+- World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. (https://worldbeyblade.org)
+-- Forum: Off-Topic Forums (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Off-Topic-Forums)
+--- Forum: Your Creations (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Your-Creations)
+--- Thread: Beyblade Story: The Ultimate Challenge (/Thread-Beyblade-Story-The-Ultimate-Challenge)
Beyblade Story: The Ultimate Challenge - CocoaPuffs - Aug. 21, 2011
Chapter one:
Spoiler (Click to View)
RE: Beyblade Story: The Ultimate Challenge - Dream Sprites - Aug. 21, 2011
Good story want to read it again but when are the other one gonna come out plz tell me when so i can read them all
RE: Beyblade Story: The Ultimate Challenge - CocoaPuffs - Aug. 21, 2011
Chapter 2:
Spoiler (Click to View)
RE: Beyblade Story: The Ultimate Challenge - Dream Sprites - Aug. 21, 2011
It needs more entertainment and you need to have more lines then that not trying to judgmental or anything but it needs a lot of work
RE: Beyblade Story: The Ultimate Challenge - CyberBlader27 - Aug. 21, 2011
Chapter are a bit too on the short side, you dob't really seem to take time to be detailed, it's a block of text (When ever someone new speaks, start on a new line), the first 'chapter' is pretty much a character description, the plot is typical and it's easy to see what's coming, and then there was 'Cyo screamed "LIBRA!!!!!!!!!" yelled Cyo'. Sorry if that was harsh, but I don't like it when someone calls a paragraph a chapter and puts little thought into it. Try to hold off on 'chapters', take and write around 5 and then release that as a chapter. Hope I helped. Also, look at 'The Writer's Handbook' for anything I missed.
RE: Beyblade Story: The Ultimate Challenge - Sparta - Aug. 21, 2011
....
I'd really like to not write a review. Please just visit the writers handbook and read that through. Then read it again. And when you think you've read it enough, go through again. If you're still unsure of anything, PM me.
I need to say this: PLEASE put more than 3 sentence in a 'chapter'.
RE: Beyblade Story: The Ultimate Challenge - Temporal - Aug. 21, 2011
...It seems like the people already here have said much about this. Except I found a little bit more.
This character is BY FAR one of the biggest Mary-Sues you can have in Beyblade. Libra BD145? Really? Some sentences make NO sense whatsoever, as in "Grabbed Out" will get you laughed at. It's about as short as Rock Bull 85XF, the paragraph(s) is/are choppy, there are NO transitions, the plot is indiscernable, and it is overall plain old effortless. I'd advise you to put more effort into writing, and read the Writer's Handbook, ALONG WITH EVERY SINGLE POST. From mine on up to NooDoo Soup's. Rant done.
EDIT: Can nobody here capitalize "I"? It's not THAT hard.
RE: Beyblade Story: The Ultimate Challenge - CocoaPuffs - Aug. 21, 2011
i'm sorry my story is not good. i will not be making more chapters. I will write more stuff outside of wbo and at some point i will write another story and post it here.
RE: Beyblade Story: The Ultimate Challenge - NoodooSoup - Aug. 21, 2011
Jeez louise, it annoys me to no end when people end their stories because of a little criticism. How about, let's see, improving it? But you know what, do what you want, stop your story or whatever. Just don't expect to get any better.
RE: Beyblade Story: The Ultimate Challenge - Temporal - Aug. 21, 2011
(Aug. 21, 2011 6:19 PM)NoodooSoup Wrote: Jeez louise, it annoys me to no end when people end their stories because of a little criticism. How about, let's see, improving it? But you know what, do what you want, stop your story or whatever. Just don't expect to get any better.
This. I always thought that many writers here only wrote to feed their ego, and this is exact proof. Do you know how much I've been criticized? I once wanted a story published in installments on my school's newspaper, and I was turned down with a list of what was wrong. Do you know how to fix it? Fix it, obviously. Take the advice, don't just quit. If you wanna quit, then quit.
RE: Beyblade Story: The Ultimate Challenge - Sparta - Aug. 21, 2011
(Aug. 21, 2011 6:40 PM)Temporal Wrote:Ha! And people expect to see a great story handed to them on a silver platter. It's laughable, just plain laughable!(Aug. 21, 2011 6:19 PM)NoodooSoup Wrote: Jeez louise, it annoys me to no end when people end their stories because of a little criticism. How about, let's see, improving it? But you know what, do what you want, stop your story or whatever. Just don't expect to get any better.
This. I always thought that many writers here only wrote to feed their ego, and this is exact proof. Do you know how much I've been criticized? I once wanted a story published in installments on my school's newspaper, and I was turned down with a list of what was wrong. Do you know how to fix it? Fix it, obviously. Take the advice, don't just quit. If you wanna quit, then quit.
Alright, here's what I suggest: Keep writing! Take our advice, and day by day improve yourself. Do you think NooDoo, Temporal or I became great writers overnight?
For starters, why don't you PM one of us? If you want, I can give you some tips (In fact, Iakou has done just this).
RE: Beyblade Story: The Ultimate Challenge - NoodooSoup - Aug. 21, 2011
Me? Great writer? Hah, I just know how to criticize
And on the topic, the quality of writing nowadays really has gone down. It seems some people only write for the money or publicity. It's kinda upsetting.
RE: Beyblade Story: The Ultimate Challenge - Temporal - Aug. 21, 2011
Is it okay if I say *Cough*Twilight*Cough* here? Read Maximim Ride, and compare it to Twilight. Or even The Knife of Letting Go. Both are better than Twilight by a longshot.
RE: Beyblade Story: The Ultimate Challenge - CocoaPuffs - Aug. 21, 2011
I only stopped writing so i could get better. Plus I dont think Cyo should have such a good bey. I will write more stories soon. Could someone please give me a link to the writers handbook? I will pm one of you sometime. I just hope I become an author someday.
RE: Beyblade Story: The Ultimate Challenge - NoodooSoup - Aug. 21, 2011
The Writer's Handbook.
RE: Beyblade Story: The Ultimate Challenge - Dream Sprites - Aug. 21, 2011
Well if your done posting i will stopping looking on this page so darn
RE: Beyblade Story: The Ultimate Challenge - RowDog - Aug. 24, 2011
@ Temporal and Noodoo, however if the story has a bad beginning and as you guys have already proved there is little you like about the story you may aswell stop it because people aren't going to want to continue reading it.
EpicSmashAttack I think that it is a smart idea for you to stop so you can get better and make a new story which will get people's attention.
RE: Beyblade Story: The Ultimate Challenge - CocoaPuffs - Aug. 20, 2021
Chapter three:
Spoiler (Click to View)