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+--- Thread: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story)-Re-Editing And Finishing At Long Last (/Thread-A-Brave-New-World-Beyblade-Story-Re-Editing-And-Finishing-At-Long-Last)
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - Sparta - Feb. 13, 2011
In honor of Valentines day monday, this chapter will have some romance......Yah Right!!! LOLOLOLOL!!!! Anyways here's chapter 4: Kelvin
"No," I moaned. "That's...that's-just not possible! It can't be!" He laughed. "Well, it kind of is. Aren't I not proof? Black Dranzer is back, but this time he will fight a new enemy" He looked deep into me, and his piercing black eyes sent shivers down my spine. I gulped, and reminded myself I had Dranzer. I could feel his warmth spreading throughout my body, and free me from his glare. He paused. "Going to fight back, are we?" He mocked. "Good. I'd hate it if you just handed me.......your soul!" I gasped. "You-yo-you want.....my SOUL?!" I did my best to remain calm, but it was apparent it wasn't working. He laughed again, a deep, evil laugh, that made me shiver again. "Yes," He began. "The Black Sun organization was created for a purpose: to create a perfect counterpart for you, so that he could defeat you in battle, steal your soul, and use your unique energy to fuel myself. I would use Black Dranzer to take the world over! And steal everyone else's souls, so that the only survivors would be those working with the Black Sun!" He laughed, and I gasped. So that's their plan I thought. "So why me?" I asked. "Why my soul?" He gave a malicious grin. "Of course you have heard of a bladers spirit, right?" I nodded. "Well, the stronger the spirit, the more power I receive from the soul. So by taking your soul, I will develop an even more powerful bladers spirit! Then, using the power from other's souls, we will rule the earth over, becoming ultimately powerful!" I was in shock now. Souls? They want SOULS?! I was totally freaked out. But I had one more question. "So," I began. "If you say you were created in a lab, that means you are a robot, right?" He rolled his eyes. "I'm here to battle you, not answer questions about our plans!" He snapped. "But if you must know, then no, I am not. I was born in a hospital, like you, but my parents didn't want me. So they left me there. The minute The Black Sun got word of how you tied Brooklyn, they knew they had to build a counter. So the hospital gave me to them, to be their lab rat. They transformed me, filled my heart with nothing but anger and hate. Made me to be your ultimate dark half. They then gave me black Dranzer, and then made me sit in a little room for 14 long years, with nothing but TV screens flashing your face and your battles. It gave me a drive: TO DESTROY YOU!!!!"
He launched Black Dranzer at me. Frantic, I pulled out Dranzer and launched, too. But she never made contact, because someone else had entered the battle........"Zeo?" I asked. He looked at me, his aqua hair flowing in the wind. He smiled, then turned towards the battle. "Burn Kerberus!" He called, and his bey, entirely a tan color except for the face, which showed a picture of a three-headed dog; charged at Black Dranzer. "Chain Storm!" He shouted. The Kerberus face-bolt flashed, and purple chains surrounded Zoe's bey. Kelvin looked angry. "MY business schedule for today does NOT INVOLVE YOU!" He screamed, obviously frustrated. Dranzer flew back into my hand, because we both knew this wouldn't be our battle, no matter how much Kelvin demanded it to be. Zeo was going to fight for us. My expression turned solemn. But can he win? Kerberus smashed into Black Dranzer, and he went flying back. Kelvin showed no emotions, but Black Dranzer flew back into his hand. "Hey, genius," Zeo mocked. "The battle isn't over" Kelvin looked........sad? "Yes, it is" He sighed. "I didn't come here for you, kid, but it's apparent I'm also not going to get what I did come here for" He turned around, and began to walk in the general direction of the lake. "I'll be back," He called. "And I will defeat you!" He laughed. "And your soul will be my prize!" Trying my best to ignore the last statement that made me shiver, I turned to Zeo. "Hey, Zeo" I began, and he jumped off of the hill. "Your pretty good, and-" "Yes" He answered, cutting me off. "I would love to join your team!" He smiled. Yep, I thought. Age hasn't changed this kid. He's still the energetic little guy I know. "This is gonna be sooo cool!" He said. "I get to be on an official team!" He went on and on, but something nagged at the back of my mind. I turned towards the rising sun. Wait! Where was the rest of my team? Where were Christian and Jin?!
Well, comment and rate por favor!
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - C-Dub - Feb. 13, 2011
wow..thats deeeeeppp!
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - Sparta - Feb. 13, 2011
Thanks!! Ugh, I'm sooo sick today
sore throat and cough, dizzy, and tired. Blech.
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - Beyblademan55 - Feb. 13, 2011
Hey i like it
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - Sparta - Feb. 13, 2011
Thank you! That really means a lot....
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - Light Yagami - Feb. 13, 2011
best story ever
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - Sparta - Feb. 14, 2011
Alright, many other popular authors have done it (Like Titan Blader and Dark Angel), so it would be my honor to accept 1 (and I mean 1-i'm antisocial) co-writer!!! Send me a pm with what you think might happen in the next chapter, and based on how good you are I will choose one!!! I will accept send-ins until saturday, february 19th, 2011, so send them in! That is less than a week from today, so make those chapters!!!
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - ('.') - Feb. 14, 2011
just keeps getting better and better !!! i would like 2 help but i get 2+'s in language
an cant wait 4 my character to come in . p.s his name is farazoni makro
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - Sparta - Feb. 14, 2011
(Feb. 01, 2011 1:05 AM)death unicorn Wrote: yo dude i <3 the story !!!!! and i have a character and i hope u could put him in pleaseHe comes in in part 3 (dw sounds far away bt there's only 2 or 3 chapters left in part 2-short I know....)
[Image: Image1.png]
he is a high spirited blader but mysterious partner mf flame Pegasus d125 wd stamina type (sm triforce )
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - Light Yagami - Feb. 14, 2011
darn i again i wish you would use kevin
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - C-Dub - Feb. 14, 2011
can u make samuel a little person like that plz
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - Sparta - Feb. 14, 2011
(Feb. 14, 2011 3:02 AM)darkangelkaieru Wrote: darn i again i wish you would use kevinUmm...................I might b able 2 fit him in.....
(Feb. 14, 2011 3:26 AM)C-Dub Wrote: can u make samuel a little person like that plz
I thought you made Christian! Am I wrong?
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - Sparta - Feb. 14, 2011
Due to the fact that I stayed home from school today (terrible flu...) I will write Chapter 5, which will be in two parts. This is because there is so much information, and therefore would be a massive chapter. So Chapter 5, Part 1: Kai's sacrifice
*From Christian's POV (Takes place during Ethan and Kelvins encounter)*
I was ready to give up. The blizzard had gotten worse, and Jin had fainted. My extremities all had frostbite, and I was close to hypothermia. We had no way to warm ourselves up, so we had to just wait out the storm in the little ditch I had dug. And worse, I had no idea where Ethan was. Had he survived? The chances were slim. I'm so stupid! I thought. It's my fault he died; I should have stopped him. I looked up. And now this is the end. We will die alone, in a hole in the middle of nowhere, alone. Our bodies will be buried in the snow, never to be found. What an awful way to die. I held back tears, as the snow began to cover the top of the ditch. Buried alive. I held back my tears no more, and began to cry. But before the last tear was shed, from pure exhaustion and cold, I fainted.
I awoke in a room, next to Jin, our hands tied behind our backs and a rope over our mouths.
*Now Ethan, in the present*
"Zeo!" I called. "We have to go. Now!" He looked into my eyes. "Why? What's wrong?" My expression grew solemn. "The rest of the team....." I explained our team, and the crisis at hand. He nodded. "Then let's go!" He quickly gathered some small fire starter from the house nearby, and we left. Hang on guys, I thought. We're coming.
When we arrived at what seemed to be a covered up ditch in the ground, we knew that this was where they waited out the storm. We searched in and around the area, but they were missing. Then, "Look!" Zeo exclaimed. "Footprints! In the snow!" I sprinted over to where he was and examined them. "There's only one solid pair," I observed. "But it seems two people are being dragged" I paused. "Something wrong?" Zeo asked, deeply concerned. I looked up at him. "There's only 2 other people on our team" Zeo gasped. "Then..........." His eyes widened. "They've been captured!" I nodded. "C'mon! Let's follow these footprints!"
*Now Kelvin, in the present*
Pathetic, I thought to myself. They dug a hole in the snow. How disgusting. I laughed. And even that pathetic little trick couldn't help them. "Oh well," I said out loud. "I'll go and see how they're doing" I opened the door, and saw them sitting on the ground, all tied up" I laughed. "Well well well. Look what the cat dragged in. Two pathetic losers, who enjoy playing with spinning tops" The smaller one with the hoodie managed to wriggle off the rope over his mouth. "You son of a &!%*#! How dare you bring us here! Who are you anyway?" I sighed. "Ok, number 1: I didn't bring you here, he did" I pointed to pegasus, who in the corner of the room, leaning up against the wall. He looked smug. "And 2," I added. "I'm not a female dog. Not even close" As plainly and stupidly as I could, I told them my past, my identity, and my plan. The taller, more muscular one got his mouth rope off as well. "You creep!" He shouted. "How could you do this? SOULS? That's cruel, and it's wrong!" I laughed hard. He glared at me. "What's so funny?" I laughed harder. "It's you! You are so pathetic. Cruel? I defined the word. And now you two are going to be my first victims" I pointed to the smaller one. "And I'll begin with-" Not so fast!" Someone behind me shouted. I turned. "I'm in the middle of something here! But it is nice to see you again Ethan, dear old chum. What brings you here?"
*Now back to Ethan*
I pointed at him. "I'm going to finish you! Here and now!" He smiled. "Ok," He readied his launcher. "Come and get it!" "Oh, I don't think so!" Someone else said. I knew that voice! He jumped down from the ceiling. It was...........Kai! "Ah, more people!" Kelvin complained. "What does security think it's doing?" Kai readied his bey, which looked to be an HMS, Dranzer MF. "Oh, trust me," Kai said. "I'm going to be enough for you" He then turned to me. "I'll hold him off" He said. "You take your team and get out of here" I shook my head. "I won't leave you Kai!" He smiled. "Just trust me. I know what I'm doing, and I have my reasons. Now listen to me: I chose you to be my successor because you have a big heart, and beyspirit. You have strong emotions for your friends and teammates. Also, you remind me of Tyson" He nodded. "Trust me on this please Ethan! Untie your friends and get out of here!" I nodded slowly, then ran over to Christian and Jin. Zeo opened the door, and we all went out. Kai, I thought, looking into the setting sun.
*Now Kelvin*
I readied my launcher. What does this guy think he's doing? I thought. Without the power of his Dranzer, he doesn't stand a chance. "I don't know what your up to," I said. "But just know that your soul will be mine!" I launched, and so did he. Black Dranzer sped towards his bey, and collided with it. The explosion blated the roof off the building, and sent Kai's bey into the sky. "And now for your soul!" I shouted. I went into spirit form, went into his body, absorbed his soul, and went back into my body. His eyes grew big, he gave one last breath, and the great beyblader, fearless and strong, Kai, fell at my feet.
Far away, in a distant place, where a great beyblader and Kai's ultimate rival lay sleeping in bed, Tyson Granger shed a tear, glistening in the moonlight. Kai was gone.
Well??? Comment and rate!!! Part 2 will be up soon.
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - Light Yagami - Feb. 14, 2011
awesome
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - Sparta - Feb. 15, 2011
Why thank you
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - Light Yagami - Feb. 15, 2011
your welcome man.
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - EarthEagle2813 - Feb. 15, 2011
holy carp thats good
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - C-Dub - Feb. 15, 2011
wow..that's harsh.
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - Sparta - Feb. 15, 2011
(Feb. 15, 2011 2:21 AM)C-Dub Wrote: wow..that's harsh.
........yeah........Kai really got his buttuti handed to him..........
part 2
Spoiler (Click to View)
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - Light Yagami - Feb. 15, 2011
man you made me think that the second part was up
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - Sparta - Feb. 15, 2011
LOL
It will be up sometime this week so hold on.
GOD I AM SOO SICK WORST FLU I HAVE EVER HAD!!!!!
SWINE??!! :0
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - EarthEagle2813 - Feb. 15, 2011
great chapter and i just sent my co writer entry check your pm please
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - ('.') - Feb. 15, 2011
i fell off my chair be cause of how totally awesome!!!!!!!
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - Sparta - Feb. 15, 2011
(Feb. 15, 2011 2:42 AM)EarthEagle2813 Wrote: great chapter and i just sent my co writer entry check your pm pleaseSaw it. I wanted 2 PM u back bt u cnt PM
. Well, it was really good!(Feb. 15, 2011 2:49 AM)death unicorn Wrote: i fell off my chair be cause of how totally awesome!!!!!!!Lolol gracias
RE: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story) - ('.') - Feb. 16, 2011
you is a welcome