Path to Beyblade - GravityBey - Sep. 29, 2013
Here is a story, I've been making,
Xeo stand there in pain, his beyblade lays on the ground. All of his energy has been sucked up. "Aires!" yelled Xeo. Everything seemed dizzey to Xeo, then Xeo got up. Picked up his beyblade and said "Let's battle one more time!" The stranger stood there and said "You never know when to give up, do you?"
"Not exactly" Xeo replied. "3,2,1 Let it Rip!" They both said. Then in a flash the beyblades were off. Aries attack the strangers bet underneath, but it was no use. The beyblade could stand any normal attack. "What's your name, boy?" asked the stranger. “Xeo" hr replied. The stranger chuckled and then attacked abdrubtly from the side. Aires fell back. Xeo had to think quickly. No normal attack could do anything. He tried his special move over and over again, but it was no use. Xeo, then remembered. He could do one move that could end it all. It was much to risky though. He attempted it anyways. “Aires, Underground Charge!" He yelled. Suddenly, he felt weaker. He fell, he couldn't see that he had won. He used all of his strength and got up. A grin statisfied his face. Xeo had won against the stranger.
RE: Path to Beyblade - Dual - Sep. 29, 2013
Ok, first, pronouns are not something to be ignored, using "he," "himself," etc once and awhile won't kill you, haha.
There were also quite a few spelling and grammar mistakes, as well as the fact that the chapter was quite short.
Work on those things and your story will improve.
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