World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
Beyblade Rising Warriors (Chapter 2 Up!) - Printable Version

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Beyblade Rising Warriors (Chapter 2 Up!) - RagerBlade - Aug. 31, 2013

Chapter 1 Basketball Replaced (Click to View)
Chapter 2 First Beyblade (Click to View)



RE: Rising Warrior - DefStamina88 - Aug. 31, 2013

Alright, I like the idea of the story, but we have a few things to work on...

First off, there are a few grammar mistakes here and there. You need to make sure you use the right word when you type a sentence.

Second, you need to clarify a little bit. Why did Blade all of a sudden start bleeding from his mouth? Why does he have to stop playing physical sports? It confuses viewers if they don't know the important question; Why? They can get lost.

Lastly, your next chapters NEED to be longer, no way around it. If there's not a lot of content, it either makes your story short, or it gets frustrating if you have like 60 chapters with like a paragraph or two in it.

If you can fix that, then you can have a pretty popular story here. Grin


RE: Rising Warrior - SwitchBlayder - Aug. 31, 2013

(Aug. 31, 2013  9:43 PM)DefStamina88 Wrote: Alright, I like the idea of the story, but we have a few things to work on...

First off, there are a few grammar mistakes here and there. You need to make sure you use the right word when you type a sentence.

Second, you need to clarify a little bit. Why did Blade all of a sudden start bleeding from his mouth? Why does he have to stop playing physical sports? It confuses viewers if they don't know the important question; Why? They can get lost.

Lastly, your next chapters NEED to be longer, no way around it. If there's not a lot of content, it either makes your story short, or it gets frustrating if you have like 60 chapters with like a paragraph or two in it.

If you can fix that, then you can have a pretty popular story here. Grin
hmm... maybe you could make chapter one a prelude, but yeah definitely other chapter's should be longer.


RE: Rising Warrior - RagerBlade - Sep. 01, 2013

I added some to chapter 1. Working on chapter 2.


RE: Rising Warrior - Themeeny7 - Sep. 02, 2013

(Aug. 31, 2013  9:43 PM)DefStamina88 Wrote: Second, you need to clarify a little bit. Why did Blade all of a sudden start bleeding from his mouth? Why does he have to stop playing physical sports? It confuses viewers if they don't know the important question; Why? They can get lost.
A story can be good and people not know what's going on, however you have to make it so it is obvious it is sapose to leave the reader wondering, or maybe even state that no one in the story knows the answer to the question why.


RE: Rising Warrior - кαмυι カムイ - Sep. 02, 2013

Eh I really didn't follow. There is something about it I just don't like


RE: Rising Warrior - RagerBlade - Sep. 02, 2013

What do you not follow? It's pretty simple.


RE: Rising Warrior - LimiTTrickster - Sep. 02, 2013

I kinda like this. If you could tell why blade was injured at some point, then this pretty good.


RE: Rising Warrior - RagerBlade - Sep. 02, 2013

Chapter 2 is up. @Jacaol don't worry Wink


RE: Beyblade Rising Warriors (Chapter 2 Up!) - RagerBlade - Sep. 07, 2013

The story will start going every Saturday Starting September 14th. Stay tuned!