(B-Daman Story) B-Dabrothers: The Story of B-Daman NG! - Leone19 - Jun. 07, 2013
Just a little thing I'm working on. If it seems a bit fast paced so far, it is because:
A. I'm in a bit of a rush to do some of it, there will be a lot of character development, these first few chapters were really just to introduce it, etc.
Here we go!
Intro:
“BZZZ!†blasted Aaron’s alarm clock.
“Oh, carp, I’m late again!â€
Aaron Leavitt had a talent for being late for school, especially when he forgot it was a weekend.
“Phew, it’s a Saturday. But… not just any Saturday! It’s my 14th birthday!†Aaron smiled in delight.
He held up a picture of him and his brother, Damon. Damon was a year older than Aaron, and died two years ago. They were best of friends, and always watched out for on another. A tear fell on Aaron’s dresser. While looking around, Aaron found a mysterious box in his dresser. When he opened it, it said it was from his mom. It was a limited edition, custom-made Cross-Fire B-Daman: Armored= Guardian. He rushed downstairs to thank his mother.
“Mom, how’d you know I needed a new B-Daman? I’ve never had a “real†one, besides a Pemby= Penguin!†Aaron raced out the door, ready to test his new B-Daman, at the B-Dagarage, where his friend Eve worked.
“No problem, honey.â€
Aaron’s mother had no idea what he was referring to. She never bought him a B-Daman.
Ch. 1- Birthday Brawl
At the B-Dagarage:
“Eve, check this out!†shouted Aaron.
Eve, and her younger brother, George came running towards Aaron. Eve investigated Aaron’s new B-Daman, while George was in the Practice Pit, playing with his Accele= Sharks.
“Oh my god. This B-Daman is custom-made, out of all limited edition parts. I’ve never seen this core before, outside of internet rumors… Who got you this?â€
“My mom gave it to me this morning, as a birthday present!â€
“This is weird. She wouldn’t be able to get this at any shop…â€
“Well, I might as well test it ou-†Aaron was cut off.
Just then, the local bully, Allen Walker, barged into the shop. He pulled out his B-Daman Shinzo= Spike, and blasted it at George’s Sharks. It broke it in two.
“Listen, here! I want that new Rubber Blast Core, and I want it now. If you don’t hand it over, than my Spike is going to have to break some more of this B-Dgarbage!â€
Eve screamed, but Allen’s cronies grabbed her and George. They were breaking the Rubber Core out of the glass display, but Aaron was ready to fight.
“Hold on! I challenge you to a B-Dabattle, in the Break Bomber!â€
Allen chuckled, “With what, your Penguin?!?â€
“No… with my Armored= Guardian!â€
“Psh. That’s not even a real-â€
Aaron pulled out Guardian, with Allen in awe.
Allen coughed, “Fine… if you win, which you won’t, I’ll let your friends go, and give back the core! If you lose, that new B-Daman of yours is mine!â€
“Fair Enough… Bring it on!†shouted Aaron.
Ch. 2- Mysterious Forces
Allen’s cronies set up the Break Bomber Set. Aaron and Allen prepared and loaded their figures, and were ready to fight.
“Ready, Set, B-Dafire!†Aaron and Allen shouted in unison.
Armored= Guardian immediately knocked down all of the bricks, and the Red Bombs, without giving Spike a chance.
“Wow,†Aaron thought. “Guardian is so powerful… within five seconds, he beat the Break Bomber. The trigger is so gentle, one touch and it fires. Is this even possible?
“But… wha… how?!?†Allen was confused. He could not believe how powerful this B-Daman was.
He placed the core down, and ran away with this gang. This was not the last time Aaron would see him.
“You did it!†Even ran up and (unknowingly, with joy) hugged Aaron. They both blushed, and she backed up.
“Wow,†said George, “That was awesome! But they ruined my Sharks!â€
“Don’t worry Bro, I’ll handle your Sharks,†said Eve. “In the meantime, you can use my Penguin!â€
Outside the shop, in the ally-
“So… I see that the new B-Daman was able to defeat you? Well, it doesn’t matter, this was still a test. Allen, I think it’s time that I showed you true power,†stated a mysterious voice.
The man’s hand began to glow with a purple light, and Allen’s B-Daman began to transform.
RE: (B-Daman Story) B-Dabrothers: The Story of B-Daman NG! - Dual - Jun. 07, 2013
Yay! B-Daman story! I will be doing one of these as well!
As you said, it is a bit fast paced, but the grammar and spelling is great!
And last thing,
Don't you ever, ever dis Pemby=Penguin. He will steal your soul.
I'm kidding, XD
Great story, can't wait for more!
RE: (B-Daman Story) B-Dabrothers: The Story of B-Daman NG! - Leone19 - Jun. 07, 2013
Thanks!
Its just a little fast paced because I wanted the first few chapters out. But it will be bit slower, in the coming chapters! Ik, Pemby=Penguin is the raddest B-Daman ever
RE: (B-Daman Story) B-Dabrothers: The Story of B-Daman NG! - Samurai_Ifraid1 - Aug. 15, 2013
Can't wait for more!
RE: (B-Daman Story) B-Dabrothers: The Story of B-Daman NG! - Themeeny7 - Aug. 16, 2013
I, Themeeny7- Writer of the story " The Last King " approve of this story. In my opinion, fast paced is okay as long as you still tell the full story in a way that makes sense :I
RE: (B-Daman Story) B-Dabrothers: The Story of B-Daman NG! - Leone19 - Aug. 16, 2013
Yeah, I've been working on it still!
Some new chapters should be up soon!
RE: (B-Daman Story) B-Dabrothers: The Story of B-Daman NG! - 6 God - Aug. 17, 2013
Keep it up Leone19!
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