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+--- Thread: [Beyblade Story] Just a Perfect Day: by Triforceblader and Sorablader (/Thread-Beyblade-Story-Just-a-Perfect-Day-by-Triforceblader-and-Sorablader)
[Beyblade Story] Just a Perfect Day: by Triforceblader and Sorablader - кαмυι カムイ - Mar. 23, 2013
Hey guys this is my first story so tell me if anything is wrong.
Chapter 1:A New Beginnig (Click to View)
"Go now Destructor,Electric Claw Drive",said David. "Counter it with Bolt Fang, Dragonis,"
said Zelda,"Give it your all!!"
There was a giant explosion in the middle of the woods. "Oh man", said Zelda as Dragonis clanked on the ground.
"Yeah I won", said David.
"Another round please?", said Zelda picking up his bey. The bell rang just before David could say anything.
"Sorry gotta leave how bout tomorrow?",David said.
"O.K see ya",said Zelda. The next morning David woke up into a black dark room.
"Hey where am I." said David. Then there came a purple glowing orb in front of him and it just went inside of him.
"......uhh....",David said trying to make out words. He could not speak or move. A few seconds later a voice spoke and said
"You are the one, you will defeat all, you are not David you are Sora." And then everything went white.
"Whoa" David yelled,"it was just a dream. What time is it? Oh 10:00.....wait 10:00 I'm supposed to meet Zelda at the park today."
When he got dressed he went to the park where he saw Zelda running towards him.
"David, David!",said Zelda tripping David into the near fountain behind him.
" Sorry bout that, almost forgot, I had this strange dream last night wher I was in this black place and this white light went inside of me and there was this voice that spoke to me.",said Zelda.
"You too, the only difference is a purple light came to me",said David.
[Whats going on here white light went to him. Could this mean the dark power and the light power came to us. Hmm.], thought David.
Chapter 2: Darkness Creeps (Click to View)
"Alright",Zelda said with a uncomfortable voice.
"3,2,1 Let it Rip," the two said.
"Go hard Dragonis",said Zelda.
As Destructor was getting knocked around,David started thinking. [I cannot lose to a weakling like this..........No, what am I thinking she's my friend,Zelda. I don't care. I will not lose, not now not EVER!!!!]
"David is there something wrong",said Zelda.
"I will not lose",he mumbled,"I WILL NOT LOOOOOSSSEEE!!!!"
"Let it rip",said a mysterious voice,"Charge now Bull".
"Get-outta my way", said David ragingly.
Then there was an explosion. David had won but fainted.[Told you you would defeat all,didn't I] "Leave me alone you Phsyco."said David.
"Wake up,David, Wake up" said Zelda.
"Meow Meow, hello kittens. What a purrfect day to DESTROY a bey.", said Matthew and Sonia. "What do you want",said the mysterious stranger.
"We still have some unfinished business with you," they said.
"Hey you keep an eye on David, I'll handle these two. By the way what's your name.", Zelda said.
"Brendon", he said.
"Okay here we go 3,2,1 Let it Rip", they all said while Brendon ran off with David.
Chapter 3: Enter the Beyscratchers Prt 1 (Click to View)
The mysterious voice took form of a tall man with a black hooded coat with the hood covering his face.
[Come with me I need to show you something], he said.
"Ohhhhh my head",David said.
They had transported back to BeyCity,where Zelda was going to battle Matthew and Sonia, but something was different, she wasn't there.
[Panting]Gotta hurry,said Past David said.
[I-i-is that me]
[Yes this is where it started]
[I remember now. I came across a man in a brown coat.]
[You didn't even know it was you,in your darkest form.]
"Darkest form",said David,"What does this mean, Whoaaaaaaaaaa"
Chapter 4: The Beyscratchers Prt2 (Click to View)
"Wait. Oh what's the point. Let it Rip!! Bull,Red Horn Stomping Blast,"said Brendon disappointed. Brendon was kind of the kind type of blader; even though he seemed kind of mean and mysterious. Once again David passed out, but this time his bey turned into a ball of darkness and went inside of him. [What do you want can't you see I'm busy battling,and what's this ball of darkness in front me] [That's your bey right there] [It keeps getting better and better]
RE: [Beyblade Story] Just a Perfect Day - MattForce - Mar. 23, 2013
I am the Co-Writer of this story and somewhat incharge of most of the storyboard
RE: [Beyblade Story] Just a Perfect Day - Dual - Mar. 23, 2013
Wait what...? Are you guys both writing the story...?
Anyway, @soras dragonis, work on the grammar and spacing. Also, you might want to format your dialogue like this-
"Now Ben, this is gravel, and this is confetti." Peter said, holding up the two.
"I know." Ben said.
"Do you? You seem to have gotten the two mixed up at auntie Sandra's wedding."
Triforce blader sometimes you press enter at random points in the chapter, and also formatting the dialogue as above would be nice.
Anyway, not a bad story!
RE: [Beyblade Story] Just a Perfect Day - MattForce - Mar. 23, 2013
yeah we're both writing it, The 3rd chapter involves a group of Beyscratchers the groups name is kind of self explanatory
RE: [Beyblade Story] Just a Perfect Day - кαмυι カムイ - Mar. 23, 2013
Sorry going with Outnumbered@Triforce You started off at random points.
RE: [Beyblade Story] Just a Perfect Day - MattForce - Mar. 23, 2013
Okay, so could you, I mean Sora's Dragonis improve on it and I'll remove my post.
RE: [Beyblade Story] Just a Perfect Day - кαмυι カムイ - Mar. 23, 2013
(Mar. 23, 2013 2:13 PM)Outnumbered Wrote: Wait what...? Are you guys both writing the story...?
Anyway, @soras dragonis, work on the grammar and spacing. Also, you might want to format your dialogue like this-
"Now Ben, this is gravel, and this is confetti." Peter said, holding up the two.
"I know." Ben said.
"Do you? You seem to have gotten the two mixed up at auntie Sandra's wedding."
Triforce blader sometimes you press enter at random points in the chapter, and also formatting the dialogue as above would be nice.
Anyway, not a bad story!
Right. Thank you I knew I was forgetting something it didn't look right.
RE: [Beyblade Story] Just a Perfect Day - wtater888 - Mar. 23, 2013
Spoilers go like this(purpose misspell of spoiler)[spioler]Blah Blah Blah[/spioler] Also I'm confused on who the author is.
Spell spoiler right though, my bad that wasn't clear. Do spell spoiler correctly though.
RE: [Beyblade Story] Just a Perfect Day: by Triforceblader and Sora's Dragonis. - кαмυι カムイ - Mar. 23, 2013
I wasn't trying to make it a spoiler I mean I was but changed mind.BTW Chapter 2 is up sorry its so short.
RE: [Beyblade Story] Just a Perfect Day: by Triforceblader and Sora's Dragonis. - кαмυι カムイ - Mar. 24, 2013
Chapter 3 is up. The other part will be up later today.
RE: [Beyblade Story] Just a Perfect Day: by Triforceblader and Sorablader - кαмυι カムイ - Jun. 20, 2013
I'm really sorry. My mind was clogged with tests and books. Now chapter 4 is up.