World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
The Blader's spirit - Printable Version

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The Blader's spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 15, 2012

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Authors note: chapter 25 is why Michael hates Daniel
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RE: the bladers spirit - Sora Akatsuki16 - Feb. 15, 2012

Hmm pretty good, are you going to make more chapters?


RE: the bladers spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 15, 2012

(Feb. 15, 2012  12:18 PM)Sora Akatsuki16 Wrote: Hmm pretty good, are you going to make more chapters?

yeah


RE: the bladers spirit - Luck - Feb. 15, 2012

good so far, can't wait to read more XD


RE: the bladers spirit - XXaron - Feb. 16, 2012

This story.
It is terrible.
Terrible grammar, terrible plot...
And Y U NO USE PROPER PARAGRAPH FORAMT [/endrage]
and main character is typical marysue.
With no actual paragraph length.


RE: the bladers spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 17, 2012

(Feb. 16, 2012  9:58 PM)~X~ Wrote: This story.
It is terrible.
Terrible grammar, terrible plot...
And Y U NO USE PROPER PARAGRAPH FORAMT [/endrage]
and main character is typical marysue.
With no actual paragraph length.
do you know what i want to be when i am older an author, its people like you who make people feel rubbish.




RE: the bladers spirit - Uwik - Feb. 17, 2012

~X~ : I'd advise you to be more tactful on your criticism. Positive criticisms work better most of the time.


RE: the bladers spirit - rajatgovind123 - Feb. 17, 2012

Your stories are good.
Best of luck for the next.


RE: the bladers spirit - TenshouTsubasa - Feb. 17, 2012

(Feb. 17, 2012  8:49 AM)Uwik Wrote: ~X~ : I'd advise you to be more tactful on your criticism. Positive criticisms work better most of the time.
Well, but he is correct. This story is really, really bad.

The lines stick together.
No real main plot.
Too short.
Wrong grammar usage.
That's deadly for a story.




RE: the bladers spirit - Uwik - Feb. 17, 2012

I didn't say that he should not have criticized, nor that his critics wrong. I simply said, "be tactful"


RE: the bladers spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 17, 2012

(Feb. 17, 2012  12:09 PM)天翔翼 TenshouYoku Wrote:
(Feb. 17, 2012  8:49 AM)Uwik Wrote: ~X~ : I'd advise you to be more tactful on your criticism. Positive criticisms work better most of the time.
Well, but he is correct. This story is really, really bad.

The lines stick together.
No real main plot.
Too short.
Wrong grammar usage.
That's deadly for a story.

thanks T_T

you know what i am going to ignore you people who say this is bad, try and make a story yourself!,I thout people here would be more friendly


RE: the bladers spirit - XXaron - Feb. 17, 2012

Well, I have made a story here.
But in all seriousness, I'm trying to help you out.
No one wants another carpy story around here... So try to improve, and make sure you use the grammar (why am I still on this subject).
And I am sorry if I hurt your feelings... just try to make better plot, grammar, etc. And character development! Never forget that!


RE: the bladers spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 17, 2012

note:the hawks vs eagles battles they will be shorter chapters than before.


RE: the bladers spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 18, 2012

if you have any ideas for this tell me and i will use them


RE: the bladers spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 20, 2012

does anyone want to be in this story?


RE: the bladers spirit - NoodooSoup - Feb. 20, 2012

Okay, so, there are a couple of problems with your story.

The main problems are bolded, and general suggestions are in red. Everything else is much more detailed, so please, if you can, read all of it Smile

Formatting Problems:
Right off the bat, I noticed something off. Where are your capital letters? Not only that, but there are spelling mistakes galore. Writing your story in Microsoft Word and then copy-pasting it here would help loads, and it would (mostly) correct these problems. Another major problem: punctuation. Missing apostrophes, invisible commas, and nonexistent periods. The title of the story itself has an error (Blader's, with an apostrophe). Really, the only way to fix this is to get a better understanding of punctuation itself. It's really something you just have to know. Third problem; grammar. "You done pretty good" doesn't make sense at all (unless your character speaks with some sort of dialect of English, which I wouldn't recommend you do yet). The correct way would be, "You did well". Fixing this problem is a simple matter of paying more attention in grammar/English courses at school, because Word will rarely ever do the trick.

Story/Plot Problems:
The characters have no personality, or they're all just really bland people. Regardless, it's not good. Your main character's personality is key to the story. Will you make him a skilled, cocky, jerk? Or maybe the friendly jokester? Set one personality for each character, and stick to it. Things they say, their actions, their thoughts; these should all reflect on that one personality. To help with this, think about your friend. How do they act? Do they constantly try to make you laugh? Are they short-tempered? If so, think about how they would react to situations. Maybe your quiet, kindhearted friend would take a loss as nothing more than a loss. Maybe your athletic friend would boast at their victories. Reflect these things in your characters.

Please, consider these. And yes, I have written a story before, and have been since an early age. I bet with these you'll be improving at the speed of light! Tongue_out


RE: The Blader's spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 20, 2012

i hope i have corrected my mistakes,thank you for the feedback.


RE: The Blader's spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 21, 2012

BUMP!


RE: The Blader's spirit - JayRoss899 - Feb. 21, 2012

I wanna be in this story I wanna use Thunder Lacerta WA130ES
With the special move Thunder Scale Killer Shock.It shoots the foe flying and Lacerta fiercely rams into the foe sideways with all of its might,causing the foes bey to snap in half,never to be repaired.I never EVER lose.
I want to be a cool,and sexy person.(If it says carp I mean s e x y with no spaces)That is what I want my personality to be.


RE: The Blader's spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 22, 2012

(Feb. 21, 2012  10:22 PM)JayRoss899 Wrote: I wanna be in this story I wanna use Thunder Lacerta WA130ES
With the special move Thunder Scale Killer Shock.It shoots the foe flying and Lacerta fiercely rams into the foe sideways with all of its might,causing the foes bey to snap in half,never to be repaired.I never EVER lose.
I want to be a cool,and sexy person.(If it says carp I mean s e x y with no spaces)That is what I want my personality to be.

you cant ALWAYS win nobodys that good




RE: The Blader's spirit - JayRoss899 - Feb. 22, 2012

Ok can I win MOST of the time not ALL of the time?


RE: The Blader's spirit - XXaron - Feb. 22, 2012

I don't think you should accept that request.
Why?
It's a typical Mary-Sue.
If you do take it, take the name and bey, nothing else. Because then it's your character more then his and you can do whatever you want with him.


RE: The Blader's spirit - Luck - Feb. 22, 2012

@ JayRoss899, LOL you couldnt be one of the main characters, it's too far in, and too be the things you want to, you've got to be a main character, so basicly, WRITE YOUR OWN FRICKIN' STORY


RE: The Blader's spirit - PhantomPaladin - Feb. 22, 2012

Can I be in it?
Can I have Blitz Dragonis FGrin.
When you first meet my character can he say "The name's S, Blader-S"?
and can he act evil but he's kind in his heart.
(This is a requeast its your choice if you say yes or no)


RE: The Blader's spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 22, 2012

(Feb. 22, 2012  9:58 PM)Blader-S Wrote: Can I be in it?
Can I have Blitz Dragonis FGrin.
When you first meet my character can he say "The name's S, Blader-S"?
and can he act evil but he's kind in his heart.
(This is a requeast its your choice if you say yes or no)
okay are you from the usa? if so you could be in the usa team