(Beyblade story) "story names are overrated!/I couldn't think of one!" - DRAGON KING - Mar. 11, 2014
#FourthStory
Chapter 1
The dark blue night sky's shimmer was unseen, while smoke filled up Mordecai's view as he laid outside the gates of the factory when he heard struggling. Curiousity got the best of him as he slowly walked quietly to the corner of the gate to peek and see a body with a bag over its head struggling against two fit men with black suits and gloves on, after the suited men pushed the pushed the person against the chain-link fence, it appeared that his arms were tied. One of the men silently pulled out a roll of wire and put it on his neck.
That's when Mordecai went into action and ran a few feet to find a broken piece of lumber. The two men were in the process of choking the body when Mordecai ran out and "Whack!", the one that was strangling the man now lay unconscious on the ground, the other man with fast reflexs put both hands on Mordecai's throat and squeezed. The unknown figure now gasped for air as soon as the man strangling him was knocked out. He then saw the scene, pulled the brown leather bag off his head and jumped on the suited man as Mordecai was no match for the 6 ft. 6 in. Man.
The impact knocked the man off balance enough for Him to fall, the previously distressed figure now ran toward the street with Mordecai.
"Here" said the kid as he pulled Mordecai into a Walmart, after Mordecai helped him take his restraints off.
"They wouldn't try anything in a busy place" he said.
"Who the heck are you?" Said Mordecai as he could finally see clearly what the kid looked like; 13-14, black hair and a NFL SnapBack.
"Drake. I Don't give out my last name, people I don't want to have it could get it and it wouldn't be good if they got it." He said as he pulled Mordecai into a beyblade section, much like a knife section.
"Why were those guys trying to kill you?" Asked Mordecai as he leaned against a rack with his light brown hair matted.
"Not good people. I won a battle there was a lot of money riding on that I shouldn't have won. I probably wouldn't have been alive right now if you weren't there, thanks. Now who are you?" He replied.
"Mordecai Vegul, currently living on the streets." Said Mordecai.
Drake looked away as people walked by.
"What's wrong with you?" Said Mordecai.
"Don't want to draw attention." Said drake.
Then it hit Mordecai,
"Your Drake aka DRAGON KING?! Competitive blader?!" He said
"Yes, Please don't say anything." Drake begged as he picked up a Beylauncher LR.
"I'll a room for you to sleep in and food, you might wanna come before the guy that hired those guys finds them and comes after us." Said Drake.
"Don't you have bodyguards or something?"
"Prefer not too. Except at times like this... Do You blade?"
"Eh, somewhat."
Chapter 2
It seemed like they were in the elevator for half an hour before finally reaching the 43rd floor of the hotel. After they got off there were only 4 rooms on the entire floor. They got to their room and Drake pulled the room card out and swiped it. The room was amazing. 2 bedrooms, a large kitchen, a hot tub, a lounging part with a 80 in. flat screen TV with 3 sofa's, etc. it was like a house!
While Mordecai stood in amazement with his tearing clothes, Drake simply picked up the room service menu and asked,
"Whatcha feel like eating? I'm getting the steak topped with grilled lobster."
"... Huh? Oh, get me the same as you. How did you afford this?"
"Investments my parents made before they passed, plus putting my face on a bag if chips makes 'em sell like hot cakes" said Drake with a wink.
"So beyblading is just your hobby?"
"Well, pretty much. Some tournaments have money prizes, but I just try to keep it as a hobby, since it's what I enjoy. Now, I should eat and get rest, I have to train for the next tournament. You coming tommorrow morning?"
"Sure, why not."
They ate while watching animal planet than went to sleep.
The next morning they order omelets, ate and set out.
"Where are we going?" Said Mordecai
"Get you some new clothes." Drake responded.
"Oh, thanks."
Mordecai was still pretty amazed about how much this random celebrity was helping him.
"By the way, what's your blade and launcher?" Asked Drake
"Just an Thermal Leone 145WD and a ripcord launcher, why did you ask?"
"Would you mind getting an update as far as your beyblade and accessories?"
"Absolutely! Thanks so much. But, what's the catch? Why are you helping me out so much" answered/asked Mordecai.
"Why wouldn't I be helping you out? I'm doing what a lot of people need to do. They get money and begin to get greedy, buying expensive cars, millions worth of jewelry etc.
I want to do something. Not to mention you saved my life."
they walked into a beyblade hobby store across town
"Here you'll meet some of my friends." Said Drake. Everyone seemed to know him. They went to the beyblade part aisle and looked around.
"So, anything you like?" Asked Drake.
After a few minutes Mordecai picked Death Wolf S130MB and a rev up launcher.
"Nice, Death Wolf S130MB. Let's go test it" said Drake as they walked out with some clothes (beyblade related clothes).
"Wait, we're stealing it?!" Asked Mordecai.
"No way, it's my store. The manager knows I come in every few months to pickup a part and stuff. Now to the beypark!" Replied Drake.
"cool, let's try that stadium" said Mordecai pointing to a stadium after arriving.
"Woo that rev-up launcher is harder to use than I thought" stated Mordecai.
"It give a powerful launch though. Now go Basalt Dragonis BD145RDF!"
Dragonis attempted to Force KO Wolf with basalt weight in the beginning and it succeeded.
"Awwwwwwwww" said Mordecai.
"Not bad for your first battle with that beyblade. Again!" said Drake.
The second battle was just a repeat of the first.
"You just have to wear your MB down to its prime so it can dodge better." advised Drake
After hours of beybattle the MB was primed and wolf dodged Basalt's attack.
"hmm, you got better. But I'll still beat you!" Gloated Drake as Dragonis faked an attack to the left but swung around at the last second and hit it on the opposite side sending wolf flying.
They then walked out talking,
"I almost beat yah! I didn't think spinning tops could be that fun" said Mordecai with a smirk.
"You up for a tournament tommorrow?" Replied Drake.
"I doubt I'd get past the first round, but sure , just for fun" said Mordecai. Chapter 3 Tournament day it was!
They got up around 6:00 in the morning to train a bit in the beypark and grab a few breakfast burritos, then headed to the tournament that began at 9:00.
"C'mon, I'll sign us up and you get 2 seats in the participators lounge."
Mordecai walked into the room about the size of a large doctors office.
Around 50 bladers filled the room, there was a few TVs setup around the room so the bladers could see what's happening in the colosseum.
Then Drake walked in.
"What's the prize? There sure are a lot of bladers ..." Mordecai asked.
"The first, second place and third place get to go to Canada to an exclusive training camp with up to 2 people of their choice. Trip and Tuition paid. But its not like I'll need training when I win" Drake said with a boastful smirk.
"ALL BLADERS HERE FOR THE TOURNAMENT GO THREW THE PARTICIPATOR ENTRANCE TO THE MAIN ARENA, ROUND 1 IS BEGINNING!" Said who they assumed was the commentator.
They all obeyed and went through a large entrance to see 25 movable beystadiums.
The commentator called out who was going to battle who and told they to go a stadium.
After everybody was set the commentator called "3, 2, 1. LET IT GO SHOOT!" and one referee was assigned to watch over each stadium.
All blader began they're battle, with a few bladers (including Drake) winning their battles in the first 30 seconds and they returned to the participators room.
Mordecai was locked in a battle with a slow attack type, luckily it was slow enough for Mordecai to dodge and he ended up OSing it.
After 17 minutes of battles the first round was I've with 25 bladers remaining.
"Wow! I actually won my battle!" Exclaimed Mordecai happily to Drake as he walked into the participator room.
"Great! The next round should be starting in a few minutes." Replied Drake.
Just like he said, the next round started a few minute later.
Drake's Dragonis easily won again, while Mordecai had to face a stamina type and switched his death wolf to attack mode, but couldn't get a KO.
Drakes streak continued in the following rounds and he made it to the finals, where the three placers (a shady looking dude that never showed his face during the whole tournament and a blader with an eagle beyblade) played a round robin to who the places they'd take.
Both the shady looking dude and Drake beat Mitzo (the guy with Eagle).
"NOW THE FINAL BATTLE TO SEE WHO TAKES FIRST! DRAKE AKA DRAGON KING VS DANIEL ZOKI AKA THE SOULLESS BLADER" announced the commentator.
The launching chant was counted and the bladers launched.
Daniel used Hell Serpent T125B, it stood in the middle and Drake saw a opportunity to go for an early KO and attacked only to be countered and stopped in its tracks.
"Not to shabby." Said Drake.
Daniel didn't reply or even show his face threw his shades.
Serpent was now offensive and got under BD145 for an upper attack and Dragonis was sent flying, the force wouldn't let up for Dragonis to stop. But right win Drake thought it was all over, Hell Serpent stopped Basalt Dragonis from getting KO.
"What the Hell Kerbecs... He's up to something... But I can't forfeit and lose..." Muttered Drake as his pride got the best of him.
Serpent ravaged Dragonis with his technique. Uppercut, then stop basalt, uppercut, then stop basalt. That repeated and repeated, the impact of hitting the ground was overwhelming Dragonis but Drake wouldn't give up.
"I knew you wouldn't give up, that's your weakness." Screamed Daniel, the first time he spoke during the whole event.
Now Basalt Dragonis BD145RDF had cracks appearing everywhere on it.
"Dragonis is unable to battle. Daniel wins!" Stated the ref.
"No! It's not over!" Said Daniel as he pushed the referee to the ground.
"Requesting guards to the main stadiums ASAP!" Screamed the referee into his walkie-talkie.
"One last attack Dragonis!" Said Drake.
Serpent went full power also, a black snake now appeared and smacked into Dragonis.
Now, Drakes beyblade lay outside the stadium, with basalt and BD145 in half, the face shattered and dragonis cracked in multiple places and it didn't look like it would be in one piece much longer. While Hell Serpent T145B is spinning in the stadium.
"It's all over. It was decided before I even pulled out my launcher. I guess my employers won't have a problem with you anymore." Said Drake.
The guards were now they're and running toward Drake , but his Serpent sent their bodies towards the wall.
As Daniel commanded his serpent, Drake charged him, but before he could get to him, serpent coiled around Daniel Zoki and both Serpent and Daniel disappeared.
Please tell me what you think of it! I accept beyblade combo suggestions for the story (real beyblade parts, not made up.)
RE: (Beyblade story) "story names are overrated!/I couldn't think of one!" - Dual - Mar. 11, 2014
The writing itself is pretty good, but I saw a few spelling and grammar errors. Also try to space out your story as it is very hard to read all clumped up.
RE: (Beyblade story) "story names are overrated!/I couldn't think of one!" - DRAGON KING - Mar. 11, 2014
(Mar. 11, 2014 8:52 PM)Dual Wrote: The writing itself is pretty good, but I saw a few spelling and grammar errors. Also try to space out your story as it is very hard to read all clumped up. thanks 
I spaced it out a bit.
RE: (Beyblade story) "story names are overrated!/I couldn't think of one!" - 6 God - Mar. 11, 2014
I really do like the story, great job!
But, there's a ton of spelling, grammatical, and punctuation errors, too many to justify with a single sentence.
RE: (Beyblade story) "story names are overrated!/I couldn't think of one!" - DRAGON KING - Mar. 12, 2014
Chapter 2 is up. Didn't see any Spelling errors, if there is please point them out.
RE: (Beyblade story) "story names are overrated!/I couldn't think of one!" - The Ninja - Mar. 12, 2014
I did see some capitalization errors, but I wanted to share with you this (I sent you a PM also)
Can I add a character suggestion also?
Name: Daniel Zoki
Age: 16
Bey: Hell Serpent T125 B
Appearance: Always wears a red hoodie with hood up. Face is always hidden in the shadow of his hood. Never exposes the base of his hands, and wears biker gloves with the fingers exposed. Wears jeans with red and black Baseball cleats. If you do decide to expose his face, he has blonde hair with blue eyes (Always wears sunglasses)
Either make him friends with the main character(s) or one of the main evil characters.
(I changed the requested changes)
RE: (Beyblade story) "story names are overrated!/I couldn't think of one!" - DRAGON KING - Mar. 12, 2014
I already sent you a PM about how I can't use that exact character...
EDIT: ok, I can use that one.
RE: (Beyblade story) "story names are overrated!/I couldn't think of one!" - Kaneki - Mar. 12, 2014
Not bad, it seems quite good TBH. I wonder when the next chapter will be up!
Keep up the good work dude!!
RE: (Beyblade story) "story names are overrated!/I couldn't think of one!" - DRAGON KING - Mar. 13, 2014
Chapter 3 is up!
RE: (Beyblade story) "story names are overrated!/I couldn't think of one!" - The Ninja - Mar. 17, 2014
When will more be up? I can't wait for the training facility part of Chapter 4!
RE: (Beyblade story) "story names are overrated!/I couldn't think of one!" - DRAGON KING - Mar. 17, 2014
Will he go to the training camp? You never know 
I'll try to get some chapters in this week.
RE: (Beyblade story) "story names are overrated!/I couldn't think of one!" - The Ninja - Mar. 31, 2014
Stop doin' stuff and start workin' on this!
RE: (Beyblade story) "story names are overrated!/I couldn't think of one!" - Elite Projects - Apr. 09, 2014
This a good story but in chapter 3 you wrote "threw",whereas it shouldv'e ben "through".Can I make a character request?
RE: (Beyblade story) "story names are overrated!/I couldn't think of one!" - DRAGON KING - Apr. 09, 2014
(Apr. 09, 2014 10:54 AM)Evil Emporer Wrote: This a good story but in chapter 3 you wrote "threw",whereas it shouldv'e ben "through".Can I make a character request?
No, you can make a combo request. I might try to revive this.
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