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+--- Thread: (Beyblade Story) An Unexpected Journey (Accepting Character Requests!) (/Thread-Beyblade-Story-An-Unexpected-Journey-Accepting-Character-Requests)
(Beyblade Story) An Unexpected Journey (Accepting Character Requests!) - Bularieleone - Sep. 04, 2013
Hey guys!
Making a new story. I've got the basic plot, I just need characters at some times. I only need about 4-6 as of now, but post anyway to give me variety!
Chapter 1
Spoiler (Click to View)
Spoiler (Click to View)
Format:
Name
Bey: (Must be 4D with real parts)
Appearance:
Bio:
Role in story:
Special Moves:
Hope you guys have fun creating!
RE: (Beyblade Story) An Unexpected Journey (Accepting Character Requests!) - 6 God - Sep. 04, 2013
I think it would be better for you to actually come up with the story and the characters by yourself and if you need a character for say a tournament then ask for character requests, so the readers can have an idea for what they should base their character on.
RE: (Beyblade Story) An Unexpected Journey (Accepting Character Requests!) - Bularieleone - Sep. 04, 2013
Thanks, just edited it.
RE: (Beyblade Story) An Unexpected Journey (Accepting Character Requests!) - LimiTTrickster - Sep. 04, 2013
Well.... this is good work. Apart from one or two paragraphing errors, I'd say this is really good!
Also, I had a character request...
Role: Good friend or rival, not bad guy
THE CHARACTER
Character name: Yizui Akato
Bio: Yizui is a girl and is kinda small - 4 8" and her father, who owned the phantom sagittario gave it to her.
Age: 14
Appearance: Usually wears blue jeans and a yellow jumper/ pink jumper. She has black hair and pale skin. Her eyes are the color amber.
Lifestyle: Tries to act normal in school but she still remains fairly unpopular - doesn't like anyone being made fun of. There is however one thing she doesn't tell anyone, that her beyblade can get out of control when she does flaming loop.
BEYBLADE
Bey: MF Phantom Phoenix B : D
Element: Wind and ghost and little fire
Beyblade Special moves: Ghost Claw, Phantom grip, Flaming Loop
Type: Stamina
SPECIAL MOVES
Ghost Claw - The bey does a full power smash attack at the opponent with the tripple roller spin track, resulting in low recoil and effective hits.
Phantom Grip - Not really a special move but the beyblade stands its ground, dodging the attacks like the opponent's beyblade is going through.
Flaming Loop - Beams shoot up from the metal wheels and clear wheels and then shoot downwards, aiming straight for the face bolt. This creates a massive explosion, which makes the opponent's bey knock out of the stadium.
SPECIAL ABILITIES
Beyblade special abilities: The bearing drive provides balance and speed, which means the bey has a special ability - ghost evasion. This is where the bey seems to be vulnerable, but actually, it dodges at the precise moment of impact, providing a tad spin steal and an effective evade.
RE: (Beyblade Story) An Unexpected Journey (Accepting Character Requests!) - ★WindStarElite★ - Sep. 04, 2013
Format:
Name:Ace yozuma
Bey: Blitz. Phoenix D
Appearance: Grey misty hair,scarf like Kai,Black pilots jacket,grey pants,Black combat boots, and grey combat girl gloves fingerless
Bio: Ace is A renegade he has never had A family he ran away from home at three with his beyblade,He has ninja like skills the jumping and agility and some supernatural speed but he a lone phoenix with his amazing lovely phoenix.He lives to stare off into the sky wishing he was up their.But when ace gets in a battle It we be to hard to keep track of his beyblade It moves so fast,But aces preferred type of battles are battles that move not just limited to the stadium. But Aces And His burning wind phoenix is one to watch out for.
Role in story:Not a bad guy any rile that's good.
Special Moves:
Spoiler (Click to View)
efusing wind to seem if teleporting,Amazing reflex's,and soaring when hit up in the air.Here is my character request Its Tremendous screaming Awesome and not one grammar mistake.
RE: (Beyblade Story) An Unexpected Journey (Accepting Character Requests!) - LimiTTrickster - Sep. 04, 2013
Here is one of the errors -
"Oh, of course! Thanks, Mom!" he said as he ran for the door.
"You'd forget your head if it weren't attached to your body," she yelled after him.
I think you know this already but - a change of speaker should mark the beginning of a new paragraph, making the story clearer, and much more efficient.
It should have a gap like this -
"Oh, of course! Thanks, Mom!" he said as he ran for the door.
"You'd forget your head if it weren't attached to your body," she yelled after him.
RE: (Beyblade Story) An Unexpected Journey (Accepting Character Requests!) - SwitchBlayder - Sep. 04, 2013
The first chapter is really short, future chapters should be longer. Good grammar aside from a couple organizational hiccups.
RE: (Beyblade Story) An Unexpected Journey (Accepting Character Requests!) - ★WindStarElite★ - Sep. 04, 2013
The tip is delta drive not D if you see that.
RE: (Beyblade Story) An Unexpected Journey (Accepting Character Requests!) - LimiTTrickster - Sep. 04, 2013
Mine is bearing Drive - B: D.
RE: (Beyblade Story) An Unexpected Journey (Accepting Character Requests!) - Bularieleone - Sep. 05, 2013
Chapter 2 is up!
RE: (Beyblade Story) An Unexpected Journey (Accepting Character Requests!) - LimiTTrickster - Sep. 05, 2013
Great work on the story sobfar. Found an error to help you out -
"It doesn't matter, anyways. You're too late." Kyoya said.
"Counter Mode, Leone!"
Not sure if this is the way it is just showing it on my phone or if you actually made a mistake but it should be -
"It doesn't matter, anyways. You're too late." Kyoya said. "Counter Mode, Leone!"
This is because as there is no change of speech there was no need to press enter to start anew. Just press space and carry on the speech.