Beyblade: The Ultimate War - KainYuuki - Nov. 12, 2011
This is a story i was thinking of when i was reading some books. I decided to post it here. Hope you guys like it!
PS, I am not taking Character requests, Unless I Need Ideas.
Chapter 1: Big News!
Kain Yuuki, A young Blader, was sitting watching the Battle Bladers Tournament On TV. Watching Intently, He was day dreaming about what it would be like if he was a great blader, like Ginga Hagane. Suddenly, his mom yelled for him,"Kain, Come in here! Quick!" Kain woke from his day dream and ran to the kitchen with all his energy. "What happened?!" he asked. His mom looked at him dumb struck,"Nothing happened, i just wanted to show you something in the newspaper".
He looked down, seeing on the front page in big bold letters, the words "Bey Tournament In Downtown Nasiego!". He looked at his mom and asked," Can I participate? Its rare this happens in this crumby city! C'mon! Please." His mom thought for a second, finally she said "Alright, But just remember that you can't win all the time." And with those words, he took off to register. "I hope he wins" his mom said.
"Me too" said a young voice. Kain's mother turned around and saw Lilly, Kain's 8-year old sister in the kitchen doorway. "I hope he wins, Brother Is really good. I know he will win." Then They both Ran For The TV to get ready to see the tournament. They changed the channel to the WBBA Official Network, and sat watching reruns until the tournament came on.
Kain, with his dark long hair being blown back, was racing to the Nasiego Beycenter. Looking at his partner, Basalt Bull DF145WD, he remembered great times they had. Now, it was time to show the world what he’s got. He looked up again just in time to see him run into a light brown haired girl, around his age. They smacked into each other, and they both fell on the ground riming in pain.
When they both got up, he looked her in the eyes and said,†Sorry, i was on my way to the Center, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing.†The girl giggled and said,†It’s alright, I was just going home to grab my bey and tell my mom I got signed up.†Kain blushed. He has never talked to a girl this calmly. Normally, if he ran into a girl, they would yell at him and he would yell back. Then, he would normally get in a fight, or worse, a beybattle.
He looked her back in the eyes and introduced himself,†Where are my manners, My name is Kain. Kain Yuuki. Im the best Blader in this city.†He got up, then helped her up. “My name is Terra†She replied,†I guess I will see you later, in the tournament I mean. Don’t wanna keep you waiting.†She waved him goodbye and left. For a moment, his heart was pounding abnormally, then he came to his senses and remembered the tournament. He looked in her direction one more time, then ran off.
It took him a few minutes, but he finally got to the Center. Unfortunately for him, the sign-up line was HUGE! He facepalmed himself, walked to the back of the line and waited. He knew this would be awhile, and they found his one true pet peeve. Waiting. After five minutes he got so angry, he decided to have fun with everyone in line. He whispered to the boy in front of him,â€Hey, wanna Battle? You win, ill give you $50, If I win, i get to cut you in line. Deal?†The boy turned around and exclaimed,â€I am the best blader in my family, even neighborhood! There is no way I will lose to you!†He pulled out his bey and started the countdown. Kain joined him, and with a smooth countdown, they were off.
“Three! Two! One! GO SHOOT!†Kain and the kid launched in unison, and It was up to Kain to beat this kid, because if he lost, he would be out Fifty Dollars. He watched as his Basalt Bull was being attacked from many different angles. He decided it was time. It was time to end this. He yelled out,†Basalt Bull! Time Smash!†And with that, the battle was over. His Bull Slowed Time around it, spun behind his opponent, and flipped it by putting its fusion wheel under its opponents. Finally, Bull flung its opponent like a catapult.
“Aww Man! I lost! Fine, go ahead and cut me.†Kain grinned, then stepped in front of the boy, not even saying a word. He did the same with the next person, then the next, and so on. He was second in line, and was happy. When it was his turn, he signed up happily. When he stepped away from the counter, the register said he was the last person. He walked away with a big grin on his face. First the sign-up line, next the tournament, then maybe, the world. He laughed. Chapter 2: The Downtown Tournament Round 1!
Kain walked into the Beycenter, just to find out he was in the last battle. Kain stomped the ground in anger, then walked over to the waiting room, where he would practice his skills. He looked over to see the girl he bumped into yesterday. “Terra!†He shouted. She looked over to see him blading against a practice bey. She smiled, walked past him, and went on to battle in the tournament. He decided he would spy on her to see her style, just incase he had to battle her.
He pulled out his portable part reader, to find out Terra was using a Burn Horoglium AD145CS. The more he watched, the more he wanted to run out there and battle her himself. He finally pulled himself back into the waiting room, not allowing himself to act out. This was a rare opportunity, and he didn’t want to be disqualified before he even got to fight.
He was thinking about how he would use his special moves on different opponents. He whispered to himself,†Time Burst! Around, Under, Flip! Time Needle! Jump up, land on top, pull down! Time one two! Attack one side, then the other, fast enough to stop it!â€.
He repeated this multiple times, until a man came into the waiting room and called for him. Its his turn to shine. He looked once more at his bey, put on a big smile, and walked into the arena. His opponent’s name was Toshibo Wasanu. He was using a Ray Lacerta WA130SD. Easy Fight he thought. He pulled out his bey, and waited for the countdown.
“Three! Two! One! Go Shoot!†said everyone in the Stadium. On shoot, both bladers launched. They watched as both beys pounded each other, until Kain was tired of his opponent. He thought a moment, then said,†OK, he has a bottom defense, but no upper defense. Time to use Time Needle.†He held out his hand and yelled,â€Special Move! Time Needle!†Suddenly, His bey started glowing. Then, it jumped onto its opponent, and pulled it down onto its facebolt. It happened so fast, but in reality, it was pretty slow. “ And The Winner Is... Kain Yuuki!†Yelled MC. And with a quick victory lap, Basalt Bull came back to Kain. He caught it with one hand, put on a big smile, and walked back into the waiting room.
He saw Terra already sitting in the waiting room. She looked over with her big blue eyes and said,†How was the battle?†Kain put on a show off mood and said,†You call that a battle? Psh, Piece of cake.†She giggled at his comment and replied,â€Oh stop, No need to show off. I know Toshibo, and I can beat him easily. It’s actually surprising he even entered.â€
“Attention Bladers!†Called out MC,â€It’s time to see the results of the second round! We have eight battles of four this round. Here are the results!†MC pointed at the Television on the wall. Eight circles appeared on screen.â€These are the eight stadiums,†Announced MC. Four Cards Surrounded Each Circle. “And these are the bladers who will be in each match!†Suddenly, every card flipped in unison, and all the winners’ pictures were on the screen. Kain looked around, only to discover he was in the first round!â€Yes! Im in the first Round!†He looked at his three opponents.â€Alright I have Kenta Yumiya, Falchi Detsu, and Fallen Ractile. This will be fun.†Sighed Kain.
†My special moves are for one opponent, but it takes a lot of energy to use them. There is no way I can pull off three special moves in one match.†He thought for a moment, then an idea struck him.â€What if I were to make a fourth special move? A special move that hits everyone? Like Yu Tendo’s Flame Libra. I just have to think of how I can pull one off.†He looked around the waiting room, where he found a Bey Stadium he could practice in. He pulled up his launcher, attached his bey, the slowly counted down.
“Three. Two. One. Go...Shoot!†then he launched. He adjusted the dial that controlled the number of practice opponents. He set it to three, then set the difficulty to medium. Two beys popped out of the Bunker that can hold the practice beys. They circled around with the original Practice bey. They all circled Basalt Bull, and begin attacking it with powerful ferocity.
Kain had to think a bit. How would he execute his special move? What would he do when using it? He couldn’t think straight. The pressure was getting to him. Chapter 3: The Downtown Tournament Part 2:
Kain had to get his head in the game. If he couldn’t come up with a special move, he might lose the match. He had to think of a way to take them out all at once. Thats when it hit him! He doesn’t need to attack them, he just had to get them to hit each other! He tested his idea with the practice beys. He launched his bull, and the Stadium released three practice beys. Then Kain shouted out,†Alright! Bull! Slow Down Time And Jump Over The Opponents! Make Them Collide With each Other! Then Come Soaring down To finish it!â€
Just as he instructed, Basalt Bull launched into the air a mere millisecond before its opponents hit it. The Beys collided in the center of the stadium, and Basalt Bull was in mid-air, aiming for the right moment to come crashing into the middle of the beys. Then, it came down like a meteor! It crashed into the center, just as planned! The beys went flying in different directions, all ending in a sleep out!
“Alright! That was awesome! Lets do it again!†And with that, Kain and Bull continued their training until it was time for his match. “Kain Yuuki! Your up!†Called out A Staff Member. Kain Grabbed his bey, stood up, and ran to his stadium. He had this in the bag! When he arrived, his three opponents were waiting for him. “Alright! You ready to go down?!†Kain yelled out. “That’s the Spirit!†Replied Kenta. “Whatever! You’re Going down hard!†Said Falchi. “Lets just have a good match!†Yelled Fallen. Kain Put on his Part Reader. The Lens Went right over his eye, and he read everything to do with his opponents. “Inferno Sagitario C145S, Thermal Unicorno SW145HF, and Ray Horoglium WA130B. This will be fun! A stamina type, an attack type, AND a defense type!†Kain waited a moment. He knew he was in for a great match. His only worry was Kenta with his Stamina type Sagitario.
“Alright Bladers! You Ready?!†Yelled MC. Everyone Pulled up their launchers. Kain noticed He was the only person with a Digital Power Launcher. Everyone else had a basic launcher. “To easy,†Kain whispered. MC put up his hand. “Three!†The crowd joined him.â€Two!†Even the bladers who were participating joined in.â€One!†And all at once the words came out. “Go! Shoot!†And they were off! All four beys beating on each other like a group of Piranha fighting for a duck carcass. The Stadium Filled with Clings And Clangs! None Of the beys were letting up, and neither were their owners! Finally kain decided to use one of many special moves. “ Basalt Bull! Time Burst on Unicorno!â€
Bull suddenly disappeared, went behind Unicorno, then flipped it toward Sagitario. This angered everyone, and Kain was hoping it did. “All according to plan!†He thought. “Time To execute the last step.†Suddenly, Basalt started attacking everyone, just as Kain wanted. Kenta, Fallen, and Falchi all told their beys to attack Bull at once. “Bad idea!†Kain thought. But he wasn’t talking about his decision, he was talking about his opponents’ idea. To attack All at once and attempt to sleep out Basalt Bull is what he wanted. Now he just needed for the right moment to come.
First, Falchi’s Horoglium Attacked, but Bull slowed it down, so the plan wouldn’t be ruined. Next, Kenta’s Sagitario unleashed its claws. “GO GO SAGITARIO! SAGITARIO INFERNO CLAWS!†Yelled Kenta. Kain wasn’t planning on this turn of events, so he went with it. He slowed sagitario just like Horoglium. Next, Fallen’s Unicorno came in, which also became slowed by Bull. “Now for the right moment to release them all†Thought Kain. The moment came, and he took the chance. “Bull! Release!†Just as he commanded, Bull freed its opponents from the time displacement field around it. All at once, Sagitario, Unicorno, and Horoglium attacked. “Alright! Special Move! Time Spire!†yelled Kain. Bull jumped into the air right when it was about to be attacked by the three incoming tops. Once the enemies collided, Bull rushed down and knocked all the beys into a sleep out. All but one that is. Inferno Sagitario was barely spinning. It was holding its claws out for balance, much like a ballerina. Kain decided to risk it, and yell out,†Bull Special Move! Time Needle!†Basalt Bull jumped on top of Sagitario, then pulled it down, using its remaining strength. That was it. Kain had won the second round. It was onto the third round. If he won there he would go to the finals. “The Winner is Kain Yuuki!†Announced The MC. Kain grinned, then walked off to the waiting room.
RE: Beyblade: The Ultimate War - XXaron - Nov. 12, 2011
Erm... well, I have a small amount of trouble reading this, only because there's no paragraphs. I will want to see more so I can tell more about the personality of the characters, and maybe make the chapers longer, about 1 page or more in MSword. Gives more to read. I will wait until the next chapter, though.
~X~
RE: Beyblade: The Ultimate War - KainYuuki - Nov. 12, 2011
Thanks for your feedback, i will try to improve it. i was actually draw some pics of Kain, Lilly, etc to show who is who. anyway, i will try to make the chapters longer, more detailed, and add paragraphs.
RE: Beyblade: The Ultimate War - XXaron - Nov. 13, 2011
Well, with the improved first chapter, addition of paragraphs, and more development, it is better. Some advice:
Make sure your character isn't a Mary-Sue. Don't make them get their way all the time, or have them surrounded by only friends with one or two enimies. But I can already say this story may turn out better then most of the carpy stories around here. Mine is not an example of that, it's better but not the best.
Keep writing, and remember to spell check if needed!
~X~
RE: Beyblade: The Ultimate War - KainYuuki - Nov. 13, 2011
(Nov. 13, 2011 1:11 AM)~X~ Wrote: Make sure your character isn't a Mary-Sue. Don't make them get their way all the time Don't Worry. I've planned plenty of places where he loses(Can't reveal it though, that would be cheating you out of reading O.^)
(Nov. 13, 2011 1:11 AM)~X~ Wrote: or have them surrounded by only friends with one or two Enemies. I won't. He will have just as many friends as enemies.
(Nov. 13, 2011 1:11 AM)~X~ Wrote: But I can already say this story may turn out better then most of the carpy stories around here. thats kinda mean! jk. Some stories do need improvement.
(Nov. 13, 2011 1:11 AM)~X~ Wrote: Mine is not an example of that, it's better but not the best. Are you implying it's better than mine? JK. I will read yours sometime and leave my feedback.
RE: Beyblade: The Ultimate War - XXaron - Nov. 13, 2011
Nah, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying mine isn't as bad as... well... here's an example of one:
so bob walked down the street, and he saw somewon he chalanged them to a batle and won with one hit and he became the best ever teh end.
Yours is definately not like that. But some stories do need improvement, and the main problem with stories here is grammar and spelling mainly. And 2-D characters.
I do know how to write stories, because I wrote a sotry before, it sucked, got advice, tried another story, it sucked because it had little detail, but then I developed my skills and published Everything Spins Into Chaos, which for me is my best story yet, because it's the longest XD. and I have toruble spelling enemies, because I'm in 8th grade. I rely on spellcheck a lot. But yeah, this sotry is definately better then others. I'll make sure to see what happens next!
And in my story, so far my main character in-story has won 0 battles... but he was champion for 3 months before the story began.
Keep writing!
~X~
RE: Beyblade: The Ultimate War - KainYuuki - Nov. 13, 2011
Hey im in 8th grade too , anyway, I am working on chapter 2, would have finished it last night if I wasn't sick like I am right now. Im about 48% through chapter 2, so heads up on the tournament itself!
Chapter 2 is up!
RE: Beyblade: The Ultimate War - KainYuuki - Nov. 13, 2011
Chapter 3 is up!
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