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+--- Thread: Alesgailia,The Bey Kingdom(A bey story)accepting characters!!!!! (/Thread-Alesgailia-The-Bey-Kingdom-A-bey-story-accepting-characters)
Alesgailia,The Bey Kingdom(A bey story)accepting characters!!!!! - C-Dub - Apr. 21, 2011
This is the 3rd stry i've ever made This is based off the Inheritance series
Chapter 1:A Boy named Zeus
In a alternate world called Alesgailia there was a 11 year old boy named Zeus.Named after the greek god.He doesn't know his mother or father.He's a farm boy in the town of Komahall."Zeus!!Get over here and help me pick these crops!"Zeus's uncle Garran called.Zeus ran over as quick as he could.Zeus is a fast runner and a good hunter.He has sapphire blue eyes and is african american also wears a t-shirt that says "When I win it's skillz IF you win it's dumb luck" and it's black and he wears bage cargo shorts and black Zig-Flex's.He's not too scrawny either.He hauled the crops in their barn.This continued for about 5 hours until they finished.His brother Rowan was milking the cows.It was about winter time.They went inside and got food out.3 stale loaves of bread and cheese.This meant Zeus had to hunt.He got his bey ,Earth Bull 145 SD, and his camo suit.He went to one of Alesgailia's biggest forests ,The Spine,.Only God knows how long the Spine is.There's a rumor that near the top of the spine ther's a temple that holds an anceint bey.He headed out while his 55 year old uncle and 15 year old brother stay.He crawled across the floor of the Spine the edge of it a couple of yards away.He saw something at the corner of his eye.A herd of deer.He grinned widely.Staying low he got up and the deer were eating.Zeus got his bey and put it on the launcher."3...2..1.. Go Kill!!"He whispered.Earth Bull went through two of them."Yes"He whispered.When he strolled to the dead deer the rest fled.Bull was bloody and he went and wiped it.He took the dead deer to the house and they cooked and ate it without salt or antything.The next morning he remembered that he had to face a kid named Phantom for the finals of a neborhood tourney.In these tourney's they bet money.He got up put on his causual clothes and went to the next town where it was.The next town ,Therinsford has an endless supply of beystadiums to battle in.It was about 30 miles southwest of Komahall.50 mile from that was the Spine.When he got there Phantom was there waiting with his gang.The Haunters.The got ready to launch."Three"He said lifelessly."Two"I said getting ready.A crowd was gathering,"ONE...Go Kill!!"
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RE: Alesgailia,The Bey Kingdom(A bey story Total of 62 chapters)accepting characters!!!!! - Dude - Apr. 21, 2011
Just so you know, if your "chapters" are all composed of like 25 lines each, it's not very impressive. Chapters are normally much, MUCH longer than that.
Story's ok, though
RE: Alesgailia,The Bey Kingdom(A bey story Total of 62 chapters)accepting characters!!!!! - Ga' - Apr. 21, 2011
^That.
And the name of the world sounds incredibly familiar to Alagaesia from the Inheritance series.... Hmm... >_> Cause you know, they couldn't possibly be related in any way. Especially with the way the story goes too. A farm boy who lives with his uncle Garran (Garrow) and cousin Rowan (Roran), a big forest known as the Spine, killing deer like in Chapter 1 of Eragon, etc. At least try to be a bit more original, or just say that this story was influenced by Eragon.
RE: Alesgailia,The Bey Kingdom(A bey story Total of 62 chapters)accepting characters!!!!! - C-Dub - Apr. 22, 2011
(Apr. 21, 2011 1:21 AM)Dude Wrote: Just so you know, if your "chapters" are all composed of like 25 lines each, it's not very impressive. Chapters are normally much, MUCH longer than that.
Story's ok, though
No that was just chapter one and plus i was rushed.
Ga:Yeah it's based off of that*blush*i just really like Eragon and the Inheratence series.Heh,heh
RE: Alesgailia,The Bey Kingdom(A bey story Total of 62 chapters)accepting characters!!!!! - Ga' - Apr. 22, 2011
Oh, and I just noticed the town names too. I realize that you like it, so do I, very much so. But if you're going to base your story off of the series that heavily, at least say that it is based off of the series.
RE: Alesgailia,The Bey Kingdom(A bey story Total of 62 chapters)accepting characters!!!!! - C-Dub - Apr. 22, 2011
(Apr. 22, 2011 12:53 AM)GaHooleone Wrote: Oh, and I just noticed the town names too. I realize that you like it, so do I, very much so. But if you're going to base your story off of the series that heavily, at least say that it is based off of the series.
Done and done
RE: Alesgailia,The Bey Kingdom(A bey story Total of 62 chapters)accepting characters!!!!! - Ga' - Apr. 22, 2011
I guess your beyblade adaptation of the Inheritance cycle is pretty good, though. I wonder what Galbatorix uses. And wait, what would the dragons like Saphira, Thorn, and Shruikan be? L-Drago's?
RE: Alesgailia,The Bey Kingdom(A bey story Total of 62 chapters)accepting characters!!!!! - C-Dub - Apr. 22, 2011
(Apr. 22, 2011 1:27 AM)GaHooleone Wrote: I guess your beyblade adaptation of the Inheritance cycle is pretty good, though. I wonder what Galbatorix uses. And wait, what would the dragons like Saphira, Thorn, and Shruikan be? L-Drago's?
Spoiler
hantom is Galbatorix's son!!In this story!!I'm not sure if there's gonna be dragons though...
RE: Alesgailia,The Bey Kingdom(A bey story Total of 62 chapters)accepting characters!!!!! - Ga' - Apr. 22, 2011
(Apr. 22, 2011 3:29 AM)C-Dub Wrote:(Apr. 22, 2011 1:27 AM)GaHooleone Wrote: I guess your beyblade adaptation of the Inheritance cycle is pretty good, though. I wonder what Galbatorix uses. And wait, what would the dragons like Saphira, Thorn, and Shruikan be? L-Drago's?
Spoiler
ARE YOU JOKING? THE REASON WHY THE STORIES STARTED WERE BECAUSE OF THE DRAGONS! That was a joke right? Please tell me it was. One of the focal points of practically everything in the story is the dragons.
RE: Alesgailia,The Bey Kingdom(A bey story Total of 62 chapters)accepting characters!!!!! - C-Dub - Apr. 22, 2011
geez i'm just kidding(gee whiz Ga)
RE: Alesgailia,The Bey Kingdom(A bey story Total of 62 chapters)accepting characters!!!!! - C-Dub - May. 10, 2011
Sorry it's been soooo loooonnngg!!Chapter 2
hantomPhantom's bey clashed against mine."Holy fitzgackel!!You're freakin' strong!!" I said stumbling backwards.He seemed shocked that I thought that was strong."Weakling, you'll never... nevermind."He said ."Ok,ok,ok calm down Zeus.Just wait it ouspin him since Phantom's an attack and you're balance."I thought."Ha,ha,ha,ha!!You really think avoiding me is going to work?HA!"He said confidently. "O-o-oh my F***in GOD!!You can read minds!!"I shouted suprised.
"Yes Zeus I can." He thought to me.
"What the? Hey get out my head!!" I thought.
"You can do Telekanisis and alot of other things too.I can also see into the future."He said with a devilish smile.
"Son of a bleep-blop!!I will beat you!!"I thought to him ,"Go Bull!! Special move!!Quakeshake!!"I shouted.The stadium had a Quake(Mini Earthquake) without the shaking.There was a HUGE split that opened up straight to Hell.Bull wedged Phantom's bey into the crack. Phantom smiled.It seemed to help Phantom's bey, in fact Phantom's bey opended the crack 3 feet wider when it was all ready 2 feet!!"Rise DAD!!Rise from Hell's gate that the gods put you in! Rise King Galbatorix!!"Phantom shouted in an evil voice.All of a sudden a dark shadow rose from hell and told something to Pantom.Phantom looked evily at me. I peed myself.Phantom then said another thing,"Zeus and to more things,one ,"he snapped his fingers and Earth Bull caught on fire and melted "i can make fire and two...I can transform" .*BLANK*"uhhhhhhh."I moaned.I creaked open my eyes to see my friends Hiro and Brianna.Hiro was aboy his age and height ,but african american and a black fade with a purple t-shirt that says "Just walk away if you don't know me" and skinny jeans with K-Swiss's red w/ black stripes.He also has Green eyes.Then there's Brianna.She has brown eyes,caramel colored skin ,but african american also,she wears a pink t-shirt that says "Try to keep up",blue jeans,and grey/blue Jordans, and has long black hair."Brianna he's almost awake.Come on Zeus WAKE UP!!"He said.Then, all of a sudden I felt a sharp pain on my side."OOOOOOOUUUUUCCHHHHHHH!"I screeched.I sprang up holding my sides."Works everytime."Brianna said blowing on her fingers."Grrrrr.Hey Hiro where are we?"I asked."We're near the middle of the Spine!!"He said exitidly.My face grew a grin just like Hiro and Brianna."Let's go find that treasure"I said."Wait!!Everybody needs a Pinta bean."He said seriously.I was about to ask but decided not to.When we ate it we looked awesomely perfect!!."NOW let's go find that treasure!!"I said.We just walked for what seemed like hours to find the temple of the Greek Gods.I was about to give up when I noticed a Golden glare."The temple"I said in awe.We ran as fast as we could to the glare.We finally came upon it and when we looked at the door it creaked open and flashed blinding lights and tranquilizing bullets.*FAINT*.
End of chapter.Comment,rate ,subscribe.Peace out,don't do drugs and stay in school!!
RE: Alesgailia,The Bey Kingdom(A bey story)accepting characters!!!!! - Kujikato - May. 10, 2011
hey C-Dub, mind using Izuma? i posted him in your older story
RE: Alesgailia,The Bey Kingdom(A bey story)accepting characters!!!!! - C-Dub - May. 10, 2011
(May. 10, 2011 12:50 PM)Dracovianauis Wrote: hey C-Dub, mind using Izuma? i posted him in your older story
surelio
RE: Alesgailia,The Bey Kingdom(A bey story)accepting characters!!!!! - Melo_NY - May. 10, 2011
If you don't mind, could you use this character?
Name - Panther
Age - 15
Bey - Basalt Lynx TH120MWD(Metal Wide Defense) (TH20 changes from 120 to 160 to 210.)
Desc. - Panther is a witty boy, and he loves to insult his opponents. He uses the Defense Type bey, Basalt Lynx(Which can hopefully evolve later).
Special Move -Prowl- Lynx spins in one spot, growing faster and faster. Lynx suddenly moves forward, colliding with the opposing bey, knocking into the air. Lynx continues by getting itself into the air, and slamming it's tip into the opposing bey's face bolt. Lynx slams it into the ground, the face bolt loosened. With the opposing bey stuck, Lynx moves back, and slams into it, making it fall apart.