RE: General Writing Thread - Temporal - Aug. 12, 2011
Hah, that's kinda sad. My plate is totally full right now, Where the Angel Sings is turning out great! I'm thinking of making Chapter 8 more about Iin's family that Chapter 7. I mean, I'm DEFINITELY going to do more with the Sora no Otishimono parody that is Iin's mother, but I really want to focus on Ian, Iin's little brother. (The fact that he was mentioned in Chapter 6 helps that idea a lot.)
Kicking back, writing and watching anime between breaks. Paradise.
RE: General Writing Thread - Sparta - Aug. 14, 2011
Ugh, need to update SK. Tell me what you guys think when I do so!
EDIT: LUCKY. I'm cramped on a small chair, eating a stale calzone 
RE: General Writing Thread - Temporal - Aug. 14, 2011
Still plugging away on WtAS, and I recently had an idea. I posted the teaser yesterday, and frankly, I like the idea of someone out to get the main character. Of course, it will only last two or three chapters, I don't want fighitng to take over. Something I noticed. Normally, 40 pages means I'm winding down. I'm not even done with the first week of the school year in Where the Angel Sings, and I just hit page 40.
RE: General Writing Thread - .:J:. - Aug. 14, 2011
hhm, i'm thinking of writing an interesting discussion of my bey, i'm entering the design a bey competition
RE: General Writing Thread - Temporal - Aug. 16, 2011
I am, quite apparently, a glutton for punishment. I started on another book, though I don't have a title yet. It will, again, be a life-based book, much like Where the Angel Sings, but it will be based in science fiction. I'll post a few paragraphs when I get the chance.
RE: General Writing Thread - NoodooSoup - Aug. 16, 2011
(Aug. 16, 2011 7:05 PM)Temporal Wrote: I am, quite apparently, a glutton for punishment. I started on another book, though I don't have a title yet. It will, again, be a life-based book, much like Where the Angel Sings, but it will be based in science fiction. I'll post a few paragraphs when I get the chance.
I have a Science Fiction story, probably my favorite story I've thought of  I <3 Science, there's just so many possibilities.
RE: General Writing Thread - Temporal - Aug. 16, 2011
Ah! I thought of a title! "Corporeal". How does that sound to you guys?
RE: General Writing Thread - Sparta - Aug. 17, 2011
(Aug. 16, 2011 7:38 PM)Temporal Wrote: Ah! I thought of a title! "Corporeal". How does that sound to you guys?
Is that even a word?
Sounds cool, though. Better be a concept in the book...
OhMyGosh, I still haven't updated SK. I need to get in that!
RE: General Writing Thread - TITAN - Aug. 17, 2011
I haven't been able to write lately on account of life. Stupid non-writing life! I need to do what Sparta's doing and focus on one story. And maybe eat some stale calzones.
RE: General Writing Thread - Temporal - Aug. 17, 2011
(Aug. 17, 2011 12:14 AM)Sparta Wrote: (Aug. 16, 2011 7:38 PM)Temporal Wrote: Ah! I thought of a title! "Corporeal". How does that sound to you guys?
Is that even a word?
Sounds cool, though. Better be a concept in the book...
OhMyGosh, I still haven't updated SK. I need to get in that!
Actually, yes. It means solid, able to affect one's surroundings in a physical way.
RE: General Writing Thread - Temporal - Aug. 18, 2011
Concept found! Corporeal will explore a question again, like "Broken". Is being lazy and stupid the same thing? Do grades mean everything? Why the hell is Canada so cold!? (Minor idea. Not really a concept, just a funny thought.) I might post the prologue here so I can get some feedback.
RE: General Writing Thread - Sparta - Aug. 18, 2011
(Aug. 18, 2011 8:36 PM)Temporal Wrote: Concept found! Corporeal will explore a question again, like "Broken". Is being lazy and stupid the same thing? Do grades mean everything? Why the hell is Canada so cold!? (Minor idea. Not really a concept, just a funny thought.) I might post the prologue here so I can get some feedback.
1)Yes
2) For my parents
3) Only go-Haruhi knows XD.
Post it! Sounds cool.
RE: General Writing Thread - Temporal - Aug. 18, 2011
...I think you just indirectly called me stupid, hah. On that note: Talk to the 3.4 GPA, I'll just cram the night before.
Well, here it is. The prologue to "Corporeal".
Quote: “Ms. Ottoman, the twins have been successfully operated on. You may have them back.†A doctor hands a new mother her babies, and the woman, Celine Ottoman, looks at the fraternal twins, rubbing their heads.
“I wonder how you two will do in school? I guess we’ll see, won’t we? Now, what should I name the both of you?†The boy kicks his feet a bit, seemingly examining his surroundings, and his mother smiles. “Hm… I think you will be called Daniel. Daniel Ottoman. I like that name, don’t you?†The girl child looks at her mother, as if expecting to be next.
“I didn’t forget you, child. I think that you will be named…Danielle! Do you like that name, Danielle?†The girl moves ever so slightly, satisfied. “Daniel and Danielle. I think that you two will be really close, won’t you?†She looks outside a window at the Toronto sunset, thinking of days, years to come where she would take care of these two. The doctor clears his throat, catching Celine’s attention.
“Well, I hope that you are satisfied with your children, and I wish you the best of luck. While going through the data, I noticed something…odd about the two. Apparently, the data for their Reflections was faulty, and as a result they will likely be abnormal in some way. It will not affect their health, but it is something I am required to tell-â€
“That’s good! I’d like for my children to not be normal, as they say. I want them to grow up, to be themselves, regardless of what that means. I have faith in them, don’t you, Doctor?â€
“Hm. They seem to be quite the children. I’m sure that they’ll grow into fine young adults. Of course, they will cause their fair share of trouble.â€
“That’s what makes children so fun, isn’t it?†The doctor looks at the fading sun, remembering a time long past. His first days at school, before the Avatar System was invented twenty-six years ago in 2178. He also looks back on his own little daughter, all grown up and moved out.
“Yes, that is one of the best parts of parenthood.†He kneels, addressing the small beings in their mother’s arms. “Listen you two, don’t cause too much trouble, you hear?†His request was met with movement from both, supposed agreement all around.
“Well, have fun, Ms. Ottoman. I wish you and your children the best.†The doctor walks out, pulling out his phone and calling his daughter, something he hadn’t done in months. Childbirth can do that to people, apparently.
RE: General Writing Thread - Sparta - Aug. 18, 2011
(Aug. 18, 2011 8:56 PM)Temporal Wrote: ...I think you just indirectly called me stupid, hah. On that note: Talk to the 3.4 GPA, I'll just cram the night before.
Well, here it is. The prologue to "Corporeal".
Quote: “Ms. Ottoman, the twins have been successfully operated on. You may have them back.†A doctor hands a new mother her babies. The woman, Celine Ottoman, looks at the fraternal twins, rubbing their heads.
“I wonder how you two will do in school? I guess we’ll see, won’t we? Now, what should I name the both of you?†The boy kicks his feet a bit, seemingly examining his surroundings, and his mother smiles. “Hm… I think you will be called Daniel. Daniel Ottoman. I like that name, don’t you?†The girl child looks at her mother, as if expecting to be next.
“I didn’t forget you, child. I think that you will be named…Danielle! Do you like that name, Danielle?†The girl moves ever so slightly, satisfied. “Daniel and Danielle. I think that you two will be really close, won’t you?†She looks outside a window at the Toronto sunset, thinking of days, years to come where she would take care of these two. The doctor clears his throat, catching Celine’s attention.
“Well, I hope that you are satisfied with your children, and I wish you the best of luck. While going through the data, I noticed something…odd about the two. Apparently, the data for their Reflections was faulty, and as a result they will likely be abnormal in some way. It will not affect their health, but it is something I am required to tell-â€
“That’s good! I’d like for my children to not be normal, as they say. I want them to grow up, to be themselves, regardless of what that means. I have faith in them, don’t you, Doctor?â€
“Hm. They seem to be quite the children. I’m sure that they’ll grow into fine young adults. Of course, they will cause their fair share of trouble.â€
“That’s what makes children so fun, isn’t it?†The doctor looks at the fading sun, remembering a time long past. His first days at school, before the Avatar System was invented twenty-six years ago in 2178. He also looks back on his own little daughter, all grown up and moved out.
“Yes, that is one of the best parts of parenthood.†He kneels, addressing the small beings in their mother’s arms. “Listen you two, don’t cause too much trouble, you hear?†His request was met with movement from both, supposed agreement all around.
“Well, have fun, Ms. Ottoman. I wish you and your children the best.†The doctor walks out, pulling out his phone and calling his daughter, something he hadn’t done in months. Childbirth can do that to people, apparently.
....Woah. Interesting, but I have no idea what the avatar system is. Please tell me it's not related to the movie by James Cameron. 
I still can't get a feel for what each of them look like. Maybe try to put that in somewhere?
Also, you used way too many commas in the first sentence. After reading it over a few times, I can't be sure what to replace with a semi-colon, but I know one has to go.
EDIT: I found out what to do and fixed it. It's in bold.
RE: General Writing Thread - Temporal - Aug. 18, 2011
Hah, I'll try to break that one up. Nice catch.
And hell no, I am NOT basing ANYTHING off of "Avatar"... I hated that movie. Actually, it has more to do with the first theme, hence the references to school. Lazy versus Stupid.
I don't think I could describe a BABY, it'd be annoying to have to redo it later, wouldn't it? I just re-vamped it with descriptions, I'll post when I'm done... Hell, once I get through this next chapter, I'll make a thread for it.
Okay, fixed.
Quote: “Ms. Ottoman, the twins have been successfully operated on. You may have them back.†A doctor hands a new mother her babies, and the woman, Celine Ottoman, looks at the fraternal twins. She rubs their brown-haired heads, proud to be a parent. She notes their large eyes, while the boy’s mouth is pulled back in what looks to be a smirk.
“I wonder how you two will do in school? I guess we’ll see, won’t we? Now, what should I name the both of you?†The boy kicks his feet a bit, seemingly examining his surroundings, and his mother smiles. “Hm… I think you will be called Daniel. Daniel Ottoman. I like that name, don’t you?†The girl child looks at her mother, as if expecting to be next.
“I didn’t forget you, child. I think that you will be named…Danielle! Do you like that name, Danielle?†The girl moves ever so slightly, satisfied. “Daniel and Danielle. I think that you two will be really close, won’t you?†She looks outside a window at the Toronto sunset, thinking of days, years to come where she would take care of these two. The doctor clears his throat, catching Celine’s attention.
“Well, I hope that you are satisfied with your children, and I wish you the best of luck. While going through the data, I noticed something…odd about the two. Apparently, the data for their Reflections was faulty, and as a result they will likely be abnormal in some way. It will not affect their health, but it is something I am required to tell-â€
“That’s good! I’d like for my children to not be normal, as they say. I want them to grow up, to be themselves, regardless of what that means. I have faith in them, don’t you, Doctor?â€
“Hm. They seem to be quite the children. I’m sure that they’ll grow into fine young adults. Of course, they will cause their fair share of trouble.â€
“That’s what makes children so fun, isn’t it?†The doctor looks at the fading sun, remembering a time long past. His first days at school, before the Avatar System was invented twenty-six years ago in 2178. He also looks back on his own little daughter, all grown up and moved out.
“Yes, that is one of the best parts of parenthood.†He kneels, addressing the small beings in their mother’s arms. “Listen you two, don’t cause too much trouble, you hear?†His request was met with movement from both, supposed agreement all around.
“Well, have fun, Ms. Ottoman. I wish you and your children the best.†The doctor walks out, pulling out his phone and calling his daughter, something he hadn’t done in months. Childbirth can do that to people, apparently.
RE: General Writing Thread - CyberBlader27 - Aug. 19, 2011
(Aug. 18, 2011 9:09 PM)Temporal Wrote: Hah, I'll try to break that one up. Nice catch.
And hell no, I am NOT basing ANYTHING off of "Avatar"... I hated that movie. Actually, it has more to do with the first theme, hence the references to school. Lazy versus Stupid.
I don't think I could describe a BABY, it'd be annoying to have to redo it later, wouldn't it? I just re-vamped it with descriptions, I'll post when I'm done... Hell, once I get through this next chapter, I'll make a thread for it.
Okay, fixed.
Quote: “Ms. Ottoman, the twins have been successfully operated on. You may have them back.†A doctor hands a new mother her babies, and the woman, Celine Ottoman, looks at the fraternal twins. She rubs their brown-haired heads, proud to be a parent. She notes their large eyes, while the boy’s mouth is pulled back in what looks to be a smirk.
“I wonder how you two will do in school? I guess we’ll see, won’t we? Now, what should I name the both of you?†The boy kicks his feet a bit, seemingly examining his surroundings, and his mother smiles. “Hm… I think you will be called Daniel. Daniel Ottoman. I like that name, don’t you?†The girl child looks at her mother, as if expecting to be next.
“I didn’t forget you, child. I think that you will be named…Danielle! Do you like that name, Danielle?†The girl moves ever so slightly, satisfied. “Daniel and Danielle. I think that you two will be really close, won’t you?†She looks outside a window at the Toronto sunset, thinking of days, years to come where she would take care of these two. The doctor clears his throat, catching Celine’s attention.
“Well, I hope that you are satisfied with your children, and I wish you the best of luck. While going through the data, I noticed something…odd about the two. Apparently, the data for their Reflections was faulty, and as a result they will likely be abnormal in some way. It will not affect their health, but it is something I am required to tell-â€
“That’s good! I’d like for my children to not be normal, as they say. I want them to grow up, to be themselves, regardless of what that means. I have faith in them, don’t you, Doctor?â€
“Hm. They seem to be quite the children. I’m sure that they’ll grow into fine young adults. Of course, they will cause their fair share of trouble.â€
“That’s what makes children so fun, isn’t it?†The doctor looks at the fading sun, remembering a time long past. His first days at school, before the Avatar System was invented twenty-six years ago in 2178. He also looks back on his own little daughter, all grown up and moved out.
“Yes, that is one of the best parts of parenthood.†He kneels, addressing the small beings in their mother’s arms. “Listen you two, don’t cause too much trouble, you hear?†His request was met with movement from both, supposed agreement all around.
“Well, have fun, Ms. Ottoman. I wish you and your children the best.†The doctor walks out, pulling out his phone and calling his daughter, something he hadn’t done in months. Childbirth can do that to people, apparently. Nice job, Temporal. I still don't understand the avatar system...
Also, I didn't like Avatar (the movie) either.
RE: General Writing Thread - NoodooSoup - Aug. 19, 2011
It's good, but maybe you should change the name of the Avatar system. Too many people (not me) are quick to make assumptions and assume you either used or were inspired by the movie. Look at The Last Airbender movie, they had to take out the Avatar part out of the title for that reason (and others, but that's not the point.)
RE: General Writing Thread - Temporal - Aug. 19, 2011
Fair enough. I may change it to the "Reflection System".
RE: General Writing Thread - T. L-Drago 9207 - Aug. 19, 2011
I've set up Chapter 4 of Beyblade VS Battle Strikers yesterday for everyone's viewing pleasure.
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Beyblade-VS-Battle-Strikers--37675?page=3
RE: General Writing Thread - Vintage - Aug. 27, 2011
Hmm...needing some help. I'm not sure whether to make my adventure story mainstream and have a bunch of battles and action, or make it non-mainstream, instead having some kind of trial setting, which I haven't thought of yet. :\
RE: General Writing Thread - Sparta - Aug. 27, 2011
(Aug. 27, 2011 4:15 AM)Vintage Wrote: Hmm...needing some help. I'm not sure whether to make my adventure story mainstream and have a bunch of battles and action, or make it non-mainstream, instead having some kind of trial setting, which I haven't thought of yet. :\
That's something totally up to you. I would try to go as out-of-the-ordinary as possible, so it stands out; but that's just me.
RE: General Writing Thread - TITAN - Aug. 27, 2011
I've got writer's block. And no better time than when you've got a poem due on Monday and who knows how many stories on the internet.
RE: General Writing Thread - Vintage - Aug. 27, 2011
(Aug. 27, 2011 4:21 AM)Sparta Wrote: (Aug. 27, 2011 4:15 AM)Vintage Wrote: Hmm...needing some help. I'm not sure whether to make my adventure story mainstream and have a bunch of battles and action, or make it non-mainstream, instead having some kind of trial setting, which I haven't thought of yet. :\
That's something totally up to you. I would try to go as out-of-the-ordinary as possible, so it stands out; but that's just me.
Hmm, that's what I'm attempting to do... I can give the battles something extra to make it less mainstream... Ah, maybe a mix of both? I dunno, I always get writers block around this section of my story's. 
RE: General Writing Thread - Temporal - Aug. 27, 2011
Thankfully, my writer's block finally passed, but it took about a week. I just got back to working on WtAS, but 10th grade is harder than I thought. Geez, we got slapped with an essay from day one.
RE: General Writing Thread - .:J:. - Aug. 29, 2011
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Nwolf-s-new-story-Senpuujin
my new story, if anyone read drahelix is born then this is the sequel, but i'm having some trouble, should i change the name of the bey as it's called senpuujin, or leave it? also Arix comes back, and he's way more mature, since it's been 3 months since he left, and finally some kick-butt action! (would say kick-A** but dunno if it's allowed)
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