Beyblade Rising Warriors (Chapter 2 Up!) - RagerBlade - Aug. 31, 2013
Join Blade as his interest in Beyblade grows! Will he be able to get to the top of the WBO and win the Beyblade Revolution? All questions will be answered in the story Rising Warriors!
"Go!" shouts the crowd. Running on the Basketball court is Helios Middle School's star player Jake Smith A.K.A Blade.
"The scoring board says that their are 15 seconds remaining in the 4th Quarter," says Johnny, Blade's best friend, "Can he pull it off?"
On the court an exhausted Blade grits his teeth. "10 second remaining on the clock." thinks Blade. Blade is too far for his guaranteed swish. "Only one think to do!" thinks Blade as he shoots half court. The buzzer goes off, but no one hears it as the crowd yells in excitement, but than the cheers die out when the crowd sees Blade lying on the floor with blood oozing out his mouth. Blade is transported to the ER shortly.
1 week later in the hospital there is a serious conversation happening in front of Blade between the Doctor and his mother. "He can never play anything very physical again. I recommend he stop playing Basketball forever." says the Doctor.
"I under-", starts Blade's mother.
"No!" shouts Blade, "Basketball is everything to me!"
"I'm sorry son, but your body can't keep this much up and we can't add the risk of death." says the unmoved Doctor.
After Blade is released he goes on a walk. He notices what looks like 2 kids playing with tops. "Hey", says Blade, "What're those things?"
The younger kid said," It's my Duo Uranus and you can't touch it!"
The older kid noticed Blade's confused look and said, "They're customizable tops called Beyblades." He than explained the game in detail to Blade. "Your pretty interested, huh?"
"Yeah!" said Blade, "Where do I get some?"
"Come to the tournament tommorow and you can get some!"
"Will do! What's your name?" asked Blade. The older boy told Blade the details of the tournament, but not his name.
"We'll see ya there!" said the boy as he left with the younger boy. Blade went straight home and tried to get sleep.
"Basketball has been replaced at last!" Blade though to himself.
Blade woke up excited the next morning. He got ready and went straight to the park. Blade saw an amazing sight. There were Bladers everywhere battling in stadiums everywhere he looked. "Wow!" Said Blade.
"Pretty cool right?" said a familiar voice behind Blade. Blade turned and saw the older boy from the day before.
"Oh! Hey, what's up?" Blade said.
"I'm good. So ready to get your Beys and get registered?"
"Register for what?" Blade asked.
"For the World Beyblade Organization, of course. I my self am on it. My username is BladerABC. Oh yeah! My name is Ben Shih and the guy you saw yesterday was my younger brother Seth Shih. His username is BladerDCE." Ben said.
"Cool"said Blade, "So where's registration?"
"Right over there". Ben pointed at a table where there was a college-aged man writing things down. "Get your beys over there". Ben pointed at a Middle Aged Man selling Beyblades.
"Ok thanks!" said Blade as he went to register. Blade registered as SonicBlade. He than went to get a Beyblade. "Um, hi." said Blade to the man.
"Good morning! What beyblade would you like?" asked the man politely.
"Um can I have that one?" Blade asked pointing towards a Dragon Beyblade.
"Sure. Anything else?"
"That one with 3 Beyblades in it." Blade said pointing at a set.
"Ah the Ultimate DX Set Stamina and Defense Type. That will be $60." said the man. Blade surprised at the great price payed for it and went back to Ben.
"So are these any good?" Blade asked Ben.
"Good, they're amazing! Here let me make you a combo." Ben said. Blade stood and watched Ben customize Blade's Beyblade. "Here you go Reviser Dragooon A230WD!" Said Ben excited.
"Wow!" said Blade, "I'll win for sure!"
"Gotta beat me first!" said Ben.
Just than a man started speaking. "We will now start the WBO Official Beyblade Tournament!"
RE: Rising Warrior - DefStamina88 - Aug. 31, 2013
Alright, I like the idea of the story, but we have a few things to work on...
First off, there are a few grammar mistakes here and there. You need to make sure you use the right word when you type a sentence.
Second, you need to clarify a little bit. Why did Blade all of a sudden start bleeding from his mouth? Why does he have to stop playing physical sports? It confuses viewers if they don't know the important question; Why? They can get lost.
Lastly, your next chapters NEED to be longer, no way around it. If there's not a lot of content, it either makes your story short, or it gets frustrating if you have like 60 chapters with like a paragraph or two in it.
If you can fix that, then you can have a pretty popular story here.
RE: Rising Warrior - SwitchBlayder - Aug. 31, 2013
(Aug. 31, 2013 9:43 PM)DefStamina88 Wrote: Alright, I like the idea of the story, but we have a few things to work on...
First off, there are a few grammar mistakes here and there. You need to make sure you use the right word when you type a sentence.
Second, you need to clarify a little bit. Why did Blade all of a sudden start bleeding from his mouth? Why does he have to stop playing physical sports? It confuses viewers if they don't know the important question; Why? They can get lost.
Lastly, your next chapters NEED to be longer, no way around it. If there's not a lot of content, it either makes your story short, or it gets frustrating if you have like 60 chapters with like a paragraph or two in it.
If you can fix that, then you can have a pretty popular story here. hmm... maybe you could make chapter one a prelude, but yeah definitely other chapter's should be longer.
RE: Rising Warrior - RagerBlade - Sep. 01, 2013
I added some to chapter 1. Working on chapter 2.
RE: Rising Warrior - Themeeny7 - Sep. 02, 2013
(Aug. 31, 2013 9:43 PM)DefStamina88 Wrote: Second, you need to clarify a little bit. Why did Blade all of a sudden start bleeding from his mouth? Why does he have to stop playing physical sports? It confuses viewers if they don't know the important question; Why? They can get lost. A story can be good and people not know what's going on, however you have to make it so it is obvious it is sapose to leave the reader wondering, or maybe even state that no one in the story knows the answer to the question why.
RE: Rising Warrior - кαмυι カムイ - Sep. 02, 2013
Eh I really didn't follow. There is something about it I just don't like
RE: Rising Warrior - RagerBlade - Sep. 02, 2013
What do you not follow? It's pretty simple.
RE: Rising Warrior - LimiTTrickster - Sep. 02, 2013
I kinda like this. If you could tell why blade was injured at some point, then this pretty good.
RE: Rising Warrior - RagerBlade - Sep. 02, 2013
Chapter 2 is up. @Jacaol don't worry
RE: Beyblade Rising Warriors (Chapter 2 Up!) - RagerBlade - Sep. 07, 2013
The story will start going every Saturday Starting September 14th. Stay tuned!
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