World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
The Lost Birthday - Printable Version

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The Lost Birthday - Septentrione - Feb. 23, 2013

Hello everybody! Yes, it's another story and I'm sorry. But I've been working on this for the last couple of weeks. I hope you enjoy.
The Lost Birthday
1st Chapter

RE: The Lost Birthday - sarabscientist - Mar. 06, 2013

Read a bit of the beginning attentively, skimmed through at the end. Good start, though the wording of your paragraphs (in my opinion) do not flow well. Its sort of "jerky", the way the sentences are written. But maybe that was your desired effect!

At first, I thought it would be a nice "typical dorm story" but that monster appearance at the end there XD

I'm looking forward to seeing how this rolls out, keep it up (◑‿◐)

EDIT: Totally did not notice the date, this was one hell of a bump o.o