[Non-Beyblade Story] Remedy - akio314 - Sep. 10, 2013
Hey folks, that weird kid's making a new story again. This doesn't mean Kazuki's Quest and the Avatar FanFic won't be concluded, I just want to refresh my writing slate with a new story.
Without Further Ado:
"The Remedy is a new technological advancement that can cure nearly any ailment or sickness, at the risk of another... It transfers the well one (the "client") to cure the patient (the "server") digitally. The client enters their patient's body through The Remedy to, quite literally, combat the disease. It is still in a state in which it could pose danger to the users."
When I read this article in the news, I was appalled. I'm a "client", and only the media calls us that. It seriously ticks me off, total ignorance. My job's a dangerous one, but the entertainment factor is enough to make me keep it. I checked the time, time to go to work.
My name was gonna be called soon, then the action would start.
"Axel Knights, please report to Remedy G," The intercom called. "The fight is on!" I got one or two weird looks from that reference.
"Kid, you're gonna be in a big fight. I don't want to be disappointed." Commander Shepard Walker spoke in a stern tone.
"Alright!" I said as I nodded my head. This was another life or death time- for me!
I ported in, scanned the field, I saw nothing big.
"Woah, a rank ten!"
I shouted at the huge dot on the map. "Sword and Shield!"
I made an upside-down cross motion in the air, then a counterclockwise circle, summonning a the two weapons.
A monster took notice in me, a basic rank three. I blocked a claw, then followed with a slash.
The thing was fast enough to dodge, I needed to break it's guard.
I somersaulted behind it, then took a slash from the right. I pierced the skin, blood slipped from the wound.
"SHHHHHK!" I could hear a biggin' from behind me, not too far away.
I finished this little guy with one swing, I was gonna show these beasts the boss.
"Hey fatty!" The beast rushed at me, showing it's wonderful tooth hygiene.
I sidestepped, determined to down the beast.
"CLAW!" Three lines went into the air in front of me.
Blades appeared on my fingers, I'm going to stop this guy.
SHHHHhhhhhhhing! The thing was wounded, slowing him down.
I jumped at the monster, swinging my claws quickly.
As I managed some cuts all over him, he knocked the air out of me with a punch.
"Bad! Monster!"
"Sword." I made the motion, then killed wounded monster. I then eradicated every other one.
When I ported out, the whole team was huddled around the monitor, watching my fight with the rank ten.
RE: [Non-Beyblade Story] Remedy - LimiTTrickster - Sep. 11, 2013
A good, interesting story. You just need to be careful about your grammar. Other than that, you're good.
RE: [Non-Beyblade Story] Remedy - akio314 - Sep. 11, 2013
(Sep. 11, 2013 8:18 AM)jacolal Wrote: A good, interesting story. You just need to be careful about your grammar. Other than that, you're good.
Thank you!
Can you explain the grammar issues in PM?
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