World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
The Year of Bey Destruction 2050 (Chapter 5 added) (Taking Character Requests) - Printable Version

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The Year of Bey Destruction 2050 (Chapter 5 added) (Taking Character Requests) - Beychamp76 - Aug. 18, 2012

This is my first story.
I hope everyone likes it!
Please right any improvements needed in this thread.
I'm also taking character requests in this format,
Name-
Bey-
Looks-
Personality-
Special move-
Good, evil, or mysterious

Chapters will be added daily!

Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5






RE: (Story) 2070 The Year of Bey Destruction (Taking Character Requests) - DefStamina88 - Aug. 18, 2012

Eh, it seems a bit clumped. Maybe If you space out the text it'll be easier to read and it'll look bigger...

Also, You're really adding one or two sentences per line. That's makes the story too short...

Lastly, You're just throwing a bunch of dialogue in at one time and switching characters every sentence. Nobody in real life (if they're normal) exchanges sentences when they talk...


RE: (Story) 2070 The Year of Bey Destruction (Taking Character Requests) - Beychamp76 - Aug. 18, 2012

I was trying to make it sound like real book authors such as Louis sachar does
Story edited
How about now?


RE: (Story) 2070 The Year of Bey Destruction (Taking Character Requests) - MasterBlader-X - Aug. 18, 2012

I like it. Keep writingStupid


RE: (Story) 2070 The Year of Bey Destruction (Taking Character Requests) - EarthEagle2813 - Aug. 18, 2012

Name Jason
Bey Earth Eagle C145 es
Looks Has shaggy blonde hair
Personality nice and fun but kind of wise
Special move Ripping talon strike. eagle flys out of the stadium and attacks from above with it's claws.
Mysterious. He kinda watches Azhar and helps him improve


Nice story


RE: (Story) 2070 The Year of Bey Destruction (Taking Character Requests) - Beychamp76 - Aug. 18, 2012

(Aug. 18, 2012  2:45 PM)MasterBlader-x Wrote: I like it. Keep writingStupid
Thanks
(Aug. 18, 2012  4:05 PM)EarthEagle2813 Wrote: Name Jason
Bey Earth Eagle C145 es
Looks Has shaggy blonde hair
Personality nice and fun but kind of wise
Special move Ripping talon strike. eagle flys out of the stadium and attacks from above with it's claws.
Mysterious. He kinda watches Azhar and helps him improve


Nice story
I will add him in the next chapter



RE: (Story) 2070 The Year of Bey Destruction (Taking Character Requests) - ElementalDude97 - Aug. 18, 2012

I think the story is good!,but you need to write a prologue to explain how the world changed and that no money was used and instead bey points were!and how everything was about beyblade!
Write the prologue in another spoiler!


RE: The Year of Bey Destruction 2050 (Chapter 2 Added) (Taking Character Requests) - Beychamp76 - Aug. 18, 2012

Ok I will


RE: The Year of Bey Destruction 2050 (Chapter 3 Added) (Taking Character Requests) - Beychamp76 - Aug. 19, 2012

Chapter 3 added


RE: The Year of Bey Destruction 2050 (Chapter 3 Added) (Taking Character Requests) - Dual - Aug. 19, 2012

Just a suggestion, to make your chapters longer, try to explain more than happens. Example- Don't just say they battled so and so. Actually make the battle happen (write it). It will make the chapters longer and more interesting.


RE: The Year of Bey Destruction 2050 (Chapter 3 Added) (Taking Character Requests) - Beychamp76 - Aug. 19, 2012

(Aug. 19, 2012  2:19 AM)Beyniac Wrote: Just a suggestion, to make your chapters longer, try to explain more than happens. Example- Don't just say they battled so and so. Actually make the battle happen (write it). It will make the chapters longer and more interesting.
Ok thanks for the help



RE: The Year of Bey Destruction 2050 (Chapter 4 added) (Taking Character Requests) - Beychamp76 - Aug. 19, 2012

Chapter 4 added

Chapter 5 added as well



RE: The Year of Bey Destruction 2050 (Chapter 5 added) (Taking Character Requests) - Zero X - Aug. 20, 2012

Goodluck with the story beychamp


RE: The Year of Bey Destruction 2050 (Chapter 5 added) (Taking Character Requests) - ElementalDude97 - Aug. 20, 2012

beychamp you should write more details of what they do like when wiliem found jason!you would have explained "that he saw someone battling and was beating the kids bey with no effort winning non stop bey points and matches"...i am just saying so you can make the story more interesting!and other than that the story is epicSmile!!!


RE: The Year of Bey Destruction 2050 (Chapter 5 added) (Taking Character Requests) - Beychamp76 - Aug. 20, 2012

(Aug. 20, 2012  12:01 AM)Zero X Wrote: Goodluck with the story beychamp
Thanks a lot!


(Aug. 20, 2012  12:16 AM)sparkman321lir Wrote: beychamp you should write more details of what they do like when wiliem found jason!you would have explained "that he saw someone battling and was beating the kids bey with no effort winning non stop bey points and matches"...i am just saying so you can make the story more interesting!and other than that the story is epicSmile!!!
Thanks for the tips
I will use them to improve
Thanks for the compliment as well
I'm going to need a character that destroys beys but later turns good after the leader of the Dark Spirit bladers destroys his bey


RE: The Year of Bey Destruction 2050 (Chapter 5 added) (Taking Character Requests) - Beychamp76 - Aug. 20, 2012

Anyone have a character request
I can't do chapter 6 without it


RE: The Year of Bey Destruction 2050 (Chapter 5 added) (Taking Character Requests) - Prince of beys9 - Aug. 20, 2012

Awesome story!
Can't wait to read more


RE: The Year of Bey Destruction 2050 (Chapter 5 added) (Taking Character Requests) - Beychamp76 - Aug. 20, 2012

Thank you
I will write the next chapter at night


RE: The Year of Bey Destruction 2050 (Chapter 5 added) (Taking Character Requests) - ElementalDude97 - Aug. 20, 2012

Name: Dax
Bey:dark knight dragooon 85RLF
Looks:he has a crimson red jacket,blue jeans,and crimson red shoes and has pale skin.He has black red-ish hair.
Personality:he acts cool,mysterious,and evil,and kind in a way
Special move:dark destruction(the bey starts to spin faster and a dark aura sorrounds the bey and then it creates an explosion),reverse darkness(this move is used when the bey spin steals the opponents bey then it uses it as its own power and its power increases rapidly,and when it hits a bey the bey is destroyed)
evil,and mysterious


RE: The Year of Bey Destruction 2050 (Chapter 5 added) (Taking Character Requests) - Beychamp76 - Aug. 20, 2012

Thanks I will add him in the next chapter