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Ryuga's New Rival [story, Chapter 11 is up] - SilverChronos - Oct. 06, 2012 Chapter 1 (Click to View)
"Zach! Are you awake?" "Hubbhhwha?" "Zach!!!" Zach jolted up, his short, dark hair tangled like a mop on his head. He brought his Grand Eagle out and launched it at his rival, Sam, and it hit him in the leg. He realized he was in a large, vast white room in an unknown area of Straktona City. "Zach! you passed out in your battle with Thomas. You're in a hospital, and with the new injury, I might be, too." "I lost, didn't I?" He wasn't doing very well during the battle, or at least that's what he remembered. "No, Zach, you tied." At that point, Zach's bey came back to him, and he got up. "Let's go train. I need to figure out how to use the b:d bottom to its fullest." "If you exercise too hard, though, you'll have to stay in the hospital longer." "I'm going anyway." At the park, it was so dark, they could barely see. The trees were shading the sun, and it felt suddenly overcast. When they looked up, they saw a completely cloud-covered sky with lightning all over the place. "That's funny, there wasn't a call for thunderstorms today. It was supposed to be sunny," Sam said. The park was heavily populated, with battles everywhere. The buildings all around them were colorful and bright, but it was almost hard to see.To their left they saw a large kid with a bey they would recognize a mile away. It was Thomas with his flame aries 85d. "Go, Aries! Fire bite surge!" Three kid's beys clattered against the cement. Thomas stood there with contentment. "Hey, try taking on someone your own size," Zach said. "Fine, if that's what you want. My flame Aries will destroy your eagle." At this point, the lightning was flashing at its most, and still climbing in intesity. "3!" "2!" "1!" "LET... IT... RIP!!!!" Eagle and Aries clashed in midair before even hitting the stadium. Their attacks were completely matched. Eagle seemed to have the upper hand, dishing out attacks. Aries was trying to keep up, but it was getting knocked around a lot. Aries was wobbling, and it looked like it was over, until Aries tilted downward even further and launched itself at Eagle, debalancing it and knocking it away. Eagle wobbled, and a series of attacks ensued, delivered by Aries. Eagle could barely hold on to the edge of the stadium. It was being knocked very hard. Right when Eagle was done for, Lightning struck the stadium, shocking both bladers and their beys. Everything in motion at that point might as well have stopped. Both beys stopped spinning, and they weren't the same as before. Something, they assumed, happened to their beys when they were struck. Grand Eagle was no more, replaced with Death Eagle t125rs. There wasn't a flame Aries in sight, but in its place was an Ray Aries ch120cs. Chapter 2 (Click to View)
Thomas and Zach were launched backward at the strike, but were still conscious. They picked up their respective beys and set them on their launchers naturally. The whole of the people in the park were watching, Including Chad, the 3rd Greatest Blader in Straktona, comparing with Zach and Craelle. Craelle was not present, although he had been there that morning. Chad decided it was his job to join this battle with his Gravity Destroyer th170rf. He stepped up and launched with them. Destroyer was k.o.'d by the other 2 beys instantly after the rip. Death Eagle stood in the middle, being attacked by Aries with next to no damage being taken. Aries was moving quite quickly, but wasn't being damaged too badly. Both bladers were figuring out how they could make a special move. It took them a long time, but the one who figured it out first was Thomas. He used it instantly after Eagle countered one of his attacks. "Special Move: Upward Beam Strike!" At that moment, Aries sped toward Eagle and ch120 grew taller, getting under eagle and sending it flying. Eagle regained his position, but was now wobbling. At that moment, Zach smiled, figuring out his special move. "Eagle! Special Move: Tornado Wing Slash!" Eagle spun harder and faster, making a tornado under him, pushing him upward in the air and regaining his balance. Eagle then turned in midair, pushing the tornado toward Aries quickly, slashing it over him. Aries was thrown around in the tornado for a few seconds, and then thrown into the stadium wall. It grinded against the wall for a moment, and then was knocked around by the tornado continually. Eventually, Aries gave out. The winner was Eagle. Chapter 3 (Click to View)
Thomas left the park after he lost, mumbling something about having a poor tip. When hearing that, Zach remembered that rs had less stamina than rdf, and he was going to go make a new tip for himself. He obtained a licence to make his own parts. Many people in his town owned licences for that purpose, but he was one of few who were good at it. As soon as he got home, he took a plastic mold and changed the shape in his welder to rdf, and made it. He then took the official wbba rubber and molded it into his rdf base. Once he let it cool, he had an rdf tip. He replaced his old rs tip with it, and went back to the park to train. At the park, he was met by a few younger bladers who wanted to battle him. He fought them each at first, but then it got boring, so he faced 3 at once. They were all attack types. One was beat fireblaze 100rf, another a heat leone 105r3f (right rubber rotating flat, a new piece), and another a storm lynx 90cs. None of them could move death eagle. Its defense was too strong. When 2 or 3 attacked together, Eagle would move out of the way. The beys would clash into each other, and on the second time it happened, one bey was k.o.'d. The other 2 attempted to push Eagle out of the stadium, and it almost worked, until eagle used its tornado to slash them apart. Eagle was returned to Zach, and his next opponent was his sister, Elena, and her wing kerbecs df145ds. The battle started with both beys entering the stadium and both special moves occuring. "Eagle! Special Move: Tornado Wing Slash!" Eagle spun hard instantly and started to rise. "Kerbecs... Special Move! Grounded Assault!" Kerbecs stopped moving and started pulling Eagle back down to its doom. "Zach! That's the work of the Downward force of the spin track!" Sam said behind him. Zach realized this, but too late. His Eagle's tornado gave out, and it fell to the ground. What followed was a rush of attacks delivered by Kerbecs, each one as strong as the last. "Eagle! Hang in there!" he either had to find out how to overcome Elena's special move, or be out-spun. "That's it! My new tip! Eagle! Get away from Kerbecs and stop moving!" Eagle managed to dodge a blow from Kerbecs, and it stopped moving in the middle of the stadium. Kerbecs ran into a wall. "Go! Kerbecs!" Elena's bey moved with high speed, straight at Eagle. From a spectator's view, Eagle was done for. "Bad move, Elena." "WHAT!?" "Special move: Tornado jump!" "That's not going to work." "You're thinking of my other special move." At that moment, Eagle quickly jumped over kerbecs, and then attacked from above, smashing it into the ground. "It's over," Zach said contently, "but nevertheless, you were a great opponent, sis." His sister gazed up at him, also contentedly. "But i'll get you next time, bro." "Yeah, yeah, this is all very touching and all, but can we battle, Zach, or what? I've been searching for a strong opponent, and you have the most beypoints in the city." Ryuga waltzed into the room. Chapter 4 (Click to View)
"Ryuga... aren't you dead?" Zach asked. "No. The star fragment is what changed meteo ldrago into ldrago destructor, and that power is what I gave Kenta. I didn't become nothing, I just returned to where I was when the fragment hit, and because I didn't have it anymore, Meteo Ldrago's back!" Ryuga walks nonchalantly over to the opposite end of the stadium from Zach and pulled out his Ldrago and his launcher. Zach reluctantly brought out his launcher and Eagle. "I guess this is it, Ryuga. Let's do this." "3." "2." "1." "LET... IT... RIP!" Ryuga's ldrago and Zach's Eagle entered the stadium, and Ryuga laughed. "Oh... this is so much fun! I'm going to destroy the city's greatest blader after not battling for over a year!" Ldrago dashed suddenly at Eagle after circling the stadium. Eagle wouldn't budge, but Ryuga seemed... happy that happened. "Ha! Eagle's not going to budge! And it has more stamina than your attack type. Any minute now, I'm going to win." "I wouldn't blab before you know what's actually happening in the stadium, kid. Ldrago's rubber is absorbing your spin speed!" "How is that possible? An article in the newspaper said once the dark power left you, you couldn't steal spin anymore!" "Don't believe the media, kid. The world is a whole big blob of lies." "If I'm not going to win by standing there, then, YES! Eagle! Tornado Wing Slash!" Eagle rose up quickly and turned its tornado at Ldrago. It started to slow down. "Ha! Since you spin to the left, you slow down because of my right spin tornado on top of you!" "Not only did you do that, you gave me room for my special move! Ldrago! Dragon Emperor Supreme Flight!" Everything afterward was a flash of red. When they could see clearly, all that was left was Eagle, unmoving, and Ldrago already returned to Ryuga's hand. He then left. Chapter 5 (Click to View)
When Zach returned home, he found his sister, Elena, practicing with her Kerbecs in the back yard. The wind was strong, making better practice for her. "The Tornado attack stadium isn't really the place for a Wing Kerbecs. It nearly removes your special move." Surprisingly enough, her special move still worked, creating a vacuum that Eagle's special move couldn't possibly escape from. "It seems you've gotten better already." Zach was already halfway in the house when Elena said, "It seems you're taking your loss to Ryuga quite well." "I try not to think about it too much. Anyway, I'm off to make some more beyblade parts." Zach entered the house and went to his room to make a cs tip. His Little brother, David, ran in, asking for a battle. "I wanna battle you! Pleeeeeeeeease?" David already had his beyblade out, a storm serpent 90f. "Before that, how about you get a better tip? Here's a brand new cs." David exchanged his poor f tip for the new cs and walked over to his brother's stadium. "All right, David, I'll go easy on you." Zach got out one of his weaker launchers, preparing to let the kid win. "No. I brought my friend Frank over. We can do a 2 on 1." Frank walked in and got ready to battle. "Fine. But don't cry if you lose." His 7-year-old brother's friend took out his Evil Capricorn bd145rf. Their launchers were set. "3, 2, 1, Let It RIP!" Death Eagle sat in the middle, taking the attacks from the weak beyblades. The attack types seemed to be slowing down. "Go, Capricorn! plastic barrage!" Frank's weak special move ensued, with Capricorn turning on its side, the plastic of the track rolling the bey along the stadium sideways. it went to the edge of the stadium and launched itself on top of Eagle. It wobbled Eagle a bit, but Capricorn stayed on top of Eagle. "Eagle! Tornado Wing Slash!" Eagle created a tornado, propelling Capricorn off of it. At this point Serpent was in the air, getting ready to use its special move. Eagle started to rise as well. "Special move: Snake Storm Barrage!" Serpent Was on top of Eagle, hitting it with wind, while Eagle chased Capricorn out of the stadium with its Tornado. The battle was over already. Zach knew how to beat David's special move. Eagle flipped, hitting Serpent from below. Serpent gave out and stopped. From a tree in their backyard, a shadowy figure watched Zach, grinning. "He is strong. I'm glad he's here, or I wouldn't have a rival. He is a perfect replacement of Ginka." Chapter 6 (Click to View)
"That's right, everyone! It's time for another world championships! Sign ups for our Japanese team begins today, and the tournament begins tomorrow!" Blader DJ said excitedly over the loudspeakers. Everyone heard it- through the intercom, radio, or television. That didn't exclude Ryuga. "Another world championships, huh? Well, that means Ginka AND Zach will be there." Ryuga came down from the tree and left Zach's backyard. He, Zach, and Thomas ended up at the bey park. They found Craelle beating Chad in a bey battle. Eventually Destroyer was knocked out of the stadium, despite its powerful attack. Craelle's Phantom Rex ed145cs returned to her hand. "Hey," Zach said, "How about a five-way battle? We, the strongest of our city." Everyone agreed, and the battle started. Thomas and Chad were teaming up against Craelle, who was taking damage. Zach helped her out by knocking Aries from behind, while Craelle's Rex attacked from in front. Aries was thrown from the stadium, and could barely hang on to the edge. Destroyer, in left-spin mode, quickly changed targets to Ldrago. Ldrago was sustaining extreme damage, because the rubber hitting was causing friction on the bey. Ldrago soared upwards, and then came crashing down on eagle, who was sitting in the middle. It absorbed Eagle's spin for a second, until Craelle returned the favor to Eagle by knocking into Ldrago. Aries spun out, and Destroyer started attacking Rex. Ryuga got bored, so he used his special move. "Ldrago, Dragon Emperor Supreme Flight, yadda yadda just do it." The three other remaining beys stopped fighting, and all in unison used their special moves. "Rex! Phantom Scar!" "Destroyer! Mountain Eyes of Medusa!" "Eagle! Tornado Supreme Wind!" Eagle cast a tornado onto the stadium, whacking Ldrago. Destroyer Came out and froze Ldrago in midair. The Tyrannosaurus Rex Came out, Disappeared, and reappeared in front of Ldrago, slashing at it harshly. Eagle then came spiraling out of the tornado very quickly, slashing apart ldrago. They knew if Ldrago's special move worked, all three beys would lose to the Dragon Emperor. Their powers, even in unison, didn't stop Ldrago. He kept soaring upwards, after sustaining the special moves. It then came crashing down on the others, leaving the only one spinning to be Ldrago. "Thanks for the battle, but it wasn't that much fun. Try harder next time. See you at the tournament." Ryuga the left, leaving four of the best bladers sprawled over a destroyed stadium. Chapter 7 (Click to View)
The main tournament ended with the most points going to Ryuga, then Ginka, Zach, Craelle, Chad, Elena, and two kids, who were unknown. "The top 8 bladers competing in the tournament to decide this year's Japanese team are: Joseph Hagane. Zachary Harrison. Elena Harrison. Ryuga. Chad Fringe. Exavier Hart. Craelle McDowson. Ginka Hagane. The first round will be Joseph vs. Exavier." "3!" "2!" "1!" "LET IT RIP !" Joseph's Ray Pegasus 100r2f clashed against Exavier's Hell Aquario bd145rdf. Ray pegasus, over a period of 3 minutes, couldn't budge the Aquario. "Go Aquario! Special move! Painful Tsunami!" Damien's son commanded his bey to drench the pegasus. Ity was over before it started. "Exavier moves on! Next up is Craelle vs. Elena!" "3! 2! 1! LET IT RIP!" "Special move: Phantom Scar!" Rex disappeared, and the appeared in front of Kerbecs. It slashed away, and the battle was over in less than 15 seconds. "ALL right! Now we have Ryuga vs. Ginka!" "Just like old times, right, Ryuga?" "Just like old times. 3! 2! 1! LET IT... RIP!!!" Meteo Ldrago started attacking big bang Pegasus rapidly. "One difference: I'm not fighting to save the world, and I also have a 4d Bey! Pegasus! Big Bang Tornado!" The beyblade made the tornado, and Ldrago started riding on it. It went higher and higher... "Thanks, Ginka. Special move! Dragon Emperor Supreme Flight!" Ldrago rose into the air, and crashed down on the tornado, penetrating it and slashing at pegasus. Pegasus held its ground very well, though. "Pegasus! Put your power into this and I will put in my bey spirit! That's all we need! Pegasus! Special move!!!! SUPER COSMIC NOVA!!!!!!" A flash of light appeared, and Zach couldn't see anything. He could hear, though, the faint yells of Ryuga. "Ldrago! Dragon Emperor Supreme Flash!!" When the light faded, there was a k.o.'d pegasus, and a barely spinning Meteo Ldrago. Both bladers were sprawled across the coliseum. "T-that's it! The winner is Ryuga! The next battle with Zachary Harrison and Chad Fringe will begin shortly." Zach looked at Chad, and knew he would be able to defeat his Destroyer easily, although he was going to try his best. The stadium was cleaned up in a few minutes, and both bladers stepped up. "3!" "2!" "1!" "LET..." "IT..." "RIP!!!!!!" Chapter 8 (Click to View)
Eagle took its defensive position in the middle. Destroyer looked for a weak spot. the he saw it. Eagle wasn't tightly secured by the face bolt, and the Death 4d wheel wasn't condensed, it was somewhat loose. "Destroyer! Aim for the metal wheel's break!" Destroyer tilted downward, all 17 millimeters of its th170 track nearly sideways. The uneven Gravity wheel hit the carp, and Eagle didn't even budge. However, Chad's Destroyer was sent crashing the other way into the stadium. "Ha! That's not going to work in Death's Defense mode!" Chad did notice the metal wheel did seem to change, but didn't think much of it until now. "I loosened the face on purpose, so I could have the carp in the armor be revealed. In that carp is an even tougher to get through metal. the inside of the wheel is what I like to call shredder," Zach said, "Now Eagle! Tornado Supreme Wind!!!" Eagle hesitated, and then spun itself into a tornado. It then rode the tornado, crashing itself into Destroyer. No one could see anything in the stadium, except for the giant spiraling mass of air. When it died down, it was obvious: crash out on Chad. Zach was the winner, while Chad's rf tip was still spinning, and the destroyer ring whas rolling around. It was a complete blowout. The team would consist of Ryuga, Zach, Craelle, and Exavier. But... who would be captain, and who would be sub? Chapter 9 (Click to View)
The sub was Exavier, and the Captain would be Zach. This was decided amongst themselves, because Exavier had the least skill, and Zach was the oldest other than Ryuga, and everyone thought that Ryuga was still evil in the back of their head. In addition, Zach had the most beypoints in their city, and Ryuga didn't count, because he was from elsewhere. "I guess I'm one of the best in the world now, huh?" Craelle asked. She had come from a childhood where she and her family thought that beyblading was unruly, until the 'thing' happened. The rest was unknown. "Yes. We are most likely going to win though." Ryuga was more careful about how he spoke than when he thought. He knew in his mind that they were going to win, and they would then depart. He was in it for a different reason. "Y-you think we can... win the entire tournament?" Exavier was surprised. "Don't you realize? Most of the bladers from all other countries come in segments. 3 years ago, Ginka, Masamune, Tsubasa, and Yu won the World championships. The bladers from that generation have stopped blading. There will be a new generation of bladers, younger, and newer to blading, than before. Since this is the year after most of those bladers have retired, the new generation will be at their youngest. The difference with Japan is that almost all people in Japan are fond of blading, so every age group will have bladers." Ryuga got tired if explaining, and left. He was headed to the airport where they would meet the WBBA's director, and their mechanic. "Oh, so basically, the other countries don't blade as much?" Exavier understood what Ryuga said. "Yeah. Now guys, whe better head out, or we're gonna miss our flight," Zach said. They all headed out. "Greetings, Japanese team!" The Director said. "Here is your mechanic, the same for 4 years now: Madoka!" "Hey, everyone! If you need your beys all fixed up, you come to me!" Madoka greeted the team, enthused. "All right," the Director started, "your team name is: Team Flame Wing Sparr." The team was contented with their name. "You will all get to battle in the tournaments, including the sub member. You will receive your opponent's team data when you get there. You will be facing, as always, team Sting Far Troto from China. As for now, you are to board your plane and try to make a team strategy, because, as you should already know, the majority of their team uses balance types." The team, along with Madoka, boarded their plane. They were off to China. Chapter 10 (Click to View)
On the plane, Madoka got a WBBA message. "Hey guys, look! Here's the info on the Chinese team. It seems they continue to use balance types." The message included character profiles. Their sub used a grand serpent 105cs. Their two members used Orso beys, one a rock Orso df145rsf, and the other a flame Orso 90f. Their leader, Chaise Sen, used a Phantom Byxis B:D. Everyone knew of the awesome stamina of B:D. It was said to have spun for a year, undisturbed. They were not going to be able to out-spin the Byxis. When they arrived at China, they were already preparing for the battle that would happen in a few hours. They got off the plane and checked into their hotel. In a few minutes, a dirty comment from Ryuga started up a heated conversation between him and Zach. "Well maybe if you hadn't been such a slack-off, we would'nt be so late for the flight!" Zach said, angered by what Ryuga stated. "You know, it doesn't help with your reputation or your health to go picking fights with one superior." "If you think you're superior, then how about you prove it!" Zach was almost launching his Eagle now. "I am in every way superior. I have a better bey and a better bond with it, I'm older, and I know a bit more than an adolescent stepson of that fool Tsubasa! Your step-daddy was weak! He didn't realize his struggles with the Dark Power were worthless! His little clean behavior is so cliche and inferior, and it seems to all have rubbed off onto you and your little weak Eagle." "Go, Eagle!" Zach launched his bey even without a battle at hearing the words of the dragon emperor's bearer. Ryuga turned around and punched it in midair, knocking it to the ground and stopping its rotation. "Now that is sad. Try controlling your anger, kid. If you don't, maybe even the Dark Power will rub off onto you. I wasn't even trying to get you mad. If I did, you would've been at me with a weapon." They all gathered at the coliseum, with the tension still quite not removed. "All right, bladers! It's time to start the first round of the World Campionships! First up! the Front Guards! Apparently, It's our Fauna vs. Exavier from Japan! An Aquario vs. Orso! 3. 2. 1. Go... Shoot!" "Aquario! special move: Painful Tsunami!" The infamous Aquario attack rushed over the stadium, with flame Orso unharmed. It moved around the back of Aquario and attacked directly onto the Hell metal wheel. "Orso... Special move! Firebite Assault!" Orso sped up the attacks on the defense bey and knocked it out of the stadium with one final flaming attack. "Round one goes to our very own Chinese team!" The audience was applauding, with Ryuga and Zach still heated in a staredown. Chapter 11 (Click to View)
"Go, Ldrago!" Ryuga was chosen to battle next. He was facing the Chinese team's leader, who used a Phantom Byxis B:D. Ldrago was attacking harshly, while gaining spin speed. He didn't know if this was going to be enough, though. The B:D bottom was outrageously powerful when it came to stamina. He realized this, and held off on attacks for a second, and then harshly struck the Byxis. It tilted on its tip, which stopped spinning, even though the bey was spinning, and the attacks from Ldrago seemed to go the other way. "With the B:D bottom, my Byxis can roll on your attacks, which can't steal spin on my rolling!" The leader smugly said. "Now, Byxis! Needle Ghost!" A Compass appeared over the stadium, destroying the rim and knocking into the Ldrago bey. Ryuga realized he needed brute force, so that's what he gave. "If that's what you want, then... Ldrago! Follow his needle!" The speedy lf tip acted as if it woke up, spinning even faster than the Pyxis symbol. The bey started to counter the needle, which then started fading. On the last second, Ldrago rolled on the needle and slammed into Byxis, knocking it out of the stadium with its own special move. "Zach... It's your turn. Try not to trip over your own feet while battling." "Shut up, Ryuga! You don't need to be a jerk, even with your history." This wasn't Zach, but a girl from the crowd. Her name Zach knew. She was Faun, the girl he liked from when he was in fourth grade. She had long, blonde, curly hair with deep blue eyes that made him a little happier every time he looked into them. She didn't blade, but rooted for someone if she knew them and really liked watching. "Hey, Faun, it's okay. You don't need to fight my battles for me." "Oh, I wasn't... um... sorry." She turned back to the stadium, where he would battle right then. "Now it's time for our tiebreaker! The match between a Rock Orso we all know and love vs. a formidable Eagle that can soar to the heavens and back again." The DJ talked quickly and exitedly in Chinese, and to Zach, sounded like he was having a heart attack. "It's my dream to soar to the top with my Eagle, and I'll accomplish that goal! I won't let anyone stand in the way of my goal! 3! 2! 1! LET IT RIP!" "Eagle! Soaring Tornado Wing!" Eagle flew upward with its t125 track, creating a tornado that instantly stopped the Orso in its tracks. The special move wasn't over, though. Eagle came back down on the stadium and hit Orso, K.O.'ing it and making it crash out. Eagle won in all three possible ways in less than 3 seconds. "Congrats, Japan! They will be moving on in the World Championships!" "We won't stop, either! We're going all the way!" Zach said, his Eagle still spinning. He was leaving when he finally called the bey back to him, and he left, with the shadowy figure, whose name was Trosi, a lot more intrigued. RE: Metal Clash Legend [story chapters 1and2] - beybladefoever - Oct. 06, 2012 Put spoilers in, and focus more on and make the battles longer. RE: Metal Clash Legend [story chapters 1and2] - SilverChronos - Oct. 06, 2012 I don't know how to make spoilers in. Could you tell me? And thanks, i'll work on the battles. RE: Metal Clash Legend [story chapters 1and2] - sarabscientist - Oct. 06, 2012 http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-MyCode-Guide RE: Metal Clash Legend [story chapters 1and2] - SilverChronos - Oct. 06, 2012 Thanks, guys, i'll do it now. For now, though, how is my story? There. I added spoilers. RE: Metal Clash Legend [story chapters 1and2] - beybladefoever - Oct. 06, 2012 Maybe you should put more sensory details about the sorrundings and as I said earlier make the battles longer with more details about what they're thinking, but it's good KIU. RE: Metal Clash Legend [story chapters 1and2] - SilverChronos - Oct. 06, 2012 Thank you, beybladeforever for all your help. I'll work on what you're telling me. This is my first story, though. RE: Ryuga's New Rival [story, Chapter 7 is up] - SilverChronos - Oct. 08, 2012 May someone Please read my story? I haven't gotten a view in, like, 3 days. RE: Ryuga's New Rival [story, Chapter 7 is up] - UltimateOrion - Oct. 08, 2012 awsome story keep up the good work RE: Ryuga's New Rival [story, Chapter 7 is up] - Driger Kai - Oct. 09, 2012 Its doing OK, you should describe the characters a bit more, and be more descriptive in general. Either way, I doubt I could do much better... RE: Ryuga's New Rival [story, Chapter 7 is up] - SilverChronos - Oct. 09, 2012 Thanks for you guys' input. I'll get some more character description in there... somewhere... RE: Ryuga's New Rival [story, Chapter 9 is up] - Duck - Oct. 10, 2012 This is pretty good, Blue Blur. (May I call you Blue Blur?) I suggest you lengthen the details, use character description, develop your characters, and use... drama in your story. A tale full of Special Moves is no good if there isn't a real point to it. Feel free to use the various forms of drama: tragedy, angst, romance, rage, etc. That is all. Keep up the good writing! RE: Ryuga's New Rival [story, Chapter 9 is up] - SilverChronos - Oct. 11, 2012 Thank you duck . Yes, you may call me blue blur. I kinda like that. I'm developing the story very slowly, so I'm trying to add the detail slowly. I do try to add more than a chapter a day, but that's not always possible. RE: Ryuga's New Rival [story, Chapter 11 is up] - SilverChronos - Oct. 12, 2012 I'm gonna work on posting some other stories, but slower than all at once, to keep you in suspense. Hey, but look, this story had a pretty good run! |