+- World Beyblade Organization (https://worldbeyblade.org)
+-- Forum: Off-Topic Forums (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Off-Topic-Forums)
+--- Forum: Your Creations (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Your-Creations)
+--- Thread: Some old poetry. (/Thread-Some-old-poetry)
Some old poetry. - Bey Brad - Nov. 04, 2008
I haven't written anything in over a year, but I dug up some old poetry and figured I would post it here.
DAUGHTER IN THE SUN
The electric sound that slithered sporatically
Through the air, underneath the deep crimson sky
Grazed the rim of my ear, and muttered into me
"There is something unseen married to you still ..."
The prophetic salamander flaunted his wings
Whilst I shed mine against the decomposed oak trees
The paint on my eyes muddied by my imperfection
And the paint in the sky muddied by the sun
Bred women and bred men, all of whom breed such prayers
That wish for a God or a crown on their heads
Or just a fleeting moment when their heart is lightened
Of the thick and heavy burden of the guilt of a lie
Two bitter-sweet lips, unruly in their formation
Of sentences and proclamations that are meant to decieve
The soft-eyed representatives of desperation
That were carried to you in their utterly hollow dreams
In my blood, I do steep conceited constitution
That beckoned me during the arrogant adolescence
Full of false Marys and devoid of the substance
Which wise men would come bearing within silk
The sun corrodes from the magnificence of humanity
The ironic decadence of the success we'd sought
Is written in the ground and against the corneas
Of those that we'd hurt to get where we are
And in that ironic decadence, I am left without a thing
But my regret which I'd imagined the victory would erase
It instead fed the infection that was born from the act
Of putting pen to paper, or heart to action
Within that regret I do remember the daughter
Whom I'd once met, and I had found her beautiful
But she was in the sun which now floats in the sky
The eyesore and the funeral that the clouds attend
===
MONOMANIA
Morose fingertips dancing across the carpet
Courting those profanities you muttered at departure
Whilst I derogate myself, so conscious of my acts
Adorn me with stars, bedeck me with letters
Hold me a wake or kiss me awake
Or at least see off the ghost of me
That lingers here with thoughts so impenetrable
Whispering afterthoughts of your impenitence
And impeccable, so impeccable you are
Within your guilting and within your greed
That I cannot detect nor dissect such circumstance
Until such a belated moment, impactless in its brevity
Here am I, impactless in my breathlessness
Lungs turned as hard as your eyes by the cold
A glimmer of a glint within my derangement
Return me to the life that I faintly regret
===
EXCRESCENCE
A sort of abrasion that corrodes my skin, my soul
Vulgarity within kindness within wordless dialogue
Extemporaneous movements that flicker through light
And my lashes, too innocent for my face
My vision is blurred and I can no longer discern
The words that you spoke from the daggers that lie
On the floor, still coated in my contemplation
Affection to disaffection to such gilded hearts
To execrate me, bewitching in your fragile hips
The beauty of your darkness that makes my heart flutter
With both fear and desire that desecrate what is
Left of my sensibility, left of my compassion
Malignity that cultivates me into a demon of the past
The roseaceous rogue that you are, so bewildering in your
Semblance of purity and justification and unfailing love
That devours the reflection I am forced to remember
===
GOD SAVE THE KING
Dig your nails into my skin
PSYCHOTIC PUPIL DILATION
Rob me over my every sin
IMMORAL VENOM HEART MUTATION
Marry me with vows of black
LOVELESS UNION VICTIMIZATION
Kiss me, stab me in the back
SYMPATHETIC NERVOUS SYSTEM REACTION
Look at me with filthy eyes
GODLESS HEARTLESS LIMITATION
Dirty lips littered with lies
SCRAMBLED VULGAR IMITATION
Take me to empyrean
FATAL BLOOD COAGULATION
Take me from this tomb I'm in
STATIC LOST COMMUNICATION --
===
REMEMBER
Through the cold night air that tastes like water
Always something does call me, hauntingly
Floating over the sounds of cars and lights
Is a voice that reminds me of you
And maybe on a subway, an inescapable moment
Inside the skeleton of a howling steel constrictor
The haste of my revolutionary eyes trick the third
Into seeing you in a girl with a frame like yours
But I am most cursed as I sleep at night
Like a charm, unfailingly do I remember you
Through a black hole that forms in the back of my mind
Is a vision that reminds me of you
===
SINNER IN A LOCKET
The barrens ...
This place, cursed in the way that it is
Destined to keep beating after time flatlines
Oh jagged pain which turns my breath asthmatic
A pain that cuts through sleep and anesthetic
I am a drifter of the most miserable sort
Only a husk of the redemption that I'd sought
Were I still foolish enough to believe in Christ
I'd sleep on a Bible and each night, pray thrice
The testament to which I devote my faith
Is only the decietful photo I carry with me
Next to the devil inside of my pocket
I've become nothing but a sinner in a locket
The barrens of my heart, a wasteland, a treasure
The pulsing afterbirth of my pulsing mistakes
You, error of my life, toxic remembrance rose
Living through the afterlife that you chose
Toxic rose for which I still crave the scent
The petals on my lips and thorns in my hands
The stem withering against my skin
Disgusting, lovely, malevolent sin
My bare feet are scarred from being so adamant
In my walking, yet I don't understand why
I push on in this world of blood and stone
With a sky of nondescript monochrome
Oh, my unforgettable toxic rose
The still-fresh wounds from the barbs in my fingers
Masochistic memory garbed in lace of black
I want you back ... no, never take me back
Cut me open and tell me what you see
Next to my heart, does my soul beat as well?
Or has it haphazardly turned to stone as an idol
Remember when we discussed you being in bridal ...
And when I'd hold you as you slept ...
And when I'd dress up before you came home ...
And when I gave my life for you ...
And when ... and when ...
Remember-!
The way your pubic bone hit mine so unpleasantly
Or how your breasts felt dead against my hands
Or how you swallowed pills because you hate me so much
Or how I forgot the feeling of your touch
How you gave me all the toxins to close my arteries
How you never loved me the way I loved you and love you
Even now, I miss you for reasons I could never explain
I miss the lie, the charade, the hope and the pain
Disgusting, lovely, malevolent rose ...
I can never forget you, though I pray I could
Yet I still carry for you this illogical yearning
That forms the barrens' sun which never stops burning
===
AUTUMN MARROW
I still find your hairs trapped in the spines
Of those old tomes you loved to read
Even to Emma, bless your heart ...
She understood not even a fragment
But now, the pages are frayed and faded
From being awoken daily, and suddenly
Comatose.
Falling to ashes like the rough skin of autumn leaves
Leaving nothing but leaf skeletons.
Words and page bindings that build wireframe ribcages
To cradle stories and sepia memories of you
Your unshaking voice was my unshaking resolution
While you read to Emma, or sang me vicious lullabies
Or moaned softly as we made love
But once your soft serenity songs ceased
I knew my resolution had faltered.
I want to be strong,
But I am nothing without you.
I hate myself because I wasn't worth living for.
===
WE ALL SAY GOODBYE
I am the rain and the stars falling down from the sky
I am the hollow light dancing across meteorites
I am the contemptuous redemption implied within lies
And the air in bitter whispers when lovers say goodbye
Find me in twilight images blazing through the trees
Of forests that madmen would slaughter to seize
You may hear my ultimatums with God in the breeze
And watch my fingers dance in sync with lost leaves
My reflection can be seen within heartbroken eyes
And the tears of my daughter as she's sung a lullaby
It was so naive of us young fools to deny
That inevitably, we all must say goodbye
===
DISSONANCE
If you wish me near,
Open your rose petals to my light.
Through a ring of blood,
We may hold hands with both delicacy and fervor.
If you hold me to your bud,
We may drink of nectar and discover
Our lasting salvation.
However, if you wish that my light dissipate,
I, humble butterfly, shall take flight this eve
And leave no vengeful storm winds
And leave no passive silence
But only a trail of wing paintings in my absence.
And if by morning you desire my presence
Only to the tree beyond this windowsill
Must you extend your reach.
===
DECADENCE
I spent my early childhood
Buried under oak and emerald ceilings.
With sword in hand, I had planned
To slay the weathered whispers.
I often flushed my cheeks with adoration
Or exhausted, searching for salvation ...
Searching for the forest princess,
Ivy snaking between her breasts
Which blossomed only the faintest,
Most decadent,
Soft, invisible hairs.
The day I'd finally found her,
Naked and frail manifestation --
Manifesto --
Of my dream,
All I could do was stare
At the brass in her eyes.
RE: Some old poetry. - Bey Brad - Nov. 04, 2008
Some more I missed and wanted to add:
HUMAN EYE AND EAR
The tide steals everything.
Grey water and grey stone
Unspoken marriage with no bells
No bridal gown like I'd once worn
Only a fleeting kiss
Before the tide departs once more
His voice
And all words spoken from it
Are numbed by the soft whisper
Of the sea dancing, waltzing
Back and forth
Sea-sway, sea-sway ...
Yet with clarity do I recall
His silence
Breached.
The sun breaks through
A bright cornea peeking
Through sedated eyelids
Blistering the sky
For a moment, I could have sworn
The world had turned
Black and white.
===
THE DRAGON PARADE
Grey skies
Never cease on cursed islands
Not until the son cries out
Piercing shrieks that could cut through gods
And clouds
The best skies
Are the ones embroidered with clouds
But not the wispy ones, like water
That could blow away with the spores of dandelions
No, not those
Fake clouds
Large and strong, unmoving beasts
Never shaken by torrential winds and thoughts
So immaculate, they must be painted on a blue canvas
They must be
Watch them
For hours, and they shall never move
Monstrous clouds that are strong of foot and conviction
White dragons parading across the sky
To meet me
RE: Some old poetry. - AnchoredCross - Nov. 04, 2008
I'm really diggin' God Save The King and Sinner In A Locket.
RE: Some old poetry. - Bey Brad - Nov. 04, 2008
the death metal dudes always love god save the king
RE: Some old poetry. - AnchoredCross - Nov. 04, 2008
Haha, I'm sure. I'm not really into death metal myself, but I can see why they would like it. It's because of the very dismal, and expressive wording like "psychotic pupil dilation" and "fatal blood coagulation".
Personally, I prefer Sinner In A Locket a lot more because the wording generates a more apocalyptic feel. Words like barrens, toxic, wasteland, masochist, haphazard, and malevolent are very much related to 80's Thrash Metal lyrics, and that's exactly what I'm into
RE: Some old poetry. - Bey Brad - Nov. 08, 2008
Another one.
ROMEO
When you're caught in the cold and out on your own
A marked man stung with nowhere to go
And all you wish is for your blood to flow
Trapped in your thoughts as time seems to slow
Walk into a bar and ask for a drink
Get so smashed so you don't have to think
So you'll be unable to use your ink
Until you're collapsed next to the bathroom sink
And wonder when you became so vain
When to the Earth, you became a stain
With actions to shame a man like Cain
Perhaps you liked it more in the rain
So relax, I promise you won't feel a thing
Except for your heart where there might be a sting
It is hard to fly with a broken wing
Just as a mute man does his best to sing
So stay on the ship that Lucifer mans
And suck on the tips of your frost-bitten hands
You say life's unfair with all its demands
But did you ever consider your own commands?
RE: Some old poetry. - Pikachao - Nov. 08, 2008
I thought "THE DRAGON PARADE" was pretty awesome! =]
I'm not good at explaining stuff but the syllables seemed to fit well for the theme of the poem.
RE: Some old poetry. - AnnieDuck - Nov. 08, 2008
I love the stuff from your unfinished collection.
RE: Some old poetry. - Bey Brad - Dec. 07, 2008
samaster's poems have more commentary than mine
RE: Some old poetry. - Tototototototo - Dec. 07, 2008
(Dec. 07, 2008 7:09 AM)Bey Brad Wrote: samaster's poems have more commentary than minefine, you big baby
There's no denying your writing talent--you're skilled in many facets of it (vocabulary, wordplay, symbolism, imagery, et cetera). Your poems are extremely strong in a lot of areas, and it's also obvious that you're trying new things in them. What I saw wrong was that some poems (Daughter in the Sun, mostly) read more like poetic stories rather than being poems themselves. God Save the King reads more so like a DeG song than a poem. I actually felt that it might be stronger if you excised the capitalized lines. Sinner in a Locket has a few lines that seem like they were chosen solely because they would rhyme, but I can hear its music. Especially near the conclusion--the sequences of repetition are very powerful. My favorite poem was Decadence.
I think that sometimes, your meaning is lost within the lines as well. Occasionally, your word choice is to blame. Although strung together beautifully, it doesn't help if your reader is unable to discern what you want to say with your words.
The best way to treat poetry is to not consider a poem "finished" after writing it. Critiquing and several revisions will help more than writing it all in one sitting. Aside from that, it's easy to find what you dislike after leaving a poem and coming back to it.
I've got little to do this week except occasionally study--how would you like me to print each poem out, write down comments on them, and mail it to you? I think feedback is necessary for one to complete a poem; I may not be an expert, but maybe I can help.
RE: Some old poetry. - Bey Brad - Dec. 07, 2008
If you want to, go ahead.
Also, Daughter in the Sun was meant to read like a poetic story, so I don't have a problem with that, haha
As for God Save the King ... when I read it, I can hear "Pink Killer" in my head
RE: Some old poetry. - MuchWow - Dec. 07, 2008
OMG,sorry i cant read all of that!!!!!
RE: Some old poetry. - Roan - Dec. 07, 2008
(Dec. 07, 2008 5:38 PM)pegasis Wrote: OMG,sorry i cant read all of that!!!!!
Then why bother posting?
RE: Some old poetry. - MuchWow - Dec. 07, 2008
increaing my posts :p
(USER WAS WARNED FOR THIS POST)
RE: Some old poetry. - Roan - Dec. 07, 2008
You're probably going to get warned and/or banned for that.
RE: Some old poetry. - MuchWow - Dec. 07, 2008
i was joking!
RE: Some old poetry. - Bey Brad - Dec. 07, 2008
(Dec. 07, 2008 5:46 PM)Roan Wrote: You're probably going to get warned and/or banned for that.
your powers of prediction are amazing
RE: Some old poetry. - Bey Brad - Dec. 18, 2008
I just wrote this.
FERRY TO PURGATORY
Giants walked across the water at the end of the world,
Their meticulous toes padding the water like soft glass.
Betwixt my fingertips raced the stray threads of the world --
Glistening sugary spider-webs leaving blood in its tracks.
I ripped the mercury forth from my thighs
And beckoned the locusts with my bedroom eyes.
"From dust we came,
To dust we shall go."
And, leaving only ghosts dancing in the dead streets
We'll curse the bastards who burnt up the sun.
RE: Some old poetry. - Roan - Dec. 19, 2008
Its a little confusing, to be honest.
Meticulous toes padding water? Since when are toes meticulous?
Also the line "Glistening sugary spider-webs leaving blood in its tracks" -- shouldn't that be "their" instead of "its"? Or if you were to keep it as it is, you should add in "A Glistening..., etc." Right now the grammar is confusing and a bit garbled.
I'm also a bit confused as to what the message of the poem is. From the title I assumed it was going to relate to Charon and the River Styx, but I wasn't picking up on any of that at all, so that leads me to believe there is another message here that's too vague. Being vague is something we should aim for in poetry, but there's a point where being too vague ruins the message and leaves the readers lost.
RE: Some old poetry. - Bey Brad - Dec. 20, 2008
Since when are toes meticulous? Generally, they aren't, but I wanted to give the feeling that their toes were feeling and examining the water as they walked across it.
Keep in mind that you don't need to look for a message in every single poem; some are just trying to convey an image as a painting does.
RE: Some old poetry. - Roan - Dec. 20, 2008
Ok that's fine but my point still stands: whatever image you may be trying to conjure in readers minds (at least in mine) isn't working.
RE: Some old poetry. - Bey Brad - Dec. 20, 2008
(Dec. 20, 2008 4:31 AM)Roan Wrote: Ok that's fine but my point still stands: whatever image you may be trying to conjure in readers minds (at least in mine) isn't working.
i guess i need to rework it
RE: Some old poetry. - AnnieDuck - Dec. 20, 2008
do one about suzie
RE: Some old poetry. - Bey Brad - Dec. 20, 2008
(Dec. 20, 2008 4:49 AM)AnnieDuck Wrote: do one about suzie
dogs :3
RE: Some old poetry. - AnnieDuck - Dec. 20, 2008
let's try multiple stanzas and carp about her ears, grunting like a piggy, etc