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+--- Thread: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney (/Thread-rock-girrafes-and-dark-bulls-jouney)
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rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - spectrobes geo - Dec. 19, 2010
once opon a time a 13 year old boy named masunne.one day masunne and his freind ligic sunnddly got attacked by two strangers.th eir said their names were nathan and jake.their started their match. go rock girrafe.go dark bull.you will never beat us.yes we will go earth orso and burn phineix.go burn tornado.go earth orso smash.NO.were gonna lose. no we won"t lose. go finishing move flame rock toss.go dark bull twister horn.NO its over. its ok do you wanna help with my journey.thanks. lets go.TO BE CONTINUED
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - Gamer420 - Dec. 19, 2010
Once upon a time is a bad opening, change it.
Grammar is good, use it.
Learn to spell Phoenix.
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - blah - Dec. 19, 2010
Wow you are only 9 years old.
You should type it in Word first to check for errors and then post it here. (:
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - aries blader - Dec. 19, 2010
Loser, I wouldint be talking bad about ra's story your story is sugh a big pice of carp that i stopped reading at the first word. His is not perfect, but yours is a piece of siht so next time you comment think about yours IN COMPARASIN and know that yours is "rubbish" not theres and that your trying to make yourself seem awsome even though you SUCK. .
(Dec. 19, 2010 12:51 PM)BFireblaze 6509 Wrote: Once upon a time is a bad opening, change it.
Grammar is good, use it.
Learn to spell Phoenix.
1 agreed 2 you are waaayyy off grammer is bad dont use it, learn your abc's
oh and i am a trol, but only for poisonunicorn..
3 agreed
This is the post that he said, and this is why im mad at him Don't know how to quote it, so i just copyed and pasted it
rubbish i hate it loser
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RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - ShredderN64 - Dec. 19, 2010
lolwut
I'm sorry, but dialogue doesn't describe anything. Also, grammar. Oh, and paragraphs. Here, I'll write a story to show you what I mean.
one day i went to nintendo world. yay i love nintendo hey look at all this pokemon stuff and all the ds and look theres the gulf war gameboy cool. then i left
One summer I went to New York City, funded by my grandfather. It didn't look like much at day, but at night, THAT'S when you see the city that never sleeps. You couldn't look anywhere with seeing lights.
But, there was a reason that me in particular was here: Nintendo World.
I had always wanted to go there, and the second day of our vacation, I got to go. Upon arrival, the building looked so modern combared to the other aging buildings. When I walked in, I was greeted by an entire floor of Pokemon things. Games, cards, guide books, plushies, DS styluses, and not to mention, a giant table in the center with blah blah blah.
I'm not going on any longer. You get the point and I've probably killed five people of boredom by now.
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - Terra Blazer - Dec. 19, 2010
...wow... just wow... even if he had used proper grammar, the story itself would have been really boring, that is, from the parts I actually understood
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - Amaterasu - Dec. 19, 2010
Dude first better grammar,second u need longer stories third u use these things " hi" when characters are talking. i didnt teel aries to troll u. i had nothing to do with follow these steps and u will be a better writer
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - .:J:. - Dec. 20, 2010
guys, i know it's bad, but the posts some have said really are offensive and alot of people dont have the courage to post something like a story as they know they are going to get criticized... i'm ashamed the type of people that post thing that aries blader did... not everyone is an anthony horowitz, just point out the problems gently and tell him how to improve. generally i'm apalled at the type of language people have used in this thread by aries blader towards a person trying to write a story people will want to read... i have to admit it is not the best and i will point out the problems.
1. the words being said are not in speech marks, and it's hard to understand what is being said. to fix it use more punctuation and 'he said'.
2. some words are mispelled and should be looked at.
this is pretty bad but in time can be improved...
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - Amaterasu - Dec. 20, 2010
That really is mean atlest shredder gave examples
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - Odin - Dec. 20, 2010
(Dec. 19, 2010 12:23 PM)poisoneagle8183 Wrote: once opon a time a 13 year old boy named masunne.one day masunne and his freind ligic sunnddly got attacked by two strangers.th eir said their names were nathan and jake.their started their match. go rock girrafe.go dark bull.you will never beat us.yes we will go earth eagle and burn phineix.go burn tornado.go earth eagle smash.NO.were gonna lose. no we won"t lose. go finishing move deep typhoon.go dark bull twister horn.NO its over. its ok do you wanna help with my journey.thanks. lets go.TO BE CONTINUEDThis story is a good rough draft, but could be improved upon, like so:
'In the town of (insert name here), a 13 year old named Masunne and his friend Ligic were attacked by two strangers.
"Our names are Nathan and Jake, and we want you to battle us." Masunne and Ligic aprehensively agreed.' Something like that, but this story could get much better. You're doing great with your creative ideas, though. Keep up the good work!
Note: My little idea in ''s is purely for example. You could use it as reference, though.
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - spectrobes geo - Dec. 21, 2010
thank nwolf and Odin of Aesir for the help
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - .:J:. - Dec. 21, 2010
no prob, you can become a good story writer if you try hard enough.
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - spectrobes geo - Dec. 21, 2010
When their finally travledd 2 citys there came back to their home town hydrzia."that was tiedly"massune said.
"yes it was" jake and ligic mumred."hello" said a mysterious voice."who was that said nathan."my name is tubasa and this is my bey earth eagle battle me"."ok massune responded.their went to the biggest stadium.in hydrozia."in 3.....2.....1 let it rip"there all shouted."go earth eagle" tubasa roaed."go rock girraff"massune said."go counter wing" tuasa said."no im gonna lose at this rate" massune said."you can do it"everybody shouted."come on rock girraffe special move rock flame tornado throw"massune said.it was over tubasa lost.your not bad tubasa said can i come with you on your journey."sure"there cheered
TO BE CONTINUED...........
I would like to thank Odin of Aesir,Nwolf,blah and BFireblaze 6509
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - Night Virgo 11 - Dec. 21, 2010
this is beast
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - spectrobes geo - Dec. 21, 2010
"finnally,were done weve finnaly got to a hotel"said massune."i know" tubasa huffed."lets go and have a breather outside"said tubasa."ok "said everyody."lets have a match"said a mystirous voice."ok" there said creeped."3......2........1 let it rip"said everyody."my name is oxie and this is my bey deamon dylatlicx c906wq1"."go red deamon eye sword"said oxie..........TO .......BE.........CONTINUED
sorry its short and by the way dylatlicx is a sea greek dragon with neptunes sphere
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - Night - Dec. 21, 2010
906? That's a tall track. Are you just adding random numbers and letters?
Oh, and start a new line for a new character. Also, it needs to be longer.
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - Odin - Dec. 21, 2010
You're becoming much better at this. What Night means is instead of writing "I love cheese." said bob."I do too." said joe."lets go get cheese." they said. you could write something like:
"I love cheese," said Bob.
"So do I," replied Joe.
"Let's eat cheese together," the said happily.
The story is steadily growing better, though.
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - spectrobes geo - Dec. 21, 2010
ok aesir
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - spectrobes geo - Dec. 21, 2010
hey
wanna be in my story pm me
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - aries blader - Dec. 22, 2010
^ SPAM < ignore that, i thought it was someone else posting about there story! Sorryz!!!!
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - Katsuya - Dec. 22, 2010
Aries Blader why are you jonin on a 9 Nine year old. Thats no cool at all. He just needs to improve thats all Man and besides that he is 9 so of couse he is not going to be the best. He is still learning.
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - aries blader - Dec. 22, 2010
(Dec. 20, 2010 3:18 PM)Nwolf Wrote: guys, i know it's bad, but the posts some have said really are offensive and alot of people dont have the courage to post something like a story as they know they are going to get criticized... i'm ashamed the type of people that post thing that aries blader did... not everyone is an anthony horowitz, just point out the problems gently and tell him how to improve. generally i'm apalled at the type of language people have used in this thread by aries blader towards a person trying to write a story people will want to read... i have to admit it is not the best and i will point out the problems.Alright, just to point something out I WAS NOT TELLING HIM TO BE BETER! I WAS TELLING HIM THAT HIS WAS NOT BETER THAN RA'S SO THEREFORE HE SHOULDN'T SAY THAT IT STUNK! I was sticking up for my friend! people, PLEASE UNDERSTAND Y PEOPLE ARE POSTING THINGS!!! >-<
1. the words being said are not in speech marks, and it's hard to understand what is being said. to fix it use more punctuation and 'he said'.
2. some words are mispelled and should be looked at.
this is pretty bad but in time can be improved...
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - Amaterasu - Dec. 22, 2010
You don't need to defend me... He apologized
U need to stop posting on this thread or your going to get banned
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - aries blader - Dec. 22, 2010
(Dec. 22, 2010 2:04 AM)Ichiro Wrote: Aries Blader why are you jonin on a 9 Nine year old. Thats no cool at all Man. He just needs to improve thats all Man and besides that he is 9 so of couse he is not going to be the best. He is still learning.
Dude, I was beter at 6
RE: rock girrafes and dark bulls jouney - spectrobes geo - Dec. 22, 2010
hey if you don"t have a good thing to say don"t say enything at all