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+--- Thread: The Solemn Deluge (/Thread-The-Solemn-Deluge)
The Solemn Deluge - Roan - Sep. 12, 2008
This is the second and final villanelle I have to write for my Creative Writing class. This is only the first draft so suggestions and opinions are more than welcome. I'm looking to paint more images in words than what is already here so if you have any ideas for how to go about doing that let me know.
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Pensive and vast
Is the frigid sea
As it climbs the mast
The bodies and brass
Are her passing fee
Pensive and vast
The sinking ship in bronze cast
Has made her hungry
As she swallows the mast
This vessel will not be her last
She'll never let them be
Pensive and vast
Her starved current rising fast
Now grasping at me in glee
As I climb the mast
I know her crushing mass
Will ravage me
Pensive and vast
As I fall from the mast
RE: The Solemn Deluge - Ominous - Sep. 12, 2008
You really are a natural at these things. The speed at which you came up with this is remarkable.
It's a really good piece.
RE: The Solemn Deluge - Roan - Sep. 12, 2008
I revised it a little bit to add in more vivid imagery.
What do you think now?
RE: The Solemn Deluge - Ominous - Sep. 12, 2008
Your change really does solidify the imagery created from reading this. It tells more of a story now, and adds in a bit more tension than before.