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Whatzzer's bey story - Whatzzer - Jan. 16, 2011
Midnight Vampire 80LMF
Tsukasa,left after he crushed his enemy.
"I told you I'll crush every traitor"Said Tsukasa
His enemy,Gray looked at his crushed bey Midnight Vampire 80LMF
Maybe I should not betray him,He said.
A few hours later,He went back to his town.He went to the Bey-Pitt to buy a new bey
The owner of the shop,Suzumiya surprised when he saw Gray holding his crushed Midnight Vampire.
"What happened to your bey?"She said
"Its none of your business,and I came here not to talk to you but I want to buy a new bey"Gray said.
Suddenly,Suzumiya grabbed Midnight Vampire from Gray's hands.
"What do you intend to do with that trash?"he said
"Just wait here"She said
After one hour,Suzumiya went back with a perfect looking Midnight Vampire
"What did you do to my bey?"Gray said
"It's called repairing pal"She said
"Anyway,heres your bey"
Gray's seems to show a reaction of happiness when he saw his Midnight Vampire
"Thank you!"he said
"Whats your name?Mine's Gray"
"Suzumiya"She replied
End of Chapter one Part one
Please suggest characters
Chapter one,Part two
Dark Shadow Organization
Caine tooked his bey after defeating his oppenent.His oppenent 's bey was a Heat Raven 100HF/S.
Then,Caine looked at his Beypointer.He only earned a few points.
"Nah,this is no fun,I'm battling with a weakling"he said.
"Anybody out there skillful enough to beat me?"he challenged
"I am"said Uryu,a blader from the Dark Shadows Organization.
Caine started to be scared when he saw the Dark Shadow sign on his clothes.
"O-o-o-k"he stammered
Then,the Blader DJ,shouted "3,2,1!Go Shoot!"
The match between Caine and Uryu started.
"Go!Knight!"Caine shouted and Caine's bey,Grand Knight 230WB Did his special attack to KO Uryu's Chaos Hydra 90R2F.
"Not to fast,kid"said Uryu and his bey easily dodged Caines Gravity Attack
"Hydra!Show that weakling your true power"he shouted
Uryu's bey went uncontrolable and Knocked-out Grand Knight
"I lost....."muttured Caine.
End of Chapter One,Part 2
Axetreme Cyborg Awakens!~
Chapter 1 Part 3
"C'mon Excalibur!"Said Wataru
Assault Excalibur AW85MF was ready to knock-out Uryu's Chaos Hydra
"Show him the true power of Hydra!Hydra Hell's Flare!!!"shouted Uryu Musamade
Hydra started to emit a faint dark glow.Then,it knocked Excalibur out
"Grahhh!!!!!!I lost again?"shouted Wataru
"You are not a worthy oppenent,BWAHHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA"
Wataru went madas he heard Wataru said that
"Well,I'll train until I'll crush your bey!"
After that,Wataru went to the Bey-Pitt to repair his bey
"Welcome"said Suzumiya
"Can you please repair my bey?"said Wataru
"Sure"
After a few hours,Suzumiya is back with Assault Excalibur
"Thats the least I can do,your bey is really wierd,I have never seen such parts before.According to my beyreader,all of the parts are top-tiers"she said
"Waddaya mean by that?I always lost with Excalibur"he said
"I can explain you that"came a mysterious voice out of the shop
"What?Tsukasa?"said Wataru angrily
"What are you doing here??"he said
"Hah,give me your bey"he said
"For what?This bey is created for me,not for you"he said
"That bey is from the Dark Shadows,and you answers should be in my Shadow Axetreme Cyborg 80RLF
"Shadow?Did you mean Shadow Axetreme?You want a fight?"he said angrily
"Exactly my friend,now,Face my power,traitor"
"What do you mean by that?You want Excalibur's power?"
"Yes,and I just took Midnight Vampire to be exact"
"Vampire?Did he just took Gray's Vampire powers?Vampire is currently the best balance type bey.I better be careful with him"he whispered to himself
"Are you ready?Coz you're gonna feel my new bey's power"
"I cant let Excalibur fight yet,What should I do?"he whispered
Then,he remembered the beyblade his grandfather gave him.Yes,Royale Excalibur 230RB
"Why,afraid Wataru?"
"No I'm not"and then held out a bey from his pocket
"This may be the first time using Royale Excalibur,but this is only my way to defeat Tsukasa"
"Hah,Royale Excalibur,this time Cyborg got a worthy oppenent"
"3,2,1,Go Shoot!!!"
"Hah,feel the power of Shadow Axetreme Cyborg!Dark Desolation!"
Shadow Axetreme Cyborg track's suddenly started to flare with a dark blue
"Whats that for?"
"To Zap your power"
(My hand is tired now,so as my mind,so I'll continue this tommorrow)
RE: Whatzzer's bey story - Temporal - Jan. 16, 2011
Kinda short...Plus, the main character is a jerk. You said "tolded", it is supposed to be "told" in the second sentence.
RE: Whatzzer's bey story - Whatzzer - Jan. 16, 2011
Sorry,but some new parts will come later..Care to give a character?
RE: Whatzzer's bey story - Temporal - Jan. 16, 2011
Nah. I'm still working on my story. Once that's done I'll give it a shot.
RE: Whatzzer's bey story - Whatzzer - Jan. 16, 2011
New parts posted
RE: Whatzzer's bey story - Whatzzer - Jan. 25, 2011
I am now currently busy,I will do the next part next week
RE: Whatzzer's bey story - Whatzzer - Jan. 28, 2011
New posts
RE: Whatzzer's bey story - Temporal - Jan. 28, 2011
Too many "he"s. It gets confusing. Just some constructive criticism. Every few times the person speaking changes, state the person talking's name.
RE: Whatzzer's bey story - Whatzzer - Jan. 29, 2011
Ok!
RE: Whatzzer's bey story - Nano - Jan. 29, 2011
This hurted ma brain.., To confusing.
AND HOW DARE YOU USE SUZUMIYA!!! HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED IT'S ALREADY TAKEN?!?!