So how do ya know who I am, and who’s that guy you mentioned earlier?” Roan wondered.

“That guy is Norman Tarver AKA Gold Eye. He was the one who destroyed Revenge.” Roan flinched at that. “He is also part of the Spirit Six, so you did pretty well considering how high he’s ranked. But he’s also a bit crazy. He goes around breaking Beys, video taping it, then he sends that video to the WBBA to broadcast around the world. That’s how I know who you are.”

“Oh, okay thanks,” Roan said, not sure how to think about that, “it’s nice knowing how my defeat is spread throughout the planet.”

“You can change that.” Andy said helpfully.

“How?” Roan was clearly interested.

“Well, make it to the Spirit Six. Then no one thinks that you’re weak.” Andy replied.

“But I need a new Beyblade,” Roan said holding out Revenge.

“Then we’ll make one,” The Spirit Six Blader said. “I know a certain someone who makes Beyblades well.”

The two boys started their seven minute walk to their location.

“So how exactly did you end up in a battle with Gold Eye?” Andy asked.

Roan explained why they were there and how it was all Colin’s fault.

Andy stopped walking, frowned, and looked at Roan. “Roan, it’s not his fault. And it’s not yours. It’s Norman’s. Now don’t ever say that again.”

Roan felt full of guilt for blaming Colin for Revenge’s demise. He shouldn’t have ever done that. He wanted to apologize to Colin immediately, but he couldn’t tell Colin about that. Ever.

“Hey, dad! Look who I brought home with me!” Andy called out.

Mr. Samuels came upstairs to greet his son, and his guest. “What brings you here?” Mr. Samuels asked Roan.

“He’s here to make a new Beyblade.” Andy answered for Roan.

“Great! Just come downstairs and we’ll start!” Mr. Samuels said.

The basement was well lit, with no dust, and it had a stadium along with the tools to make a Beyblade.

Roan thought of how strong his new Beyblade would be and how great it would look. But deep down, part of him wanted to keep Smash Revenge.

“Alright, Roan. Give me the details for your new Beyblade.” Mr. Samuels said.

Roan thought for a moment about what to do before deciding. “Can you repair this?” Roan asked, holding out the two parts of Revenge.

Both Andy and his father were stunned. Why did Roan want to repair Smash Revenge?

“Um… alright, Roan. Are you sure?” Andy’s father asked.

“Yes,” Roan answered.

Roan and Andy waited upstairs, playing with Andy’s baby brother.

“Bean, say ‘Roan’.” Andy requested. Bean was just a nickname.

“Woan.” Repeated Bean.

Roan smiled. The three year old was very cute.

The two Bladers played with Bean some more before being called downstairs.

Roan flew down the stairs, skipping the last seven steps. “Can I see?”

Mr. Samuels chuckled. “You can have it!” He said, handing over the repaired layer.

Roan looked at Revenge. It was in mint condition. Revenge looked as if it were try to say something. Suddenly, Revenge appeared right in front of him.

“I’m back stronger than ever. Ready to finish what we started?” Revenge said.

A tear dropped from Roan’s eye. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

Revenge vanished, and Roan felt better. He’d been reunited with his partner. Roan felt like celebrating, by battling. “Andy, will you battle me?”

Andy smiled. “Of course.”

Roan and Andy got into their positions at the stadium. Mr. Samuels was the judge.

“This battle will be one round, ‘cause I gotta go. Ready, set! 3!…2!…”

Andy started spinning.

“1!…Let It”

Andy stopped.

“Rip!”

Revenge and Amaterios zoomed around the stadium at high speeds, Amaterios gaining.

“Now, Amaterios! Burning Strike!” Andy called.

Amaterios’ blades lit up just before it rammed into Revenge. Revenge flew into the air.

“Not on my watch! Ultimate Revenge Strike!” Roan responded.

Revenge dove down at a fast speed and crashed into Amaterios. Both Beyblades were sent flying out of the stadium, hitting the ground, almost at the same time.

“Who won?” Roan asked.

“You. Now I gotta go.” Mr. Samuels said.

Roan beamed. He had beat a member of the Spirit Six!

Andy walked over smiling. “Congratulations. You beat me.”

“Too bad it wasn’t ranked, but it was still really fun!” Roan said joyfully.

“Good. C’mon, I’ll walk you home.” Andy said walking up the stairs with Roan behind him.

Roan arrived at his house with Andy. Colin was waiting at his front door. “Colin? What are you doing?”

Colin turned around and ran over to Roan. “I’m so sorry! It was all my fault I-“

Roan put his hand on Colin’s shoulder. “No it’s not,” Roan paused. “It’s my opponent’s fault, what was his name?”

“Norman Tarver. Part of the Spirit Six,” Andy chimed in.

“Yeah, him. It’s his fault. We’ll explain more later,” Roan said.

Colin still felt that it was his fault. “Okay… but Roan will you let me be your bodyguard? I don’t want something like that to happen again.”

“It’s not your fault, Colin. And anyways, I don’t want a bodyguard. I want to fight with them. I want a friend. No, a best friend.” Roan held out his hand and Colin took it. They hugged for a bit then released so that Andy could explain everything.

“Oh. And where do you rank there?” Colin asked.

“Uh… well… 6th…” Andy barely said.

“At least you’re still in it,” Roan said. “Now, anyone up for some Mario Kart?”

They all walked inside and plopped down on the couch. Zack came down and joined in. They only played four way with no computer players.

“And the final results are… a tie?” Zack was in shock. He’d never seen that in his entire life!

“Anyone up for a battle Royale instead?” Colin suggested.

“Sure,” Everyone agreed.

“3!…2!…1!…Let It Rip!” They all chanted.

(Nov. 10, 2019  7:01 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: Chapter 21: An Experienced Mentor! Revenge’s Rebirth!

Spoiler (Click to View)

Roan was in his room sitting down, thinking about that day, and how it happened.

“I bumped into gold eyed dude at the plaza, and I was there to get some shoes, but I wouldn’t have gone there at that time if Colin hadn’t dragged me out of my house,” Roan thought. “So it’s all Colin’s fault.”

“Well, I can’t stay here forever, Colin’s gonna find me sooner or later.” Roan looked over to Colin’s house, which was next door.

Roan’s stomach grumbled. “I’ll just go to Chick-fil-A and grab lunch.”

When Roan was walking to Chick-fil-A, he was getting looked at by a couple of Bladers. Roan arrived at his destination.

Roan ordered his food, got it, and sat down. Roan was eating peacefully without a thought, then someone sat down across from him. The person who sat down across from Roan wore a gold colored jacket, jeans, and black running shoes that looked worn.

“Hey, Roan. I heard about your match against Norman, sorry about Revenge.” The boy said.

Roan looked up at the boy like he was an alien. “Who are you, who is that, and how do you know who I am?” Roan questioned.

The boy giggled for a second then stopped. “Sorry about my manners, my name is Andy, Andy Samuels. My Beyblade is Amaterios, and I’m one of the Spirit Six.”

“What’s that?” Roan asked.

“You don’t know? The Spirit Six are the top six Bladers in the world!” Andy explained. “And every year around January and February, they have a tournament where the current top six have a round robin tournament!”

Roan was amazed by this. “How do I get in?”

Andy thought for a second. “You’ll have to boost your rankings by going to tournaments and playing in ranked matches.”

“Got it. So how do ya know who I am, and who’s that guy you mentioned earlier?” Roan wondered.

“That guy is Norman Tarver AKA Gold Eye. He was the one who destroyed Revenge.” Roan flinched at that. “He is also part of the Spirit Six, so you did pretty well considering how high he’s ranked. But he’s also a bit crazy. He goes around breaking Beys, video taping it, then he sends that video to the WBBA to broadcast around the world. That’s how I know who you are.”

“Oh, okay thanks,” Roan said, not sure how to think about that, “it’s nice knowing how my defeat is spread throughout the planet.”

“You can change that.” Andy said helpfully.

“How?” Roan was clearly interested.

“Well, make it to the Spirit Six. Then no one thinks that you’re weak.” Andy replied.

“But I need a new Beyblade,” Roan said holding out Revenge.

“Then we’ll make one,” The Spirit Six Blader said. “I know a certain someone who makes Beyblades well.”

The two boys started their seven minute walk to their location.

“So how exactly did you end up in a battle with Gold Eye?” Andy asked.

Roan explained why they were there and how it was all Colin’s fault.

Andy stopped walking, frowned, and looked at Roan. “Roan, it’s not his fault. And it’s not yours. It’s Norman’s. Now don’t ever say that again.”

Roan felt full of guilt for blaming Colin for Revenge’s demise. He shouldn’t have ever done that. He wanted to apologize to Colin immediately, but he couldn’t tell Colin about that. Ever.

“Hey, dad! Look who I brought home with me!” Andy called out.

Mr. Samuels came upstairs to greet his son, and his guest. “What brings you here?” Mr. Samuels asked Roan.

“He’s here to make a new Beyblade.” Andy answered for Roan.

“Great! Just come downstairs and we’ll start!” Mr. Samuels said.

The basement was well lit, with no dust, and it had a stadium along with the tools to make a Beyblade.

Roan thought of how strong his new Beyblade would be and how great it would look. But deep down, part of him wanted to keep Smash Revenge.

“Alright, Roan. Give me the details for your new Beyblade.” Mr. Samuels said.

Roan thought for a moment about what to do before deciding. “Can you repair this?” Roan asked, holding out the two parts of Revenge.

Both Andy and his father were stunned. Why did Roan want to repair Smash Revenge?

“Um… alright, Roan. Are you sure?” Andy’s father asked.

“Yes,” Roan answered.

Roan and Andy waited upstairs, playing with Andy’s baby brother.

“Bean, say ‘Roan’.” Andy requested. Bean was just a nickname.

“Woan.” Repeated Bean.

Roan smiled. The three year old was very cute.

The two Bladers played with Bean some more before being called downstairs.

Roan flew down the stairs, skipping the last seven steps. “Can I see?”

Mr. Samuels chuckled. “You can have it!” He said, handing over the repaired layer.

Roan looked at Revenge. It was in mint condition. Revenge looked as if it were try to say something. Suddenly, Revenge appeared right in front of him.

“I’m back stronger than ever. Ready to finish what we started?” Revenge said.

A tear dropped from Roan’s eye. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

Revenge vanished, and Roan felt better. He’d been reunited with his partner. Roan felt like celebrating, by battling. “Andy, will you battle me?”

Andy smiled. “Of course.”

Roan and Andy got into their positions at the stadium. Mr. Samuels was the judge.

“This battle will be one round, ‘cause I gotta go. Ready, set! 3!…2!…”

Andy started spinning.

“1!…Let It”

Andy stopped.

“Rip!”

Revenge and Amaterios zoomed around the stadium at high speeds, Amaterios gaining.

“Now, Amaterios! Burning Strike!” Andy called.

Amaterios’ blades lit up just before it rammed into Revenge. Revenge flew into the air.

“Not on my watch! Ultimate Revenge Strike!” Roan responded.

Revenge dove down at a fast speed and crashed into Amaterios. Both Beyblades were sent flying out of the stadium, hitting the ground, almost at the same time.

“Who won?” Roan asked.

“You. Now I gotta go.” Mr. Samuels said.

Roan beamed. He had beat a member of the Spirit Six!

Andy walked over smiling. “Congratulations. You beat me.”

“Too bad it wasn’t ranked, but it was still really fun!” Roan said joyfully.

“Good. C’mon, I’ll walk you home.” Andy said walking up the stairs with Roan behind him.

Roan arrived at his house with Andy. Colin was waiting at his front door. “Colin? What are you doing?”

Colin turned around and ran over to Roan. “I’m so sorry! It was all my fault I-“

Roan put his hand on Colin’s shoulder. “No it’s not,” Roan paused. “It’s my opponent’s fault, what was his name?”

“Norman Tarver. Part of the Spirit Six,” Andy chimed in.

“Yeah, him. It’s his fault. We’ll explain more later,” Roan said.

Colin still felt that it was his fault. “Okay… but Roan will you let me be your bodyguard? I don’t want something like that to happen again.”

“It’s not your fault, Colin. And anyways, I don’t want a bodyguard. I want to fight with them. I want a friend. No, a best friend.” Roan held out his hand and Colin took it. They hugged for a bit then released so that Andy could explain everything.

“Oh. And where do you rank there?” Colin asked.

“Uh… well… 6th…” Andy barely said.

“At least you’re still in it,” Roan said. “Now, anyone up for some Mario Kart?”

They all walked inside and plopped down on the couch. Zack came down and joined in. They only played four way with no computer players.

“And the final results are… a tie?” Zack was in shock. He’d never seen that in his entire life!

“Anyone up for a battle Royale instead?” Colin suggested.

“Sure,” Everyone agreed.

“3!…2!…1!…Let It Rip!” They all chanted.

(Feb. 02, 2020  4:00 AM)CheetoBlader Wrote: lilphilyb, I don’t care that I just asked.

(Feb. 02, 2020  4:02 AM)lilphilyb Wrote:

(Feb. 02, 2020  4:00 AM)CheetoBlader Wrote: lilphilyb, I don’t care that I just asked.

Askes what?

(Feb. 02, 2020  4:27 AM)lilphilyb Wrote: Already read it

Character Development: A+
Diologue: A+
Grammar: A+
Exciting moments: A+
Chapter length: A+
Story Juiciness: A+

This is one of your best works yet, the story, the characters, it is past perfect! You are a story master! You got a 169!

Overall score: 169

(Feb. 02, 2020  4:28 AM)CheetoBlader Wrote:

(Feb. 02, 2020  4:27 AM)lilphilyb Wrote: Already read it

Character Development: A+
Diologue: A+
Grammar: A+
Exciting moments: A+
Chapter length: A+
Story Juiciness: A+

This is one of your best works yet, the story, the characters, it is past perfect! You are a story master! You got a 169!

Overall score: 169

Thanks! But actually though. I need to know what people really think of TAOR and what I should Improve in.

(Feb. 02, 2020  4:28 AM)CheetoBlader Wrote:

(Feb. 02, 2020  4:27 AM)lilphilyb Wrote: Already read it

Character Development: A+
Diologue: A+
Grammar: A+
Exciting moments: A+
Chapter length: A+
Story Juiciness: A+

This is one of your best works yet, the story, the characters, it is past perfect! You are a story master! You got a 169!

Overall score: 169

Thanks! But actually though. I need to know what people really think of TAOR and what I should Improve in.

(Feb. 06, 2020  2:52 AM)CheetoBlader Wrote: lilphilyb, are you grading this by where it currently is, or the whole series?

(Mar. 10, 2020  3:38 AM)Hyper xeno Wrote: I love it nice job

(Mar. 10, 2020  3:03 AM)CheetoBlader Wrote: Just an update on my writing.

I don’t work on this any more right now. I find it hard to do it at home because of school and other things. But if I can do this at school, I would have constant chapters coming out.

But for now, I can share my current writing project that I like writing. Of course, only if you’re interested. I’m only at Chapter three, so I’m not gonna post these Chapters fast as lightning (cue Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas) but instead, post one every time I finish one, until I finish.

Thanks for reading this and lemme know if you want to read my other writing project.