+- World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. (https://worldbeyblade.org)
+-- Forum: Off-Topic Forums (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Off-Topic-Forums)
+--- Forum: Your Creations (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Your-Creations)
+--- Thread: A Brave New World (Beyblade Story)-Re-Editing And Finishing At Long Last (/Thread-A-Brave-New-World-Beyblade-Story-Re-Editing-And-Finishing-At-Long-Last)
RE: The Blader- Part 1 of a Story!! [No more characters] - Sparta - Jan. 18, 2011
All right guys-here it is!! Chapter 9: The unchangeable past
BE WARNED!! This chapter is boring character development. Sorry
And just so everyone knows, the story as a whole is called: A Brave New World.....kinda salty I know.......
It happened when I was three. I had lived in a small town on the outskirts of Siberia, where it was always cold. My family was very poor, and we were always hungry. Life was hard for my parents, who both worked and still only made little. My parents had taught me to speak both russian and english fluently, and I used this to my advantage. Back then, beyblades and launchers cost very little, so it was a popular sport. When we had enough money, I bought my own bey and my own launcher. I made my own income by betting on my battles. I would bet that I would win, and if I did, I made cash. But if I lost......however, I almost never lost. I trained hard at it day after day, knowing I was keeping my family alive. One day, a strange man with purple hair visited our little town. He was tall, but looked worse for wear. He came up to me during one of my battles, and watched. It was weird to have him hovering there, and he gave off a menacing stench. I was surprised when he spoke to me. "You're quite the beyblader." He said. I said nothing. "Why don't you join my team? I'm sure we could use you." I immediately declined. "No!" I said. "I don't even know who you are, and besides, my family needs me to make money!" He smiled though. "Oh, if you join my team, I'm sure money won't be a problem. You'll make a considerable income." My eyes lit up. This is it, I thought. I can finally become a world champion! And this man is the key. I nodded dumbly. He smiled. "Good. Then I'll leave you here to train with our team captain, Brooklyn" A red headed teenager wearing all white walked up to me from behind the man and outstretched his hand. "Nice to meet you, I'm brooklyn" He smiled. I shook his hand. "Ethan. Nice to meet you!" The man now grinned brightly. "I'm Boris Balkov, by the way. I'm going to leave you two here to train, and I'll come back for you later." Then, he left. And so, I trained to my limits after that day, even though Brooklyn never did, and we got to know each other. You could say we became friends. He even gave money to our family. However, my brother, Neil, didn't trust Brooklyn. He didn't like his characteristics, his personality, his features. So one night, he stole my dad's amazing beyblade, Aqua Pisces C145 SD, and left. I never saw him again. It was because of this that my mother, who believed Neil to be dead, committed suicide. I was in shock about him leaving, and my mothers death. I felt alone in the world. But Brooklyn helped me get back up, and he helped me train. But I lost Brooklyn. He changed. He became mysterious, quiet even. He preferred to be alone, to be left with nature. And as he drifted farther and farther away from me, our family became poor again. So one day I found him and begged him for money. However he said I would receive it only if I beat him in battle. We both fought our hearts out, but his bey, an old style plastic he called Zeus, was really powerful. In the end, we tied, and suddenly he became enraged beyond belief. He began to glow and radiate dark energy, and suddenly he launched his bey- and set fire to the town. His eyes became enraged, and he destroyed everything and anything in his path. Shocked, I ran home to find my dad. The house had caught fire, and things were burning. My dad was caught under a heavy ceiling that caved in on him. He insisted I go. Tears streamed down my cheeks. "I won't leave you dad." I said. He smiled. "I will never leave you, Ethan. I will always be," He put his scorched and charred hand on my chest. "In your heart." I cried louder. "Dad!" I cried. He gave me his bey launcher. "This is yours." He said. "Take it." I took it and pulled my dad into a hug. "Goodbye." He said. Then I left. I was almost out of the village when I saw Brooklyn, on a hill, his eyes back to normal, but not at all ashamed of what he had done. He was almost...happy. He looked me in the eyes, and I pointed at him. "I hate you!" I screamed. "And I personally vow to bring you down!" He chuckled, then grinned. "Just try" He said, and I left.Ever since then I had been training to bring him down. And so here I was, my destiny, my life's work, standing before me. But I was ready. I was ready to take down this monster. Brooklyn, I thought. What have you become? I began to glow in red energy, my heart pounding in my ears. This is, I thought. The destiny, of the final battle.
Stay tuned for the next and last chapter of part 1: Chapter 10! Destiny Of The Final Battle! And it's gonna be a doozy!!!!
And btw this story can be found here....but it's not nearly as up-to-date.
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - LordCepheusIII - Jan. 18, 2011
Was brooklyn the character that comes back as a good guy in the story?
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - Sparta - Jan. 18, 2011
Actually, I was going to have him as a good guy, but after careful consideration I changed my mind. Here's a hint: There will be two teams 1 good 1 evil, and they will both have 5 beybladers.
Hope that doesn't spoil much
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - LordCepheusIII - Jan. 18, 2011
Why have'nt you included my character, Kros Rabbit?
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - Sparta - Jan. 18, 2011
You made one??!! If he was a bad guy I already said I'm not making bad guys
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - LordCepheusIII - Jan. 18, 2011
Oh, so your not taking bad guys at all, Because I posted this guy at like page 3.
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - Sparta - Jan. 18, 2011
I just saw.......and I also saw I left Lord Fanticoo out.......sorry dude..........
On the bright side, Chapter 10 will be up sometime soon.
Even better, our team name and the evil teams name will be revealed next chapter!!
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - Beybladefan1249 - Jan. 18, 2011
Hey Sparta whats the whole main idea for the story
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - Sparta - Jan. 18, 2011
I'm not telling!! Here's a hint read the title that's kind of a spoiler
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - Beybladefan1249 - Jan. 18, 2011
LOL now I know anyways I replied to you on my Thread
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - Sparta - Jan. 18, 2011
Cool....and do you really know?? A Brave New World.........not much help.........unless you think it's about the earth being destroyed and us going after them (It's not, that would be insane!! :0)
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - LordCepheusIII - Jan. 18, 2011
By the way, I also think u should read this story:
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-THE-MASKED-BLADER-PHOENIX-2
It's about a blader who was phoenix's next generation
New Character
Kalen Day
Side: Unaligned
Bey: Meteor Black Dranzer (Fusion Wheel Like Rock Except Thicker with Spikes) PW 145 (Phoenix Wing is WA track with Metal Spikes) RS
Bio: ?????
Special Moves: Black Flame Wing, Dark Dranzer Storm, Chaotic Flame of Dranzer.
Black Flame Wing: Black Dranzer's Spirit comes out and throws his wing over the opponent's bey, setting it on fire(Black Fire)
Dark Dranzer Storm: Multiple Black Fireballs fall from the sky along with black lightning all hitting the opponent
Chaotic Flame of Dranzer: Black Dranzer Comes out in Spirit form, flapping his wings and shooting a gigantic black fire blast from his mouth, never losing sight of the opponent
P.S.: This isn't based on the real Dranzer, it's based on the Black Dranzer Kai got when he betrayed reg. Dranzer
[Image: BlackDranzer.jpg?t=1295382329]
This is Kalen:
[Image: 5151586.png]
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - Key blader - Jan. 18, 2011
Your story is totally awesome! It's cool and descriptive.
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - Sparta - Jan. 19, 2011
(Jan. 18, 2011 9:37 PM)kaekage898 Wrote: Your story is totally awesome! It's cool and descriptive.
Thank you! I appreciate the complement. And King Cepheous I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE ROOM!!!! AAAAAHHHH!!!!!! FOR GOOD OR BAD!!!! although I will say the dude is awesome........actually what if he was my story's kenny or madoka? Is that OK?
P.S. that may mean he doesnt have black dranzer.........besides one of my bad guys was supposed to have him. He was going to be my opposite, one of my rivals besides brooklyn, so he cant anyway.........sorry I'm so mean
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - C-Dub - Jan. 19, 2011
Good chapter with alot of suspense!!
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - Sparta - Jan. 19, 2011
Thanks guys!! Glad you like it.
Next chapter may be up this coming weekend
Oh and anyone notice the tie in?? Watch grev again!!
Oh and king cepheus its still not gonna work dude....
Crazy ants-in-my-aichin-pants dance
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - ultra blader - Jan. 19, 2011
name: roxas terra aqua ventres
bio: same as roxas from kingdom hearts but a bit older and taller with organastion coat under his coat he wears black/shinny blue jeans he also wears a black long sleeve hayabusa mizuchi rashguard he also wears black and red bake shoes hayabusa ashi foot grip socks and has UFC MMA gloves and a bandaf hat and has a see through from inside to out vuzix wraps 920 has an awsome fake horn pendant/chain and is realy cool he is wwweeelll fffiiittt
bey: TZeus LR'Arceus UCEGBDH60/320EFSCTMES
face: metal face with a half dragon half human warrior with wings and a cape also with a mixture of every keyblade in kingdom hearts with the word excalibur on the blade he also holds a giant fire ball like sol blaze it also has two dragon heads whitch pops out of his shoulders whitch can shoot fire balls backgrond rainbow colour he also has a 16 part solid gold body defence armour plate the spirt of the bey can be the size of pegusis when where just playing but when we get into the game and were trying to win it's spirt grows to 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000​​00 ft tall the spirt contain the power of all the legandary pokemon, all th powerfull yu-gi-oh cards, all the shauman king sprits, all the pheniox and has some resembelence to Duel Masters Urth the Purifying Elemental and to the legandary pokemon arceus has the power of all the duel marsters and chaotic creatures the face is a metal face
energy ring: LR'Arceus(a little like l'drago2 atcept heads are meant to go up TZeus wheel and alot more grey/black and grey/white rubber spikes coming out when spikes in wheel come out the eyes glow red and the tattoos are made of plain dimonds and pearls and are the same as l'drago2 coming out it is left and right spin) it also has 16 thin solid gold armour plates it is a clear silver colour
metal wheel: Titanium Zeus(like galaxy but it has gold coloured titanium spikes that store in the wheel but come out on comand facing the same way as drahelix wheel it has fans on bottom of wheel and after the spikes come out the fans move so it can change from left to right and fly and move faster it is all made of titanium atcept the fan and the mechanics one spike is coloured gold while the other is silver and so on until the spikes are all coloured it uses perminent paint the outside galaxy part is black while the inside is white
spin track: UCEGBDH60/320 stands for ultimate change eternal gravity bowl defense height 60 to 320 like ed track but with 3 metal balls in the defense plates it also has sticky stuff on the sides of the plates and in the track whitch means when a bey hits it it does the same thing the ed track does in the show it also means0 it absorbes the hit and changes height from anything between 60 and 320 and is filled with a super powered cell batery in the tack so it adds weight also the cell makes it spin rapidly when the track is set low you can you can push the blades up to the wheel so it spins with the bey instead of spinning freely the track can change height on command the colour of the track is a see through gold thile all the lines and gaps are a thin silver the out line of the track is covered in silver metal atcept the end of the plates whitch are a sticky substance whe hit will stick the other beys metal wheel or whatever hits is sent flying and the other bey loses quite a bit of its stamina the stckey stuff regains its shape after being hit
peformance tip: XEFSCTMES stands for xtra eternal free spinning coated titanium metal eternal sharp spinns freely eternal sharp bottom of tip is titanium and is coated in rubber like ray unicorno's tip the outside of the tip colour is a see through gold colour while the rubber is black/white while the metal at the bottom is permently painted gold the rubber part is wide like XF tip
the bey is has a very big diameter of about 60mm
the bey is has a very heavy weight of about 300g
battle gear inclueds: rapid deploy case,metal assist,led scope light,electric launcher grip with built in compass in the twisting thing the grip is connected to the electric LR string launcher the string lenth is 5ft if you hold a button on the grip whitch makes the string launcher start spinning like a battle striker launcher when you pull the string it adds power and lets it go he also has a bey pointer
ultimate move: armageddon - every body can't see the bey hit's everything around it while moving at 1000000000000 times light speed then creats a wave of energy and destruction witch destroyes the whole milky way if you don't know what that means it's bigger than the universe then the bey re makes it
special move:explosion force field - creats a almost invicible bubble of energy witch when makes contact with another bey makes a explosion outside the energy the size of a human the shield can only be broken if another bey hits it with power straigh after the explosion
special move: final strikes - hit the four corners of the other beys then hits the other bey face with this beys tip the soares through the air and comes to finish the other bey
special move: judgement - gets a lot of energy around my bey then makes a super powerful hit on the other bey
special move: final judgement - get a lot of power like judgemet but does a lot of hits like final strikes until he is told to stop if not told it will break the the other bey
it is a hybrid wheel bey
this bey is the god of all
can i be a main charcter/thought to be bad but found out to be good near the end like pheniox
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - Sparta - Jan. 19, 2011
You guys just don't listen, do you! I! DON'T! HAVE! ROOM! FOR! ANY! MORE! CHARACTERS!
And anyway, there is no way I can make a character like that! It's too powerful! Would it make sense for me to make a supporting character that uses the god of all beys? It's like if Superman was some worthless good guy.......hulks' sidekick! It doesn't work like that dude sorry......
And besides, he destroys the milky way??!! For some reason I get the feeling this was a joke.
And for your 411, if it moved 1000000000000000 some not times faster than the speed of light, it would travel to the land of Dinosaurs. Sorry to make fun of you, but really that is just not right....
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - Sparta - Jan. 20, 2011
Sorry about before.....I was in a terrible mood I had a rough day at school........................but I still can't except your character I'm sorry....
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - Sparta - Jan. 20, 2011
(Jan. 18, 2011 8:53 PM)KingCepheusIII Wrote: By the way, I also think u should read this story:OOh!!! I get it!!! Yah k well I had this character in mind but I'll use the technics blade parts and personality traits you gave me. Thank you so much!!!
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-THE-MASKED-BLADER-PHOENIX-2
It's about a blader who was phoenix's next generation
New Character
Kalen Day
Side: Unaligned
Bey: Meteor Black Dranzer (Fusion Wheel Like Rock Except Thicker with Spikes) PW 145 (Phoenix Wing is WA track with Metal Spikes) RS
Bio: ?????
Special Moves: Black Flame Wing, Dark Dranzer Storm, Chaotic Flame of Dranzer.
Black Flame Wing: Black Dranzer's Spirit comes out and throws his wing over the opponent's bey, setting it on fire(Black Fire)
Dark Dranzer Storm: Multiple Black Fireballs fall from the sky along with black lightning all hitting the opponent
Chaotic Flame of Dranzer: Black Dranzer Comes out in Spirit form, flapping his wings and shooting a gigantic black fire blast from his mouth, never losing sight of the opponent
P.S.: This isn't based on the real Dranzer, it's based on the Black Dranzer Kai got when he betrayed reg. Dranzer
[Image: BlackDranzer.jpg?t=1295382329]
This is Kalen:
[Image: 5151586.png]
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - Sparta - Jan. 21, 2011
Nxt chaptah will b up this weekend.
Stay tuned for the end of part 1!!!
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - MaximumX - Jan. 21, 2011
Snowday. Update?
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - Janstarblast - Jan. 21, 2011
HEY SPARTA!!!!
Your stories are like chocolate, each chapter is IRRESISTIBLE!!!!! Please do continue writing such great stories....
I only read ur 1 chapter once and thot dat the story's gonna be interesting..... and so I jus took a break from reading any of ur new chapters as I wanted to read the whole thing at once. BUT as I said...... I cud not stop myself from reading yr story. And yes, that chapter abt ur and brooklyn's history was not at all boring. KEEP IT UP
GO ETHAN GO!!!!! GO COMET DRANZER GO!!!!
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - Sparta - Jan. 21, 2011
(Jan. 21, 2011 2:46 PM)janpegasus Wrote: HEY SPARTA!!!!Haha Thanks!! I appreciate it. And cool analogy
Your stories are like chocolate, each chapter is IRRESISTIBLE!!!!! Please do continue writing such great stories....
I only read ur 1 chapter once and thot dat the story's gonna be interesting..... and so I jus took a break from reading any of ur new chapters as I wanted to read the whole thing at once. BUT as I said...... I cud not stop myself from reading yr story. And yes, that chapter abt ur and brooklyn's history was not at all boring. KEEP IT UP
GO ETHAN GO!!!!! GO COMET DRANZER GO!!!!
.I'll do my best to make it today.......don't get your hopes up but I may...
(Jan. 21, 2011 2:06 PM)DrigerMV Wrote: Snowday. Update?
Possibly.....
Alright alright here:
Chapter 10: Destiny of The Final Battle
I was ready. I had trained hard my whole life for this day. To finally end Brooklyn. I smiled. Tyson never helped him I thought. He's a good actor, but I saw right through his lies. "I saw right through you!" I shouted. "Tyson didn't fix you, didn't save your soul." I began to radiate red energy. "But I'll fix that! Right here! Right now!" I raised my beylauncher. "C'mon!" He smiled, pulled out his bey and pulled back his bow. "If you insist." He said. "OK!" DJ said. "It looks like this is it boys and girls! Comet Dranzer M145 WD verses Dark Zeus D145 RB! Ethan Vs. Brooklyn! Ready?" I growled. "3!" I steadied my hand. "2!" Brooklyn looked me in the eyes. "1!" I stared into his. We both paused. Then, "LET! IT! RIIIIIIP!" I put everything I could muster into my launch, but Brooklyn looked like he wasn't even trying. He yawned. "Let's get this over with, K?" His bey circled around Dranzer, then went in for the attack. "It looks like Zeus's tip, Rubber Ball, gives Brooklyn control of his bey at high speeds!" DJ exclaimed. "Dranzer!" I shouted. "Stand your ground!" Dranzer braced itself for Zeus's attack. "It's no use." Brooklyn explained. "My attacks, are just too much for you." Zeus made his move, and sure enough, Dranzer was pushed back. "No!" I shouted. "I-I-wont let you take me down! No! Never! Raaaaaaahhhh! DRANZER!!" I poured all of my beyspirit into my bey, and Dranzer pushed Zeus back! Brooklyn looked surprised. "Hm? So you actually can beyblade. I'm impressed. But, all good things must end." I waited, and Dranzer spun in the center while Zeus wasted power circling the dish. Here it comes I thought. Brooklyn smiled. "King of Darkness!" Suddenly Zeus's emblem flashed, and dark energy poured out of his bey, hitting everyone and everything. "Oh man!" DJ exclaimed. "Everyone make a run for it!" People fled in every direction, and Dranzer was maliciously attacked. One beam even hit me. "Aaaah!" I screamed. The pain seared from the wound, but I got up. "I gotta admit, Brooklyn. Your pretty good." I smirked. "But now it's my turn! BLAZING COMET RAINSTORM AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!" Dranzer obeyed, and made his move. The comets rained onto the dish, and Brooklyn looked a little surprised. "What? I had no idea you had this much power! Well, your turn is over." He chuckled. "No it's not" I said. He looked at me. "What are you..." My eyes were covered under my hair and a shadow. I was solem. "You took my family away from me, Brooklyn. You caused me pain. So much pain." I looked up. "BUT THAT ALL ENDS HERE AND NOW!!!! Attack DRANZER!!! NEW SPECIAL MOVE!! METEOR SHOWER ULTIMA!!!" His emblem flashed, and Dranzer leaped up into the sky. Then, a black hole appeared over the stadium, and out of it thousands upon thousands of comets fell. Brooklyn was taken aback. "I'm not out yet!" He cried. "King of Darkness!" He actually looked.....desperate. "Raaaaaaaahhhhh!!!" We both screamed, lunging at each other. Our fists met, and there was an explosion. The entire stadium lit up in red light. Chunks of it disintegrated from the explosion. The immense power pushed both Brooklyn and I back. Then, it stopped. Brooklyn and I were both lying down, eyes closed. Our beaten up bodies had been pushed to the limits. Then, "Go Ethan!" Someone in the empty stands shouted. It was Christian! I opened my eyes and saw Jin right beside him. Guys I thought. I lifted my head to see which bey won. I........Dranzer was down........but so was Zeus! I tied! Jin and Christian were shocked. Brooklyn wasn't moving. I slowly got up. "So here I am," I said. "We tied. So it's not over yet." I looked up to Jin and Christian. "I need a team! Waddaya say?" They both nodded. "We're in!" They shouted simultaneously. "Our team," I said as Brooklyn began to get up. "Is The Blade Revolutions!" They ran down to the stadium and agreed. "Sounds good." Jin said. Brooklyn sat up, saw the stadium, and....."No!" I said. But instead of Brooklyn loosing it, he picked up his bey and left. "This isn't over" He said. "You don't realize yet, but there is a purpose to all of this. Your fighting for your father. I fight for the team Black Sun." He chuckled. "Someday you'll understand what we are after. Goodbye, for now." He left. I smiled. "Just wait," I said. I looked up, and Christian and Jin did too. Together we shouted, "GO BLADE REVOLUTIONS!!!"
Welp, that would mark the end of part one, be sure to comment and vote guys! Next up will be Part II: The Black Sun. Chapter 1 of part 2 will wait for a bit, so the suspense increases. Sorry.
RE: My Story: A Brave New World - shay simmonds - Jan. 22, 2011
the first one you did was really funny