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+--- Thread: BeyBlade:the Fury (/Thread-BeyBlade-the-Fury)
BeyBlade:the Fury - rydeatwonTM - Nov. 19, 2011
CLASH!!!BANG!!!BOOM!!!VULCAN PERSUES!!!SPECIAL MOVE,JADE FLARE!!!Flash...
two bladers:
1.Vulcan Persues users name:Michael
2.Beafowl Destroy users name:Adam
Their journey starts by Michael & Adam are walking home from school,and a Meteor crashes on their friend,Cole's house!It cracked open and 2 mysterious beys were in it:1 was a Vulcan Persues.2 was aBeafowl Destroy!Michael says:I'l take this Persues!Then Adam says:Imma take the Beafowl then!3,2,1,LET IT RIP!!!They battled!Wind and fire came from Persues.Fire and shadows came from Beafowl.In the end,it was a tie!They decided to hang out after school every single day!
Hope u liked it!
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - XXaron - Nov. 19, 2011
Erm...
What is this?
I would like to see a little more detail, maybe a little character development, maybe paragraphs, proper grammar...
There's alot that could be improved on. A lot.
~X~
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - rydeatwonTM - Nov. 19, 2011
if u want,il post a sequel!
here,i will post a sequel now!
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - XXaron - Nov. 19, 2011
Erm...
I'd try looking up a semi-ok story before preceding.
I had trouble understanding this. So tow kids got beyblades, battled once, tied, and lived happily ever after?
Little more detail, plot, and characters with some depth.
And remember: Try making each chapter a page or more in MS Word!
~X
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - rydeatwonTM - Nov. 19, 2011
hmm...
i guess i COULD,use some more ideas...idk
_^_
wats an MS word?hmm_^_
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - XXaron - Nov. 19, 2011
Best idea:
Look around, read other stories, but don't copy them.
I have a story, it's...different. Not really focused on the Beyblade battles, but more of the people's struggles.
Not to die.
But, yeah. Work on it.
And if you take character requests, only do it for well-written ones, that would meld into your story.
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - rydeatwonTM - Nov. 19, 2011
that,would be the BEST,idea man!
This is the sequel:
While Michael and Adam are at the park,a big bully appears!He tries to take Michael and Adam's beys!Michael challenges the bully to a battle!
Battling Beys:
Vulcan Persues D
vs. Galaxy Capricorn 780 LF3,2,1,LET IT RIP!!!GO,VULCAN PERSUES!!!Michael cries!GALAXY CAPRICORN!!!The bully cries!GALAXY CAPRICORN!!!GALAXY HORN!!!Persues went flying onto the playground's slide,and ran down.Persues' bit-beast appeared!A blue sword was ready to slash down on Capricorn!Michael cries
UPER SWORD SLASH ATTACK!!!The sword hits Capricorn fiercely,forcing it into a sleep out!Michael and Persues won!Adam was speechless!Persues flew back into Michael's hand.The bully ran home,crying as his bey was smoking!Adam and Michael got their beys to keep,and played man hunt for the next while...Hope you liked it!
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - rydeatwonTM - Nov. 24, 2011
i need character requests
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - Raigeko13 - Nov. 24, 2011
You need a better story.
This is bad.
Real bad.
Plus character requests are also bad.
Real bad.
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - rydeatwonTM - Nov. 24, 2011
Another Chapter!
I got the bolded thing figured out,so enjoy!!!
CHAPTER THREE
Michael and Adam were at a BeyBlade tournament the next day,and in the first round,it was a piece of cake!Only 12 bladers out of 24 passed!It was a BIG,tournament!
In the second round,there were stronger bladers.One was bye the name of Ross.He used a Gravity UnicornoD105WF.His friend's name was Jay.He used a Fang Ares.As the tournament went on,Michael,Adam,Ross,and Jay were in the semi-finals.
First,Adam battled Ross.
Battling BeyBlades:
Beafowl Destroy D:D VS. Gravity UnicornoD105WF
3!!!2!!!1!!!LET IT RIP!!!Beafowl and Unicorno Clash,as a sonic flash comes from Unicorno,and flames come from Beafowl!BEAFOWL!!!Adam cried.PECK WIND!!!Beafowl's beak grew sharp!It smashes at Unicorno!Unicorno is sent flying!Unicorno unleashes its special move!UNICORNO,SPECIAL MOVE!!!GRAVITY HORN FORCE!!!Beafowl is sent out of the stadium,smoking...
Hope you enjoyed it!!!
Wat the heck!
I put all of my thought into this!I'm not going to do character requests anymore!!!
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - Raigeko13 - Nov. 24, 2011
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-A-Story-NO-MORE-CHARACTER-REQUESTS-OR-ILL-BEAT-U-WITHMAXXIMUM-DRANZER-DRACIEL-TY
Use this as a reference on what NOT to do in a story.
You're just writing down gibberish and random stuff that you think is "cool" and none of it is tying together as a story.
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - Tris - Nov. 24, 2011
You should add a bit more detail about the character's life, and all. But otherwise, it's good
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - Raigeko13 - Nov. 24, 2011
(Nov. 24, 2011 12:53 AM)Tris Wrote: it's good
(Nov. 24, 2011 12:53 AM)Tris Wrote: it's good
Why do I even go onto this forum?
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - th!nk - Nov. 24, 2011
Please tell me this isn't a serious attempt at a story?
It would help if any of the beys were actually possible, seeing as these parts exist and don't go together at all, and a 780 track would not be launchable.
You have no pacing, beyblade names that were apparently pulled out of a hat of incompatible or impossible parts, poor grammar, no use of consistent tense...
It's like a serious version of this: http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-A-Story-NO-MORE-CHARACTER-REQUESTS-OR-ILL-BEAT-U-WITHMAXXIMUM-DRANZER-DRACIEL-TY
(Nov. 24, 2011 12:53 AM)Tris Wrote: You should add a bit more detail about the character's life, and all. But otherwise, it's good
It's terrible and you shouldn't encourage it. If you actually think it's good, then you shouldn't be in this part of the forums at all.
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - rydeatwonTM - Nov. 24, 2011
It's a STORY!It's supposed to be"Make Belief",and it isn't nice to offend anyone's thread!Don't be mean!I'm trying my best here!
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - Raigeko13 - Nov. 24, 2011
If it's "make belief" then make it good make belief.
Not carp.
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - th!nk - Nov. 24, 2011
There's a difference between "make believe" and "stupid".
I'm not being mean, I'm being honest.
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - rydeatwonTM - Nov. 24, 2011
A 780 track would be launchable,as my friend's cousin works for Hasbro and Takara Tomi,and created the first and only 780 track
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - th!nk - Nov. 24, 2011
(Nov. 24, 2011 1:06 AM)^_^ Wrote: A 780 track would be launchable,as my friend's cousin works for Hasbro and Takara Tomi,and created the first and only 780 track
And I am the Queen's mother. True story.
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - Raigeko13 - Nov. 24, 2011
[Image: tumblr_lmpfj6rjab1qclt3z.gif]
RE: BeyBlade:the Fury - Kai-V - Nov. 24, 2011
(Nov. 24, 2011 1:06 AM)^_^ Wrote: A 780 track would be launchable,as my friend's cousin works for Hasbro and Takara Tomi,and created the first and only 780 track
Nobody works for both Hasbro and TAKARA-TOMY, so they were most likely lying ...
I will just close this topic to make you avoid any more humiliation ...