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+--- Thread: bleach screaming soals (/Thread-bleach-screaming-soals--27812)
bleach screaming soals - sasuke1234 - Mar. 04, 2011
Inner Ichigo VS Ichigo. "Where am I" said Ichigo. "Your in your inner world" said Zangetsu silently. "And im your worst nightmare"! said Inner Ichigo. "Ahhh, you look just like me" screamed Ichigo. Then Inner Ichigo threw his sword. "Why didnt i think of that" whispered Ichigo. Then Ichigo starts running up to Inner Ichigo. Then Ichigo jumped and shouted "Rezolve". Boooom. There was a huge explosion and inner ichigo was still standing there. "Time to end this" shouted Inner Ichigo. "Zangetsu"! Then when all the smoke cleared Ichigo had a huge hole in him. "Aahhhhhhhh" shouted Ichigo loudly.
Stay tune for more Bleach Screaming Souls!!!
(with help from my brother)
-Thanks Shuya
RE: bleach screaming soals - Vongola-Hibari - Mar. 04, 2011
Is every story different?
RE: bleach screaming soals - Kai-V - Mar. 04, 2011
For sure this is bad writing. Have we not already told you to improve that ?
RE: bleach screaming soals - Kadoya - Mar. 04, 2011
well he did now, do you need me to help more?
RE: bleach screaming soals - The Fire Wyrm - Mar. 04, 2011
Why does this thread have five stars....... oh wait, I fixed it.(again)
RE: bleach screaming soals - Dude - Mar. 04, 2011
Still sucks.
Okay, here are a few tips.
-Introduce the situation. Why are Ichigo and Hollow Ichigo fighting each, this time? You need to explain it, otherwise it just comes off as random and needless.
-Put more descriptions. Not everyone knows what Bleach is, so you need to explain who are the characters, what they look like, what's their backstory.
-Once you've put those descriptions in the story, make them...interesting to read. Not just "Ichigo has orange/yellow hair. He's kinda tall. He doesn't smile much." that's too boring.
-Add a plot. It's one thing to know why two characters are fighting, but you also need a basic premise. If we were to write down a summary of what you just wrote, it'll be basically "Ichigo and Hollow Ichigo fight" You need more, something that'll catch the attention.
-Don't put stupid things like "BOOOOOOM" in your story. That just makes you look retarded. Say something like "Ichigo was struck by his devilish hollow self's attack and was propelled away by an impressive explosion" instead of just random...non sense.
Your brother helped you with this? How old is he?!
RE: bleach screaming soals - The Fire Wyrm - Mar. 05, 2011
Five years old. He is Two.
RE: bleach screaming soals - sasuke1234 - Mar. 05, 2011
my avatar has inner ichigo on the left and ichigo on the right both holding a hollow mask