Bus Stops - Sparta - Jul. 14, 2011
Hey all, I'm back to doing what I love most-writing! A few times I said I was done but it seems I keep relapsing. My mom is thinking about having an intervention, but really I'm not addicted to writing!
All joking aside, this is a story idea I've been saving up and developing for quite a while.
NOTICE: Just so I'm clear, although this has nothing to do with TMoHS, I got the idea for a book about a slider because that's the one being Kyon has yet to have seen. So no copy write.
DISCLAIMER: Don't worry, this isn't about bus stops...mostly...
The man looked at his watch, tapping his foot in impatience. Of all of the things that he hated in this dimension, it was their concept of time. It seemed that things were always running too late, too early, or not at all. It was what made this dimension so messy, so...disorganized. In his dimension, the flow of time was perfect. Everything arrived on the dot when it was supposed to, and everything was perfectly organized. Why couldn't they be like his people? If this dimension had at least a general sense of time, maybe he could live with it. The man sighed. The boss would surely ground him for making such an accusal, seeing as he was from this dimension-where Terra-Nova was called "Earth". What an utterly ridiculous name! It had no scientific meaning, no Latin route, and certainly no underlying definition. No, these homosapians simply picked a name they thought they liked. Ugh, what a disgrace! At least he didn't have to live in this dimension. All of this he was contemplating when the bus finally arrived.
"Great," he muttered, getting up from the bench. "Took you long enough." The driver opened the door, and almost immediately the man was bombarded with smoke. Ugh, even more gross! The man coughed vigorously and shoo-ed the dreaded substance away from him. Inside, the driver lit a new cigarette.
"Are you coming on?" She asked, annoyed, "Or are you just gonna stand there?" Right then and there the man would have transported her to the Uticrique dimension, but it was banned to do so by this planets ruling. With a forced smile, the man walked on the bus, and the doors closed.
Before I start this story, I have a question to ask you: have you ever had someone or something you can't get off your mind? As in, no matter how much you bang your head against the wall, blast music in the car over and over, or even try to sleep it off; they (or it) just won't go away? I mean, usually the person (or it-again) isn't really important to your life in any way shape or form. It's just some random person that gets superglued to your skull for a few days, weeks, or even months. Well, in my case, I was about to receive that person as a gift.
It was summer, and with the temperature rising well over 100 degrees, I was happy to sit in my cool air-conditioned house while the rest of my family went to the beach. It was pretty normal for me to just sit around and stay home while my family went somewhere. One time, I even stayed when they went on vacation. I guess I was just one of those nonchalant, sit-in-the-house-and-do-nothing-at-all kind of guys. Anyways, I was enjoying the peace and quiet of sitting in my cool room and playing with these spinning top toys when outside, I heard a sound like gunfire.
"What the he-" I ran downstairs and grabbed a gun, not daring to look out the window to see what was happening. More shots were fired, and I heard the sound of a girl yelping. Still, I crouched behind the door. Some more shots, then suddenly, all was quiet. My breathing slowed as time seemed to stand still. Then, without any shots fired, I heard a scream that haunts me to this day. It sounded from another world, a different dimension, chilling my spine to the core. Ok, that was it. Time to stand my ground and be a man! Taking a loud cliche gulp, I screamed a rebel yell and kicked my front door open.
Standing there, not two inches separating our noses, was a man. He was tall, so very tall, his chest rubbing against my face. His large brown trench coat was the only thing I noticed before I screamed as loud as I could and ran inside. I raced upstairs, hid in my room, and locked the door shut; praying my hearts loud beating wouldn't give away my location.
Sitting there, praying to god, I heard the front door squeak shut. Footsteps sounded coming up the stairs, and hitting the top one. I clenched the gun tighter, thinking of how I could escape-out the window...ok, so that was my only option. carp, it was two stories up! Even if I did jump I would-I heard him, right outside my door. I saw two massive feet through the crack and stifled a scream. This wasn't fair! I was too young to die! Let me at least reach 16, get my drivers license, move out of the house...anything! I could plead for mercy, beg to be spared, pray he would have pity-the handle began to jiggle. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! I didn't want to die! I slowly backed away, raising my gun. Ok, at least I might be able to fire before he does. If I can jus-the door slammed open, and, screaming a hair raising scream, I fired the gun. However, I wasn't expecting recoil, and I suffered for it. I was thrown across the room, still screaming, and hit the wall head first. In a daze, the last thing I saw was the man standing over me, blood pouring from his left ribcage. Somehow, it miraculously stopped and he pulled out the bullet. Was I dreaming? Right before I blacked out I noticed one thing-he didn't have a gun.
I felt something slide into my mouth, like sand. Was I at the beach? People should be more careful where they throw their sand. At least be considerate to those relaxing! I knew I shouldn't have picked this spot. People kept throwing sand into my mouth, and I tried to spit it out. It's not my fault I didn't go to the beach! My fami-wait, I didn't go to the beach. I was at home, and attacked by a trench coated figure. So where was I?
Lifting my hands, I rubbed my sore temples and blearily opened my eyes. Blinking, I tried to focus on my surroundings and get a feel for my location. I was lying down somewhere comfortable, on a bed. It was soft and plushy, and I rolled my head over on it's side. I captured a glimpse of long curtains before more sand was kicked into my throat. Coughing, I spluttered the minerals out and sat up straight.
"What the heck?" I exclaimed, rubbing my tongue to get rid of it. "Why would you put that in my mouth?" I lifted my gaze upwards, and saw a dreaded face: Trench coat man. In one hand was a bottle of some strangely labeled medicine, and in the other a spoon full of the red substance. His stone face stared me down the throat, and, before he knew what was happening, I slapped him. It was the best I could do at the time, because no other weapons were available. I mean, the spoon may have been good, but I wouldn't have been able to grab it before he suspected something. I could have used surprise, but...you get the point.
"You!" I yelled, scooting away from him. "Why am I here, why are you here, who are you, where am I, what time is it, and what the hell is this place?" He was quiet for a minute before responding in a gruff voice, "It's a long story." Another silence passed, and I stared at the man, his bald head reflecting off the ceiling. The light was bright, and I considered asking if he waxed often. Instead, I thought better of myself and let the thought pass. A minute passed, and still neither of us talked. Two minutes. Five. Almost ten, before he cleared his throat. "Why were you all alone?" He asked. "Why weren't you with your family at the beach?" How did he know all of these things? I narrowed my gaze at him, then sighed.
"I'm not supposed to talk to strangers." I said in a simple voice. "And my business is my own."
"An excellent reply." he commented, pouring some of the red powder on his spoon. "Here, swallow this. It will help your thread." I remembered back to when I fired the gun and hit my head. Pain, immense pain. It still throbbed, but I knocked the stuff away. I couldn't trust this guy, and I was ready to make a run for it.
"I can't trust you," I stated, staring right through his sunglasses (Which he really didn't need, seeing as it was indoors) and into his grey eyes. "How do I know that's not poison?" He laughed, a deep, rumbling laugh; and smiled.
"Well, why don't you find out?" Ok, that was it. This guy was probably some serial killer who kidnapped teenagers and tortured them for fun. Then he would feed them poison and finally kill them. No. Not me!
"Not on my watch!" I shouted. And in one fluid motion, I swiveled my legs around, slugged him in the nose, kicked off the sheets, located the door, and sprinted for it. My legs were really wobbly, and I was hyperventilating, but he made no effort to get up and follow me. Instead, he sat there and called to me.
"You will learn soon enough," He yelled. "That I am a friend, and I'm here to help you realize your full potential." I made it to the door, opened it, and ran outside into the night. As I took off towards where I believed home to be, I heard his voice in the distance. "We will meet again," he called. "For fate is not one to be denied."
I was completely out of breath when I reached a police office. It was a small, brick building next to a gas station with a store. Food. In agreement, my stomach rumbled in pain, and I felt weak. Man, I was hungry! Quickly, I checked my pocket for cash. $135, all wadded up neatly in a thin rubber band. Huh, that was funny. I had never saved that much in my life.
After consuming a bag of funyuns and a coke, I walked over to the police station, already feeling better. I quickly explained my situation, leaving out the part about the guy saying things to me as I left, and they let me call my mom. It was a few rings before she answered.
"Hello?" Her voice sounded shaky, and she was sniffling.
"Hey, mom. Are you Okay?" A scream for joy was followed by a burst of tears on the other end. It was a few minutes before my mom responded again.
"Oh my god, Daniel! Are you alright? Where are you? Don't ever leave me like that again! You had me worried sick!"
She continued on like this for a while before she let me talk. When she stopped, I told her the exact same story I told the policemen, and gave her my address. It was a few minutes before she picked me up.
A month went by. Then 2, then 3. School started up again, and freshman classes proved to be a lot more difficult than 8th grade. I started up track again, and got my learners permit. I managed to keep in touch with my friends, and did well in my classes. For a while, things seemed to be normal again.
You really didn't expect that to last long, now did you? R+C! (Rate and comment)
RE: Bus Stops-Book 1 - Imperial - Jul. 14, 2011
I think the story is really good with lots of details. Good Job!
RE: Bus Stops-Book 1 - Temporal - Jul. 14, 2011
Hah, banish the driver! Nice, Sparta. I hate running late too, so we can relate on that part. Anyways, nice spin on Earth's name.
RE: Bus Stops-Book 1 - Sparta - Jul. 15, 2011
(Jul. 14, 2011 6:35 PM)LibraEagle Wrote: I think the story is really good with lots of details. Good Job! Thanks. Any spelling mistakes, grammar?
(Jul. 14, 2011 8:53 PM)Megablader9 Wrote: Hah, banish the driver! Nice, Sparta. I hate running late too, so we can relate on that part. Anyways, nice spin on Earth's name.
Hah, he's not allowed to...
Thanks for the comment. Any suggestions?
RE: Bus Stops-Book 1 - Imperial - Jul. 15, 2011
(Jul. 15, 2011 3:02 AM)Sparta Wrote: (Jul. 14, 2011 6:35 PM)LibraEagle Wrote: I think the story is really good with lots of details. Good Job! Thanks. Any spelling mistakes, grammar? I Didn't find any. So like what is the plot of the story or will u reveal it later
RE: Bus Stops-Book 1 - Sparta - Jul. 15, 2011
(Jul. 15, 2011 3:14 AM)LibraEagle Wrote: (Jul. 15, 2011 3:02 AM)Sparta Wrote: (Jul. 14, 2011 6:35 PM)LibraEagle Wrote: I think the story is really good with lots of details. Good Job! Thanks. Any spelling mistakes, grammar? I Didn't find any. So like what is the plot of the story or will u reveal it later
It will be revealed pretty soon, so there's no point in me telling you. Besides, it'll keep you reading the story
RE: Bus Stops-Book 1 - Temporal - Jul. 15, 2011
Later reveal. Prologues NEVER give much away. Anyway, impeccable grammar, I'll scan it again to double-check.
RE: Bus Stops-Book 1 - Sparta - Jul. 15, 2011
(Jul. 15, 2011 3:30 AM)Megablader9 Wrote: Later reveal. Prologues NEVER give much away. Anyway, impeccable grammar, I'll scan it again to double-check.
Yeah, true. Keeps the reader interested. And cool, thanks.
RE: Bus Stops-Book 1 - Sparta - Jul. 15, 2011
Next chapter! Ole!
Before I start this story, I have a question to ask you: have you ever had someone or something you can't get off your mind? As in, no matter how much you bang your head against the wall, blast music in the car over and over, or even try to sleep it off; they (or it) just won't go away? I mean, usually the person (or it-again) isn't really important to your life in any way shape or form. It's just some random person that gets superglued to your skull for a few days, weeks, or even months. Well, in my case, I was about to receive that person as a gift.
It was summer, and with the temperature rising well over 100 degrees, I was happy to sit in my cool air-conditioned house while the rest of my family went to the beach. It was pretty normal for me to just sit around and stay home while my family went somewhere. One time, I even stayed when they went on vacation. I guess I was just one of those nonchalant, sit-in-the-house-and-do-nothing-at-all kind of guys. Anyways, I was enjoying the peace and quiet of sitting in my cool room and playing with these spinning top toys when outside, I heard a sound like gunfire.
"What the he-" I ran downstairs and grabbed a gun, not daring to look out the window to see what was happening. More shots were fired, and I heard the sound of a girl yelping. Still, I crouched behind the door. Some more shots, then suddenly, all was quiet. My breathing slowed as time seemed to stand still. Then, without any shots fired, I heard a scream that haunts me to this day. It sounded from another world, a different dimension, chilling my spine to the core. Ok, that was it. Time to stand my ground and be a man! Taking a loud cliche gulp, I screamed a rebel yell and kicked my front door open.
Standing there, not two inches separating our noses, was a man. He was tall, so very tall, his chest rubbing against my face. His large brown trench coat was the only thing I noticed before I screamed as loud as I could and ran inside. I raced upstairs, hid in my room, and locked the door shut; praying my hearts loud beating wouldn't give away my location.
Sitting there, praying to god, I heard the front door squeak shut. Footsteps sounded coming up the stairs, and hitting the top one. I clenched the gun tighter, thinking of how I could escape-out the window...ok, so that was my only option. carp, it was two stories up! Even if I did jump I would-I heard him, right outside my door. I saw two massive feet through the crack and stifled a scream. This wasn't fair! I was too young to die! Let me at least reach 16, get my drivers license, move out of the house...anything! I could plead for mercy, beg to be spared, pray he would have pity-the handle began to jiggle. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! I didn't want to die! I slowly backed away, raising my gun. Ok, at least I might be able to fire before he does. If I can jus-the door slammed open, and, screaming a hair raising scream, I fired the gun. However, I wasn't expecting recoil, and I suffered for it. I was thrown across the room, still screaming, and hit the wall head first. In a daze, the last thing I saw was the man standing over me, blood pouring from his left ribcage. Somehow, it miraculously stopped and he pulled out the bullet. Was I dreaming? Right before I blacked out I noticed one thing-he didn't have a gun.
RE: Bus Stops-Book 1 - Sparta - Jul. 16, 2011
Any comments or suggestions for this chapter?
Anywhoozles, I'm not going to be here for about 2 weeks, starting wednesday. I'll try to post the next chapter before I leave so it's not 3 weeks until chapter 2.
RE: Bus Stops-Book 1 - Temporal - Jul. 16, 2011
Hah, very nice. Still no issues as of now. I'd just prefer that either Ok was spelled Okay, or OK. That's just me, and the story is great regardless.
RE: Bus Stops-Book 1 - MaximumX - Jul. 17, 2011
Pretty good so far. Just don't ditch it halfway through (don't even try to say you've never done that).
RE: Bus Stops-Book 1 - Sparta - Jul. 17, 2011
(Jul. 17, 2011 10:46 PM)DrigerMV Wrote: Pretty good so far. Just don't ditch it halfway through (don't even try to say you've never done that).
??? I never dit-
You know, this might be a good point...
To prove you wrong, I'm writing the next chapter! I'll post it later on tonight when I, for the first time in my life, go back and edit+revise my chapter.
Amazing, right?!
RE: Bus Stops-Book 1 - TITAN - Jul. 17, 2011
Am I the only one who noticed the Beyblade reference? Anywho, I really like it! You've always had beasty spelling and grammar.
RE: Bus Stops-Book 1 - Sparta - Jul. 18, 2011
(Jul. 17, 2011 10:56 PM)Titan Blader Wrote: Am I the only one who noticed the Beyblade reference? Anywho, I really like it! You've always had beasty spelling and grammar.
Thanks, and yeah, so far. Anything besides the grammar you liked or disliked?
RE: Bus Stops-Book 1 - TITAN - Jul. 19, 2011
I'm not really sure what I like about this so much. It's just really good.
RE: Bus Stops-Book 1 - Sparta - Jul. 19, 2011
(Jul. 19, 2011 1:39 AM)Titan Blader Wrote: I'm not really sure what I like about this so much. It's just really good.
...Cool XD. Any misspellings, grammar, things you'd like me to change...?
RE: Bus Stops-Book 1 - Sparta - Jul. 20, 2011
Alright, I really owe you guys an update before I leave for the next 2 weeks. So here.
I felt something slide into my mouth, like sand. Was I at the beach? People should be more careful where they throw their sand. At least be considerate to those relaxing! I knew I shouldn't have picked this spot. People kept throwing sand into my mouth, and I tried to spit it out. It's not my fault I didn't go to the beach! My fami-wait, I didn't go to the beach. I was at home, and attacked by a trench coated figure. So where was I?
Lifting my hands, I rubbed my sore temples and blearily opened my eyes. Blinking, I tried to focus on my surroundings and get a feel for my location. I was lying down somewhere comfortable, on a bed. It was soft and plushy, and I rolled my head over on it's side. I captured a glimpse of long curtains before more sand was kicked into my throat. Coughing, I spluttered the minerals out and sat up straight.
"What the heck?" I exclaimed, rubbing my tongue to get rid of it. "Why would you put that in my mouth?" I lifted my gaze upwards, and saw a dreaded face: Trench coat man. In one hand was a bottle of some strangely labeled medicine, and in the other a spoon full of the red substance. His stone face stared me down the throat, and, before he knew what was happening, I slapped him. It was the best I could do at the time, because no other weapons were available. I mean, the spoon may have been good, but I wouldn't have been able to grab it before he suspected something. I could have used surprise, but...you get the point.
"You!" I yelled, scooting away from him. "Why am I here, why are you here, who are you, where am I, what time is it, and what the hell is this place?" He was quiet for a minute before responding in a gruff voice, "It's a long story." Another silence passed, and I stared at the man, his bald head reflecting off the ceiling. The light was bright, and I considered asking if he waxed often. Instead, I thought better of myself and let the thought pass. A minute passed, and still neither of us talked. Two minutes. Five. Almost ten, before he cleared his throat. "Why were you all alone?" He asked. "Why weren't you with your family at the beach?" How did he know all of these things? I narrowed my gaze at him, then sighed.
"I'm not supposed to talk to strangers." I said in a simple voice. "And my business is my own."
"An excellent reply." he commented, pouring some of the red powder on his spoon. "Here, swallow this. It will help your head." I remembered back to when I fired the gun and hit my head. Pain, immense pain. It still throbbed, but I knocked the stuff away. I couldn't trust this guy, and I was ready to make a run for it.
"I can't trust you," I stated, staring right through his sunglasses (Which he really didn't need, seeing as it was indoors) and into his grey eyes. "How do I know that's not poison?" He laughed, a deep, rumbling laugh; and smiled.
"Well, why don't you find out?" Ok, that was it. This guy was probably some serial killer who kidnapped teenagers and tortured them for fun. Then he would feed them poison and finally kill them. No. Not me!
"Not on my watch!" I shouted. And in one fluid motion, I swiveled my legs around, slugged him in the nose, kicked off the sheets, located the door, and sprinted for it. My legs were really wobbly, and I was hyperventilating, but he made no effort to get up and follow me. Instead, he sat there and called to me.
"You will learn soon enough," He yelled. "That I am a friend, and I'm here to help you realize your full potential." I made it to the door, opened it, and ran outside into the night. As I took off towards where I believed home to be, I heard his voice in the distance. "We will meet again," he called. "For fate is not one to be denied."
I was completely out of breath when I reached a police office. It was a small, brick building next to a gas station with a store. Food. In agreement, my stomach rumbled in pain, and I felt weak. Man, I was hungry! Quickly, I checked my pocket for cash. $135, all wadded up neatly in a thin rubber band. Huh, that was funny. I had never saved that much in my life.
After consuming a bag of funyuns and a coke, I walked over to the police station, already feeling better. I quickly explained my situation, leaving out the part about the guy saying things to me as I left, and they let me call my mom. It was a few rings before she answered.
"Hello?" Her voice sounded shaky, and she was sniffling.
"Hey, mom. Are you Okay?" A scream for joy was followed by a burst of tears on the other end. It was a few minutes before my mom responded again.
"Oh my god, Daniel! Are you alright? Where are you? Don't ever leave me like that again! You had me worried sick!"
She continued on like this for a while before she let me talk. When she stopped, I told her the exact same story I told the policemen, and gave her my address. It was a few minutes before she picked me up.
A month went by. Then 2, then 3. School started up again, and freshman classes proved to be a lot more difficult than 8th grade. I started up track again, and got my learners permit. I managed to keep in touch with my friends, and did well in my classes. For a while, things seemed to be normal again.
You really didn't expect that to last long, now did you?
Sorry, but I won't be updating for some time now. If you want to know why, check the going away/coming back forums.
...Reviews?
RE: Bus Stops-Book 1 - Sparta - Jul. 24, 2011
WIFi has saved me from tech withdrawal, so I'll start working on the next chapter. Expect it sometime within the week.
RE: Bus Stops - Temporal - Jul. 24, 2011
Win WiFi is win. Nice to know, Sparta.
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