World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
Beyblade: The Ultimate War - Printable Version

+- World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. (https://worldbeyblade.org)
+-- Forum: Off-Topic Forums (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Off-Topic-Forums)
+--- Forum: Your Creations (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Your-Creations)
+--- Thread: Beyblade: The Ultimate War (/Thread-Beyblade-The-Ultimate-War)



Beyblade: The Ultimate War - KainYuuki - Nov. 12, 2011

This is a story i was thinking of when i was reading some books. I decided to post it here. Hope you guys like it!
PS, I am not taking Character requests, Unless I Need Ideas.

Chapter 1: Big News!
Chapter 2: The Downtown Tournament Round 1!
Chapter 3: The Downtown Tournament Part 2:



RE: Beyblade: The Ultimate War - XXaron - Nov. 12, 2011

Erm... well, I have a small amount of trouble reading this, only because there's no paragraphs. I will want to see more so I can tell more about the personality of the characters, and maybe make the chapers longer, about 1 page or more in MSword. Gives more to read. I will wait until the next chapter, though.
~X~


RE: Beyblade: The Ultimate War - KainYuuki - Nov. 12, 2011

Thanks for your feedback, i will try to improve it. i was actually draw some pics of Kain, Lilly, etc to show who is who. anyway, i will try to make the chapters longer, more detailed, and add paragraphs.


RE: Beyblade: The Ultimate War - XXaron - Nov. 13, 2011

Well, with the improved first chapter, addition of paragraphs, and more development, it is better. Some advice:
Make sure your character isn't a Mary-Sue. Don't make them get their way all the time, or have them surrounded by only friends with one or two enimies. But I can already say this story may turn out better then most of the carpy stories around here. Mine is not an example of that, it's better but not the best.
Keep writing, and remember to spell check if needed!
~X~


RE: Beyblade: The Ultimate War - KainYuuki - Nov. 13, 2011

(Nov. 13, 2011  1:11 AM)~X~ Wrote: Make sure your character isn't a Mary-Sue. Don't make them get their way all the time
Don't Worry. I've planned plenty of places where he loses(Can't reveal it though, that would be cheating you out of reading O.^)
(Nov. 13, 2011  1:11 AM)~X~ Wrote: or have them surrounded by only friends with one or two Enemies.
I won't. He will have just as many friends as enemies.
(Nov. 13, 2011  1:11 AM)~X~ Wrote: But I can already say this story may turn out better then most of the carpy stories around here.
thats kinda mean! jk. Some stories do need improvement.
(Nov. 13, 2011  1:11 AM)~X~ Wrote: Mine is not an example of that, it's better but not the best.
Are you implying it's better than mine? JK. I will read yours sometime and leave my feedback.


RE: Beyblade: The Ultimate War - XXaron - Nov. 13, 2011

Nah, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying mine isn't as bad as... well... here's an example of one:
so bob walked down the street, and he saw somewon he chalanged them to a batle and won with one hit and he became the best ever teh end.
Yours is definately not like that. But some stories do need improvement, and the main problem with stories here is grammar and spelling mainly. And 2-D characters.
I do know how to write stories, because I wrote a sotry before, it sucked, got advice, tried another story, it sucked because it had little detail, but then I developed my skills and published Everything Spins Into Chaos, which for me is my best story yet, because it's the longest XD. and I have toruble spelling enemies, because I'm in 8th grade. I rely on spellcheck a lot. But yeah, this sotry is definately better then others. I'll make sure to see what happens next!
And in my story, so far my main character in-story has won 0 battles... but he was champion for 3 months before the story began.
Keep writing!
~X~


RE: Beyblade: The Ultimate War - KainYuuki - Nov. 13, 2011

Hey im in 8th grade too Grin , anyway, I am working on chapter 2, would have finished it last night if I wasn't sick like I am right now. Im about 48% through chapter 2, so heads up on the tournament itself!
Chapter 2 is up!


RE: Beyblade: The Ultimate War - KainYuuki - Nov. 13, 2011

Chapter 3 is up!