Cracks in the Walls-SoG Sequel Preview - Sparta - Apr. 25, 2012
Hey guys!
I've been working on this for a while, so I figured I'd post a little bit of what I've done so far as a teaser for the book. It's only the first few chapters, so sorry about that. Comments and critiques always welcome, and very much appreciated. Thanks!
Cracks in the Walls
March 15, 2101
Step 1
He coughed, and a bloody dribble ran down his chin. It stung, and his parched throat begged for water. He didn't have any.
Step 2
His fists clenched, holding tightly to the rocks. He was dangling from a precipice, barely having enough strength to hold on. He had been in this canyon for how many days now? 10? He licked his lips, trying to drink his own perspiration. He needed to get out of here. And fast. Or else...
Step 3
After Frank had fought him and thrown him down into the canyon, he had immediately started to climb the side and try to get back up and out. He needed to get out and find Kane. That was all he cared about anymore; the bane of his existence. Kane.
He hauled himself up over the wall and landed with an "Oomf" on the ground. There. He was out. He smiled, flexing his fingers. Time to get to work.
Mark Anderson was back. And he wanted revenge.
March 15, 2101
Listen, I could use the ciché beginning on how "I don't have enough time" and "You need to listen up," But that would be a lie. In fact, there is more time in the world than you could possibly imagine. Time has taken on a whole new meaning; it controls human emotions and actions. That's why I'm trying to fight Plague. I need to stop him from turning the human race into machines. This wa-
Confused? Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start from step one.
My name is Kane Cromizoi. I am the son of DeMarkus Youring, but I kept my mothers maiden name-Cromizoi. She left my father the day I was born. I don't know much about her, other than...well, the fact she gave birth to me. My father...I believe to be dead. He was killed by a man named Frank, who works for Plague Enterprises. He wa-
Right, Plague Enterprises. Is this too much to explain at once? Sorry, sorry. OK, so Plague Enterprises is a company that took over the world. I myself am still fuzzy on the details, but it brainwashed the entire human race into running and functioning on a timer. When every human is born a machine implants a timer into their brain, making them function on it. It controls their movements; makes them preform on the dot of time. I was a part of the system for a day, and I can tell you it was the worst day of my life (Although I wasn't aware of it). It felt like I had lost all control of my body; I had no free will or options. Which was the exact truth.
There was a pang in my heart. Brendon. I was still drying the tears in my eyes. It had been 3 days since her body went limp, and I still couldn't believe that it had happened. The explosion that had destroyed an entire interconnected network of buildings-an entire city-had also taken her life.Â
Gone.
I tried my best to treat her wounds. Believe me, I didn't want this to happen. There were just too many. A broken leg, 3 cracked ribs, a mild concussion, and a big hot wet hole in the center of her chest. Right on top of her heart. I managed to find a cast for her leg, and her concussion wasn't too bad. But I had no medical experience, and I couldn't close the wound in her chest. So I sat there, leaning on her unmoving chest, crying my eyes out. She was gone, and I couldn't save her. Now I had nothing left. Nothing but my own memories to play around with and find the place in the puzzle that they fit. Yes, they were fully returned. But something had been messed up, and they weren't in order. I had to think of them all; where each one fit. Did this happen before that? Or was this after that happened to me? It was frustrating, and I often would just end up punching another dent in the spaceship.Â
But that wasn't what concerned me.Â
What did concern me, however, was what I was doing.
I had nothing left, so why keep on living? I might as well go down fighting.
I was going to fight Plague, once and for all. enough was enough. I was going to take him head on. I was probably going to die, but at least I had one thing going for me: My electronics were perfect. His were glitchy.
Oh, yeah. Oops. Did I forget to mention I'm half-robot?
March 15, 2101
Plague sat at his desk, twirling a pen in one hand and massaging his coffee cup in another. He was looking down at a piece of paper with 4 letters written on it.
DYMA
What did it mean? Why was it in all capital letters? Was it a code for something? Frank had delivered the piece of paper to him that morning, saying he had found it wrapped in an envelople in Marks jacket. It was addressed to Kane.Â
Why had he wanted to send it? It must've been important.
Plague frowned, shifting in his seat. Of all things in the world, he hated puzzles. It meant he didn't know everything yet, and that frustrated him. This puzzle was a silent reminder of that. Still, he had noticed something.
DY: DeMarkus Youring.Â
MA: Mark Anderson.
These 2 names could be possible answers. MA were marks initials. But the DY...DeMarkus Youring. Kanes father, Could this mean that...
Plague was on to something. And when he found the answer, he knew it would lead to something he needed: DeMarkus's technology.
And that would give him something he needed even more. Something that he had been chasing since he was a child.
Perfection.
Absolute perfection.
March 16, 2101
It was cold.
So cold.
So very, very cold.
The snow stung his face, and his fingers went numb. He rubbed his nose, and sniffled. He had no idea where he was, but it had to be somewhere near the top of the Earth. Or the bottom. All he knew was he had to survive. It didn't matter how; he didn't care who or what he had to kill in order to accomplish that task. he just had to survive.Â
He dug into his jacket pocket and pulled out the little vial of warm red fluid. On it was a label that read "K.C: Real Memories"
He didn't know he had came across the little bottle, but it told him one thing: He needed to protect it. Apparently it contained KC's memories-whoever that was. Why the packager (If this was a commercially sold product?...) had included the word "Real" was beyond him.
In his other pocket was another vial. It was filled with dark purple fluid, and it read "Revival Medicine" he didn't dare take it out for fear of losing it. If he was about to die, he could drink this and and live. How the technology worked for that he didn't know...well, he did. The fluid acted as steroid-injected white blood cells, traveling quickly through the bloodstream and easily able to clog any wounds, fix any problems, and restore overall health. There couldn't be more than 1 of these bottles in the world. That's why it was so important.
Â
Ahead, he saw a dark object embedded into a snow covered hillside. A cave! His spirit lifted, and and his pace picked up. It was getting near night, and the sky was quickly darkening. He began to sprint for the cave, knowing it was his only chance of survival. And that was what he had to do. Survive.
What he failed to realize, however, was that was what all other creatures in the world focused on as well.
When he arrived at the cave, he pulled the pocketknife out of his jacket pocket (The last of his hidden jacket "treasures") and unslung the deer meat from his back. He began to cut it rapidly, as hungry as he was. He hacked off a large piece and stuffed his face with the uncooked meat. Immediately his face lit up, and he felt instantly better. Food was good.Â
He put the meat back on the string he had cut from his jacket and put it back over his back. Now, for shelter. He went inside of the cave and began to shed his jacket when he heared a growling noise from deep within. He stopped dead, not daring to move.
Out immersed a polar bear, its red eyes overdriven with anger. It sniffed around, trying to smell out where he was hiding. The polar bear got close, and he realized he had to do something.Â
The meat.
No! Not the meat! That was the only way he would survive. Without it...
"You can eat the polar bear meat instead," a voice inside his head whispered cunningly. "Trust your instincts. Throw the meat. Go on, let the hunter inside of you take over" He shook his head, unable to move. What was this voice anyways? And where was it coming from? "Don't worry about that," It hissed, "Just do it. NOW!" Unthinkingly, he threw the meat. it sailed through the air, pulling the polar bears head with it. It turned, and the meat landed right next to it. Immediately the beast leaped for the meat and began to chew it. This was his chance! He jumped up in the air, whipping out his pocketknife and screaming wildly. The bear turned to defend itself, but it did so too late. The knife drove deep into the bears flesh, and it growled in pain. He landed on the bears back and forced it onto the ground. The knife twisted in the polar bears neck, and the beast went limp. Finally, a stroke of luck, This was enough meat to last him a month. He smiled gayly, and a fire of rage burned dully in his eyes. He drove the knife further into its back for good measure, and pulled it out.Â
His name was Dylan Bastura. And he had been made for one purpose: Destroy Kane Chromizoi.
March 16, 2101
"5 Minutes until destination" The computer let me know. My fists clenched, and an emptyness made itself known in my heart. I had reached the conclusion that Plague had somehow set off the explosion, but I still didn't know why. Didn't they work for Plague?...
That was what I thought, but I remembered how they had Frank in handcuffs. If that was the case, then how could they be working with him?Â
It didn't matter. He had taken the life of the one person I had left. Now there was no one. I was alone. My heart ached for her back, and it made me that much more angry. I was going to kill every last one of them, every robot, human, and other was...
No, wait. I stopped, letting my fists go and rubbing my face. I had to have a plan. Otherwise, I was as good as dead myself-no chance to even get a shot at him. I needed an approach...what did I have on Plague besides my wiring? He was bigger, stronger, smarter...I had no other advantages. And if I didn't find one quick, I would arrive with no plan at all. God dammit! If there was a God up there, I needed him now.Â
"1 Minute until destination"
1 minute...well that went by fast...
That was it! Fast! Speed! I just needed to use my speed to beat him. If he couldn't catch me, he couldn't beat me. I just needed to use my youth and wear him out. Speed and stamina. Did I still retain my physical fitness from when I used to run track? 150 years of being completely frozen probably negated that, but it was my only hope. I had to try.
"You have arrived" The voice echoed. Great, time to put my half-brained plan into action.Â
***
Well, that wasn't so bad. I had made it farther than I thought I would! I wiped the sweat beads off of my brow and looked out the foggy window. I had managed to land the ship inside the docking bay, so that was a start. Now, all I had to do was actually start going through with my plan. Not that hard...
I pushed the eject button and popped out of the cockpit and on top of the ship. A ladder dropped from the side, so I climbed down it and locked the ship with a remote button. It honked twice, and all the lights shut off. So far so good. Next, I just had to ma-
"Intruder alert!" An overhead voice boomed, flashing red lights and shutting down all the doors. "Commencing emergency shutdown!"
carp! I saw one door was having a malfunction and was only closing halfway, so I started sprinting for it. The sirens were buzzing in my head like angry bees, and I wasn't sure how much more I could take. I was almost at the door when the mechanics were fixed. The door started sliding shut, and I decided I had no choice but a cliché slide through the bottom before it closed.
Except in the movies, the main character made it.Â
RE: Cracks in the Walls-SoG Sequel Preview - MaximumX - May. 28, 2012
Okay, just a few things:
In chapter 1, paragraph 3, "but I kept my mothers maiden name-Cromizoi." should be "but I kept my mothers maiden name - Cromizoi." The hyphen should have spaces before and after it. Otherwise, name and Cromizoi are connected.
In chapter 4, the first word in the second to last paragraph should be "Carp!" not "carp!" Just a minor error.
Overall, good start. But what happened to me helping you write the story?
RE: Cracks in the Walls-SoG Sequel Preview - Sparta - Jun. 15, 2012
(May. 28, 2012 4:01 PM)MaximumX Wrote: Okay, just a few things:
In chapter 1, paragraph 3, "but I kept my mothers maiden name-Cromizoi." should be "but I kept my mothers maiden name - Cromizoi." The hyphen should have spaces before and after it. Otherwise, name and Cromizoi are connected.
In chapter 4, the first word in the second to last paragraph should be "Carp!" not "carp!" Just a minor error.
Overall, good start. But what happened to me helping you write the story?
That was actually a swear, so the website must've just turned it into an uncapitalized "carp" But I'll fix the rest.
Text me and we'll work it out. Sorry about that.
|