Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - Fantomu - Jul. 05, 2012
As my first story didn't do so good, I made another one.
Chapter 1 : ZERO-G!!??
There was a loud clash sound when our Beys hit each other. I was training with my friend, Blake. He was using his Metal Face Earth Raven 125CS against my Metal Face-Heavy Flash Pegasis S130RF.
"Go Pegasis! Smash him out!"
"Raven! Fly and evade his attack!"
"Heh, too slow." I said as I watched Pegasis smash Raven out of the stadium.
"Dang it, yo. You already beat me six times in a row, SIX TIMES!"
"Chill. I'll give you some of my parts so you can make Raven stronger." I said as I opened my toolbox filled with my Beyblades.
I handed him a Metal Face-Heavy and a Basalt Metal Wheel.
"Here. These are decent parts for defence. As for your track, I can't help you."
"Wow, thanks a lot, Ryan. I never knew that you were kind enough to give people your parts."
"I'm only doing this once, so don't get your hopes up."
Suddenly, there was a loud "GOOONGG!!" sound.
"Gotta run. That's the five 'o' clock bell." said Blake
"I'll walk you home."
When I was walking Blake home, we heard somebody behind us shout "Hey you!"
We turned around and found ourselves looking at a muscular dude.
"What do you want?" I said
"My name is Gavin. I saw you at the park just now. You seem like a strong blader. Let's battle."
"Fine then."
With that said, Gavin took out his stadium and his Beyblade and held it up, it was MSF Guardian Revizer GB145RDF.
"Wow. A Zero-G Beyblade. Sadly, we don't have any of those Zero-G stadiums here." I said
All he did was smirk and attached his Bey to his launcher and said :"Cut the carp. Let's start already, I don't have all day."
"Same here." Blake said, cross-armed.
"Tsk." Then I attached my Bey to my launcher.
"3...2...1...GO SHOOT!"
Chapter 2 : Revizer vs Pegasis
Our Beys immediatly made contact right when they touched the stadium.
"Pegasis! Push him out!" I said as Pegasis was pushing Revizer to the end of the stadium.
"Too easy." said Gavin when Revizer moved away from Pegasis's attack and attacked Pegasis from behind.
"Pegasis! Stay strong!"
"Destroy him, Revizer!"
Pegasis was almost at the end of the stadium when I said :"Pegasis! Move away from his attack!"
"I won't let you off so easily! Revizer! Special move : Tornado Whirlpool!" Gavin said.
"Oh no! Pegasis is getting sucked into the whirlpool. If this continues, Pegasis will lose the battle very soon." I thought as Gavin was laughing away.
"Hahah! No one has ever gotten away from Revizer's whirlpool!"
"Pegasis! Circle the stadium and move away from the whirlpool!"
"Hmm...what could he be doing now?" Gavin thought.
What Gavin didn't notice was that Pegasis was circling the stadium so was to the extent that the whirlpool was completely depleted.
"W-W-W-What happened? Revizer's whirlpool is gone! H-H-How did you do that!?"
"You were too full of yourself. Pegasis! Crush him!"
Pegasis was rapidly attacking Revizer, but it was to no avail.
"Why can't Pegasis knock Revizer out?!"
"Heh. I changed to defense mode. This time, you won't be able to fool me."
"Hm. I only have one last option, hope this works. Pegasis! Special move : Starburst Attack!"
Suddenly, there was a heavy layer of dust. After the dust cleared, Revizer was found to be out of the stadium, while Pegasis barely had any stamina left, it was still spinning in the stadium.
"Yes! I won!" I shouted happily.
"Heh. Congratulations. There's a tournament happening soon. I hope to see you there." Gavin said. Then he continued to walk away.
"Now, can I go home?" Blake said angrily.
"Fine, fine. I'll get you an ice-cream to compensate for the wait."
Chapter 3 : The change
"Bye, Blake."
"*Om nom nom* Yeah, *slurp* okay bye *gobble* Ryan!" Blake said whilst eating an ice-cream.
"What?"
But then Blake had already walked away.
"Probably nothing important." I said to myself then I continued to walk home.
When I reached my house, my mother was standing at the door.
"What took you so long to come home?! You were supposed to reach home by 4:30! And now it's already 5:25!"
"I was training with Blake, then this guy challenged me to a battle."
"You could've said that you were busy."
"Whatever." I said when I was walking to my room.
"Oh right, Gavin said something about a Beyblade tournament. I should search for it."
After I serached, I immediatly called Blake.
"Blake! Blake! Let's enter the tournament! It's tommorow!"
"Dude, I was just with you just now, and now you're calling me again? What, are you like overly attached?"
"Goddamit. Do you want to enter or not? It's at 9:00AM tommorow."
"Fine, fine. But you'll probably have to fight that Gavin guy again."
"Most probably."
"Got to go, my mom's calling me to eat."
"Bye, Blake."
"Hmm, the match with Gavin just now was close, if I have to battle him again, I'll probably lose."
I opened my toolbox and looked for a better bottom to use with Pegasis.
"Hey, maybe a MF bottom would be good on it. After all, Flash doesn't have a lot of recoil."
My new Beyblade is now Metal Face-Heavy Flash Pegasis S130MF.
Meanwhile in Gavin's home.....
"That Ryan guy is pretty good. Probably entering the tournament too. I should change my parts a bit."
Gavin took another Revizer wheel.
"Synchrom system is legal now...heh. Hello there MSF Revizer Revizer GB145RDF."
Chapter 4 : The big day
I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, bright sunlight and my cute dog in my room. I then proceed to check my clock.
8:32 AM
"Ah, it's only 8:32...... HOLY SHI- THE TOURNAMENT!"
I rushed to the bathroom and brushed my teeth for 15 seconds. Then I went to the shower and came out in 1 minute. I ran down the stairs, grab a slice of bread and said :
"Hi mom! Bye mom! I'm late for the tournament!"
"Good luck!"
I went out of the house to get on my bicycle....... only to find out that the tire had no air.
"I swear, I am the mother of bad luck." I said to myself.
Then I ran to Blake's house.
"What in the world of holy chickens took you so long?"
"I was uh...helping my mother."
" I'm sure you were..." Blake said in a sarcarstic tone.
"Whatever."
Then we rushed to the stadium.
Blader DJ came out and annouced that he was about to start the tournament.
"Ladies and Gentlemen! Today, we are having a tournament to see who is the best blader in this town!" Blader DJ said with enthusiasm. Blader DJ continued ,"This tournament will be in a single elimination format. There is only 8 bladers who can participate in this tournament. #1 is Gavin with his Beyblade, MSF Revizer Revizer GB145RDF. #2 is Blake with his Beyblade, MF-H Basalt Raven 125CS. #3 is Jeremy with his Beyblade, Wing Pixie W145BSF. #4 is Evan with his Beyblade, Rush Hydrus C145WB. #5 is Seymour with his Beyblade, Burning Efreet 110RF. #6 is Ryan with his Beyblade, MF-H Flash Pegasis S130MF. #7 is Luther with his Beyblade, Wave Tritons 145WD. Lastly, we have Horatio with his Beyblade, Earth Byxis 125SF."
"For the first battle, we will have Gavin battle Horatio!"
The crowd applauses.
"This sould be easy. I will battle Ryan again... I have a loss to avenge." Gavin said to himself.
"Hey Gavin!" I shouted, "Good luck!"
"Heh, Ryan eh?"
"Focus on the battle you." Horatio said.
"Tsk. You think you can beat me? What a loser." Gavin said.
"There he goes. Showing off again. Well, I think the strongest blader here is Seymour. From what I heard, his Efreet is mighty strong, am I right, Blake?"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say."
Then, the crowd, Blader DJ, Gavin and Horatio shouted the familiar words :
"3...2...1...GO SHOOT!!"
Chapter 5 : Gavin's battle
When the Beyblades hit the stadium, Revizer immediately went into defense mode.
"What a chicken! Byxis! Smash him!"
But no matter however many times Byxis hit Revizer, Revizer did not get knocked out.
"Dang it. Let's see you handle this! Byxis! Snipe Needle!"
Revizer quickly evaded Byxis's attacks.
"Your weak attacks are to no avail." Gavin said softly.
"Don't underestimate my Byxis! It never lost any battle in my town!"
"But this isn't your town..."
"......"
"Lost for words?"
".........., BYXIS! SPECIAL ATTACK!! MILLION NEEDLE STRIKE!!!"
"Oh, he lost it." I said to Blake.
"What, he gonna blow up th stadium?" Blake said whilst chuckling.
"Let's just see what he got."
Revizer was continuously hit by the needles, slowly getting pushed out of the stadium.
"954,782 needles left...876,457 needles left...532,572 needles left....273,461 needles left...23,456 needles left...." Horatio said quietly to himself.
He continued, "Last 1000 needles...BYXIS NOW!! STRIKE HIM!!"
"That does not sound too good....Revizer! SPECIAL MOVE!! TORNADO WHIRLPOOL!"
Revizer's whirlpool immediately absorbs all the needles left from Byxis's attack.
"What th-" Horatio said in awe, but before he could finish his sentence, Gavin shouted,
"REVIZER! NOW'S YOUR CHANCE! SMASH HIM OUT!"
After he said that, Byxis immediately went out of the stadium and back to Horatio's hand.
The crowd cheered.
"YEAH! He won!" I shouted.
"Ryan....I hope I'll battle you again. Next time, you'll stand no chance.
"NOOOO! BYXIS ! HOW COULD YOU HAVE LOST!!"
Chapter 6 : The battle of magic and birds
"What a battle!" Blader DJ said. Then he continued, 'Now, we will continue this tournament with another battle!"
The crowd shouted, 'YAY!!'
'We will have Blake and Jeremy come to the stadium!'
'Raven...You have got to win this battle.' Blake said to himself.
'My Pixie will definitely win this battle!' Jeremy said confidently.
'We'll see...'
Then everybody shouted '3...2...1..GO SHOOT!!"
Right when the Beys touched the stadium, Blake shouted, 'Raven! Flying Wing Smash!'
'Pixie! Elemental Shield!'
Pixie's shield completely blocked Raven's attack.
'Dang it. Raven smash him!'
'Pixie! Evade his attack!'
Pixie immediately moved away from Raven.
'That was my plan all the while, heh.'
'W-What?'
'Raven! Special move! Metal Wing Smash!!!'
'Noo! Pixie!'
Suddenly, there was a thick layer of dust. When the dust cleared, Pixie returned to Jeremy's hand.
'Yeah! Blake won!' I shouted happily.
'Yay!' Blake shouted.
'No...Pixie...how did you lose the battle...' Jeremy said quietly.
Blake walked to Jeremy's side and said, 'That was a fun battle, eh?'
'I guess so...but I lost...'
'Everybody will lose , don't take it too seriously.'
'Well, I guess you're right, let's watch the upcoming battle!'
'That's the spirit!'
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - sarabscientist - Jul. 05, 2012
For the future, seeing you will add more chapters. Put them in Spoiler brackets. Other than that, nice start.
EDIT: Just incase 
Code: [spoiler] TEXT HERE LOL [/spoiler]
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - Fantomu - Jul. 05, 2012
What if I don't? Haha, just kidding.
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - sarabscientist - Jul. 05, 2012
(Jul. 05, 2012 11:29 AM)Fantomu Wrote: Haha, just kidding.
You better be
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - Fantomu - Jul. 06, 2012
Chapter two is done!
Our Beys immediatly made contact right when they touched the stadium.
"Pegasis! Push him out!" I said as Pegasis was pushing Revizer to the end of the stadium.
"Too easy." said Gavin when Revizer moved away from Pegasis's attack and attacked Pegasis from behind.
"Pegasis! Stay strong!"
"Destroy him, Revizer!"
Pegasis was almost at the end of the stadium when I said :"Pegasis! Move away from his attack!"
"I won't let you off so easily! Revizer! Special move : Tornado Whirlpool!" Gavin said.
"Oh no! Pegasis is getting sucked into the whirlpool. If this continues, Pegasis will lose the battle very soon." I thought as Gavin was laughing away.
"Hahah! No one has ever gotten away from Revizer's whirlpool!"
"Pegasis! Circle the stadium and move away from the whirlpool!"
"Hmm...what could he be doing now?" Gavin thought.
What Gavin didn't notice was that Pegasis was circling the stadium so was to the extent that the whirlpool was completely depleted.
"W-W-W-What happened? Revizer's whirlpool is gone! H-H-How did you do that!?"
"You were too full of yourself. Pegasis! Crush him!"
Pegasis was rapidly attacking Revizer, but it was to no avail.
"Why can't Pegasis knock Revizer out?!"
"Heh. I changed to defense mode. This time, you won't be able to fool me."
"Hm. I only have one last option, hope this works. Pegasis! Special move : Starburst Attack!"
Suddenly, there was a heavy layer of dust. After the dust cleared, Revizer was found to be out of the stadium, while Pegasis barely had any stamina left, it was still spinning in the stadium.
"Yes! I won!" I shouted happily.
"Heh. Congratulations. There's a tournament happening soon. I hope to see you there." Gavin said. Then he continued to walk away.
"Now, can I go home?" Blake said angrily.
"Fine, fine. I'll get you an ice-cream to compensate for the wait."
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - Cookie Bouquets - Jul. 06, 2012
I don't understand why decent stories like these don't get that much attention.
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - Fantomu - Jul. 07, 2012
Thanks, Shirayuki.
Anyone have ideas on what I should name this story?
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - Clefairy - Jul. 07, 2012
(Jul. 07, 2012 3:22 AM)Fantomu Wrote: Thanks, Shirayuki.
Anyone have ideas on what I should name this story?
No one will be able to do so because there is no plot. Once the plot unfolds, then it will be easier to name your story. Good start! Keep going.
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - Fantomu - Jul. 08, 2012
Chapter 3 : The change is done! A bit short, I guess.
"Bye, Blake."
"*Om nom nom* Yeah, *slurp* okay bye *gobble* Ryan!" Blake said whilst eating an ice-cream.
"What?"
But then Blake had already walked away.
"Probably nothing important." I said to myself then I continued to walk home.
When I reached my house, my mother was standing at the door.
"What took you so long to come home?! You were supposed to reach home by 4:30! And now it's already 5:25!"
"I was training with Blake, then this guy challenged me to a battle."
"You could've said that you were busy."
"Whatever." I said when I was walking to my room.
"Oh right, Gavin said something about a Beyblade tournament. I should search for it."
After I serached, I immediatly called Blake.
"Blake! Blake! Let's enter the tournament! It's tommorow!"
"Dude, I was just with you just now, and now you're calling me again? What, are you like overly attached?"
"Goddamit. Do you want to enter or not? It's at 9:00AM tommorow."
"Fine, fine. But you'll probably have to fight that Gavin guy again."
"Most probably."
"Got to go, my mom's calling me to eat."
"Bye, Blake."
"Hmm, the match with Gavin just now was close, if I have to battle him again, I'll probably lose."
I opened my toolbox and looked for a better bottom to use with Pegasis.
"Hey, maybe a MF bottom would be good on it. After all, Flash doesn't have a lot of recoil."
My new Beyblade is now Metal Face-Heavy Flash Pegasis S130MF.
Meanwhile in Gavin's home.....
"That Ryan guy is pretty good. Probably entering the tournament too. I should change my parts a bit."
Gavin took another Revizer wheel.
"Synchrom system is legal now...heh. Hello there MSF Revizer Revizer GB145RDF."
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - sarabscientist - Jul. 08, 2012
Nice chapter three! Since when did Synchrome become illegal though...?
The story should be named "Cut the carp" or " My obsession with Blake". LOL
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - Fantomu - Jul. 08, 2012
@Insomniac Uh this is a different world you know? xD
Chapter 4 : The big day Here you go. I'm bored-as today.
I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, bright sunlight and my cute dog in my room. I then proceed to check my clock.
8:32 AM
"Ah, it's only 8:32...... HOLY SHI- THE TOURNAMENT!"
I rushed to the bathroom and brushed my teeth for 15 seconds. Then I went to the shower and came out in 1 minute. I ran down the stairs, grab a slice of bread and said :
"Hi mom! Bye mom! I'm late for the tournament!"
"Good luck!"
I went out of the house to get on my bicycle....... only to find out that the tire had no air.
"I swear, I am the mother of bad luck." I said to myself.
Then I ran to Blake's house.
"What in the world of holy chickens took you so long?"
"I was uh...helping my mother."
" I'm sure you were..." Blake said in a sarcarstic tone.
"Whatever."
Then we rushed to the stadium.
Blader DJ came out and annouced that he was about to start the tournament.
"Ladies and Gentlemen! Today, we are having a tournament to see who is the best blader in this town!" Blader DJ said with enthusiasm. Blader DJ continued ,"This tournament will be in a single elimination format. There is only 8 bladers who can participate in this tournament. #1 is Gavin with his Beyblade, MSF Revizer Revizer GB145RDF. #2 is Blake with his Beyblade, MF-H Basalt Raven 125CS. #3 is Jeremy with his Beyblade, Wing Pixie W145BSF. #4 is Evan with his Beyblade, Rush Hydrus C145WB. #5 is Seymour with his Beyblade, Burning Efreet 110RF. #6 is Ryan with his Beyblade, MF-H Flash Pegasis S130MF. #7 is Luther with his Beyblade, Wave Tritons 145WD. Lastly, we have Horatio with his Beyblade, Earth Byxis 125SF."
"For the first battle, we will have Gavin battle Horatio!"
The crowd applauses.
"This sould be easy. I will battle Ryan again... I have a loss to avenge." Gavin said to himself.
"Hey Gavin!" I shouted, "Good luck!"
"Heh, Ryan eh?"
"Focus on the battle you." Horatio said.
"Tsk. You think you can beat me? What a loser." Gavin said.
"There he goes. Showing off again. Well, I think the strongest blader here is Seymour. From what I heard, his Efreet is mighty strong, am I right, Blake?"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say."
Then, the crowd, Blader DJ, Gavin and Horatio shouted the familiar words :
"3...2...1...GO SHOOT!!"
Please give feedback, everyone.
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - BattleLion - Jul. 08, 2012
Hahaha. Nice Story till now. I should give the name of a blader and his beyblade..
Name of Beyblader: Ali
His Beyblade: Sword Leon H145 WD .. or else Burning Cheetah 125 WD
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - sarabscientist - Jul. 08, 2012
BattleLion,
I don't think he is accepting character requests
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - Fantomu - Jul. 08, 2012
Yeah, I'm not.
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - sarabscientist - Jul. 09, 2012
(Jul. 08, 2012 12:15 PM)Fantomu Wrote: I rushed to the toilet and brushed my teeth for 15 seconds. Hahahaha XD
It sounds like he is using brushing his teeth and using the toilet as a sink. It would sound better as "I rushed to the bathroom" or "washroom".
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - Fantomu - Jul. 09, 2012
(Jul. 09, 2012 7:53 AM)Insomniac Wrote: (Jul. 08, 2012 12:15 PM)Fantomu Wrote: I rushed to the toilet and brushed my teeth for 15 seconds. Hahahaha XD
It sounds like he is using brushing his teeth and using the toilet as a sink. It would sound better as "I rushed to the bathroom" or "washroom".
I can brush teeth while I shower. K changed it.
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - sarabscientist - Jul. 09, 2012
15 seconds though...
Recommended minimum is one minute. I'm going to have to talk with Ryan's dentist.
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - Fantomu - Jul. 09, 2012
Still better than not brushing his teeth. Well, in Ryan's defense, that Beyblade tournament was very important to him, and he didn't want to be late.
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - sarabscientist - Jul. 09, 2012
(Jul. 09, 2012 10:02 AM)Fantomu Wrote: Still better than not brushing his teeth. Well, in Ryan's defense, that Beyblade tournament was very important to him, and he didn't want to be late.
Since this is a spinning-top forum, I have no choice but to agree. Because if I decide to say personal hygiene comes before Beyblades... I will be attacked XD
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - Fantomu - Jul. 09, 2012
Personal hygiene comes before Beyblades. Attack me.
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - sarabscientist - Jul. 09, 2012
(Jul. 09, 2012 10:08 AM)Fantomu Wrote: Personal hygiene comes before Beyblades. Attack me.
LOL, I guess we're in this together XD
ATTACK US!
Eeurgh, this is getting off-topic, so I'm gonna leave it at that.
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - Fantomu - Jul. 10, 2012
I apologize for the short chapter.
Chapter 5 : Gavin's battle
When the Beyblades hit the stadium, Revizer immediately went into defense mode.
"What a chicken! Byxis! Smash him!"
But no matter however many times Byxis hit Revizer, Revizer did not get knocked out.
"Dang it. Let's see you handle this! Byxis! Snipe Needle!"
Revizer quickly evaded Byxis's attacks.
"Your weak attacks are to no avail." Gavin said softly.
"Don't underestimate my Byxis! It never lost any battle in my town!"
"But this isn't your town..."
"......"
"Lost for words?"
".........., BYXIS! SPECIAL ATTACK!! MILLION NEEDLE STRIKE!!!"
"Oh, he lost it." I said to Blake.
"What, he gonna blow up the stadium?" Blake said whilst chuckling.
"Let's just see what he got."
Revizer was continuously hit by the needles, slowly getting pushed out of the stadium.
"954,782 needles left...876,457 needles left...532,572 needles left....273,461 needles left...23,456 needles left...." Horatio said quietly to himself.
He continued, "Last 1000 needles...BYXIS NOW!! STRIKE HIM!!"
"That does not sound too good....Revizer! SPECIAL MOVE!! TORNADO WHIRLPOOL!"
Revizer's whirlpool immediately absorbs all the needles left from Byxis's attack.
"What th-" Horatio said in awe, but before he could finish his sentence, Gavin shouted,
"REVIZER! NOW'S YOUR CHANCE! SMASH HIM OUT!"
After he said that, Byxis immediately went out of the stadium and back to Horatio's hand.
The crowd cheered.
"YEAH! He won!" I shouted.
"Ryan....I hope I'll battle you again. Next time, you'll stand no chance."
"NOOOO! BYXIS ! HOW COULD YOU HAVE LOST!!"
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - Fantomu - Jul. 10, 2012
Any feedback, guys (and gals)?
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - Fantomu - Jul. 14, 2012
Chapter 6 : The battle of magic and birds
"What a battle!" Blader DJ said. Then he continued, 'Now, we will continue this tournament with another battle!"
The crowd shouted, 'YAY!!'
'We will have Blake and Jeremy come to the stadium!'
'Raven...You have got to win this battle.' Blake said to himself.
'My Pixie will definitely win this battle!' Jeremy said confidently.
'We'll see...'
Then everybody shouted '3...2...1..GO SHOOT!!"
Right when the Beys touched the stadium, Blake shouted, 'Raven! Flying Wing Smash!'
'Pixie! Elemental Shield!'
Pixie's shield completely blocked Raven's attack.
'Dang it. Raven smash him!'
'Pixie! Evade his attack!'
Pixie immediately moved away from Raven.
'That was my plan all the while, heh.'
'W-What?'
'Raven! Special move! Metal Wing Smash!!!'
'Noo! Pixie!'
Suddenly, there was a thick layer of dust. When the dust cleared, Pixie returned to Jeremy's hand.
'Yeah! Blake won!' I shouted happily.
'Yay!' Blake shouted.
'No...Pixie...how did you lose the battle...' Jeremy said quietly.
Blake walked to Jeremy's side and said, 'That was a fun battle, eh?'
'I guess so...but I lost...'
'Everybody will lose , don't take it too seriously.'
'Well, I guess you're right, let's watch the upcoming battle!'
'That's the spirit!'
I had no idea what I was thinking when I named the chapter.
RE: Beyblade Story - [Insert Name Here] - Fantomu - Jul. 17, 2012
Again, any feedback everyone?
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