World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
Beywheelz Story, Battle Across the Land - Printable Version

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Beywheelz Story, Battle Across the Land - Driger Kai - Oct. 28, 2012

Hi! I'm going to be posting my newest story! Notes: First of all, I'll also be posting this on the Beywheelz Community . You may have noticed its better then my old stories? Don't be alarmed, each day I get more and more better at writing, the trick is reading. I'll also still be working on my other stories.

Characters:
Prologue

Chapter 1 Behold, Rampage Warrior Cetus!


Chapter 2, Shin and Cetus's First Battle!

Chapter 3 The Raging Bull


Chapter 4, Wheel-crushers Strike Back!



Chapter 5, How to Fix a Wheel


Chapter 6 Part 1.
Street Battle! 3 Wheel-Crushers' Commanders Revealed!




RE: Beywheelz Story, Battle Across the World - Kujikato - Oct. 28, 2012

Pretty good! And I must say, reading does a lot of good for writing! Good observation there!

I'm liking your grammar, capitals and general English here, keep up the good quality!


RE: Beywheelz Story, Battle Across the Land - Driger Kai - Oct. 28, 2012

Thanks! I'll probably be writing on a schedule, but I may write a couple of chapters today just to get it started.
Sorry for double post, Chapter 2 is up, character update.


RE: Beywheelz Story, Battle Across the Land - Dual - Oct. 28, 2012

Good story! Just some tips-
Its a bit cliche with the whole brother being evil, chosen one, and all that.
Just something small, Mika is his friend and town champion. How could he not know she has a wheel? Or, mlre specifically, why did he ask if she had a wheel. Also whenever someone speaks, it should be on a different line. You sometimes do that, sometimes dont.
Overall, great! I wont vote until i see a few more chapters.


RE: Beywheelz Story, Battle Across the Land - Driger Kai - Oct. 28, 2012

Okay, thanks. And since Shin wasn't a wheeler, he didn't know much about that stuff. And I wanted to do something else since my other story is a tournament.
Sorry for double post, but chapter 3 is up, final chapter for today.


RE: Beywheelz Story, Battle Across the Land - Driger Kai - Oct. 30, 2012

Yahoo! Chapter 4 up! Its not done the best, but has a dramatic part at the end.


RE: Beywheelz Story, Battle Across the Land - Driger Kai - Oct. 30, 2012

Welp, chapter fives up... Nothing else really to say. I may have chapter 6 up today. EDIT: OK... No Chapter 6 tonight... I just took a jog around the neighborhood I can hardly even freaking type...


RE: Beywheelz Story, Battle Across the Land - DarkNinja720 - Nov. 04, 2012

Ready yet? Speechless


RE: Beywheelz Story, Battle Across the Land - Driger Kai - Nov. 04, 2012

Chapter 6 should be up today. I'll edit this post once it is.


RE: Beywheelz Story, Battle Across the Land - DarkNinja720 - Nov. 10, 2012

Sorry, but it's been 4 days.


RE: Beywheelz Story, Battle Across the Land - Driger Kai - Nov. 10, 2012

Then I forgot to edit it. It may take awhile for the next chapter.


RE: Beywheelz Story, Battle Across the Land - Kujikato - Nov. 11, 2012

It's starting to become a bit more cliche now. But still a decent read. KIU!


RE: Beywheelz Story, Battle Across the Land - Dual - Nov. 11, 2012

I see a few grammar mistakes and im starting to see more and more resemblances to the tv show. Try to work on those and you will have a good story!


RE: Beywheelz Story, Battle Across the Land - DarkNinja720 - Nov. 27, 2012

Um, still nothing.



RE: Beywheelz Story, Battle Across the Land - Driger Kai - Nov. 28, 2012

(Nov. 27, 2012  3:30 AM)DarkNinja720 Wrote: Um, still nothing.

Oh, thanks for reminding me.
I've been thinking of an idea to replace my Digimon: Zero story, which still hasn't been closed.
I'll work on it now.


RE: Beywheelz Story, Battle Across the Land - Dual - Nov. 28, 2012

Chapter 6 is a bit short. Try to lengthen your chapters a little more Smile


RE: Beywheelz Story, Battle Across the Land - Driger Kai - Nov. 28, 2012

(Nov. 28, 2012  3:22 AM)Curious George Wrote: Chapter 6 is a bit short. Try to lengthen your chapters a little more Smile

I didn't have time to finish it, so its been qualified as "Chapter 6, part 1".
Once the other part has been finished, the two part chapters will be merged.